


Letting go

by LilianaRosana



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/comfort ( at some point), Like reeeally heavy, M/M, Readers are crying in this, but they are happy to do so, go figure, prepare your hearts, tagged Mature because of the following chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 117,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8338291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianaRosana/pseuds/LilianaRosana
Summary: Everything is alright in Ace's life. His little brother doesn't have a love life – or a sex life for that matter. His friends are really supportive. His ex-boyfriend is not an asshole who broke his heart. And this so called asshole isn't coming back in town next week. Ace is neither sad nor angry. All his  brothers are alright and accounted for. His father isn't some kind of criminal who left him to some kind of a grand father figure because he died. Ace doesn't have some kind of disease and he is not in denial about this. Everything is quite alright in Ace's life.





	1. Get back on your feet

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers !  
> I noticed that this fandom lacked Marco/Ace stories and decided to write my own !  
> It's going to be pretty angtsy, I prefer to warn you, but fluffiness will make it up to you ( at some point ^^)  
> English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistake ( because there will be some and I'm sorry)  
> I'm searching for a beta, anyone interested ?  
> Anyway, on to the story !

Ace gritted his teeth, his knuckles turning white from his contained anger. How dare he ? Who on earth would dare do something like this to his little brother ? Who the hell wasn't afraid of the consequences of such a shameful act ? Staring in the face of none other than the bloody culprit he had a hell of a job resisting the urge of punching him in the face. Till his face was all blue and bloody. Red would suit that son of a ... But before that he needed to take Luffy away from him. Away from the dirty paws of this damn guy who burst into their lives not long ago.  


 

The distinctive laugh of Luffy rung in the room, pulling Ace out of his musings.  


"Shishishi ! Hello Ace !"  


Oh this sweet idiot didn't even know in how much trouble he was... How could he ? His sweet, naive and pure little brother ? He was the Little Red Ridding Hood in front of this bastard of a Big Bad Wolf.  


Ace rushed into the room and, taking Luffy's arm, jerked him away from the beast he was sitting next to. Naked. His sweet little brother was naked. That was his boiling point. He let go of his brother and hurled himself at the still lying man with a defeaning scream.  


"You bastard ! How dare you do this to my little brother ?"  


The culprit got up quickly and blocked the punch aimed at his face.  


"Hello there Ace-ya."  


Not one to let himself be overpowered by some naked beast he threw another punch but was stopped yet another time. His little brother had taken his other fist in his own hand.  


"Ace," he whined. "What are you doing to Torao ?"  


"What am I doing ? I'm going to punch him for dishonoring you ! Let go of my hand Luffy !"  


"Disho ... noring ?" Luffy asked confused.  


Law, looking unconcerned by the whole event, replied bluntly "Having sex."  


Both of his opponents then looked at Ace strangely and said at the same time:  


"He asked"  


"I asked."  


Who said what ? He couldn't have heard it right. Was he going mad ? He must be. Or else he was dreaming... He freed himself from his little brother's grip and pinched his arm as hard as he could. Ouch. Definitely awake. He looked at Luffy. His little brother. His naive little brother. Who was naked. Who just came out of a bed he had definitely been sharing with another man. A despicable one at that. Who had asked for this to happen ?  


"You asked ?" He stuttered suddenly lost.  


"Well yeah !" Replied his brother a huge smile on his face. "I mean, I wanted to know what it felt ! I asked Torao to help me out."  
Oh.  


"To help you out, you say ?" He muttered darkly, his anger surging forth once again.  
"Yeah !"  


"You took advantage of him, you bastard !" He screamed while attempting to throw another punch.  


Law ducked and quickly came to stand behind Luffy, using him as some sort of shield.  


"Come here, coward ! I won't stand anyone using my brother !"  


"Luffy", Law drawled after a moment. "He misunderstood. You should explain properly."  


"I just did ! I wanted to have sex and you said you'd help me out with it." He replied confused.  


"No, Luffy-ya. It sounds like you were in search of a quick fuck."  


"What's a quick fuck ? Can you fuck someone quickly ?"  


This conversation didn't make any sense. Ace was still standing in front of his naked brother and his equally naked "partner of the previous night", gaping like a fish out of water.  


"No Luffy.. Hn, well you can fuck someone quickly. But here it means something like a one night stand. Just to know what sex feels like, nothing more."  


"Well I wanted to have sex with you."  


Oh gosh. Ace could cry. How could his brother be talking about something like this. Like sex. As if it was nothing. Just something everyone did. Well, maybe everyone did have sex at one point or another. But not Luffy. Never Luffy. He had rejected the prettiest and smartest girl of the highschool. What was her name again ? It had something to do with snake... Anaconda ? No... Ah yeah, Boa ! Boa Hancock ! Every guy in the highschool wanted to go out with her but she hated men. Except Luffy. She had thrown herself at him. And he could have cared less.  
So why now, with a guy nonetheless – not that he was homophobic or anything – who was none other than this bastard of a creepy surgeon, Trafalgar Law, did Luffy wanted to have sex ?  


"I know Luffy. And I wanted to have sex with you too. But why did you wanted to ?"  


"Hum... I heard it felt good. And it did !"  


Oh couldn't the ground swallow him now ? Ace was on the verge of tears. Sex wasn't a word that went well with Luffy. His brother was asexual or Ace had always assumed so. And he didn't wanted, nor needed to know anything about Luffy's sex life. Oh... Luffy's sex life...  


"Yeah but why did you wanted to have sex with me of all people ?"  


"That's a stupid question Torao. Of course it's because I like you !"  


"... "

* * *

"And then... And then ! I found him naked in bed with this sorry excuse of a human being... This filthy bastard of a..." the rest was lost as Ace began to mumble and drink at the same time.  


Sitting on a bar stool was Ace, slumped on the counter, drowning his sorrow in alcohol. A friend of his, Izo, had came as soon as Ace rung him to let him now that " _a tragedy occured_ ". Now they were both here, with a drink in their hand. Izo, claded in a purple kimono adorned with some kind of pinkish wild flowers – " _If you stand out then do it well_ ," he often said - seemed bored out of his mind, his chin resting on his palm as he sipped his drink slowly, looking at the alcohol displayed behind the bartender. Such a large choice...  


"Yeah, yeah, such an awful person." Replied his drinking partner in a bored tone.  


At that Ace perked up, looked at him with teary eyes and took his hands into his own.  


"You understand don't you ? Those filthy paws on my baby brother..."  


Releasing his friend he turned back to his drink and took a huge gulp while nodding to no one in particular; he was probably agreing to some crazy idea he alone could think of... A slap on the back of his head made him turn around, ready to scream at whoever dared to harm him.  


"Stop it now, Ace. You're making this whole endeavour a complete waste of my time. I accepted to come here because you said you had a problem..."  


Before Ace could reply, Izo had put his hand in front of his friend's mouth to prevent him from spouting any more nonsense.  


"But your whining are going to make me bald, and we wouldn't want that, would we ?" He asked threateningly.  


"I don't care about your fricking hair ! I'm talking about my brother." Ace all but cried in agony, slamming his head on the counter in a melodramatic way.  


"Stop that. You're going to lose the few neurons you have slamming your head like a drama queen... Oh don't bother with opening your mouth again, I'm not finished. I love you, you know that yeah ? But I'm seriously considering murdering you. In a very bloody way..."  


"Murder is never the solution."A deep voice chipped in. "And you would dirty your kimono. And that would be a shame..."  


"Oh Thatch, god bless you, I was going crazy with his whining..." Izo sighed.  


Thatch smiled and took a seat next to his lover, taking his hand in his own.  


"Well what it is about ? You sent me a text message that you had to cancel our date because Ace had a problem..."  


"That's what I thought too..."  


"It is a problem !" Ace howled slamming his drink on the counter before slumping on the counter once again. "My brother, my baby brother..." he murmured his head cradled in his own arms.  


"Hey Ace, what happened to your brother ?" Asked Thatch suddenly very worried and looking at his lover who just rolled his eyes, stood up and cuffed Ace on the back of his head.  


"Shut up" He growled. "Your brother is not dead ! So stop being so melodramatic !"  


Turning toward Thatch he sighed. "He just caught Law and Luffy having sex."  


"Ah soon enough." Thatch replied easily.  


"What ?" Ace screeched. " How is it soon enough ? It's my brother you're talking about !" Ace got up but felt dizzy and had to sit back " When I'm better, I'm going to punch you so hard..." he mumbled.  


Thatch laughed and just patted Ace's back.  


Izo couldn't take it anymore and just sighed yet again. "We know it's about your brother, god dammit, you've been going at it since I'm here. I'm just gonna murder you. And Thatch will cook you and serve you at his restaurant. No body, no investigation. We won't get suspected and we'll be down a crybaby."  


"No !" Thatch moaned. "I wouldn't want my clients to get food poisoning"  


Both of them snickered leaving Ace to glare at them, feeling too tired to get up and deal with them.  


"So anyway, Ace, Law isn't that bad," Izo finally said. "He's a surgeon, he has his own appartement, he pays his bills, he is really clever, he's down to earth. That's totally what Luffy needs."  


"What ?" Ace screeched. "No ! He needs nothing !"  


"Oh come on that's not because you don't have anyone that you need to be such a cockblock to your little brother..." Thatch said laughing  


"A cockb..." Ace spluttered. "And why are you bringing up my love life ? It has nothing to do with the problem ! We're talking about Luffy not me !"  


"Yeah yeah, sure." Thatch said, patting his back. "But you wouldn't be like this if you had a love life, or if you were still with Marco..."  


"What ?" Ace stood up quickly, knocking his stool back. "Shut up, Thatch." He growled, suddenly looking mad.  


"Come on Ace, don't deny it... Marco is..."  


"Shut up, damn it !" Ace barked, glaring at Thatch. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say about your brother." He spat the last word. Marco was the one who left. And Thatch was one of those who refused to let him know how to contact him. So screw him. Screw them all, he thought bitterly.  


"Ace, calm down," Izo tried. "Sit down with us and let's talk about Luffy..."  


Ace simply glared at Izo, mustering all the anger he felt. "Don't even try to sugar coat me with talking about my brother. Why are you talking about that sorry excuse of a human being now ?" He asked, or rather demanded as his fist collided violently with the counter.  


"Ace..." Thatch whispered looking guilty noticing that maybe bringing Marco up wasn't such a good idea. Izo was glaring at him and shaking his head lightly as if to say "just shut up before you make it any worse..."  


"Why ?" Ace barked. "Tell me Thatch." He got closer to the man and was about to grab him by his collar when Izo stopped him.  


"Come on now Ace, no need to become violent."  


"Let me go !" Ace struggled and got free, taking a few steps back anyway.  


"Ace, you have to listen to me," Thatch tried again.  


"Not if it's the same thing you tried to make me believe last time ! I don't want to hear that ! And I thought we were clear about it !" All those lies they had tried to fed him. They wanted him to forgive that bastard. Because Marco was hurting just as much... Yeah. They hadn't heard him the last time they talked... But he wasn't naive. Nor was he stupid. Marco had probably lied. He couldn't tell his own brother how much of a bastard he had been. But Ace hadn't felt the need to correct any misconception. He didn't need their pity. And he didn't want the brothers to become estranged because of him.  


"We were but..."  


"But what now !?!"  


"It's... He's back in town. Father decided to hand him his business so Marco needs to come back here. He'll be there on Friday."  


"And what does that have to do with me exactly ?" He yelled. "What huh ? I don't give a fuck about it ! So stop bothering me !"  


Ace left without looking back, fuming and his fists clenched. The bartender, scared by the display of anger had taken a few step back during the exchange but came back to life suddenly.  


"Hey ! He left without paying !"

* * *

"Congratulations, Thatch... you know how bitter he is... What did you expect bringing Marco up ?" Izo asked soon after Ace had left.  


"I didn't mean to make him mad ! I just ... Well I didn't quite knew how to talk to him about Marco's comeback so..." Said a guilty Thatch. He ran a hand through his hair, messing with his pompadour in his nervousness.  


"So you just drop the bomb in an untactful way... I can't even get mad..."Izo continued, shaking his head, a small smile stretching his lips. He couldn't get mad at Thatch. His lover's clumsiness was just part of him that he had accepted long ago.  


"But Izo," Thatch moaned and looked at him pleadingly. "I just want those two to just get back together... I thought that Ace would be happy..."  


"Despite how they both react when the subject is brought up ? Yeah sure. We don't even know what exactly happened between then ! Just that they stopped dating and ended up miserable and hating each other... " Said Izo, disbelief clear in his voice.  


"Both are hurting so much... I wish I knew what happened." his lover drawled.  


"So do I. But getting Marco to talk is like pulling teeth and Ace is dead set on hating Marco forever. He clearly said it. That he didn't want to see Marco's face ever again..."  


"I know... But we should still do something."  


"We might. But let's wait to learn more. Give me some time and I'll get Marco to spill everything. With him back in town it will be easier than with Skype.  


"Yeah, this way he can't hang up on you..." Thatch snickered  


"Hush. I tried. If it doesn't work, I'll just get him drunk."  


"I trust you with that then. Should I go see Ace ?"  


"No. He won't say anyting... But I'll go see him tomorrow, to check on him. Let's enjoy our date for now..."  


He would go see his friend tomorrow when the cost would be clear. Better safe than sorry. Going after him now was begging for a huge argument...

* * *

Ace was fuming. He felt so depressed just awhile ago and now... Now he was fuming with anger. And rightfully so. That stupid bastard. Bringing his love life up as if it was nothing. As if all of it was his fault. As if he was to blame for their break up. Just thinking about it made him want to go back and punch Thatch across the face. Oh, he was so mad. He needed to punch something. Like right now. Stopping nearby a tree he took a swing at it, pounding the trunk with his fists, damaging his own skin so much as to draw blood. But he still felt mad. Finally a small tear gathered at the corner of his right eye and he closed it quickly. He wouldn't shed another single tear for this. He wasn't some whimp. Everything was forgotten.  


Finally feeling drained, with blood pouring out of his knuckles, he let himself sink to the ground. Marco, huh. That bastard. That fucking bastard. His anger returned suddenly. Why was he unable to stop thinking about it ? Taking a shaky breath he closed his eyes and tried to stop thinking. It was so hard to do. He never could and never would be able to do so. No need to dwell on the past. He had moved on. Definitely. He stoop up, decided to let it go, to just resume where he left of: being pissed at that beast of a man named Traflagar D. Water Law. Such a stupid name. Did his parents had that bad of a sense of humor ? What did his brother saw in this kind of man ? Sure he worked. Sure he was clever, being a surgeon at twenty six and all. Sure he had his own appartement. But he sure as hell was creepy. Had you looked at the shadows under his eyes ? For all he knew this Law could have been a vampire ! And he had the complexion to go with the I-am-a-vampire-package. Yeah Ace was sure of it. This Traflagar was after his sweet little brother blood.  


A wry smile stretched his lips. What was he thinking ? Vampire didn't exist. He shook his head. He definitely shouldn't held such a grudge against Trafalgar. But he couldn't help it. What if Luffy got hurt because of this man ? Love hurts. He knew what he was talking about... Oh stop right there, Ace, he thought. Think about Luffy. Luffy and nothing else. His brother. They weren't related by blood but by some really strange circumstances they were raised together. Luffy's grandfather, Garp, was the city's police chief. Had been for quite a while. Ace's own father – as much as he despised even thinking about that man as his father – had been a criminal. An important one. The Al Capone of his time. The king of them all. He had been caught by Garp as he was dying because of some trap he had fell into. He had pleaded the police chief to take care of his only son as his wife had given birth just a few days ago and had died. And Garp, being as chivalarous as he was and despite all his shortcomings, had accepted and Ace and Luffy were raised as brothers. And the rest was history. Well it had started badly as Ace was really a brat at that time but little by little they had grown close to each other. Thanks to Sabo... Their other brother... A huge wave of sadness suddenly overwhelmed him and he had to fight back his tears. His heart was hurting really bad. He needed someone to talk to. Someone who could understand. Who would help him. He needed Sabo. But Sabo wasn't here. He hadn't been for more than two years.  


Ace stood up, looked at the dark sky and closed his eyes. To fight back his tears. It was hard. Life was hard. And harsh. But he had to live on, hoping that someday someone would love him. That someone would prove that yeah, he was alive for a reason, that he was worth something despite being the son of a criminal. Luffy told him so but Luffy was a naive kid. Not meant to love someone like him. He didn't even know what he had done to deserve such a perfect little brother. Despite his clumsiness, Ace loved him from the bottom of his heart. That was why he had reacted so badly to this Trafalfar bedding his brother... Bedding... Maybe he was jealous. That's what Thatch had meant, huh ? That Luffy being with Law meant that he wasn't Luffy's number one anymore and that if he, himself, had someone in his life then that wouldn't matter. That Luffy wouldn't be his number one. But Luffy always would be. He was his ball of sunshine. His family. Family doesn't leave you and no one could take it away. No one but death itself, he thought bitterly.  


He looked at his watch and noticed it was passed midnight. He didn't wanted to go back to his flat. He didn't wanted to stumble upon another scene not meant for his eyes. He had seen enough. But where could he go then ? He couldn't go back to Izo or Thatch. He didn't wanted to see them. He didn't wanted to hear their excuses. Marco was their brother after all. Before being his friends. He could go and sleep at his tatoo parlor. But that would raise questions from his employees. Question that he didn't wanted to answer. Where then ?  
He began to walk, aimlessly. He didn't know. He would let his feet lead the way. He was wandering around, his eyes not seeing anything in front of him, the street lights the only thing that registered in his tired mind. The world around him was so, so dark. How pitiful was he ? Wallowing in self pity ? He didn't have it that bad. His life wasn't that bad. He had a loving little brother, a job as a tatoo artist that he loved, friends that he enjoyed spending time with. He was young, had his life before him. But he was burdened. By too many things.  
First, by his name. Gol D Ace. A cursed name. He had taken his mother surname. Portgas. He didn't wanted to be related to his shitty dad. Such a failure at life. He hated him so much. People had despised him because he was the son of a monster. They thought of him as a monster too.  


But he was also burdened by his own feelings. By an overwhelming sadness that clouded his mind. How easier would it be to just live without feeling anything ? After two years, two whole years, his heart still clenched just thinking about that man. Just thinking about what they had. About what they could have right now. But no. It was just a useless dream. Something not meant to be. Marco had told him so. That it was over. That he never loved him. Yeah. He never had, had he ? But Ace had given him his heart. And never got it back. How pathetic could he be now ? You can't give your heart to someone except if you are dead. Cause you need a heart to stay alive. Was that why his world was so grey ? Because he wasn't alive anymore ? You're pathetic, he scolded himself. You shouldn't dwell on the past. It's not you. You're strong. Stronger than this, aren't you ? But he felt broken. Right here, right then. He felt utterly broken. But he didn't know how he could mend it. Sabo would have known. But Sabo wasn't there. Anger overtook him. Sabo had left him too. He had left him deal with his sadness. Alone. But he hadn't left him because he wanted to, he argued with himself. It was an accident ! He would never have left you otherwise. But he still left.  


Soon he stood before a huge building. Grey and black in the half-light cast by the street lamps. The sliding door let out a ray of artificial light on the pavement. A sad laugh escaped him and a few tears ran down his cheeks. That was where his foot took him. The hospital. He entered and went to the reception desk. The nurse smiled at him. She knew him. He came here quite a lot. Normally, people weren't allowed to roam inside the hospital at night. But he was the grand child of Garp, the police chief. It had its perks. And he came here really often. He actually knew almost all the nurses by name by now. The nurse, she was named Trish, made to stand up but Ace shook his head. He didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.  


He made his way through the corridor, hoping not to stumble upon Trafalgar. The man worked here after all. And he didn't wanted to talk to him. Especially to him. Room 431. A room he knew well. He didn't have to open the door to know what was behind it. A bed with white linens, white walls, a table stuck in a corner and a little chair. Two armchairs near the small window on the left. A door leading to a bathroom the patient never used. His hand shook slighlty as he held onto the handle. He opened it. Crossing the room in four strides he took a seat next to the bed and took the motionless hand of his friend and brother.  


"Hello Sabo" He whispered. "How are you ? I know it's late. I know but... I needed to see you."  


He let his eyes drop to his knees, not looking at his brother anymore. He couldn't. He felt so overwhelmed by his feelings. Just because they had talked about that man. And just because he was so damn weak.  


"Well..." His voice broke. A sob escaped him. Come on. Be strong. "Luffy has a boyfriend now." He started, a fake smile stretching his lips. Nevermind that, his brother's eyes were closed. Had been closed for more than two years. "He's a surgeon. Trafalgar Law. You don't know him. He is creepy as hell..." A small laugh left his lips. "I stumbled upon them going at it. Can you imagine it ? Someone is crazy enough to date our Luffy. I almost killed him on the spot. The surgeon. Not Luffy. I hope he's someone nice enough. We'll see. If he hurts Luffy, I'll kill him, don't worry." He squeezed his brother hand and stopped - the bipping sound meaning his brother was asleep and not dead the only thing that broke the silence. "And I'll punch Thatch too. Because he is a jerk." A wry smile stretched his lips. "Ah I should tell you the whole story before insulting people. You would have scolded me... Well, Marco's coming back. Yeah Marco. I already told you what happened back then. When you were still ali.." Ace's voice broke. "I mean, awake. Awake, yeah." He took a few shuddering breath, squeezing Sabo's hand as if it was his lifeline. "Anyway... Marco's back and... My feelings are a mess... I should feel hatred, I mean I have the right to feel angry but... There's a huge hole in my heart. A gaping hole. Well it was already gaping in the first place..."  


A mirthless laugh escaped him.  


"But now it is starting to hurt again. Not that it ever stopped but... it's getting worse. What should I do ? I'm bound to run into him. I dont wanna run away... I..." He choked. "I'm not some whimp, dammit. I don't want to cry, I'm done with this ! But... How I wish you were there to give me advice... Sabo.."  


Once again there was lull in the conversation, broken by Ace's sporadic intake of breath. Silent tears were now streaming down his face. He wiped his eyes angrily and straightened up. "We.. well... I... I... Dammit !" He cursed. "Why can't I be strong like I used to ? I'm pathetic ! So damn pathetic. Running to my brother for help because I can't find the courage to move on !" Ace stood up and made his way to the window.

There was no one oustide the hospital. It was way past midnight. People were probably all asleep. Or up to no good, who knows. Sometimes the headlights of a car would break through the thick darkness cast by the night, illuminating the otherwise black sky. No stars shone tonight. This landscape looked so grim, clashing against the whiteness of this very room. Everything was black or grey and massive. Rows of buildings upon buildings obstructing the view. Some trees here and there would bring a touch of green in daylight but took a far scarier edge at night, moving their branches as if possessed. Two tiny sidewalks framed the large road. Nothing more, nothing less. It felt like a ghost city. As if it was devoided of any human beings.  


Sighing, Ace sat back next to his brother and let his head fall back, staring at the white ceiling. Soon his eyes shut and he fell asleep.


	2. Don't drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Hello again readers ! Thank you so much for all your kind comments and for your kudos ! I'm really grateful to all of you ! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter !
> 
> .

 

_He was swimming in the sea on a stormy day. He could see the shore, it was not far away from him, but he knew that it was unreachable. Still, he fought against the waves and tried his hardest to swim back. On the shore, framed by the headlights of a nondescriptic car, was the figure of a man standing motionless. Who was he ? He couldn't see. The waves were starting to grow stronger and he felt numb because of the coldness of the sea. The figure was now waving at him but it was hard to see it. The person seemed to be shouting something out but he couldn't hear it. His clothes were soaked with freezing water and it was as if the sea was trying to drown him. And he was drowning. The sea engulfed him and calm came back. He could see, past the water, the waves roaring and clashing against each other. But here he was, cradled in the sea's arms, feeling at peace. He couldn't hear anything expect the echoes of his own thoughts. The sea was so beautiful. So blue. So deep. His eyes closed and his mouth opened letting out his last bubbles of air. He had stopped fighting. Why would he try to struggle against the iron grip the sea had on him ? He was happy, surronded by this quiet and calm ennemy. He didn't have to feel anything. Nothing could harm him down there. But then, the figure on the shore came back to his mind. Who was it, waving at him ? Would he be missed by this person ? Nobody would miss him. But what if he was wrong ? He needed to go back; needed to get out of this water numbing him and fight back._

"A... A... Ace."

A sweet voice woke him up. He looked around and noticed he was still at the hospital. The sun was already up and looking outside he decided it had to be up for a long time already. "Sorry Ace," the nurse apoligized. "I need to give him his therapy so his muscle won't atrophy." Ace nodded, still half asleep, feeling like he had drowned. He got up and without saying a word got out. He hadn't even cast a lingering look at Sabo, as he usually did. His mind was elsewhere. Buried under water.

He began to walk and broke into a run two blocks away from the hospital. He needed to wake up. To breath. To get out of this water. To get out of his problems maybe. Dreams reflected our subconscious. Was he that buried under all that happened in his life ? Was he that hopeless ? He arrived at his tatoo parlor breathless.

"Oh Ace, hello !" Kid, one of his oldest employee and friend, greeted him.

Ace looked at him warily and without replying opened his shop and ran to his office, locking the door behind him.

"Ace ! What's the matter", he heard Kid's voice muted by the door. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah", he croaked unconvincingly. "I'm alright. Just light headed maybe ?" He laughed but stopped abruptly. "I'll be out in a few minutes, don't worry."

He knew that his employee wouldn't be convinced by his front but would listen to him nonetheless. Kid was a good friend. He was there when he had first lost Marco and then Sabo. When he had almost let himself drown in alcohol and drugs. He had kept him working, punching him to wake him up when he needed it. Luffy was there too but Ace was the big brother. He was meant to look after Luffy, not the other way around. But everyone needed someone to look after them after all. Ace ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. This dream had shaken him. Drowning was never a pleasant feeling. He shivered at the thought of being surronded by water, unable to fight and bound to let it drag you to the bottom of the sea... Yeah, not a pleasant thought. He slapped his cheeks with both hands quickly and shook his head. Okay. Time to get back on track and stop being a sorry excuse of a human being. He opened the door and walked into his shop. Spade. Quite a good pun if he said so himself. Ace of Spade. He didn't know if he felt proud or ashamed. A little bit of both maybe. But he liked the name of his shop. It was an inverted heart. Black. He definitely liked it. Maybe not for the good reasons but well... His shop was just how he imagined it when he first thought of opening a tatoo parlor. Light red walls, wooden floor, framed photos of tatoo hanged on the walls, a solid wood high counter with a cash register painted red with flames licking the digits, two doors leading to two privates room to tatoo their clients in privacy, stairs that led to two other private rooms, another door leading to the break room and the last one leading to his office. Three large windows let the sunrays light the shop and there were several others in the private rooms. All in all, it was a world full of splotch of colors. Cheerful and colorful. Home.

Kid was behind the counter probably looking at the datebook. "Ms Alvida will be there in ten minutes and she requested you so you should go prepare the room." "Yeah, I'll go. She wanted some kind of butterfly right ?"

"Yeah you even designed it last time, you don't remember ?" Kid asked raising a sheet of paper on which a black and purple butterfly stood out.

"Ah yes, I remember."

"Bonney said she'll be late today. Her brother had the flu so she had to take him to the doctor."

"I understand. But we'll be short on hand then ? Today's Bartolomeo's day off, no ?

"Yeah it is. But we'll make do, don't worry."

Ace smiled at his friend and went to prepare the room for his first client. Yeah today was going to be a good day.

 

* * *

 

The day had been exhausting. What with Bonney taking an impromptu day off leaving them to fend off all of their clients ? But Ace felt good. Doing what he loved all day was great. Drawing had always been a passion of his and as much as he hated Marco right now, he couldn't help but be grateful to him for helping him set up his own business. He had noticed that Ace loved drawing more than he loved studying. And that he was pretty talented at that. Studying boring courses which would have led him to become a salaryman like any other wouldn't have fit him. Yeah, not fitting at all.

"Come on Kid, or I'm locking you in." Ace drawled, taping his knuckles on the window.

"As if. I would kick your ass."

"Humpf, if you're locked in you won't be able to," he replied with a lopsided grin.

"Yeah, but vengeance is best served cold..." A toothy smile was his answer.

They both laughed and started to walk side by side, talking about their days and about what ridiculous tatoos people had asked them to do. What was so cool about chinese scripture ? No one understand chinese !

"Hey Ace," Kid began, "Do you wanna grab something to eat before going home? And maybe spit out what's the matter... ?"

A wry smile stretched Ace's lips

"Yeah, yeah, if you want. You won't stop bothering me till i tell you so..." He knew his friend too well. Once he set himself to do – or know – something, he wouldn't stop till he was satisfied.

"Right. So your better spit it out. I'm your friend, I'm totally entitled to know what's the matter."

"You're entitled to nothing, jerk." Ace ran ahead to avoid behind cuffed on the head.

"Come on lazy ass, I'm hungry," Ace called, looking back at an exasparated Kid.

"Stop being a brat already." He said in a gruff voice.

 

A waiter seated them in a corner and they ordered right away, knowing by heart the menu of their favorite restaurant. They exchanged small talks and as soon as their plates were placed in front of them Ace began stuffing his mouth rather noisily.

"So Ace..." Kid started as they waited for dessert. "Mind telling me what's bothering you ?"

"It's ... complicated ?"

"Is it ? He replied, shaking his head to show his dismay. After all Ace liked blowing things out of proportion .

"Don't be a jerk..."

"I'm not... " He replied a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Yeah right... Anyway..." He downed his glass of water quickly, to give him some "liquid courage" as they said, except it wasn't alcohol. Bah, it would have to do.

"Marco's back." He whispered looking down, not wanting to face Kid's reaction. After all, he had been there when everything went south...

"So what ?" Kid asked a dark look on his face.

"So... nothing... ?" Ace said in a small voice.

"It's bothering you..."

"No shit."

Kid levelled a hard look at him and Ace replied sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, hum.. I don't really know what I should feel..."

"What do you feel ?"

"I ... I don't know... It's a mess..."

"Apathy ? Hatred ? Sorrow ?" Kid pressed him.

"... I..."

"Well ?" Kid urged him, frowning.

Ace was a little taken aback by Kid's reaction. He was looking at him darkly, as if he was angry...

"If ... if you don't want me to bother you with this..."

"No, sorry..." he apoligized, "I'm tired."

Ace knew his friend was lying, he could see it, anger still swirled in the depth of his eyes and Kid wasn't one to cover his feelings.

"So, what do you feel?" He asked again, his voice softer.

"Regrets ? Maybe ? I ... I know that I shouldn't ! That I should hate the bastard but... But we never ended our relationship..."

"He did." Kid replied, merciless.

Ace winced. Yeah. Marco did. But... But Ace never accepted it.

"He did... I know it okay ?! I just..."

"What would you do if he were to come to see you ?"

"I'll punch him in the face." He replied without hesitation.

A smile stretched Kid's features.

"Yeah. He deserves it."

"Yeah... He sure does..."

 

It had been so long ago but he could still recall the phone call he had received. A fucking phone call. That fucking bastard hadn't even had the courage to speak face to face. What a damn bloody coward of a son of a ... It had been so long ago but he could still recall every word of it. Every damn pieces of glass that had stabbed his heart making it bleed and shatter. Every words had been a blade embedded deeper and deeper in his heart.

 

"Ace. Ace... Ace !" A sharp voice shattered his memories.

He jumped back, looking warily at his surronding.

"Come on," Kid's gruff voice souding next to his ear, "I'm taking you back home. You should sleep. You're no good like this."

Ace let himself be led out of the restaurant, desorientated. Talking about Marco always left him feeling hollow.

"You know, I can't understand why you react like this. As if you still care. He hurt you. I was there. And still..." Kid began angrily, letting his voice fade when he noticed that Ace wasn't listening to him.

He shook his shoulder lightly.

"Ace. I'm talking to you, idiot."

His friend looked up at him with glassy eyes. Kid sighed and gave up. Nothing he could say would have a positive effect on Ace right now. Seeing him like this fueled his rage. But he couldn't blame anyone but himself. He hadn't been able to make Ace forget about Marco.

"I'm listening to you, idiot." Ace replied frowning.

"Good. Otherwise I would have kicked your ass."

"Yeah, you talk big but you don't do shit."

"Careful Ace, or you're going to cry and beg for my forgiveness."

"Oh yeah ? I'm sure I can take you down in two seconds..."

The rest of the way to go back to Ace's was spent throwing insults at each other in a light hearted way.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks for tonight." Ace said as his home came into view.

"It was no bother," Kid replied. "I don't like seeing you down. I wish I could help you more but..."

"Don't worry. Knowing that you're there for me is enough. You're truly a great friend Kid. Thank you."

A small smile stretched Kid's feature and he shook his head, turning back to head home. "Yeah. Good night Ace."

"Good night to you too !" He replied warmly.

Time to get home now. He hoped that Luffy wasn't there. Facing him now... wouldn't be a good idea. It was already past midnight, if he was lucky Luffy wouldn't be home yet. His work ended at 3 or 4 a.m, and sometimes even later. He worked in an okama bar that a friend of his father owned. He was a bartender, thanks god. Ace wouldn't have allowed Luffy to even think about working as a stripper.

He opened the door slowly so as to make as little noise as possible, better be safe than sorry. There wasn't any light on. Luffy wasn't home then. What a relief. Ace took his shoes off, hung his coat and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Feeling exhausted, he went to bed but found himself unable to fall asleep. He just couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about his brother, about Marco, about his feelings. He should have drunk something. Anything. But it wouldn't have been a good idea. Alcohol and sorrow didn't mix well. Or well... they did but not in the long run. Never in the long run.

The rattle of keys in the lock startled him. What time was it ? He hadn't laid here for long, had he ? He looked at his clock, 4.17 a.m. He must have doozed off at some point. He could hear his little brother locking the door and making his way into their home. His bedroom door was pushed opened after a lot of rumaging here and there in other rooms and Luffy's head appeared, framed by the light of the corridor.

 

"Ace ?" He tried to whispered. "You're awake ?"

His voice was full of sorrow. As it always was when they had a fight.

"I'm awake, Lu" He replied.

His brother all but lunged at him, boucing on his bed and wrapping himself around Ace.

"I missed you yesterday. Where were you ? I was worried." He finally said, squeezing him hard. How such a small guy could be so strong was a wonder.

"Sorry Lu. I had a lot on my mind."

"... Is it about me and Torao ?" Luffy asked.

Ace could hear just by the sound of his brother's voice that he was miserable. That hadn't been his wish. Making his brother sad had never been his goal. He would rather die than let him be sad. But... But this Trafalgar... He did not trusted him.

"... No, don't worry Lu. It has nothing to do with you."

"You sure ? Cause Torao is a great guy you know ? When he's not doing his frowny face he's cool !"

In the dark he couldn't see his brother's face but he was sure a grin stretched his features.

"I'm sure," a strained smile found his way on Ace's face.

Yeah so what if it was troubling him ? No need to burden Luffy with this. He was the big brother here. He would go see Trafalgar and make things right. Or worse, who knew. But he definitely wouldn't drag Luffy into this.

Luffy didn't seem convinced. After a short lull in the conversation, he wiggled his way into the covers.

"No lying." He said in a no nonsense way.

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You are !" Luffy was probably scowling or pouting. He didn't quite like being told off.

"I am then." Ace admitted.

"You are !" Luffy shouted.

"Yeah. That's what I said." Ace laughed.

Luffy growled before squeezing Ace even harder to convey his annoyance.

"Hey ! Don't squeeze me like that !" Ace protested as he laughed.

"You're lying. And lying is bad."

"It is. But I'm not lying. I went to see Sabo and fell asleep at the hospital."

A white lie was better than telling the truth. He couldn't bother Luffy with his nonexistent problem.

"Oh." Luffy said sadly.

But making his brother sad wasn't any better. Good job, Ace.

"Yeah, well, anyway, I'm not mad at you or anything, don't worry. By the way, how was your night ? Did you have fun ? Were the clients nice to you ?" He finally asked, trying to stir the conversation on a safer subject.

Luffy's peculiar laugh rung in the room.

"Yeah ! I had sooo much fun ! Everybody was so funny tonight ! Bentham was so amusing, I thought I was going to die from laughter ! But Iva didn't let me eat any meat ! I was soooo hungry ! But Sanji gave me some because he's such a nice guy you know."

Finally side tracked, Luffy went on telling his brother about his day. How Iva had caught Sanji in the act and how bad the earful they had was. And even how yummy the meat was. Luffy's voice lulled him to sleep and he soon found himself asleep in the arms of his brother.

 

* * *

 

_Note: Hope you enjoyed it ! Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought about it, what you liked, didn't liked, what made you laugh or cry ! I need your opinions to improve !_  
  
_NB: I know that my ponctuation is off for english readers but that's how I do it ( even Word correct me if I write "How are you?" and not "How are you ?") so... if it really bothers you I can change it but otherwise I'll leave it like this_  
  
_See you next week !_  
  
_Next week chapter: "Friendly faces"_


	3. Friendly Faces

_Note: Thank you for leaving comments and kudos !_

_Disclaimer: I forgot to do it and editing is annoying so of course I don't own One piece ( because Ace would still be alive and Akainu dead, burning in hell for all I care... )_

* * *

**Chapter 3: Friendly faces**

Being awoken by a rumbling stomach was not the best way of waking up. Being awoken by the roar of an hungry stomach which sounded like an angry bear was downright frightening. But totally normal in the brother's household.

Ace and Luffy both opened their eyes and without saying anything, made their way to the kitchen. Ace took out the milk and cereals while Luffy flopped on a seat, resting his head on his arms. Heating up the milk was always the longest part. The worst two minutes of their morning. But well, cold milk was gross. When the microwave rung, Luffy opened one of his eyes, staring with interest as his brother put more chocolate than milk into their cups. Then he nearly emptied the box of cereals and put one beverage in front of his brother and took the other for himself.

Only the sound of chewing could be heard for a while and when the both of them had had heir fill ( Luffy finishing the box of cereals in the process) the youngest went back to bed and snuggled into the still warm covers. As for Ace, he took the cups, washed them and made his way to the bathroom to prepare for his day.

Luffy had taken this weird habit of getting up just so he could eat something at 7 a.m stating that missing a meal was not acceptable. Even if he took another one when he woke up ( at 10 or 11 a.m) and ate at 12 p.m... Meal were no joking matter in their household. Luffy would get cranky if he didn't get enough to eat, and a cranky Luffy wasn't funny _at all_.

Once dressed, Ace made his way to his tatoo parlor. It was only a fifteen minutes walk from where they lived and a ten minutes one to go to Luffy's workplace.

Thankfully Bartolomeo and Bonney would be there today. When he thought about his employees, he couldn't help but feel content with his choices.

Kid and him had met through an add Ace had published on the internet. Four years ago Ace was searching for people to work with, as his shop was booming, and Kid had applied for the position. They soon became friend as both of them shared a passion for tatoos. Kid had then introduced him to Bonney, a friend of his he had met in highschool. She was funny to work with as she was very blunt and always said what was on her mind. And her similarities with Luffy were astounding. Both of them held food in such a high regard it was funny as hell to listen to them talking about it. And then Bartolomeo was a friend of Luffy. Or maybe more like a follower. Bartolomeo was one year younger than Luffy and had always admired him for his carefree behaviour... Well, to each their own as they say. Anyway, Ace now had a thriving shop and three employees that were in reality close friends of his.

When he arrived at the shop, Kid was already there. It was the case most of the time. Kid was always on time, or in advance. It was a quirk of his or something. But he was a nice guy to hang out with. He had a sharp tongue, an unusual sense of humor and he was fun as hell to piss off. His grumpy tone was gold, really ! Despite his punk look he could be caring, as Ace had discovered when his world had fallen apart two years ago.

"Hello Kid !"

"Hi !"

"Barto and Bonney aren't here yet ?" Ace asked looking around.

"No but they should be there soon. Or else they'll have to answer to me."

"Sometimes, one can wonder who is the real boss" a voice full of mirth said.

"Hey Bonney ! Don't say that to him !" Ace complained. "His head is big enough as it is."

"I'm sorry, _I_ don't have an ego the size of a planet," Kid replied evenly.

Both his employees burst into laughter. Fighting a smile of his own, Ace said in the most serious tone he could muster

"Come on, you have work to do, chop chop !"

Shaking their heads they huried to do their work as Bartolomeo and their first client entered.

* * *

His employees were busy cleaning up the shop while he washed the material. The chores were the most tedious part of the day but the easy atmospher made it bearable.

"Hey Bonney ! Are you done yet ?! I need the broom here and you broke the other one last week !" Kid called out, annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah !" She replied, her voice muffled by something.

"Are you eating again ?" Kid yelled. "God dammit, Bonney !"

Ace couldn't stop a grin from stretching his features. Listening to those two was always entertaining.

"Come on you too," he said turning to look at them, an empty mug he was cleaning in his hand, "Will you stop..."

He stopped as a loud crash sounded in the shop. Looking down he noticed that he had dropped the cup. What ?

"Are you alright Ace ? Are you hurt ?" Bonney said as she came closer, followed closely by Kid.

"I'm not hurt. I didn't even noticed that I had dropped it till it crashed."

"Well your hand is shaking, maybe that's the reason." Bonney remarked.

He looked at his hand and noticed that it was indeed shaking pretty badly.

"... I must be more stressed than I thought..." He said after awhile.

He took his hand into his other to stop the shaking.

"Or you're just clumsy," Kid said, picking up the shards of glass.

"What happened ?" Bartolomeo asked as he came down the stairs, having heard a loud crash as he was cleaning upstairs.

"Nothing, don't worry, I just dropped a mug. I must be tired. Not clumsy, thank you very much Kid" He said glaring at his friend.

"Just saying." He replied looking smug as he put the shards in the bin.

They resumed where they left off and the incident was soon forgotten.

"Oh by the way Ace !" Bonney said after awhile. "I heard your little brother hit it off pretty well with Law ? That's good ! Law needs someone like Luffy or he'll spend his life his nose in his books ! Both of them are so cute together !"

What ? He turned sharply to tell her to mind her own fucking business when the desperate voice of Bartolomeo rung into the shop.

"What ? Luffy-sempai found someone worthy of him ? Oh I'm so happy for him ! But ... But ... does that mean Luffy-sempai won't ever look at me ? Oh no !"

Bartolomeo then began to cry and weep and bawl. And it was just unbearable. Kid came up behind him and whacked him making him shut up.

"Shut your mouth, Bartolomeo," He growled. "Or I'll make you."

"But ... but !"

"... Bartolomeo..." Kid repeated threateningly.

The green-haired man seemed to not want to tempt fate and closed his mouth.

"And you Bonney, you should know better than to open your mouth. You know how he is whenever Luffy's brought up."

"Yeah yeah !" She replied, not really caring about what was being said to her. "I was just wondering if Ace had met Law yet ! He's charming when you get to know him I tell you !"

The pen Ace was holding in his hand broke in two.

"Or not... ?" She then said, looking wary.

"Bonney..." Kid sighed.

"You know this Trafalgar ?" Ace finally said.

"Huum... No ?" Bonney asked, looking at Kid for help. But he had decided to be unhelpful, simply glaring at her

"Bonney." Ace said scowling, looking at her angrily.

"Well... He is a schoolmate of ours ?" She said pointing between her and Kid.

Ace then decided to glare at Kid. So he knew this Trafalgar... and hadn't said a thing...

"I didn't know they were dating. Law and I... had a fall out. We don't really talk anymore."

"Liar !" Bonney laughed. "You tried to get in his pants and he refused ! Tell them the whole story ! A fall out ! How rich !"

"Bonney" Kid growled, glaring at her visibly debating between choking her to death and cutting her head off.

"You tried to get into Trafalgar's pants ? Urgh !" Ace shrieked, disgusted.

"What ? But Law's sexy !" Bonney interrupted.

"What are you talking about ? He's pale as a vampire, has dark beady eyes shadowed by too many sleepless nights doing whatever and an unsufferable smirk !"

"Yeah ..." Bonney said dreamily. "He's perfect !"

Ace couldn't understand why his friend was so enticed by this bloody scarecrow. Luffy was cute, Kid was okay and he, himself, looked good. But Law ? What a joke.

"Okay, let's stop talking about Law." Kid grumbled.

"Ah come on ! Bonney cooed. "You know you want to !"

She giggled as Kid tried to grab her, running to hide behind Bartolomeo.

"Tell me about Trafalgar, Bonney." Ace growled.

Better learn who he was dealing with before facing him. Know your ennemy, they said.

"And what do you want to know?" She asked, her tone full of mischief.

"Everything." He replied, heading to his office, motionning for Bonney to follow him. He left a disgruntled Bartolomeo and a murderous Kid behind to finish cleaning up.

Both Bonney and himself had a knowing smirk on their faces. As if they were about to plot the dismiss of someone...

* * *

Well. Bonney was crazy. That he knew. But to this extent ? ... Law was _handsome_ and _clever_ and _handsome_ and _wonderful_ ! And going out with a guy as cute as Luffy ? That was the B.E.S.T ! Damn fujoshi !

He hadn't learnt anything useful ! Traflagar had been a loner, spending his time studying or reading books, not dating anyone till he was out of highschool and even then, it had not lasted long beecause " _the other guy was a creep and a jerk_ " – Bonney's words. He was gay. But Ace would be a huge hypocrite if he found something to say about it. He worked. Too much. Had little time to do anything else. " _But he still find some time to spend with the love of his life, isn't that romantic ?_ "

Romantic ? Urgh.

He didn't like bread... Okaaay... and he was handsome and so dark and just ...! Ace's ears still rung because of the shriek that had followed this statment.

He was no closer than before. Tch. Maybe he should ask Kid. But... Hum, it might be better to wait a bit.

* * *

A knock at his door made him look up

"We're leaving." Kid informed him.

"Ah okay ! Goodnight !" He called out.

Left alone, Ace tidied up his desk and got up to leave. He suddenly lost his footing and slammed his right knee on the chair, cursing out loud. Thankfully, he had put both his hands on the desk to prevent his head from slamming onto it.

"I should sleep." Ace grumbled, making his way to the frontdoor.

He stopped in his track as he saw a flash of purple on his left, upon exiting from his office. Sitting on the counter as if he owned the place was Izo. Ace couldn't stop himself from feeling slightly annoyed. With how he left thing two days ago, he knew that he was bound to have a talk with Izo, but he didn't wanted to have it right now. He was still angry and hurt. His so called friends were just traitors.

He levelled a hard glare at Izo and exited from the shop, holding the door for the other man. Izo got up without a word, a strained smile on his face. He made his way to the door at a slow pace and once outside, Ace closed the door, leaving them both on the sidewalk. His friend looked at him warily, but Ace refused to even glance at him.

"Ace..." He began slowly.

Seeing that the man wasn't going to answer he sighed and resumed talking, leaning against the door next to Ace.

"I went to your house yesterday. You weren't there."

Asking outright where he was wasn't Izo's style. But well, Ace wasn't going to make it easy for him by answering, it was none of his business.

"... I'm sorry. For what Thatch said."

The silence stretched, uncomfortable.

"Come on Ace, talk to me," Izo pleaded, now facing him.

He tugged at his sleeve to get him to move.

"Ace. Please. At least come back to my place. We need to talk. I'm sorry."

Scowling, Ace freed himself from Izo's grasp and began to walk away.

"Ace !" Izo called out, following him. "Listen to me !"

"I am. We are going to your place. At one condition. Is Thatch there ?"

Izo looked relieved but still wary.

"No he isn't."

"And .. _him ?"_

"... Marco ?"

Ace nodded curtly, not trusting his voice.

"No. He didn't called at least."

They began to walk in silence.

The night was rather cold and the moon was hidden behind menacing dark clouds. Winter was slowly setting in. Soon there would be snow. As for now it was just cold and grey. Ace didn't like snow. At one point he did. But someone ruined it for him. No need to say who, really.

They had first cuddled under warm covers because snow blanketed the world outside and they shared their first kiss on a snowy day . Winter had been their favorite season. For four years. Four damn bloody years. The snow reminded him of what he had lost. This god forsaken snow.

His already dark mood worsened and Izo seemed to notice it but didn't said anything.

"You know," Ace said after awhile. "I hate him. No matter what you say. I hate him."

Izo stayed silent, pondering upon what his friend said.

"I ... I don't know what to say Ace. Really. Neither of you told me what happened back then."

A dry chuckle escaped Ace's life.

"Yeah I wonder why." He said, his voice full of irony.

"Tell me."

"There's nothing to say."

"Ace..." Izo begged.

"No. You should ask _him."_ He spat.

"I tried. He didn't told me anything"

"Well. It's not surprising. He's a damn coward."

"What ?" Izo asked surprised. "Are we talking about the same Marco ?"

Ace sent him a murderous glare.

"We are."

"But... I mean... not that I doubt you or anything but... I know him and..."

"You don't know him as well as you think then." He hissed.

"Why would you say that ? What did he do ?"

"Nothing." He said.

Izo didn't insist. Ace's walls were up and no amount of patience and sweet talking would help him break them. He was so damn stubborn.

Izo didn't know what had happened between those two and it was bothering him. Maybe not bothering. Troubling would be more accurate. He was helpless. Ace and Marco had been madly in love with each other. They had been the kind of couple that couldn't keep their hands off of each others. The kind of couple that got on everyone nerves. But the kind of couple that was eternal. That was meant to be.

What happened was a total mystery.

They had met in college, seven years ago; Ace was eighteen and Marco twenty. Ace had taken History while Marco was a Business and Law major. They had met at a party and couldn't stand each other for a long time. But little by little, they had grown close. And , one day, even closer.

Their relationship had been a sight to behold. Izo had even been jealous at them for finding their one true love when Thatch was being his oblivious self.

They had fights for Ace was hot-blooded and Marco's calm hide a storm; but they always made up. Izo thought that they liked make up sex way too much but well, it worked for them. As time passed, their love grew stronger. Marco had even prompted Ace to open his own business, saying that he couldn't waste his talent in college studying boring courses. From then on they had lived an idyll.

And one day Marco had received a call from their father asking him to go to New-York to take over a part of his business. Marco had been upset and dead set on refusing but the week after he was gone. Leaving Ace behind.

At first, Izo had thought that Ace had done something unforgivable seeing that his brother had put an _ocean_ between them. Marco had been the shell of himself for a long time. But had refused to say anything. And Izo hadn't been able to corner him or guilt trip him into saying anything. At that time Izo himself had stopped seeing Ace, not wanting to see the one responsible for his brother's pain.

He had seen him three months later, pale, gaunt even, huge shadows under his eyes. Ace had been the shadow of his former self, his liveliness nowhere to be seen. Izo had debated between going to see him or leaving, feigning to have seen nothing. Maybe Ace was now regretting breaking up with Marco. But some time later, listening to his heart he had gone to see him. Ace hadn't taken their break up better than Marco but refused to reveal anything, not believing a word Izo said. Marco was depressed ? Serves him right.

Izo had even learnt that Sabo had had an accident one month ago and was now in coma. Seeing Ace like this, so depressed had broken his heart.

Ace's flat had been a mess, empty bottles of alcohol littered the floor. There was drug on the coffee table. Hard drug. Ace wasn't himself. He was high all the time. And drank too much.

Luffy was gone, shipped away to do some kind of training Garp had the secret of as it was the summer holidays. Luffy didn't even know what had happened to Sabo as Garp had taken away his phone.

Luffy could have helped Ace. But he wasn't there. And Ace needed to forget. Everything. He needed to numb his mind. In any way whatsoever. So, he had taken to drinking a week and a half after Sabo's accident, or so Kid had told him. And to taking drugs two weeks after.

And Izo had been left to watch as his friend slowly wasted away. He had tried to talk some sense into him, even involving Thatch, but to no avail.

And then, one day, maybe after a whole month, all the bottles had disappeared from Ace's flat. His friend was working again. He was not smiling but wasn't as depressed anymore. Izo didn't know how it happened. And Ace hadn't wanted to talk about it. It happened a year and a half ago already.

He had learned some days later, when Ace had complained about it, that Kid had poured all his alcohol down the drain, taken away his drug and had been spending all his time with Ace so he wouldn't do something he regretted.

Izo had gone to see Kid. He needed to know everything. But the man hadn't been helpful at all, sending murderous glare his way as soon as he had seen him.

_"What were you waiting for ?" He had spat. "Weren't you his friend ? Couldn't you see that he was in bad shape ? That he wished to die ?"_

Izo had been shocked. Die ? Ace ? Ace had wanted to die ? How come ? Was it because of Marco ? Because he regretted breaking up with him ? No. That couldn't be. Ace wouldn't have broken up with Marco. Never. So Marco had broken up with him ? But... That didn't make any sense. Maybe because of Sabo's accident ? But his brother wasn't dead ! Or maybe it was because there was no one to hold him up with Sabo in a coma and Luffy gone. But Izo couldn't comprehend how a guy so strong could have entertained the thought of taking his own life... He had so much left to do.

_"Such a friend you are." Kid had added._

_"Tell me". Izo had begged. "Was it Ace who broke up with Marco ?"_

_"Humpf. It was the other way around." He had replied, a disgusted sneer on his face._

He had called Marco right away.

_"You broke up with Ace ? What the hell were you thinking ?"_

_"Izo. Good morning to you too."_

_"Don't give me this shit. Why did you do it ?!"_

_"... It's none of your business."_

And he had hanged up. And at every attempt from Izo's part, Marco hanged up on him. Even going as far as New-York had been for naught. Marco was not going to tell him anything. Even when Izo told him how Ace had been since their break up and about Sabo's accident.

_"Kid helped him ?"_

_"Yes. I should have but..."_

_"No need to bother. It was Kid's job after all."_

They were getting closer to Izo's house and it was high time as Ace was starting to shiver.

"You know Izo." Ace said as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "I wonder sometime. I wonder if I ..."

"Yes ?"

"... No nothing sorry."

"If there is something bothering you, I'm here."

"... I don't know. You're his brother after all. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you."

That hurt.

"I'm his brother but I'm also you're friend."

"You weren't back then."

"... I know. And I regret it. From the bottom of my heart."

"I believe you."

"But you can't forgive me ?"

"... I..."

"I know. I can't forgive myself." He murmured, a wry smile on his face.

"..."

"Come on, we're almost there."

Izo opened his door and they made their way to the kitchen.

"Tea ?"

"At eight ?"

"Yes ?"

"Okay."

They sat down, waiting for the water to boil. The silence stretched, none of them willing to break it. Izo didn't even know what to say anymore. And Ace didn't wanted to tell Izo anything.

Izo got up to pour them some tea and both of them nursed their mugs. Ace got up and made his way to the window. He loved watching the night life. It was so different. From Izo's window he couldn't see much. There wasn't any street lights here. A huge tree hid most of the view. He started to take a sip of tea when his arms felt heavy and he let go of the mug. It crashed on the floor, sending boiling water on Ace's pants. A little had splashed on his hands. He cried out and ran to the sink to pour cold water on his injuries.

"Oh god Ace ! Are you alright ?" Izo asked getting up to see the damage.

"Yeah, don't worry. It already happened today. I'm getting clumsier. I must be tired. Sorry."

"Don't worry, it's just tea, I'll clean it up."

Izo went to fetch a mop. Ace was left alone in the kitchen, cursing his clumsiness. Two cups in one day ? Was it a bad omen or something ?

Once the floor was cleaned up, Izo poured another cup of tea and they resumed where they left off, but the heavy atmospher was gone.

"You know Ace. I can't help you if you don't tell me anything. I know that you don't even want my help but... but you're my friend and I hate seeing you so down. Especially about my brother."

"... I ... I know you're there for me. I know. But. I don't want to make you despise Marco or anything. He's your brother. I..."

"Despise ?" Izo asked, taken aback

What the hell ? Despise ? Not just lecture but despise ?

"... Maybe not despise then. More like ... I don't know. I'm not you. I don't know what you'll feel."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Ace..."

"No. Don't insist Izo. I won't say anything."

As Izo was about to say something else the rattle of keys in the lock stopped him. The deep voice of Thatch boomed in the flat. As soon as he heard it, Ace stood up and looked warily at Izo.

"Hey babe ! You're there ? Look what I brought back !"

His voice was getting closer and Ace didn't wanted to see him. He stepped back, looking everywhere and searching for an escape. But it was too late.

Thatch walked into the kitchen and his eyes widdened comically, his mouth hanging open.

"Hello love !" Izo exclaimed cheerfully to break the tension, going to kiss his lover. But he stopped dead in his track as he caught sight of a familiar face just behind Thatch.

He looked back at Ace who just looked pale and fidgety. He hadn't seen him yet then.

Izo was suddenly very worried.

"Hello Izo." Marco said, smiling, walking into the kitchen.

His eyes landed on Ace and his face darkened. Ace's own fall; his mouth opening and closing without a sound coming out of it.

The silence stretched.

Oh God. Oh God. Ace thought. Was he dreaming ? What he imagining it ? What was _this man_ doing here ? Ace wasn't prepared to see him, to face him. To feel his heart beat once again. To have to fight his own traitorous body which wanted to cross the room and hug the man. To feel the missing part of his heart coming back in his chest.

He should feel hatred. He should be screaming but... But all he could feel was glee upon seeing Marco. What was wrong with him ? What the hell was wrong with him ?!

His hope, as flimsy as it was, crumbled suddenly. Marco had barely spared him a glance. A glance full of disdain and resentment. Those eyes were once filled with so much love... Such a long time ago...

Marco was now glaring at Izo, as if he had been set up, while Thatch seemed torn between guilt and anxiety.

"What's the meaning of this ?" Marco spat.

A few tears gathered at the corner of Ace's eyes upon hearing this and it prompted him to react. He hadn't even aknowledge his presence. Did he mean so little to this man ?

He ran to the door, brushed past Marco without looking at him – a spicy smell he knew all to well permeating his senses – made his way to the door and ran away into the night.

* * *

_Note: Leave a review it's always nice to hear what you think of the story and it motivates me to write faster ! (And I give cookies ?)_

_See you next time_

_Next chapter: Night out, lights out._


	4. Night out, Lights out

_Note: Hello again and thanks for your reviews ! Some of them made me squeal... Other laugh because come on guys. Ace is going to get hurt so much more. I hope you're prepared because it's not going to get better soon x) Comfort is on his way but, he might have gotten lost...  
_

_Thanks to you, my wonderful vanilla ice cream, you helped me so much with this chapter !  
_

_Anyway, Enjoy !_

_Edit [11/08/2018] : The part in italic near the end has been edited because it definitely was cringe worthy, cliché and cheesy. I hope it's better now ^^ (even if it's still cheesy as hell ^^)_

**Chapter 4: Night out, lights out**

The silence stretched, uncomfortable. The bark of a dog in the neighbourhood shattered it and time seemed to start once again.

"What's the meaning of this, Izo ? I thought I was clear last time." Marco snapped.

"I didn't know you were going to arrive earlier than planned."He said glaring at his brother.

"Yeah. I had to, there are some things I have to take care of before moving in my appartement."

Once again, silence overtook the room. Thatch decided to prepare dinner as a way to break the awkwardness. While he was busy putting everything he needed on the counter, Izo and Marco stood facing each other.

Izo wanted to scream, to demand an explanation. Ace had seemed on the verge of crying and Marco had been his emotionless self. Never had he seen him look at someone like this. With so much disdain.

"Anyway, thanks for having me as a guest tonight. I brought some things from New-York. I'll go fetch them." He smiled.

"Don't Marco. I'm angry with you" Izo growled.

His brother sighed and shook his head.

"... Don't look like this doesn't concern you. I'm really angry. I can't even fathom how you can be so cold and emotioneless ! How much you've changed !"

"I haven't changed." Marco replied evenly.

"Then why has my own brother turned into an asshole ?" He spat.

Hurt shone in Marco's eyes but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Nonetheless, Izo could have sworn he had seen it.

"Think what you want Izo. I might have overstayed my welcome." He said turning away, obvisouly intending to leave.

"So you run, huh ?" Izo resumed his attack.

"I'm not running. I can see when I'm no longer welcome. But Izo, don't go and put your nose where it doesn't belong. This doesn't concern you."

"What ? You're serious ? Goddammit Marco !" Izo cried out, following him in the corridor. "Of course it concerns me ! Have you seen yourself ? Have you seen Ace ? Haven't you notice how pale he is ? How much weight he lost ? And you ? Have you dated anyone since you broke up with him ? What the fuck are you doing ?!"

"... It's none of your business."

Had he been in is right mind Izo could have sense Marco's obvious discomfort and even pain but anger was blinding him and he hurled himself at Marco. He was so angry. His brother, normally so easy going, so gentle was being a jerk. Why ? Why ? He tried to punched him but Marco ducked out of the way and caught his fist in his hand.

"Izo. Stop this." He said, his tone imbued with a deep sorrow.

"Why, Marco ? Explain it to me ! I hate seeing you both like this !"

"Ace is your friend. I don't want that to change. Sorry."

"What ?" Izo said, disbelief clear in his voice.

"Please. Just... drop it Izo. Please." Marco murmured looking him in the eyes, conveying his sorrow and his hurt. "Please."

"I need some help in the kitchen if you're finished arguing" Thatch called out.

Izo wasn't satisfied in the least. What the hell was going on ? For now, he would abide by Marco's request and not pry. Or at least not pry in front of him. Izo could sense that something wasn't right.

_\- Letting go -_

"Doctor Trafalgar ?" A young nurse called out, running down the corridor of the hospital.

Law paused and turned around, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

"Yes ?" He drawled not bothering to smile or even be nice.

"I..." she stammered. "I mean, hum, you must head to Block C."

"Block C ? Do you have a problem with the patient ?" Law asked, already heading to the block.

"No, it seems that Doctor Clown hasn't showed up and they are short on hands..."

Law sighed but nodded, leaving the nurse behind. He looked at his coffee mornfully knowing that he wouldn't have time to drink it. This stupid piece of ... Caesar Clown was a fellow worker but one that wasn't professional in the least. It was a wonder he still worked here. Maybe he was really that good. Or the hospital was short on hand and couldn't afford to throw him out. Yeah it seemed more likely.

Upon arriving at Block C, he stumbled upon an intern, Monet, who was in Caesar service.

"Monet. Where's Caesar ?" He demanded.

"Oh Law." She said, looking at him with a bored look. She was never one for politeness. "He is in there why ?"

"I was called to take his place." He replied matter of factly.

"No need to then. He's already there." And she walked away, entering the operation room.

To put his mind at ease he decided to see for himself if Clown was really there and indeed, arguing with Crocus – the director of the hospital – was Caesar. The older doctor was pinching his nose looking at the ceiling. Yeah. Talking with Clown never was an easy task.

Feeling that he was no longer needed he decided to go back to the break room to enjoy his coffee in silence when he stumbled yet another time upon someone. But this time, the bump was so hard that it made him spill his coffee on the floor. Great.

The culprit didn't even bothered apoligizing, running away as if nothing happened.

"Hey !" Law called out, quite annoyed. " A sorry would be nice." Because it was nearly ten o'clock, because he was working since he got up at 6 a.m, because he was tired and irritated.

The culprit stopped and looked back.

"Oh, it's you." Ace spat.

 _Great. Just great._ Law thought. _I promised Luffy that I would get along with his brother and now this ?_

"Yeah, it's me." He scoffed.

Ace turned back fully an angry scowl on his face. But the insult Law was expecting never came. Ace turned back and went on his way.

"What are you doing here at this hour ?" He asked.

"It's none of your goddamn business."

"Sure. But it's Luffy's." Law threw back. He knew it was a low blow but well.

Ace turned back once again and stalked back to him.

"What's the matter with you ? Don't talk about Luffy. I can't understand what he sees in _you_." He spat.

But his tone lack the bitterness it had the first time they saw each other. Yeah _that_ first time in Luffy's bedroom...

"I don't know what to say, you'll have to ask him. But I assure you, I don't intend to hurt him in any way." Law felt the need to placate Ace.

"Yeah ?" Ace replied tiredly, his gaze taking a sorrowful edge. "You say that now. But I can't trust you."

Law was a little surprised at Ace's defeated look. He leant closer and took a good look at him.

"Are you okay ?" He asked suddenly.

Ace looked taken aback and began to glare daggers at the surgeon.

"What is it to you ?" He replied taking a few steps back.

Law grabbed his sleeve and prevented him from leaving.

"Wait. You're pale, you're out of breath, sweating a lot and your eyes are red and swollen. What's wrong ?" He said, his tone suddenly caring.

"Nothing!" He wrenched his arms from Law's grip and moved back.

But as he was about to run away, he felt his legs grow weak and fell down on his butt. He tried to get up but to no avail. His legs felt like lead. What the hell ?

"Portgas-ya ! Are you alright ?" Law said crouching in front of him.

"Get away from me !" He bit.

But as it was he couldn't get up. He was stuck on the ground.

"Come on get up" Law said.

Ace stayed silent. He wouldn't give more amunitions to this beast by saying he couldn't.

"Ace-ya ?" He resumed, holding out his hand. Sighing Law tried to take a hold of him, holding him under his armpits but Ace batted his hands away.

"Come on now." Law sighed exasperated. "Don't be a brat and get up. The floor is not comfortable and I doubt it to be very clean."

 _Come on move_! Ace silently ordered his legs. _Move goddamit_ ! Angry tears threatened to spill down his cheeks but he wouldn't let them run down his face with Trafalgar watching. _Move !_ Sensations suddenly came back to his legs and he got up, albeit on shaky legs, but he got up nonetheless.

"Get away from me, Trafalgar." He spat. "And from my brother." He added sharply as a second thought.

He then began to make his way to his brother's room leaning on the wall, his legs not as strong as they usually were.

What the hell was happening ?

_\- Letting go -_

"Luffy ? Yeah it's me. Hn. Your brother is at the hospital. No he's not hurt. I think he's going to see Sabo. But he's acting strange. As if he cried maybe ? Yeah I understand that he is not someone who cry easily. But I tell you what I saw. He did look like better come here. Yeah I'll check on him."

_\- Letting go -_

"Law !" Luffy shouted as he was running down the corridor.

The boy was wearing his bartender uniform which was quite revealing. No, don't let your thoughts go down that way. But seeing those naked abs put on display made such a lewd picture. No. Mind out of the gutter.

"Don't shout Luffy, you're in a hospital." He said instead of " _Come here, I'll undress you and we can have some steamy sex in a broom closet._ "

"Oh ! Yeah, sorry." He tried to whisper but failed. "Where's Ace ?" He asked, bouncing on the ball of his feet, looking left and right.

"He went to your brother's room." Law replied looking anywhere but at Luffy's state of undress.

"Lead me there." He demanded, taking Law's hand in his own.

Both of them headed to room 431. Luffy was nearly running but he was forced to wait for Law as he couldn't find his way in the hospital. As soon as they arrived in front of the right door, Luffy nearly wrenched it open and went inside quickly, followed by Law.

"He's not here." Luffy said in a low voice, approaching Sabo's bedside.

"He was. I only left to fetch you." Law replied, a bit surprised.

He had decided to wait near the door till Luffy texted him he was near so Ace wouldn't slip away. Look how well it went...

"Maybe he's still here" Law tried. "He might have gone to the bathroom or something."

"Yeah"... luffy replied, his tone subdued, not really listening anymore.

He had taken the chair near Sabo and was holding his hand gently.

"Hey hello Sabo." Luffy began. "How are you since last time ? I have so much things to tell you !"

Not wanting to intrude, Law decided to left the room and check the front desk to see if Ace was already gone.

Making his way downstairs, Law couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with Ace. He had obviously cried but why, the surgeon had no idea.

"Goodnight" He said to the nurse at the front desk. He could never recall their names. Well, not that it mattered, really.

"Goodnight, Doctor. Can I help you ?" She replied sweetly.

"Yeah, have you seen Portgas D. Ace ?"

"Ah, yeah, he just left."

"When ?" Law asked, feeling a bit distraughted.

"Maybe... five minutes ago ? Not long after you went upstairs with that young man."

"Thank you..."

So Ace had fled. He must have seen Law in the corridor and think that something was up or Luffy arriving... However, the result was the same. Ace was no longer here, and Luffy wasn't going to be pleased. Law made his way back upstairs and knocked on the door. He didn't wanted to interrupt Luffy's time with his brother...

"Yeah ! Enter !"

Law opened the door slowly and made his way to Luffy's side, squeezing his shoulder lovingly.

"Hey Law ! You left as I was going to introduce you to Sabo ! Where were you ?"

"I went to check at the front desk. Ace's gone."

Luffy turned around quickly, staring at him.

"Gone ? But where ?"

"I don't know. He left the hospital."

"We need to find him !" He said bouncing on his feet, probably thinking about all the places Ace liked to go to. "The grocery store, his shop, the park..." He started to mutter.

"Calm down Luffy." Law cut him off.

"Yes, sorry. He might have gone home ? What do you think ?"

"Yeah, maybe." Law replied. "But..."

"Okay, let's check !" He said getting up, kissing his brother forehead, shouting a "See you soon Sabo ! Ace is in trouble so I gotta help him !" as he ran home.

_\- Letting go -_

"He's not here." Luffy stated, frowning. "Where is he ?" The young man said as he looked around the flat, opening all the doors.

"Maybe he needed some time to think alone ?" Law replied, out of breath. Running was fine, it was a way to keep in shape but following Luffy ? Yeah that was a whole different ballgame.

"He should have come home. I could have helped him." Luffy stated as he opened the cupboards in the kitchen.

"He's not going to be there..." Law sighed going to stand next to Luffy and hugging him from behind. "But sometimes, one needs to be alone Luffy..."

His boyfriend stayed silent but his face showed how displeased he was with the situation.

"He should know better. Being alone is no good. He was alone when Sabo had his accident. I wasn't here to help him and... it got bad."

Law didn't said anything. He didn't know Luffy at that time so he wasn't privy to the whole story.

"He thinks I'm stupid. But I know what happened." Luffy resumed angrily. "Bonney told me that Ace wasn't alright two years ago. That he used to drink. He thinks I don't know cause he stopped before I came back home. I never said anything. I didn't want him to feel sad again."

Law hummed next to his ear, holding him and rocking gently back and forth. Luffy could be quite sensitive when he wanted to.

"Does he think I'm weak ?" Luffy said in a quiet voice.

"Luffy... I think he's trying to protect you. That's what all big brothers do." Law replied, his tone soothing.

He didn't know Ace well. He had never quite talked to him except those two times... Yeah so not much of a discussion. But he could see that he cared for Luffy. And Luffy was always boasting about his brother. Which was kinda cute.

"But I don't need him to protect me !" He yelled, breaking Law's hold. "I'm strong enough to protect myself !"

"I know you are. And he does too, obviously. But he doesn't want to burden you with his problems. That's what I think."

After all, he himself disliked talking about his problems, not wanting to let people in. Well, he had let Luffy in but he didn't regret it. Law could say he had never been happier in his life. Dating someone as cheerful as Luffy was good.

"Anyway," Law resumed seeing Luffy pout, "We don't know where he is but some people might."

Luffy looked at him, torned between running to find his brother and listening to his boyfriend.

"Kid might know if something happened."

Luffy nodded, still undecisive.

"Come on, let's call Kid to know if something happened at the shop." He said, taking Luffy's hand and guiding him toward the living room.

Luffy took the phone and waited for Kid to answer while settling himself sideway in Law's lap, his head under his boyfriend's chin.

"Hello ?" Kid's voice sounded even deeper in the phone.

"Oh Hello Kid !" Luffy shouted. "Have you seen Ace ? Is he with you ? Where is..."

"Sorry for this Kid-ya" Law said having taken the phone away from Luffy.

"What's wrong with Ace ?" Kid asked alarmed.

"He was at the hospital to see his brother but left rather quickly. He looked like shit... Do you know where he is ? Did something happened at the shop today ?"

Luffy was wiggling in his lap, trying to get the phone back but Law caged him in his arms, squeezing him against his chest. Out of spite, Luffy began to pinch him.

"Luffy-ya stop this." Law chided him, squeezing him harder. "Sorry Kid."

"It's alright. I haven't seen him since I left at six but Izo was waiting for him. Maybe you should try and call him. Call me back as soon as you have news."

"Yes of course." Law said hanging up, sighing gratefully. Staying on the phone much longer would have given away his current predicament... Indeed, Luffy had decided to change his tactic, littering little bites on his collarbone instead of pinching him... Yeah a sexy predicament. But a predicament nonetheless.

"Luffy. Stop that. Ace was with Izo, I'm gonna call him but you need to stop this."

"Why ?" He pouted.

"... Because we'll have a slight problem."

Luffy tilted his head to the side, a look of lack of understanding on his face. God, how cute could he get ? Law knew Luffy was just naive and wasn't even aware of his own attractiveness. Luffy didn't know a thing about sex. Or well, he did now, but Law couldn't get enough of those innocent reactions of his. Of how wanton he could get...

"... Anyway. Let's call Izo. I'll put it on speaker so you can hear but no bitting my collarbone."

"Yeah !" Luffy replied excited.

"Ace ?" Izo's voice sounded relieved as he picked up. "Are you alright ? I'm sorry ..."

"Ah sorry, it's not Ace." Law interrupted him.

"Who is this ? What are you doing with Ace's landline phone ?"

"Hello Flower-Man !" Luffy shouted nearly making Law deaf, kneeling on Law's lap, trying to get closer to the phone.

"Luffy ! Have you seen Ace ?" Izo cried out, panic seeping from his voice

"No ! We called to know where he was ! Kid said you were with him !"

"I was but..."

Izo stopped talking and Luffy began to lose patience.

"But ?"

"But he came face to face with Marco in my appartement and ran away..."

_\- Letting go -_

The night was dark. But not black as ink. Here and there streetlights cast a halo of light on the pavement giving a far scarier edge to the shadows around. It was cold. Maybe it would snow, the icing on the cake ! Ace was shivering for he had left his coat at Izo's. Great. Everything was definitely alright.

What time was it ? Eleven ? Maybe later ? He didn't know, he didn't even know how much time passed since he began walking.

He was looking out the window, back at the hospital and he had seen Luffy coming. This damn Trafalgar had probably called him. Why couldn't he mind his own business ? So Ace had fled. He didn't want Luffy to see him like this. So down. He needed to protect him from the harshness of life. Because Luffy was too naive for his own good and wouldn't understand.

There was not a star in the sky tonight. Even the moon had decided to hide behind dark clouds. Good. Stars were too shiny. They were bright even when one didn't want them to. They shone, period. So, tonight, Ace didn't want to see them because he didn't feel like looking at their brilliance while his own world was grey.

Ace had left the more urbanized part of the city and was now making his way in a wooded park. The wind soughed in the branches, humming a slow and painful lament. On his right, there was a large pond surronded by flowers. He couldn't distinguish their colors in the dark. He went on. There was no one this late at night. Only nocturnal animals. He could hear owls hooting in the trees. He used to love coming here. To be able to spend some time surronded by nature and not by daily life, cars, taxes, noise, troubles. He loved to come here to watch the stars and the moon. To sit down at the top of the hill he could now see in the distance as he got closer and closer. To listen to the birds singing, and to sing along. He loved holding hands with Marco came winter, to keep his fingers warm. He loved to sit down next to him, putting his head on Marco's shoulder, looking at the landscape. He loved to fell loved.

He arrived at the bottom of the hill and decided, despite knowing well it wouldn't do him any good, to climb up the stairs.

Standing at the top, under a solitary weeping willow, he could see the street lights of the city, drawing an astonishing picture.

They had had their first kiss here, in fact. He turned round and looked at the weeping willow. At least they hadn't carved their initials in a heart on the bark. He ran his hand on the trunk, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. What had led to this kiss was unbelievable. His own behaviour had been unbelievable.

_"Wait Ace." Marco called after him. "You're avoiding me."_

_Ace had just finish his day of class and Marco was waiting for him, leaning back against the wall of the corridor, brows furrowed. He didn't seem angry, just restless. The black-haired man stopped in his track, looking like a dear caught in the headlights. What was Marco even doing in the Art section of the university? He was a Business Major, his class were on the opposite side of the campus._

_"What?" He let out a slightly strained laugh, pasting a strained smile on his face. "What are you talking about ? I'm not avoiding you."_

_Marco levelled a no-nonsense look at him and Ace felt his smile slip away. Yeah. He had been avoiding Marco for maybe three weeks now. But he had good reasons. Very good reasons. Highly reasonable reasons._

_"Don't lie. It doesn't suit you." Marco said, his tone neutral, arms crossed in front of his chest. He was wearing a nice purple sweater and black jeans, his blue overcoat drapped over his arm. If Ace had to say so, he would say that he looked regal. And so sexy. But no one asked for his opinion, so he wouldn't volunteer to give it._

_As Ace had been the last one to exit the room, there wasn't anyone around them, which was as much a blessing – as no one would be around to witness his actions – and a curse because no one would help him avoid this talk._

_Ace had met Marco a year ago or so, in winter. Met was maybe a rather big word. In truth, he had caught sight of him at a party in December and had found the man incredibly handsome. Ace was usually pretty confident and brash but when it came to his love life then it was slightly more complicated. And it was an understatement. Anyway, he hadn't dared to go over and introduce himself especially because Marco was surrounded by a lot of people. Ace would sometimes pass by him on the campus, drinking in the sight of him, pinning after him like a school girl. In fact, it was Izo who had helped him. Ace had met the man at one of his class, something optional where everyone, from every year could come. They had hit it off quite well and spent a lot of their times together. Learning that Marco was Izo's brother had been quite a shock, especially because they looked nothing alike. Ace and Marco had then become acquainted through all the parties Izo threw. The man liked parties like no other and Ace was always up for such activities. Marco had come to talk to him, wanting to know the man with whom his brother spent so much time and whom he spoke so highly off. Marco was even more handsome from up close, his voice smooth as velvet and his smile so bright Ace was sure he would become blind. They hadn't become friends all of a sudden because Marco had been hard to talk to at first. Always closed off and guarded, it had been rather hard to have a real conversation with him. Izo had helped their friendship grow, always including both of them in his plans and conversations. Thanks to him, they had become friends. Little by little. In the beginning they only saw each other with other people present and then they began spending time on their own. Izo had of course seen what was happening and had encouraged Ace to confess but the young man hadn't had the courage. He had even begged Izo to let him do things his way and albeit reluctantly – and because he owed Ace one for a somber affair they agreed to never talk about ever again – he had agreed._

_Marco took a step forward and Ace took one backward. They stopped, at a standstill. Ace looked ready to bolt but with Marco right in front of him, it would be hard to get away. Marco's facial expression had turned stony and he opened his mouth to talk before closing it again and sighing visibly frustrated. Ace wanted to explain to him why he had been avoiding him, why he had decided to put some distance between them but he couldn't. He couldn't because he couldn't bear to lose Marco's friendship. And yet, it seemed that he had just been on his way to destroy it by avoiding him._

_"I'm not lying." He stuttered as confidently as possible, clutching at straws, wishing for Marco to just believe him and let it go._

_Silence stretched between them as Marco's expression grew more and more bleak. Hurt seemed to shine in his eyes._

_"Did I do something? Was it something I said? I know we're only friends but..." His voice grew softer, taking a pleading edge that made Ace wince internally. He hadn't meant for Marco to get hurt. He was just... He was just protecting their friendship._

_"We are!" Ace exclaimed loudly, making Marco start. "Friends that is." He hastened to add, not wanting to appear too eager. "I ..."_

__He had feelings for Marco. At first, it had been physical attraction and then it had grown to be more. To be so much more. He liked him. Marco was funny, kind, devoted, protective of his family, hard-working, attentive. Now, now Ace had realised that his little crush had turned to love. He didn't know how, he didn't know when, it just happened this way. Drolling over the expanse of Marco's stomach wasn't common, and wishing to kiss him or to lick him wasn't any better but it could be explained as lust. Yet wanting to spend his life with him, wanting to know him, to know his secrets, to become his confidant... that wasn't simple lust anymore._ _

_At first, he had been content watching him from afar. Getting to know him had been unexpected but so worth it. He had already decided then that they would only stay friends. He couldn't impose his feelings on Marco, especially because he didn't know what the other man thought about him. Izo had tried to tell him that his feelings were mutual but Ace hadn't believed it. There wasn't any sign he could see that would prove his friend right._

_Yet, lately, it had become harder and harder to spend time with Marco without wanting to rip his clothes to shred and kiss him. His nightly dreams were becoming more and more detailed. Being only friend with Marco was too hard and things became strained. Imagining Marco's eyes full of lust, shouting his name in the throes of passion was definitely not good and it made facing him really awkward._

_That was why he had decided to avoid Marco, because he didn't want to end their friendship and because he knew that he wasn't strong enough to stay away. Soon he would throw Marco against a wall and have his wicked way with him. Or let Marco have his wicked way with him if all went according to plan._

_"Ace. Talk to me." Marco continued taking a few steps forward._

_Soon Ace was cornered. But what could he say. 'I'm avoiding you cause I love you?' Yeah. That would go really well. He knew from Izo that Marco swung both ways so he at least wouldn't be disgusted by his feelings but still. It wasn't really about that. Having his feelings not returned would hurt. Maybe Ace hid them because he was afraid. Never revealing his feelings was more comfortable for him._

_"Let's stop seeing each other. I mean, come on. Izo nearly forced us become friend. But. I mean." He began to babble, not able to stop the flow of absurdity coming out of his mouth. Saying those things would surely drive Marco away so in a way, it was a solution._

_"Ace." Marco was now right in front of him, his hand on his cheek. "Why are you looking so sad?"_

_Sad? Of eveything Marco could have told him, 'you look sad' didn't make the list. Why was he so caring? Couldn't he just get angry? Decide that Ace was a bother and choose to never see him again? Ace's mouth open to tell Marco off but couldn't utter a sound._

_"Ace. You have to tell me what's wrong."_

_"I-I have nothing to say!" He bit out, ressorting to anger to mask his true feelings. If Marco went on being this obtuse, Ace would tell him everything and it would be bad. He batted Marco's hand away from his face not needing to feel the heat of it against his cheek, it was doing weird things to his heart._

_"I don't believe you." Marco was now caging him against the wall, Ace's head framed by Marco's arms. "There's something bothering you and I want to know what. Don't lie to me."_

_"It's the truth." He exclaimed, glaring at Marco and ducking out of the way, hurrying down the corridor to get away. He was pulled back when Marco grabbed his arm and turned him around rather harshly._

_"We're not done here, Ace." Marco said, his voice strained and a bit sad. "I apologize. I realise tha_ __t I probably acted in an unfitting way."_ _

_Ace looked at him, his mouth hanging open like a fish out of water. He stuttered, not able to say anything, too floored by this perfect human being. Could he stop being so thoughtful?_

_"You... You've done nothing wrong, Marco." A wry smile stretchted his lips and he sighed deeply. "I'm the one who's in the wrong here."_

_"What are you talking about?" Marco asked, confused. He released his arm but Ace didn't make a move to run._

_"Nothing. I – I was being stupid."_

_"About what?" Marco asked again, looking frustrated by this lack of answer._

_"I doesn't matter anymore, leave it be. I'm sorry for avoiding you, things will go back to normal." Ace said, his voice wavering as he uttered those words, feelings his heart hurt in his chest. He knew that by saying that he would live in misery, so close to the man he loved and yet so far away. Anyway, it was for the best._

_"No." Marco said forcefully, catching Ace's hands in his. "No. You have to tell me what's wrong."_

_"I told you it was nothing!" Ace replied, tugging his hands free from Marco's. Feeling that Marco wasn't about to give up, he turned around and began to run. "I'll talk to you later. See you!" He called over his shoulder, not bothering to look backward. He needed to get away from there as fast as possible._

_"Ace! Wait! Come on! Wait!" Marco called after him, probably running after him. Couldn't he just take a hint?_

_Ace didn't slow down nor did he listen. He had said everything he had to say, he had even told Marco that things would go back to normal so why was the man insisting on knowing the truth? Goddamn him. Ace didn't want to let Marco know about his feelings and he had been so close to telling him, to just be done with it. But he could imagine Marco's reaction. He would turn him down, gently for sure because he wasn't mean but it would hurt so much. The young man prefered living not knowing what could have happened._

_He ran. And ran. He didn't know if Marco was still following him, his ears were ringing and his heart was pounding. Only the sound of his own breathing was reaching his ears._

_He soon arrived in a park. He loved to take walks here usually. It was calm, not far from university and the greenery was soothing. But he didn't have time to admire it today. He went on running. Till he stood under a weeping willow, at the top of the highest hill of the park, overlooking the rest of the city._

_He took a deep breath and tried to calm his beating heart._

_"God. Don't make me run like this ever again." Marco's voice reached his ears as Ace tried to get his breath back._

_"You didn't have to follow me." Ace wheezed out, letting himself fall on the ground, not minding the snow covering it. He looked up at the sky and let the sun warm his face._

_"I couldn't let you go like that." Marco replied, getting closer and sitting next to him._

_They didn't talk for a while, just watching the landscape._

_"I never know what you're thinking about. It's annoying." Marco told him, rubbing his hands together to keep them warm. "I wish I knew so that I could talk to you and understand you. I try to reach out but every time you pull back. I don't know what I've done wrong. I know that I can appear stand-offish and cold at first but I thought we had outgrown that phase. I thought that you … that you could see the real me. Guess you don't like what you saw."_

_"No!" Ace cried out suddenly. He had listened to what Marco was saying, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. This man was such a fucking idiot. He liked everything about him. He liked everything he had seen._

_"Then what?" Marco asked locking eyes with him. Ace could lose himself in their blue depths but he shook his head and went back to staring straight ahead._

_"I've seen the real you and I like him very much." he said, realising what he had said as soon as the words had gotten out of his mouth. "I mean, hum, you know, like..." he stuttered trying to backtrack._

_"Thank you." Marco replied simply. "I'm glad you think that way. I know that I'm a little hard to get used to."_

_Ace didn't reply as the only answer he could think off was 'You're perfect, don't worry.' It sure wouldn't go well to hide his feelings._

_"I..." Marco began before stopping, sighing. "I didn't mean to scare you. You say that I didn't do anything wrong but... You must have noticed my feelings and got scared. I understand and I probably shouldn't have cornered you like that to talk to you but I just couldn't do as if nothing happened, you know ?"_

_No. No, Ace didn't know. Marco's feelings? What was he talking about?_

_"I get that you probably don't even like me like that. I don't mean to impose my feelings on you, I wanted to stay quiet but guess I wasn't discreet enough... You're one of my first friend outside of my family and I didn't want to ruin that. I hope that we can stay friend despite that..." He looked at Ace, hopeful and waiting for an answer that didn't come._

_Ace was shocked, his body and mind unresponsive. Marco liked him? Marco liked him? It wasn't possible. It was... a dream. Definitely. Silence was stretching and Marco was growing more and more restless, shoulders hunched in defeat._

_"I'm not sorry for liking you but I'm sorry for making you uneasy. I'll go and we can go back to being strangers." His voice was filled with sadness. Marco got up and smile ruefully at Ace, before turning around._

_Ace's body moved on his own. He got up, ran after Marco and slipped on a patch of ice. His scream made Marco turn around and they both fell in the snow, on top of each other._

_"I love you." Ace murmured, finally free of the weight of the secret he had carried. "I love you." he said louder before kissing Marco. The man underneath him didn't react, body locked in shock._

_Ace came up for air and looked in Marco's eyes, unsure. Smiling, Marco pulled him back down for a proper kiss, licking the seem of his lips, asking for entrance. Their tongues battled inside Ace's mouth before Marco took control of the kiss._

_"I love you too." Marco had replied shakily, forehead pressed to Ace's before resuming their previous activities. It was sweet. Mind blowing. Perfect._

And it wouldn't happen ever again.

The slow lament of the wind echoed his own feelings. He let himself fall to the ground, on his knees. He couldn't get up. He wasn't strong enough. His body shook violently and tears ran down his face. Tears that he had stalled till now. So he was breaking down under this goddamn weeping willow, go figure. He hadn't had enough of it, obviously.

He put one of his fist in front of his mouth, probably so as not to let out his sobs. But the dam broke. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. A sob found his way past his lips and soon he was wailing crouched on his hands and knees, his forehead touching the ground.

He was crying all his hurt out. And it hurt. As if his heart was ripped out of his chest. His hands found there way to his heart and he grabbed a fistful of his shirt tightly.

It hurts. It hurts.

_« You're beautiful »_

_I love your smile so much »_

_« You're perfect. »_

_« I love you Ace. »_

God dammit ! Why ? He could hear his voice clearly. This bastard's voice. Deep and soft. He even remembered the touches, the kisses, the love-making ! And even his smell, spicy with a touch of grapefruit.

It hurts.

His breath shortened. It was increasingly difficult to take a breath. He was sobbing so damn hard.

Every time it was the same ! Was he condemned to break down as soon as he thought of Marco ? As soon as he thought of being happy ? He should know better by now ! He should but... His heart ached.

He had thought he could go on. And he had been. Till two days ago. Till he was told that he would see Marco again. That Marco probably would be with some gorgeous woman that he would soon marry.

It hurts. _« I love you »_

He slammed his head on the ground. Maybe if he hurt his body, his mind wouldn't feel anything. Once, twice. He felt dizzy.

He couldn't stand up anymore. Marco's look when he had seen him had broken him. He felt so unworthy. So unwanted. So small.

His ears began to buzz and was it blood he could see on the ground ? Good. Maybe he would be better off dead. He didn't feel like living anymore. He loved Marco. He loves him ! And … And Marco hated him.

Going on with his life meant seeing him, smiling as if nothing happened. Finding someone else. But he would never look at anybody else. As he had not looked at anybody else this past two years. And seeing him would never be enough ! Because Marco was a piece of him. Because he had left a piece of himself in their love story. Because without Marco he was uncomplete.

Was it is skull that had cracked ? He felt weak and stopped. He let his head fall on the ground once more and lied face down on the earth, breathing on the wet smell of grass and dirt.

Tears were blending with the ground. Soon he was shivering and breathing heavily. He rolled on his back looking at the sky. The starless sky. Full of dark clouds.

He felt like throwing up. His chest ached so bad and it was as if his heart was bleeding out.

He stayed there a long time. Looking at the clouds, crying, sobbing, hurting with no one but the clouds to witness his break down.

_« I love you »._

Yeah. I love you too.


	5. Let's Start Over

_Note: Hello again ! Thank you for your reviews, favorites and kudos ! I noticed that some of you wanted to see Marco burn at stake ... x) It would be a shame, really, he still has a part to play in this story ^^_

_PS: Next week chapter will probably be late and in a worst case scenario there won't be a chapter next week cause I'm in my third year of university and let's say my work is finally catching up to me... Sorry ! But the outline is done so I'll try to write it !_

_NB: Thank you again for your help, my vanilla ice cream ^^ This chapter according to her: she'll gladly punch Ace and Marco, hug Thatch and pat Law's back ( cause hugging him might be a bit risky)_

**Chapter 5: Let's start over**

"What do you mean they can't find him ?" Thatch cried out.

"Well they can't find him !" Izo replied an edge of anxiety in his voice. "He was at the hospital and then nothing ! He ran away. God it's my fault."

Izo slumped on his seat, his head between his hands.

Luffy's call had left him shaken. He was worried. Really worried. Because he knew what Ace was capable of...

"No, it's mine, I should have called to tell you Marco would come..." Thatch sighed, rubbing his boyfriend's shoulder soothingly.

While both of them looked grief stricken, Marco was slowly sipping a glass of water, not having moved an inch.

"He's an adult, he can do what he wants." His face a mask of impassivity.

Izo glared at him and stood up to tower over his brother.

"You're really insensitive, aren't you ? I don't know what Ace did to you, or what you did to him, but seeing you this cold, it breaks my heart." Izo murmured before heading to his bedroom, phone clenched in his hand.

Silence stretched between the two remaining brothers in the room, neither knowing what to say. Finally, Thatch broke it, unable to stay silent for long.

"Don't worry, he'll come around." Thatch tried to reassure him.

He didn't like to see his brother and lover fighting. It never ended well. Yet he understood both of them, and couldn't decide who was in the right and who was not. Izo had the right to be angry. Ace was his friend and he was hurting while Marco seemed, on the oustide at least, quite alright. Still... if Marco had decided to break up with Ace, he probably had his reasons. He wouldn't have done it if it wasn't serious.

"Yeah, I know..." Marco sighed.

"You should just tell us what happened. Izo is simply worried about you. You aren't yourself, you know. You used to be more open. And Ace used to smile a lot."

Thatch wasn't known for his subtility so the best course of action was to shove Ace's condition down Marco's throat. Maybe that would make him react. Because deep down, Marco was a caring person.

"... He doesn't smile anymore ?" Marco finally asked in a quiet voice, looking anywhere but at Thatch.

"He smiles but ... It never reaches his eyes... He's sad. All the time, really. It's hard to make him laugh if it hasn't anything to do with Luffy."

"..."

"He hasn't smiled for real since you left."

"He hasn't ?"

Thatch nodded. He could see that it bothered Marco. He had learnt to read his brother quite well after all the time they spent together. It meant that he wasn't as insensitive as he wanted them to believe. His heart had not suddenly turned to ice. It was good to know.

Well, let's start with plan B. Thatch got up and headed to his liquor cabinet; he took a bottle of whiskey and two glasses and made his way back to the table. Pouring two overflowing glasses he pushed one to Marco and downed the other one in one go.

"It has nothing to do with me anymore." Marco finally said, looking at his glass an edge of anger in his voice.

"It has a lot to do with you though." Thatch said, voice devoided of any judgement.

"You're not going to lecture me too, are you ?" Marco asked annoyed, frowning, probably ready to storm out of the room. Thatch had never taken his brother for a drama queen but well...

"I'm not. I'm going to get you drunk and then you'll spill what happened cause I'm not as patient as Izo."

"Fat chance." Marco replied, raising his eyebrows and relaxing a bit seeing that his brother wouldn't bother him too much.

"Okay, I know I'll end up drunk before you but at least you can tell me what's on your mind and it won't matter because I'll forget all about it !"

"Thatch... You're ridiculous."

"What ? I'm trying to help you!" He replied, grasping his shirt near the heart area and pulling a face as if he was going to die . "I'm deeply wounded !"

"You know... You all try to help me but do you ever think that I don't need it ?" Annoyance clear in Marco's tone.

"We know." Thatch said reverting to being serious, a wry smile on his face, pouring himself another drink. "But we worry. If you won't tell us anything, at least let us worry."

"You have nothing to worry about."

"Marco. I know you. Izo is pissed so he probably didn't see it but... You're hurting too. Ace's hurt is visible but yours is more hidden. You have expressive eyes you know. When one knows what to look for..."

"I'm not hurt." Marco snapped standing up. He cleared the table and headed to the sink to wash the dishes.

"If you say so. But give me some credit. I know when there's something wrong with my brother."

"There's nothing wrong, okay ? Ace is a thing of the past. I don't care if he doesn't smile. I don't care, okay ? I'm done."

And after that he wasn't hurt ? Yeah. Did he think Thatch was an idiot ?

"Tell yourself that but I know what I saw when you looked at Ace... I don't understand but, please, make it better, not worse.

Marco remained silent and Thatch didn't probe any further

_\- Letting go -_

"Young man. Young man ! Are you alright ?"

Ace's head was pounding like hell. He had trouble opening his eyes and feeling someone shaking his shoulder made him want to throw up. He batted the bothersome hands away and groaned.

"Young man, you should get up. You're cold as death. Did you sleep here last night ?"

The voice continued. It was kinda high-pitched and way too loud to be pleasant

"You know, there are shelters for people like you. It's not shameful to seek help."

People like him ? What was he like exactly ? His eyes fluttered open and he came face to face with an old lady who had more wrinkles than a rotten apple.

"Do you know where you are ? Can you see how many fingers I have ?" She asked waiving her hands way too close. It was a wonder she didn't slap him.

Ace groaned another time and closed his eyes again, attempting to sit down. Urgh. Sleeping on the ground was definitely not a good idea. His body was so sore, and not in the good way. And his head was pounding as if he had drunk himself under the table the night before.

"Do you hear me ? Can you understand me ?" She resumed, still waving her fingers in front of him.

"Yeah." He replied groggily.

"Ah I was getting worried !" She exclaimed smiling.

She had a nice smile. Full of kindness. Her eyes were even sparkling with happiness.

"Are you alright ?" She asked, her voice soft at last.

Ace was a little taken aback. Strangers weren't usually so kind. And especially with young men who slept in parks... Yet here was this woman, trying to help him out.

"Yes... Thank you." He said at last. Manners were, after all, a necessity in this kind of situation.

"I'm glad ! I thought you were dead ! You gave me quite the scare !" She said, still smiling.

"... Sorry about that."

"No worries young man. It takes more to give this woman a heart attack !" She proclaimed quite proudly. "But what were you doing here ? There are shelter for homeless people. You shouldn't stay outside, especially now that it's getting cold ! You could die in your sleep !"

Die in his sleep ? Well surely it would be less painful than anything else and less tiring than waiting for death to take him...

"Are you sure you're alright ?" She asked once again.

"Yes, I am. Thank you for waking me up." He replied. He had probably zoned out. He was so tired...

"Anyway, think about the shelters young man. They can help you." She went at it again.

"I'm not homeless." Ace snapped. God this woman was kind and everything but couldn't she stop bothering him ?

"Why were you sleeping oustide then ? You don't have to pretend... it happens. Life is hard to everyone."

"I know that life is hard !" He could feel his temper rise. "I was sleeping here because I fell asleep here last night. I have a flat, I have a job, I have money."

The old woman stayed silent and Ace suddenly felt guilty. She was just trying to be kind and he had the nerve to get angry and be disrespectful.

"I'm sorry for my behaviour." He said, standing up shakily and bowing.

"No, no. I should apoligize for assuming you were homeless. But you have a family waiting for you then ? They must be worried no ?"

Would Luffy be worried ? Probably. After all he did ran from the hospital... And Law had surely told him Ace had been crying. He knew he had to go home, at least to reassure his brother that he was alright. What a lousy big brother he was...

"Yes. I think I should head home. Thank you for waking me up." He said bowing once again.

The elderly woman smiled and turned back heading toward the bench overlooking the city. He noticed she had a bag full of seeds. She was most likely here to feed the birds.

Ace then processed to go back home. He was feeling slightly better. He did not feel like running in Marco's arms anymore. It had just been a lapse in judgement. Nothing more, really. Now, he was sure that if he were to see Marco again, he would punch him. Surely.

Still, he was a bit angry at himself. Once again, as things turned sour, he had looked for Sabo. He sighed, shaking his head and, all of a sudden, slapped himself with both hands twice, as if to wake himself up. He needed to get back on tracks. He couldn't cling at the straws of his past. He couldn't cling to the idea of a better future. He had seen for himself that Marco despised him. So he needed to move on. He did not have any choice now.

Easier said than done.

But he would. It had lasted long enough. He had cried enough. He had waited long enough.

_\- Letting go -_

The jingle of keys made Luffy perk up and, when the front door opened, he made his way to the corridor as quickly as he could, jumping on his brother.

"Ace ! Ace !" He cried out, fat tears running down his cheeks. "I was so worried ! So, so worried ! I thought – I thought something had happened to you ! Ace !"

Ace nearly lost his footing but managed to hold himself upright gripping the front door handle.

"Luffy..." He murmured, stroking his brother's hair in a soothing gesture, suddenly feeling guilty.

He did feel guilty quite often this days but he wouldn't need to lie anymore. He had decided to move on. No problems, no lies.

Suddenly, Luffy went slack and before Ace could react, Trafalgar had caught the younger man and was now carrying him bridal style. As Ace was about to lash out at Law, the surgeon put a finger against his lips to silence Ace and looked pointedly at Luffy who was sleeping. He then went to Luffy's room and laid the young man down on the bed, kissing his forehead.

Ace marched behind him and as soon as he saw this affectionate gesture snarled and pushed Law aside, taking his spot next to his brother, sitting on the floor and petting his hair lovingly.

"He was worried." Law said leaning against the wall near the door. "He did not sleep all night."

"God, leave me alone Trafalgar !" Snapped Ace, petting his brother head still.

"Not when you're hurting him !" He replied in a cold voice.

"I'm not." Ace could feel his temper rise. He just got home, he was tired, aching, guilty and this man still bothered him ? God couldn't he just go home and leave them alone ? Was it too much to ask ? He felt shameful enough. He did not need the beast to tell him he had hurt Luffy. He knew it already. His guilt felt like a vice squeezing his heart and it left him feeling light headed. He just needed to stay with Luffy. It was all he wanted.

"Lying to him, disapearing, is that how you're not hurting him ?" He asked, disbelief clear in his voice

"Shut up !"

Luffy stirred and Ace closed his mouth, shushing his little brother with cooing sounds.

"I care about him." Law resumed.

Ace glared.

"And I want him to be happy."

"I want him to be happy too ! Who do you take me for ?"

"I don't take you for anything. I'm just a bystander. Still, he suffers from your silence."

"He'll suffer more if I were to confide in him."

"You don't know that."

"Don't meddle in our lives. I know what's best for my brother. And you obviously don't. As you said, you're a bystander."

Law's displeasure was clear on his face and it seemed to take a lot of him not to just punch Ace and be done with it. But he had promised Luffy. And _he_ did not break his promises.

"Come on" Law growled, his temper showing. "We need to talk and we can't do it here."

Law motioned for him to follow and left the room.

"I'm sorry Lu... I didn't want to make you worry." Ace murmured, kissing his brother's forehead gently.

He got up and made his way to the living room. So Trafalgar wanted to talk. Either to gain his favours – but that certainly wouldn't end well – or to fight. And Ace was more than ready to put his fist in the beast's face. And to throw him out of his home.

"So you wanted to talk." Ace drawled upon entering the room. "Then talk."

"Can you stop being so childish ?" Law growled levelling a hard stare at him.

Law was angry. Seeing Luffy as worried as he had been last night had shaken him. Luffy was the kind of person who was full of life, always laughing or up to some mischief. Yet, yesterday, as they waited for Ace, he had been so sad, so grief stricken it had pierced Law's heart. And Ace's apparent detachment wasn't helping.

"I understand that you try to protect him by antagonizing me."

Ace opened his mouth as if to cut Law but the surgeon didn't let him.

"Wait. Let me talk. Then I'll listen to you. I understand. You're his big brother. Still, most brothers will content themselves with giving the shovel talk and be done with it. But you don't. You want me to break up with him. Why ?"

"You're not good for him !" Ace yelled. Of course he wasn't going to let this beast have his little brother.

"Why is that ? You don't know me."

"You don't have time for him and you'll leave once you're bored with him !"

"Like I said, you don't know me." Law repeated. Arguing with this brick of wall was definitely delightful.

"But I know _of_ you."

"Oh. And tell me what do you know ?" Law asked darkly, visibly not amused by what Ace was implying.

Ace was getting nowhere and he shoud realise that his excuses were flimsy at best. But no, he was too stubborn to know when to quit. Law was getting increasingly pissed off even if he remained stone-faced. He needed to keep his temper in check. Punching his lover's brother wasn't the solution. Even if said brother was a pain in the ass. To put it mildly.

Silence met his question and Law scoffed.

"I like Luffy. He is naive, sweet, he smiles a lot. He's everything I'm not. I'm a cold bastard, I'm aware of that fact and it doesn't bother me as I don't really care about other people. But Luffy makes me better. He is someone unique."

Honesty shone in Trafalgar's eyes and Ace narrowed his eyes. Did he think he would buy his act ? That he would be convinced by a few words ? Words were just words. They could be used to lie. And he was sure the beast usually deceived all his preys with sweet words... but – but he seemed honest. And that was something he had to watch out for. Cause he surely was a two-faced bastard.

"But he doesn't need you." He said bluntly, glaring at Law.

"Maybe. I'm pratically sure I don't deserve him, especially when he smiles at me but... I won't let him go. Ever."

The same honesty was shining in the beast's eyes. The beast wasn't budging. It stood firm on his feet. Ace's resolve faltered. He could almost see love in its eyes. Was it really love ? Law stood his ground against Ace's anger, professing again and again his affection for his little brother...

"Do you... Do you love him ?" Ace stuttered.

"I do." Sincerity sparkling in his dark eyes.

His words felt like a blow, almost making him gasp aloud. He could tell, really, that Law wasn't lying. That he probably did love Luffy. That he would probably cherish him. Ace remembered what it felt like and he could only wish for Luffy's hapiness...

"... I still don't accept you. You'll break his heart one day." He said in a quiet voice, his anger having finally deflated.

"Or he'll break mine, seeing how underserving I am." Law, said bluntly.

"You'll hurt him." Ace insisted.

"Never." His voice, as well as his feelings, unwavering.

Ace could see Law was sincere and he knew, deep down, that Luffy wouldn't date suspicious people. His brother was naive but he was also a good judge of character. So what to do ?

"You know, Ace-ya, I won't ask you to accept me. Anyway, know that if you make him choose, it will hurt him." Law added, needing to make Ace understand that his decision regarding their relationship would affect Luffy.

Law was right, even if it was hard to admit it. Luffy would probably come to hate him if he asked him to break up with Law... But if it was for his own good... Yet, in a way, would he, himself, have done it, had Luffy asked him to break up with Marco ? Probably not. Definitely not. Even if he would have been right in the long run. Anyway... it wasn't about him and Marco here.

"Anyway, you should call Izo. He was worried." Trafalgar said flatly, deciding their conversation was over and wanting to go back to Luffy and maybe sleep a little. It was nearly 10 a.m and he hadn't slept in more than 24 hours. And he worked at 6 p.m. It was going to be a long night. Maybe he could ask someone to exchange shift with him... Ace's voice broke his train of thoughts.

Dread had filled Ace's mind. "He called ? What did he say ?"

Law looked at him, his face impassive.

"We called as we did not know where you were. He told us you came face to face with someone named Marco and ran away. Luffy told me he was your lover."

"He was." Ace spat after a short while, his tone dripping with anger.

Why had Izo told them about Marco ? What right had he to meddle once again ?

"Is this because he broke your heart that you think I'll do the same ?" Law wondered, his voice flat and his face totally emotionless.

"That has nothing to do with anything !" He snapped, standing up, anger swirling in his eyes.

God dammit. This man was definitely pissing him off. Just as he was about to accept him, or to tolerate him, he had to show his true colors. He couldn't trust him, that was for sure. Just seeing his face made him angry. What was good about someone who had such a poker face ? There was no way to know if he was telling the truth... He suddenly recalled he had thought the same of a certain someone a long time ago before being able to see the little changes on his face. Before being able to read him... He clicked his tongue at his own foolishness for once again letting his thoughts stray and decided to make some coffee.

"It has everything to do with it. I'm not this Marco."

"I know you aren't !" He shouted; "Do you think I'm stupid ?"

"Yes. But mostly heartbroken." He stated bluntly.

Ace stood flabbergasted. What was that ?

He turned to face Law and snarling, he lunged at him. This man got on his nerves so bad. Ace would love to knock him down a peg or two... He aimed a punch at Law's jaw knowing that seeing an ugly bruise on this bastard's face would definitely make his day.

"Ace ?" Luffy's sleepy voice made him stop abruptly. He turned his head slightly to look at his brother and opened his mouth to speak. It was sufficent for Law to take the upper hand. He grabbed his arm, twisted it behind his back, made him trip and land on the ground, his knee on the small of Ace's back

"Law ?" Luffy said yawning. "If you were fighting you could have woken me up ! I so want to fight too !" He said smiling, already bouncing on the ball of his feet.

"We weren't Luffy." Law said standing up, brushing his knees with the back of his hands. "I was simply semonstrating my point to Ace-ya but we're done."

"Kill-joy." Luffy pouted but still got closer to hug his lover.

Twin smiles full of complicity and affection stretched their features.

Luffy then began to nudge Ace in the stomach with his foot as his brother was still down, his ego trampled by the beast.

"Come on, get up Ace ! Sleeping on the floor is lame !" Luffy said.

Ace grumbled and rose, glaring at Law with as much hatred as he could muster.

"Where were you last night?" Luffy suddenly asked. " And what happend to your forehead ?"

Ace's head snapped back to look at Luffy. He had some explaining to do but... What about his forehaed ? He prodded it carefully and surprisingly it stung.

"There's a huge bruise and a little bit of blood." Law stated, his voice still flat and uncaring.

Figure he would be a surgeon and not a nice doctor. He probably enjoyed cutting people open and not having to bother with "bed-side manners". But this bruise... Ah yes. That must have happened last night... Ace let out a strained laugh, rubbing the back of his head in an embarassed gesture.

"Well I slept at a friend's home and a carpet got in my way... so I stumbled and hit my head on the coffee table..."

"Did you go to the hospital ? You could be concused or have brain damages." Law stated.

Ace didn't think Law meant it as an insult as Luffy was in the room but still, he couldn't be so sure with this beast.

"It's alright. I don't need to go to the hospital. I'll just wash it and put band-aid on it or something."

"Who was your friend ?" Luffy resumed his interrogation, stone-faced.

It was rare to see Luffy so serious. To be the one to put such an expression on his baby brother face...

"Jimbei." Ace blurted out.

No time to reflect or he would get caught lying. He was, after all, a lousy liar.

"Jimbei ? What were you doing with him ? I thought he was out of town !"

"He came back for a day. He's already gone."

Better not to talk a lot otherwise he wouldn't see the end of his lie and at one point or an other he would contradict himself. Or Jimbei would...

"Oh... You should have told me ! I would have come with you ! Did you you know he is a police officer ? And he is so big ! Like this big !" Luffy began to babble and make wide gestures at Law.

"Well I'll call Izo." Ace said quickly, intending to leave Luffy while he was side-tracked. No need to tempt fate by staying.

"Okay !" Luffy beamed and then his face feel. "Are you okay... he told me... if you want to talk or..."

"Yeah don't worry." Ace forced himself to smile. " I don't care about this bastard. I left because I didn't want to go to jail for punching him. You know I lose my temper quickly." He finished letting out a slightly strained laugh.

Luffy's smile came back but not as wide as before.

"Okay, I'll be in my room." Ace said quickly before Luffy could interrogate him further.

Without waiting for an answer he left the room.

He closed his bedroom door, took out his phone and called Izo.

"Ace ?" Izo's voice sounded frantic in the receiver. "Is that you ? Oh God ! I was so worried ! Luffy called ! Where were you ? I'm so sorry !" His voice dripped with anguish and guilt. Still, Ace's anger couldn't be abated by a few words.

"Izo." He cut him.

"I didn't know Marco was going to be there ! I swear ! I'm really sorry ! I mean..." Izo went one, spouting apoligies that Ace didn't feel like hearing.

"Izo!" He snapped to make him shut up.

His friend stopped suddenly and a strain laugh escaped him.

"Sorry. I'm just relieved that you're alright."

"Yeah. I did not intended to worry you." He said flatly, not apoligizing. He didn't feel like doing it. "You told Luffy that I ran away. Why ?" He gritted out after a short lull in the conversation.

Izo probably sensed his anger

"What should I have said ? We were worried ! I didn't know where you were or what you were doing ! I had to tell him !" He replied, defensively.

"No ! You had no right !" Ace bursted out, deciding that keeping his temper in check was no longer necessary.

Izo was always meddling. And now it was the final straw. Ace was beyong pissed.

"He would have discovered it ! I needed to tell him ! What if something had happened to you ?" Izo shouted, visibly quite angry too.

"You had no right ! Now Luffy worries over something that I had decided to put behind me !"

"He was already worried ! You can't keep him out of your life ! He cares about you ! We care about you !"

"Oh, you do ?" Ace's voice sickly sweet. "Then leave me alone Izo. You're pissing me off."

And he hanged up.

TBC

_\- Letting go -_

 

_Note: Hope you enjoyed ! Feel free ( reeeally free ) to leave a comment ! I like to know what you think ! If you want to punch Marco and Ace or hug them both !_

_Not much on his disease but it will come up shortly !_

_See you (hopefully) next week !_

Next chapter: Take a deep breath (and fall)


	6. Take a deep breath ( and fall)

_Note: Hello readers ! Sorry I wasn't able to update last week and this chapter is a day late._

_Thank you for your comments and your reviews ! I'm getting such long reviews it's really heart warming as it's the first fanfic i've ever written. Getting so much feedback and so much kindness from all of you is touching so Thank you !_

_Note 2: Okay so i'm diving into what Ace's disease and I'd like your input about it, so please read the author's note at the end !_

_NB: Thank to my Wonderful Vanilla Ice Cream ( who finally got an account ) for beta-ing this chapter and helping me out ! <3_

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**Chapter 6: Take a deep breath ( and fall).**

A week had passed since his meeting with Marco. But life went on and so did Ace. He woke up, ate, went to work, worked, went back home and slept. Every day. Without really thinking about it.

Kid had tried to make him talk. He knew that his friend was worried because he did not know _why_ he had ran in the first place and where he had ended up. Ace had stayed tight-lipped. He did not need a lecture; and he absolutely did not need Kid's pity. Not that he would get it as his friend would probably kick his ass for being a dumbass who ran away.

Anyway, Ace absolutely did not want to talk about it to Kid. Furthermore he had already put it behind him. No need to bother with that anymore. It wouldn't do any good.

It was already Friday night and the weather had grown even colder. Night had fallen ages ago - or so it seemed – but it was only six o'clock. The shop was closed and his employees were cleaning up while Ace filed some forms to order ink. He could hear their banter through the open door. Bonney was whining something about Kid stealing all her chocolate bars while Bartolomeo was singing some old pop song. Ace shook his head, amused. He then took a pen to write down how much ink he needed. As he put the pen on the page he found himself unable to write as his hand shook tremendously. Soon, he dropped the pen, not able to hold it.

Panic overtook Ace's mind. It happened more often than not this days. Being unable to write, to hold things and even to get up at times.

He even had trouble drawing. Sometimes his lines were shaky and rough, the colors overstepping the outlines... He had messed up a client's tatoo earlier this week. It had never happened before. Thankfully Kid was there and had taken his place, finishing the tatoo.

But still. Ace had messed up. His hand had begun to shake and he had nearly dropped everything he was holding. It made him afraid to touch a neddle and he hadn't for three days already.

Kid was looking at him with worried eyes and breathing down his neck all the time. It was getting quite annoying. Even though he understood his friend's worry as he himself was getting more and more anxious. Not only did he have trouble with just moving around, he also felt tired all the time.

He needed to see a doctor to know what was wrong. Maybe he had a vitamin or an iron deficiency ? It wouldn't seem far fetched as he knew he had lost a lot of weigh quite abruptly two years ago. Still, it shouldn't affect him now, should it ? Two years ago, Sabo had to basically force feed him to get him to eat something. Nowadays, Ace ate normally so it was a bit strange that he felt that tired. But if it wasn't a defiency then what was it ? He did not know. Maybe he was getting depressed all over again. It wouldn't be surprising.

He was so tired. Problems kept pilling up and he couldn't do anything. He was drowing in them. Marco's return, Law's shifty behaviour, Luffy's naivety, Sabo's situation... Sabo being in a coma, unable to help him up once again. _Stop, don't go_ there. He tried not to think about his brother but as much as he wanted to forget, he just couldn't stop his trip down memory lane.

At that time, Ace wasn't himself. Now, he could say he had been depressed. Medically speaking. He spent a lot of time in his bed, slept a lot, did nothing, ate little. He didn't even bother going to work. Anyway, Sabo was here, trying to help him, to force him to stay alive. He was the one who took care of him when he was unable to do so himself. Luffy hadn't been there as he was on an adventure with his friends, visiting Thailand, India and China and as soon as he got back he had been shipped away by Garp to do an hellish training.

Learning that Marco and Ace had broken up made Sabo ready to beat his brother's ex black and blue but Ace wouldn't let him and as much as it had pissed him off, he backed off.

He had decided to give priority to his brother. He would deal with Marco when Ace was back on his feet. For a month and a half, he had tried to make him come back to his senses, but to no avail. It had taken threatening him to get him to go back to work. Sabo had blackmailed him, saying he would basically tell everything to Luffy if Ace did not move his sorry ass.

That done, he needed to occupy him, to make him think about something else. He had decided to put Ace to work. He had made him clean, run, go shopping, trim the hedges of the neighbourhood. Everything that would take Ace's mind off of his sorrow. It had worked as Sabo could be quite the slave-driver.

But it had ended abruptly. Sabo was a firefighter and as such he put his life on the line more often than not. Tempting fate so often led him to an accident. Ace recalled, almost perfectly, the phone call he had received from the hospital saying that a burning beam had fallen from the ceiling on his brother while he was about to go out. That he was in surgery.

Ace had ran to the hospital and waited. Waited for so long. Waited for the doctors to finally tell him that his brother had made it but wouldn't wake up soon. Or maybe he would never wake up but they weren't sure. There were things that even doctors did not know.

And from then one, having lost his cornerstone, he fell into the rabbit hole of addictions.

He did drugs and alcohol. He was drowning. In his sorrow and definitely in alcohol. He didn't know right from left and top from bottom. He couldn't quite get out of the pit he had dug himself in. He had simply let himself go and lived life as he could, not really bothering with anything and anyone.

It had taken Kid – and a good ass kicking – to make Ace come back to himself. That and knowing Luffy would come back home come september. After all, Ace was the only one left to take care of their younger brother. He needed to be strong. To be there at least and not be this pathetic little idiot who whined and cried over his ex like a school girl. Kid's words, really.

As much as it had been hard, he did it. All for Luffy. Because his sweet baby brother would need someone to lean on once he learnt about Sabo's accident. Ace needed to be strong for the both of them.

"Hey Ace !" A croaky voice broke his train of thoughts and made him look up.

"Oh Squardo ! It's been a long time since I last saw you !" Ace said, surprised.

Squardo was a friend of Kid. He did not really know how they met but well they were friends and that's what mattered, really.

"Yeah you too ! I was busy for some time but hey, I need to drink myself under a table tonight so I came to fetch Kid ! Are you free ?"

"Oh, is something wrong?" Ace asked sympathetic.

"No, quite the contrary ! I solved a huge case and got a paycheck with so much zeros you wouldn't believe your eyes if you saw it !" Squardo said, quite pleased with himself. He was a private detective and business could be really slow.

"Oh I'm really glad for you but I'll pass tonight. I'm really tired and I wouldn't be good company."

"Are you sure Ace ?" Kid asked, appearing next to Squardo. "You seem down lately, maybe unwinding a little might be good ?" Worry shone in his eyes.

"No, really, go and drink for me, I don't feel good. By the way, I will probably go to see a doctor tomorrow morning, so please open the shop without me."

"A doctor ?" Kid asked, his eyes widening. "Is something wrong ?"

"Not, really. As I told you, I feel really tired and maybe it's because I have an iron defiency or something like that. Better be safe than sorry." Ace said, waving his hand dismissingly.

"Okay..." Kid said reluctanly. "If you're sicker than you think, don't hesitate to call, okay ?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, Kid. It's nothing. I'm just tired, nothing else."

Kid grunted and frowned before leaving, Squardo following.

"Well it was nice talking to you again Ace ! I might come back to catch up later !" Squardo called over his shoulder.

"Sure." Ace said.

Squardo was not a friend of Ace like Kid was but he was a nice a pal, especially when it came to drinking. They had had so much fun back in university drinking, hanging out and painting the town red. At first, they had met through Marco as Squardo was raised in the same orphanage as him. Edward Newgate, Marco's adopted father, owned a large business and had created an orphanage. But while Marco was adopted Squardo had never been.

Ace picked up his pen once again and resumed where he left off. He could already feel a headache on its way. He felt so stressed and so tired this days that it wasn't shaky hands he grabbed a pile of Tylenol and swallowed it dry.

Feeling slightly better he decided to go back home and sleep. He closed his shop and made his way home, praying his legs wouldn't give out in the middle of the sidewalk. How pathetic would it be ?

Luffy would already be gone to work so Ace would be left alone. He was glad Luffy found something to do. He and Sabo had been quite worried – but not surprised – when Luffy had told them he wouldn't go to university. Luffy was meant to live great adventures, not lose his time in school. Luffy's father was some kind of international spy – or so it seemed, Ace had never really asked – and sent Luffy shitload of money. He really hoped Dragon wasn't some kind of criminal. He didn't want Luffy to become as burdened by his father's sins as Ace was.

Luffy had taken to travelling before settling down with Ace and finding a job. He worked with Ivankov, a friend of Dragon... This man really had strange acquaintance... But who was he to talk ? He was friend with Izo after all.

Ace entered his appartement, turned the lights on and made his way to the kitchen to cook. He made his way to the fridge and not feeling like eating anything as he still felt light headed he grabbed some orange juice. He drank his glass slowly, eyes closed. Once done, he put the glass in the sink, not willing to wash it. Turning the lights off, he stalked to his workroom tiredly.

The brother's appartement was fairly large and nice with lots of windows and natural lights lighting the rooms. The walls were light blue in the corridor, whitish in the kitchen and verdigris in the bathroom. Overall, their appartement reflected the spirit of its owners. There were four bedrooms one of which had been transformed into Ace's studio. After all before doing tatoos he had enjoyed painting and even if he did not sell his work he couldn't just drop his first love. As such he had insisted upon having an art room as the brothers were searching for a flat after Ace had decided to open his shop, Sabo to be a firefighter and Luffy had dropped out of university.

He pushed the door open and entered his safe haven. He loved this room, full of splotches of colors, of unfinished and finished paintings, of tubes of paint scattered on a large wooden table, brushes in pots of various sides tucked in a corner of the table.

His latest painting stood in the middle of the room.

Splashes of grey and brown paint thrown _haphazardly_ on the painting stood in stark contrast with the otherwise black background. It didn't represent anything really. Ace had just poured all his sadness, his hurt and his resignation into it. Now that he looked at it from afar, the splashes looked like angry clouds, spinning violently, so much that they seemed alive. No hint of red, yellow or green lighted the cloud of dark colors. It was as if the viewer was thrown into the eye of a storm, seeing the devastation but staying safe, on the side line. A liveless landscape saved for a lonesome figure in the right corner in the foreground. It stood facing the viewer. It was all grey and black – a tiny splotch of paint looking like a person – save for his eyes which were white, probably unseeing, with tiny red spots littering his black cheeks and chest.

He had painted it Tuesday night, needing to pour his emotions on a canvas. It was liberating, really. Now that he stood in front of it, he was a bit unsettled by the violence of his own feelings. He took it down, hanging it next to some others. He wanted to draw something lighter today. Something hopeful, with a lot of green and yellow. Not necessarily a landscape, maybe just some vague forms or lines.

His other paintings were put away in huge cupboards. Some where full of colors and life; others had a far sadder edge. Some were portraits, of his brothers and of his friends; others were landscapes; there were even abstract paintings.

He opened on of the cupboard to take out a blank canvas . The only one left was on the highest shelf and standing on his tiptoes, he reached out to grab it. He would have to go buy some more soon.

Grasping it with the tip of his fingers, he pulled but it seemed to be stuck. He pulled harder and the canvas flew back, escaping from Ace's grasp. The young man fall back too, landing on his behind harshly.

Papers were falling around him and scattering around in the room. Great. He got on his knees and tried to gather all the drawings to put them back in the cupboards. He stopped short, his eyes widening.

Half-lidded blue eyes were staring heatedly at him from the floor. Oh. The pale expense of a hard chest peeked out from a loose purple shirt. Pants were riding low on narrow hips. Blushing Ace took the drawing and turned it over. But wherever he looked his eyes caught sight of blond hair and blue eyes, small or huge smiles stretching his features, the man in various state of undress, sometimes in the nude.

Quickly, Ace went out, closing the door. He slid to the floor, sighing. He thought he had thrown them away. Or maybe he convinced himself he had. He should have. He should now. He got up and opened the door once again, looking at the scattered pieces of a life that was already over He bent over and gathered them, letting his gaze linger on his model. There were so much drawings. So many different kinds. Anger surged forth. _He_ had thrown it all away. _He_ had done this to them. And Ace still didn't understood. He put the drawings back on the shelf and closed the cupboards. He would throw it away later.

He took the canvas lying on the floor to put it on his easel and a paper fell down. Another drawing. The blond-haired man was sitting on a rock, near the sea. The deep green of the forest contrasted sharply with the clear blue sky. His smile was dazzling. He wore a purple shirt, wide open, beige capri pants and some strappy sandals. His hair was wet and tousled halphazardly. Water seemed to ran down his chest.

Ace had drawn it during their first vacation together. Newgate had lend his boat to Marco and the lovers went on a vacation in the summer. Just the two of them and the sea. It had been so peaceful and so refreshing. Ace put the drawing away with the other. No need to overthink it. He would throw it away someday. Surely. Probably.

Ace shook his head and faced his canvas, squeezing some blue and yellow paint on his palette, taking a brush and deeping the end into the paint.

_-o- Letting go -o-_

 

 

"Portgas-san." The doctor began, looking poised and calm, an edge of sadness in her grey eyes. "Does your family has any history of walking or speech problem ?"

 

Ace frowned but replied.

 

"No. I don't think so. I... I never really met my parents so..."

 

"I understand." The doctor said, sympathy showing in her tone. "Do you have any family, some good friends you can rely on ?"

"Yeah. I have two brothers. But why ?" Ace replied nonplussed.

 

He was fidgeting in his seat, waiting to know what was wrong with him at last. He didn't like hospital but really, who liked them ? It was as if a huge cloud of sorrow, desperation and death hung over it.

Ace had arrived early and had been exams all morning under the surveillance of this woman, Doctor Lenoir, whose face was getting increasingly closed off as time passed.

 

"Maybe it would be better to call them now and have them come here."

"What's the matter ? What's wrong with me ?" Ace said, anxiousness seeping in his veins.

"Calm down." She left a pause and then sighed, resuming where she left off. "You've been diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis"

 

"Sorry, what ?" Ace asked confused. He had never heard of this kind of disease.

 

"It's a disease that affect your motor neurons and leads the brain to lose the ability to control muscle movement as the motor neurons die."

 

"What does that mean ? Is it... bad ? Or..."

 

The doctor was looking at him with a stony face, no feeling permeitting her professional mask. A dreadful feeling seeped in his chest. Why was she looking at him like this ? It must be bad. Really bad.

 

"Your brain won't be able to initiate any muscle. Your movements as well as your speech and your respiration will be affected." She didn't let her words sink in before resuming. "The rate of survival for this disease is three to five years...But there are medications used to alleviate the pain and – "

 

The rest was lost on him. He didn't – couldn't, really – hear the doctor's voice anymore. His mind was stuck on a few words. Three to five years ? He would die in three to five years ? People die, it was a fact but at eighty, no ? Ace had now an expiration date, hanging over his head like a sword of Damocles. Up to five years ? He would be thirty. And he would die ? Would he really die ?

It must be a joke. But who would pull this kind of crual stunt ? No one. Only Life would. Wasn't it hard enough ? Had he not suffered enough ? Life needed to be a bitch once again ? Karma was a bitch. Life was a bitch too.

 

A hollow laugh left him and soon he was shaking with laughter and sobbing uncontrollably.

 

The doctor closed her mouth, probably knowing that he wasn't listening to a word she said. She was most likely used to announcing things like that to people as her face didn't showed a hint of emotion as he laughed and laughed, sorrow and misery blending in his bitter tears.

 

_I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And I can't do anything about it. No. It can't happen to me. It's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous._

 

"Is it... going to get worse ?" He finally asked, his voice shaking.

 

"You won't be able to walk anymore. And as the disease progresses you'll have trouble talking." She stopped, emotion finally sipping in her tone before she got herself in check. So doctors where human too after all.

 

But he didn't need her pity. What was it to her ? She probably told the same thing to a lot of her patients. People tended to die in hospital so what was one more death in her life ? Nothing. But it didn't matter, Ace would not let this sickness drag him down ! He had the will to live ! He had the rage to go on. He would fight !

 

"And you won't be able to breathe without assistance."

 

Ace looked up, startled out of his hopes. He wouldn't be able to breath without assistance ...What did that mean? He would die of asphyxiation after losing first his legs and arms and then his ability to speak... He would waste away. Quickly and painfully. In front of his loved ones. But... what if he fought ?

 

"But there's a medication that can help you with the pain and alleviate the symptoms." The doctor resumed, while taking out a pen and a piece of paper.

 

Alleviate the symptoms... not cure him. He would die. Even if he fought, huh ? A heart-wrenching sob tore its way out of his mouth.

 

He got up quickly and dashed out of the room, tears running down his face. He would die. He would leave Luffy alone. He needed to see Sabo. To make him wake up. Luffy needed one of his brother. He couldn't be alone.

 

The shout of Doctor Lenoir went unheard as he climbed the stairs to Sabo's room.

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_Note: PLEASE READ, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT_

_I had a hard time writing this cause after discussing it with my beta I wanted to change Ace's disease. As it is, to cure him I'm going to have to bend some medical rules but will try to stay as "realistic" as possible._

_Still, it wasn't realistic enough for my beta ( who is much more scientific than I am) so I had decided that Ace would have a brain tumor instead of_ _Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. But it wasn't as inspiring._

_So I need your input. Because your opinion really matters to me and if you hate the idea of him surviving thanks to me bending medical rules I can change this chapter and make him have a tumor (the chapter is already written, I'll just have to edit this one)_

_So I need your input. You prefer_

_Ace having a brain tumor_

_Ace having a brain tumor and dying_

_Ace having Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and surviving by bending medical rules._

_Ace having Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and dying._

_There's a poll on my profile page on fanfiction . net . Please go vote so I know if I have to change this chapter or not. I would like to get at least 15 votes ( it will take less than a minute, so please, I really need your input otherwise I will get stuck)_

_THANK YOU ! :D_


	7. Of Liars and Half-truths

_First, thank you for voting and sharing your opinion ! By popular vote, Ace will have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. I apoligize to all of you who wanted him to have a tumor, I hope you're not too disapointed by this choice and will still read this story !_

 

_Thank you for your reviews, it gives me the necessary motivation to write !!!!  
_

 

_Special thanks to lorena who drew some absolutely wonderful fanarts. I love them so much ! I'm boasting to absolutely all my friends even if I wasn't the one who drew them ( my drawing skills are, let's say, nowhere to be seen ...) Really, thank you so much !!!! :D_

_Here's the link:<http://lorena12me.tumblr.com/post/154082905478/is-a-small-fan-art-of-a-very-good-fic-its-author>_

 

_Thanks again to my delicious Wonderful_Vanilla_Ice_Cream for helping me and correcting my mistakes !_

 

_As for his death... **SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, DON'T READ:** Well, I heard your pleas ! He'll survive ! It wouldn't be"Angst with a happy ending" if he died... I know some of you wanted it to be a surprise but... I know that I don't like to stumble upon a major character death._

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**Chapter 7: Of liars and half-truths**

 

 

Everything was spinning. Thoughts swirled in his confused mind. He was dying. But he didn't want to die. But he was. What could he do ? Nothing, it was fatal. Wasn't there any cure ? Wouldn't anyone be able to help him ?

Ace rushed to Sabo's room. He knew he needed to see him. To yell at him to wake up. He needed him to help him bear a weight he wasn't able to carry alone. He was going to die. But he couldn't. Not now.

 

Upon arriving in front of the designed door, he wrenched it open, tears still streaming down his face, a wild look etched on his pale features. He stumbled in the room, and collasped on the floor near his brother's bed without acknowledging the surprised look on the person sitting next to his brother.

Raising his head slightly, he could see wide open blue eyes looking at him. A laugh escaped from his lips; a broken hollow sound escaping from his already sore throat.

The flow of his tears intensified and Ace resolutely closed his eyes, laughing and laughing, trying to keep reality away. He stopped abruptly, got up and sat down on a chair, taking his brother's hand in his own, still not talking to the other person in the room.

 

Mirthless chuckles interpersed by sobs escaped him from time to time. It was the only thing breaking the silence in the room. Ace's head was slightly turned so he was only able to see blond hair from the corner of his eye but he could feel his gaze on him. In the past, he would have become a stuttering mess or worse. Now, he just felt hollow. He didn't have the will to shout or to tell him to get out or even to ask him what he was doing here. It didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore.

 

He noticed Marco getting up and decided that he needed to say something so he schooled his features in a mask of calm and raised his head to face him, wanting to appear in control. He knew he wasn't. He had entered the room crying his heart out after all... And even without that, his blood-shot red-rimmed eyes probably gave him away. That and the sobs that tore their way out of his mouth. A new wave of laughter shook his frame as he saw the man's expression. Anxiety, incomprehension, maybe some hurt, but it might have been Ace's wishful thinking. Ace bent slightly forward, his stomach hurting from the force of his laughter. He felt like throwing up.

Suddenly, the man was crouched in front of him. A shaky hand reached out, probably to weep his eyes but Ace swatted it away. Pity and incomprehension shone in the man's eyes.

 

"So now you care ?" Ace chuckled brokenly, bitterness heavy in his voice.

"Ace..." he whispered, worry etched on his features. "What's wrong ?"

Ace levelled a hard look at him and a wild smile appeared on his face. So now that this man was faced with his pain, he felt pity ? He felt something in his heart of stone ?

"Leave me alone." Ace bit out. "You probably have somewhere else to be." He finished, whispering, not even looking at him anymore.

"Not when you're looking like this." Care and worry dripped from his voice and it angered Ace.

"Don't act like you care !" He tried to shout but ended up whispering brokenly. He hadn't the force to argue. He was angry. But so tired. New tears found their way on his face.

 

He was going to die. And this man just had to be the first person he saw. A new wave of laughter shook him. Karma was definitely a bitch. Was it going to rub the fact that Ace's life was a joke in his face every single day ?

 

Silence stretched out between the two. Marco was still crouched in front of a sobbing Ace, his hands hanging limply at his sides, as if suspended in time. Neither moved. Anguish was etched in Marco's features but the dark-haired man didn't care. Couldn't care.

"Leave, Marco. You have no right being here and looking like you care." Ace spat, hurt shining in his black eyes.

 

Marco frowned and his eyes suddenly turned cold.

 

"I'm not as cold hearted as you seem to think. But that's rich coming from you ..." He said standing up, anger swirling in his blue eyes. He paced in the room and stopped abruptly, taking a deep breath, schooling his features. "Still, I can't leave while you're looking like this, Ace."

"It did not bother you last time." Ace lashed out, looking at him, challenging him to prove him wrong. To tell him what last time was about, really.

 

Marco's face seemed to turn to stone.

 

"It didn't bother you either." He accused growling.

"What ?" Ace snapped. "How the fuck can you say that ?! _You_ left without looking back !"

 

Marco stood up and cast a withering look at Ace.

 

"At least, own to your acts ! I know everything, Ace. I knew everything back then. You can't let me bear the weight of your mistake. You did this to us but you were too much of a coward to end our relationship yourself. So stop playing the victim." He said briskly, leaving the room without looking back. "Well. Goodbye."

 

Marco stormed out, slamming the door, leaving a disgruntled Ace behind. The young man was left looking at the door, incomprehension clear on his face. What was it about ? What did this bastard knew ? _He_ had been a coward not willing to end their relationship ? _He was_ the victim ! Marco had been the coward in all this, throwing their relationship away for some chick ! Breaking up with him through a phone call !

He could recall almost perfectly how it happened, and after that Marco dared call _him_ a coward ? That was rich. Memory began to make their ways to the forefront of his mind and he let himself be overwhelmed. He couldn't fight back against this onslaught. 

 

_"Hey Marco ! What's up?"_ he had said at that time. Cheerfully. As if nothing was wrong. How naive had he been ?

_"Ace"_ Marco had answered in a serious tone. Ace had been worried all of a sudden that something had happened to one of their friends. But no. It was even worse.

_"I should have told you before it came this far but, I'm breaking up with you."_

Ace had been speechless. Who wouldn't ? He had then laughed. Really laughed because it was funny. Scary but funny. A joke. But no.

_"I'm serious Ace. I'm breaking up with you. I found someone new. It has been quite awhile. I love her."_

Ace had been speechless. Utterly speechless. Because Marco was breaking up with him. For some bitch he probably had never met. And telling him by phone.

_"I want to see you !"_ He demanded.

_"That's not possible. I'm leaving tomorrow. Don't bother. We're done."_ And then, as if it was an afterthought he had added _"I never loved you anyway. Start your life with someone else."_

And he had hanged up. Leaving Ace there, hanging on his phone like a lifeline. As if it was just a nightmare. He had tried calling him back but in vain. Ace was left behind. Without a proper explanation, his heart on the pavement, shattered beyond repair.

 

New tears found their way on Ace's face. _Screw him_. _Screw this asshole of a son of a bitch_. What did he know ? Nothing. He was a cold-hearted bastard. And Ace had fallen for his act. But he would never fall for it again. Never again.

 

Ace looked down at the slack face of his brother and began to pet his hair, humming.

"I hope you won't wake up with me dead." He whispered sadly.

 

– _Letting go –_

 

Ace had not gone to work the day before. The doctor had been waiting for him just oustide the door, for some psychological follow-up or some shit he didn't care about. They went back to her office to talk some more. She explained what the disease entailed and what he should expect but really, he hadn't listened to her. She gave him some medication to alleviate the pain and send him on his way with clear indication to come back weekly. Or more if he needed to.

He had left the hospital at noon and had wandered around for a long time before going home and sleeping it off. He had heard Luffy arriving late in the night but had not talked to him. What could he say ? _"Hey Luffy, just to let you know, I'm going die... But be happy, okay ? Love you._ " ... That would go pretty well, yeah...

 

Should he tell him ? Luffy deserved to know but... Ace was suffering, no need to make his brother suffer. Still, he had looked this disease up the internet. Because he needed to know what would happen to him. He shouldn't have looked. Ignorance was bliss. Soon, he would have trouble walking around, and it would definitely show. Luffy would know. Hell, Kid would know before his brother, they were working together and Ace did not want to handle a needle anymore. He did not want to injure a client. So Kid was bound to ask some questions. And Ace couldn't lie forever.

 

Maybe he should take some vacations. Long vacations. But he couldn't just dissapear. He had Luffy to take care of. And Sabo. He could not leave his two brothers behind. Still, he would end up dying up on them anyway. He was bound to ... So what was right ?

 

He had three to five years left, it could go up to ten if he was lucky. But it wouldn't be ten years of bliss and ignorance. It would be a slow and painful kind of death. He probably would have trouble walking on his own in a few months. He had already trouble holding things in his hands. What would happen to him ? He was going to be a burden. And then, he was going to die. Fed up with himself; his brothers and friends fed up with him.

 

He arrived at his shop a little late. Quite late in fact. It was already 11 a.m. He had not seen time flying by as he was pondering and had fallen asleep after breakfirst. But he found himself unable to care. Bartolomeo and Bonney were there, the first at the counter and the second talking to a client.

"Where's Kid ?" He asked Bonney.

"In the break room, he's chatting with Squardo." She replied. "Good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty." She teased him.

"Ah yeah sorry." Ace said sheepishly. "Good morning."

 

What was Squardo doing here ? Ace thought the man would get plastered last night and would be in no shape to get out of his bed.

"Why is Squardo here ? Wasn't he going to drink himself under the table yesterday ?"

"Yeah, but he had an argument with Kid. They both left quite early after that. He arrived just a few minutes ago." Bonney informed him.

 

Ace hummed and went on his way. It was their problem to solve, no need to get involved. As he got closer to his office he could hear angry shouts coming from the break room.

"... don't do anything, Squardo, or I swear I'll hunt you down and kill you."

 

Kid definitely had to be angry to shout this loud. Despite knowing it wasn't quite right, Ace decided to listen in.

 

"Listen to yourself Kid. Did you really give up ? You're a fool."

"And you're getting on my nerves, Squardo. Get out, you've done enough."

Squardo's peculiar laugh rung out.

"Tell yourself that Kid. But you're in this as much as I am."

"Get out." Kid barked.

The door was wrenched open and Ace had just the time to get out of the way when an angry Kid got out of the room, followed by a frowning Squardo. Neither said anything and Squardo left without another word. Kid stormed upstairs; he probably hadn't noticed Ace.

"Ah guys. Always blowing things out of proportion; I'm sure it has something to do with a girl." Bonney sighed, leaning on the counter a half-eaten lolipop in her mouth.

"I doubt it has something to do with a girl..." Ace said after a few seconds. "It sounded too serious."

"Girls are serious matter !" Bonney exclaimed, waving her lolipop in front of her as a make-shift sword.

"Yeah, yeah. Go back to work Bonney, before you injure yourself." Ace laughed.

She scoffed and looked the other way, putting the lolipop back into her mouth.

Laughing Ace let her be and went into his office.

 

Just ten minutes before closing the shop for lunch, Kid came to see him.

"You were late." He accused him, frowning.

"Yeah. I overslept." Ace replied simply. Better sticking with simple lies. When had he become such a liar, really ? It was becoming an obsesive compulsive disorder at this point...

"It doesn't happen often." Kid went on, clearly suspicious. He could smell lies a mile away... Ace just hopped he would buy his act for now.

"Yeah, I know, but I was tired."

"What did they say at the hospital yesterday ? You did not come to work at all." Ah, of course he had to ask this particular question.

"Nothing, really. As I thought I only have a vitamine defiency. They gave me some medications and they made me sleepy."

Before going to work, he had thought about what he was going to say. He wouldn't burden his friends with this. He did not want them to look at him with pity or sorrow. If they knew about it, they would change. All because he was going to fucking die. He did not want to be treated differently, as if he was made of glass.

"Hm. You should have called." Kid said reproachfully

"I know. Sorry. I slept as soon as I got back. This medicine really knocked me off."

"Be careful with this kind of medication."

"Don't worry, they gave me something lighter for everyday use. It was just so I could sleep to get back my strengh. But... I'm still under the weather, I don't think I'll work on anyone for at least a few weeks."

This excuse was flimsy at best and Kid wasn't stupid. He stared at him and grunted.

"What was it about with Squardo this morning ?" Ace suddenly asked.

Kid started and looked at Ace, frowning.

"You were there ?"

"Only at the end. When you shouted at him to get out. It seemed serious."

"Yeah. Squardo was being his usual self. Nothing to worry about." He replied gruffly.

"But..." Ace began.

"I'm gonna eat lunch with Bonney, do you wanna come ?"

"No, I'm not feeling hungry, I'll grab something later." He said slowly, looking at Kid worriedly.

 

– _Letting go –_

 

 

Kid's attitude had been strange to say the least. What was that with Squardo ? " _You're in this as much as I am_ " he had said... that could mean a lot of things... Was Kid in trouble ? Had he commited a crime ? It sounded really bad when he thought about it... Had they robbed a bank ? Killed someone ? No that wasn't possible. Squardo was a detective and even if Kid looked like trouble he was actually pretty lawful. Sure, Kid had done his fair share of joy ridding in highschool, yes, but who hadn't ? He had fought a bit too. Maybe quite some times would be more accurate but well... as long as his criminal record was blank, no one counted.

He hoped both of them weren't in trouble. If Kid was, he expected him to tell him. That was what friends were for, after all. They were here so you could lean on them when you needed to. A wry smile stretched his lips. What an hypocrite he was... But their situations probably weren't the same. He'll let Kid alone for now, he'll find the time to talk to him later.

 

Ace resumed his work. He had been busy filling some order forms. He hadn't talked to Bonney and Bartolomeo concerning his job. He had to stop working for awhile, he just couldn't risk his clients' safety. Not knowing when his hands would decide to stop working or his legs to collapse under him was a risk. What was he supposed to do, really ? He couldn't just stop tattooing people could he ? He knew he couln't let his disease hinder his way of life. Maybe he'd stop for a short while. See at what frequency his trouble with his limbs occured. If he had a time frame, he could tattoo people again. Couldn't he ?

 

Probably not. But he couldn't stop himself from hoping for some miracle.

 

Ace knew deep down that he was going to die. He had looked his disease up the internet. There were no cure. _Nada, rien, nichts, niente_. Some researchers thought they were onto something but how much time would it take to finally find a cure ? Years. Decades even. And Ace did not have decades. Was there even a cure for such disease ? He didn't know.

 

Thinking about it made his disease more real. He still had trouble believing he was going to die. He knew. But that didn't mean he had accepted it. Maybe they were wrong, maybe they mistook it for something else ! But as soon as those ideas came to his mind he realized how foolish he was. Life wasn't so kind as to just let him go on his merry way, with a pat on his back. It would drag him through the mud till all he would crave was his own death.

Still, it was hard to get his mind around this idea. He wasn't sick per se. He had just trouble moving around. Really, nothing life threatening. But it would. Soon enough. Sooner that Ace would have liked, probably. If he had to die he would have prefered it to be quick and painless.

 

A heavy feelings settled in his gut, a mix of sorrow, distress and grief, coupled with a feeling of unfairness. It would do him no good to wallow in self pity. It would only make him more miserable. And he was stronger than that. He couldn't let himself give up, now could he ?

 

_I don't wanna die._

 

But maybe he didn't deserved to live in the first place. He was the son of Gol D. Roger. So now that fate had noticed this mishap, it came to reclaim his due.

 

_I don't wanna die._

 

Was his existence a waste of space ? He was the son of a monster. He had not been particularly good or bad. He had just lived like anybody else he supposed.

Sure he had people he cared about. And they probably cared about him. If only a little. But they would live without him. Luffy would be sad. But he'll live on too. He was too full of life to be burdened by his death. As for Sabo, he'll be sad for awhile if he were to wake up but ... Sabo had abandoned him first. So who was left then ?

 

Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks but he wouldn't let them fall.

 

_Nobody will miss me. So I guess it's okay._

 

– _Letting go –_

 

He came back a little late at his home. He had stayed longer at his shop, lost in thoughts, his state of mind alterning between hopefulness and distress. He felt like crying and throwing up at the same time. His head hurt like hell. He was tired but did not want to sleep. He never wanted to wake up again but wished to see the sun rise and set for eternity. He wanted to run and run till he dropped on the ground, exhausted. He wanted to curl under his cover and never get out, to never face reality again.

 

He opened the door and made his way to the kitchen, seeing the lights were on in this room. He saw his younger brother at the table, in front of what was once his "before-dinner-snack". Crumbles littered the table and Luffy was busy patting his blotched stomach, a beaming smile on his face.

"You didn't leave anything for me ?" He asked in mocked anger.

"Ace !" His brother cried out, lauching himself at him and nearly toppling him over. "You're home !"

"Sorry, I'm a little late, but I'll cook something delicious to make it up to you !" Ace said, smiling and ruffling his brother's hair.

"Meat !" Luffy shouted. "Meat ! Meat ! Meat !"

He let go of Ace and improvised a song, having something to do with the "exquisite smell of meat", and its "unique taste", and its "wonderful shape". He was more shouting it at the top of his lungs than really singing but it made Ace burst into laughter. He loved his brother. Only him could make him forget his trouble.

 

"It's not done yet ! Go do something else, I don't want to have to bit you if you try to steal uncooked meat."

 

Luffy pouted but got out of the kitchen, still singing meat's praises.

– _Letting go –_

 

After dinner, they settled on the couch to watch a film. Ace didn't feel like watching something too intellectually heavy and as it was Luffy's turn to choose, he was almost sure it wouldn't be. As it is, his brother picked out The Aristocats and they huddled under the covers, watching the film with a bowl of popcorn each. Luffy knew all the song by heart and soon the brothers found themselves singing along the cats and cursing the butler's cunningness. Evening like those definitely were soothing.

 

When the credits began to roll at the end he noticed Luffy staring at him.

"I'm not stupid." He said after awhile.

"I know." Ace sighed. Luffy had probably noticed that something was off. All the Marco related troubles had already begun to make him suspicious. But now with Ace's disease...

"Talk to me then." Luffy's face was a mask of firmness. He wouldn't budge.

What could Ace say. " _I'm dying?"_ It hadn't been a good idea to tell him yesterday, it wouldn't be a good idea today either.

"I stumbled accross Marco." He said finally, settling on another problem.

"Should I break his nose ?" Luffy asked, frowning.

He had never known what happened back then. He only knew that Ace and Marco broke up for some unknown reason and that Ace had been really sad. Ace hadn't wanted to talk about it and Luffy was in no state to listen to him ranting about Marco. After all, upon his return he had learnt about Sabo's accident.

 

Ace chuckled and shook his head.

 

"No. But I might."

"You can lean on me, Ace." He said, his eyes pleading.

"I don't need to. I'm alright." Ace tried to reassure him. He wanted to tell Luffy. But he knew he couldn't. Because he didn't want his brother to cry or to be sad over someone like him. He would let his brother be happy. He would be there for him as long as he could. Luffy deserved to know. And his brother would probably be angry with him once he learnt the truth. But ignorance was bliss.

"I'm here, if you ever need me. And if Marco's bothering you, I'll kill him." Luffy added.

"I know Lu, I know." He said with a tiny smile.

 

No. It was better not to tell him anything.

 

* * *

 

_Notes: Thank you for reading ! This chapter is definitely confusing and no I have no problem with coherence, it's not my fault if my characters are all liars ^^ Ahahah._

 

_Please leave a review and tell me what you thought of this chapter !!!_

_See you next week !!! :D_

 

 


	8. Tying loose ends

_Merry Christmas everyone !!!!!_

 

_Hello readers. First, I'm really deeply sorry I haven't updated last week and I haven't let you know beforehand. Last week was hectic as I had an assignement to hand on Thursday and, let's say I prefer sleeping over writing, sorry. As for this week I was feeling slightly under the weather – nothing serious – so I couldn't write because I didn't feel like it and the words wouldn't come to my mind even if I already had the outline done. And then with Christmas, my beta and myself had other things to do. So yeah, Sorry. Hopefully you'll have a chapter next week ? To make it up to you, this chapter is longish (over 5.700 words, the longest chapter of this fic !) and a lot of things happen ! Some awesome – and by this I mean "_ full of dramaaaa _" – conversations, if I may say so myself ^^_

 

_PS: Thank you for reviewing, it gave me the necessary kick in the ass to write again and get out of my lazy mood !_

 

_NB: Thank you Wonderful_Vanilla_Ice_Cream for beta-ing this chapter because I've been good this year ^^_

 

 

_**Chapter 8 : Tying loose ends.** _

 

The music was loud. Too loud. Chopin's Nocturnes drowned every surrounding noise, the aching melody overwhelming his tired mind. Ace was lying on his bed, earphones stuck in his ears, curtains drawn, smoke swirling slugishly around, rising from the burning end of a cigarette, his eyes resolutely closed. All he could see was blackness. All he could hear was the heart wrenching music of Chopin. All he could feel was... nothingness. Or he would have prefered feeling nothing. His mind wasn't numb enough to allow him this respite.

But he wouldn't fall into the same trap again. Numbing one's mind was only a temporary solution. And he needed to be there for Luffy while he could. Not wallow in self pity. Or take drugs.

 

It was already Saturday night. A week after he had been diagnosed with ALS. He had been to the doctor's office twice more; he hadn't felt like going but went there anyway. Maybe he would live ten more years from then on if he was resilient enough. Why not take the chance ? It was worth a try. He couldn't give up, could he ?

 

Luffy wasn't here yet. He only had Sunday and Monday nights free. It worked well as Ace's shop was closed on Mondays. They always spent their Sunday night together. He would be alone tonight. As he had been for the last week. He missed his brother; and lying was taking its toll on him. He felt guilty. Awfully guilty. Still, he stayed silent. No one would know. For now, at least. Everything in its own time. He would come clean. Someday. Probably. Or he would run and take his secret to his grave. Because it was too heavy a burden for him to carry; and asking for someone's help was not fair. It was _his_ problem. _His_ life.

 

He couldn't let other people bear it with him, _for_ him. Especially Luffy. He already had Sabo to take care of, no need to burden him with this.

He could tell Kid; his friend would discover it sooner or later. Ace couldn't work any longer for obvious reasons. That and the fact that just going there, to his shop, was like rubbing salt on festering wounds. Painful. Unbearable. It drove life's point home rather harshly.

Should he sell his shop to Kid ? He couldn't trust his hands so what was the point of keeping his tattoo parlor ? Was it worth risking an accident ? Still, he couldn't just sell it and leave it behind. His shop was his entire life. He had poured his soul into creating him. Selling it would feel like a betrayal... He trusted Kid, that wasn't the problem. He just didn't feel like giving up.

Still. Tattooing people was no longer possible. He couldn't risk his clients' safety for the sake of his pride. So he was left doing paperwork. Still, his heap of paperwork would dwindle and dissapear rather quickly and he would be left with nothing to do... Kid was looking at him strangely ever since he got back from the hospital. He knew something was up. He didn't know what exactly but he was probably waiting for Ace to tell him what was wrong. Still, Ace wasn't going to say anything. He would just find a lie to explain why he couldn't tattoo people any longer. Something serious, but not too serious so Kid wouldn't worry too much.

What disease would leave him paralyzed for a short while ? He would have to think of something. For now everything would be alright as long as Kid didn't ask any question. If it came to this, Ace could say he wanted to do something else. That tattooing people was getting boring and that he wanted to become a cook... or something like that.

 

The music blaring in his ears didn't soothe him. It was calm. Too calm and too sorrowful. He needed to get up, to move, to dance even. But he was afraid. Afraid he would fall and get hurt. He fell Wednesday night. Thankfully he was at home. No one had seen him crumbling on the floor. He had lied there, on the ground, frustrated tears streaming down his face, till he had begun crawling piteously to the couch, trying to get up, to make his legs carry him. Frustration had gotten the better of him and he had started beating his legs with force, trying to make them obey. They were his fucking legs. They should do what he wanted. Not become a dead weight. Exhausted, drained and feeling hollow, he had fallen asleep there, only to be found by Luffy late into the night. He had lied, saying he had simply fallen asleep here because of his narcolepsy. Luffy was used to this at this point. The narcolepsy, not the lying.

 

The music changed. Chopin's Nocturnes fading in the recess of his mind to give way to a livelier music. Some old pop song about love he used to listen to and hadn't bothered deleting from his playlist. He hated this song. Ace got up and removed the earbuds from his ears, sighing. He rubbed his face tiredly and made his way to the kitchen. He was starting to feel rather hungry. What time was it ? He looked at the clock and noticed it was nearly ten at night. He had lied there for a long time. He had time to listen the whole Nocturnes. So two hours. Doing nothing and pondering. How productive of him...

He put some milk in the microwave deciding on eating cereals because what the hell, he didn't feel like cooking. While waiting for it to heat up, he went to his room to fetch the ashtray and dispose of it, airing the room. Luffy didn't know Ace smoked. It would stay that way.

After rinsing it in the sink he hid it in his closet. He then went back in the kitchen to eat. He made his way to the living room and sat on the couch, switching the TV on. It was stupid thinking there would be anything interesting to watch. But well, it would provide a background noise. Staring listesly at it, he left the sound of the TV wash away his thoughts, munching his cereals without thinking. Christmas was drawing near. All the publicity showed either toys or perfume. The actors were faking being happy at a family gathering, all of them sitting around Christmas trees, singing some stupid old christmas song, opening gift that they probably would sell come January. But they looked happy.

When he thought about it, everyone around him was happy. Why would they be sad when they would see their family, their loved ones, their friends.

 

Ace wasn't happy. That, at least, he could admit.

 

He pretended to be but well. He couldn't lie to himself. Seeing everyone preparing for the celebration was a torture. It drove home the fact he didn't have a family. Sure, he had his brothers, but Sabo wasn't there to spend Christmas with him and Luffy would probably want to spend Christmas Eve with Trafalgar. And who was he to tell him no ? He wanted his brother to be happy. And if accepting this Trafalgar made Luffy happy, then he could at least try to tolerate him. They didn't need to be friends but... if Ace died, Luffy would need someone to lean on.

So except his brothers, he didn't have anyone he could call family. His mother had died giving birth to him. His father was dead too, but the man was a waste of space anyway so it didn't really matter. He wasn't a figure one wanted to identify with... Being the son of a criminal wasn't something to be proud of.

But what if his father had lived ? Ace would probably be some kind of criminal figure now. He would be strong. Feared. Respected. But still dying.

It wouldn't have changed anything, really. Just one thing, maybe. He wouldn't have known his brothers. And that made his father's death a blessing in some strange way. Maybe Ace wasn't a crimelord or a revered out-law, maybe he wasn't rich, maybe he wasn't strong... but he had his brothers. They were everything to him. He couldn't regret the path he had taken. Or the path life had mapped out before him. With his brothers, he felt whole. Content. But they wouldn't be there for him at Christmas. He would be alone...

 

He had friends, yes, but he didn't feel like putting on a mask and pretending everything was alright when everything wasn't. Spending Christmas alone was going to be a first but well, at least he would be left to his own devices and wouldn't have to put up with inquisitive friends. Izo and Thatch were probably spending it with their family. Kid with Squardo. Or maybe not, as they fought last week. Ace hadn't seen Squardo since then but it wasn't unusual as his job was rather time-consuming

 

He, too, was expected to be happy. He had not decorated the tree yet despite Luffy's constant nagging. He had to. Well, they would do it tomorrow. There was still a week before the 24th. Now, he needed to think of a gift for his brother. Letting his eyes close, he drifted into a restless sleep.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

 

It was Tuesday afternoon when Izo finally came in, looking chastened. Bonney and Bartolomeo were busy with clients and it was Kid's day off. Ace was sitting behind the counter, scribbling on a sheet, seemingly busy. He looked up when the bell chimed and scowled as soon as he saw who it was.

 

Izo had wondered if going to see Ace was a good idea. He knew that if he didn't make the first move, Ace wouldn't. When Ace was angry, it was better to let him calm down; but Izo didn't want to wait. He had already made this mistake once. He wouldn't do it twice.

He stayed in front of the door, fidgeting, not daring to take another step in the shop. No need to anger Ace further.

 

"What do you want ?" Ace demanded more than asked..

"To say sorry ?" Izo asked weakly. "I.. I know I overstepped my boundaries."

 

He could admit that. He knew that he had a tendency to be nosy... but it was only because he wanted to help. Still, as Thatch often told him " _Mind your own business love, or it'll come bit you in the ass._ "

"I was worried but still. I shouln't have meddled into your business or talk about it to Luffy. It was your call, not mine."

 

He still felt that he hadn't done anything _wrong._ Ace had ran away and they all had been worried... but he was willing to admit to being wrong for the sake of their friendship.

 

"I won't bother you anymore... I'm really deeply sorry."

 

If it meant being able to hang out with his friend again, he could put his pride aside and apoligize.

 

"I... I miss you." He murmured, ending his tirade, honesty shining in his eyes. Even if he wasn't convinced of being wrong he could admit that he missed his friend and that he would stop being so nosy. Ace's friendship was worth more than his wounded pride.

 

Ace sighed.

 

"And I'm sorry I overreacted. You were trying to be my friend and I just... got angry because I didn't feel good." He finally said.

 

He had taken his anger out on Izo and he shouldn't have. Still he hadn't seeked his friend out because Izo had been a nosy bastard. It would at least be a lesson to him, Ace thought.

 

Izo laughed a little before smiling half in earnest, half in jest.

"We're both idiots, aren't we ?"

"You are, definitely. As for me..." Ace began, winking. Even if his friend was always snooping around, he was still his friend. Ending a friendship because of a silly argument would have been ridiculous. They were closer than that.

 

Izo huffed but shook his head, amused by Ace's antics and happy that his friend seemed to have forgiven him or at least had put it behind them.

"Do you wanna go drinking with me tonight ?" Ace asked suddenly.

Slightly taken aback Izo replied after a little while, a gentle smile stretching his lips.

"Yeah, sure. Where and when ?" He asked.

"Let's say at eight, New World ?"

"Okay, I'll be there, see you then." Izo said.

 

What better way to put an argument behind than to drink yourself under a table with the friend you argued with ? Even if it was somehow a barbarian pratice, Izo was more than delighted to go with Ace. Waving his hand he turned back.

"I'll leave you to your work then, I still have things to do myself."

"Yeah, see you." Ace replied cheerfully.

 

Seeing Izo fluttering kimono nearly getting caught in the door made him laugh and he was bend double over the counter when he caught Izo's glare through the glass door, perfectly aware of the reason for Ace's amusement.

Ace mouthed a "see you" and grinned before going back to his scribble, Izo no longer in sight.

 

The young man sighed wearily. He was going to die, one day. He had up to ten years but it didn't mean that he would live ten whole years. It could be two. Or even less. So he had to put his affairs in order. Not let bitter feelings in the wake of his death. He didn't hate Izo. Far from that. So dying on him while his friend still thought he was hated would be cruel. And unfair.

Ace needed to make everything right. To do everything so he wouldn't die with regrets. Or leave people with regrets.

They would already regret not helping him out, no need to add more regrets to that. They were bound to resent him for lying to them but it was better this way. For all of them and especially for him. Maybe it was selfish instead of being selfless as he had first thought. But it was _his_ death. He could be selfish. 

 

\- Letting go - 

 

"It might be time you move on." Izo said, sipping his drink slowly.

Ace couldn't find it in himself to glare, deciding to sluggishly stir his cocktail with his straw.

"I want you happy." He insisted.

"I am." Ace lied through his teeth, trying to be convincing.

"Don't make me laugh." Izo chided him gently. "Anyway, let's talk about something else, I promised I wouldn't bother you anymore about this."

"Thank you." Ace replied, a jaded smile on his lips.

Izo hummed and motioned for the waiter to give him another drink.

"Are you free for New Year ?" He asked.

"I don't know what I'll do..." Ace replied after a short lull, suddenly looking unsure.

 

_I'm dying but I can't tell you. I might be dead come New Year._

 

"We're doing it at Father's... he would be happy to see you." Izo wasn't looking at him anymore, staring straight ahead.

Ace didn't reply anything and Izo didn't press him. After all, even if he didn't say it, they both knew that Marco would be there.

 

_I have at least two years according to the internet. This disease can't evolve in two mere weeks. In most cases._

 

"Or if you're more comfortable with this, we could do it at my place with Thatch and Luffy." Izo suggested, looking him in the eyes.

"I... hum. Thank you Izo, but I know that you usually spend New Year with your family. I will ask Kid. We'll probably go drink somewhere, don't worry about me." Ace replied trying to brush Izo's concern away.

 

Ace was definitely going to be alone at New Year because he didn't feel like celebrating it. This year hadn't been a piece of cake but his life had gotten a bit better. He was beginning to move on, to be happier somehow. Next year would bring so much trouble, so much pain and so much heartache. He knew it.

 

"Are you alright ?" Izo asked, worried.

"Hum ? Oh yeah, sorry, I was lost in thought." Ace laughed sheepishly.

"You sure ?"

"Yes, don't worry all the time."

"I can't help it !" Izo said a little embarassed. "I just... worry about the people I care about."

"Thank you. I care about you too Izo."

Izo was left flustered, not habituated to Ace's spontaneous declaration of love and friendship.

"Anyway. You'll do it with Kid ?"

"Yeah, probably. I haven't asked yet but it's a given, really."

"I don't like him but he's a good friend of yours isn't he ?"

"Oh yeah, I guess. He really helped me out... and still does. I don't know what I'll do without him." He said, smiling wistfully.

A comfortable silence stretched between the two friends, each nursing their own drinks in their hands.

"Maybe... " Izo started but stopped abruptly, frowning.

"Maybe ?"

"No, nothing, I was going to meddle again and I swore I wouldn't do it anymore."

Ace chuckled and his eyes twinkled with laughter. Izo couldn't change. But he tried to. It was refreshing seeing the man trying to weight his words. Lesson learnt then. Shaking his head Ace, let out an amused chuckle.

"I command you for trying to hold to your word. But I'm curious now. What were you gonna say ?"

"You promise not to get all angry with me and bristle like a displeased cat ?"

"A displeased cat ?!" Ace spluttered.

"Yeah, you really look like one when you're trying to be angry. It's actually pretty funny."

Catching Ace's glare, Izo coughed to hide his laugh and resumed talking.

"Anyway. I was going to say. Kid is your friend... He's nice if you bother to put up with his attitude I guess..."

"Izo..." Ace snorted, casting him a meaningful look.

"I don't want to slander him or anything. I'm just stating facts."

"If you say so..." Ace replied, unconvinced. He knew that Izo and Kid weren't exactly on good terms. They were too different.

"Well, as I was saying. He's _nice_ **and** _single_. You're single too... And as it's time you move on I thought that..."

"Stop right there Izo. I won't go out with Kid."

"Why ?" the kimono cladded man asked, surprised. "He would be good for you."

"That might be true but... he saw me at my lowest... We can't be together."

"I saw you too and I'm still your friend." Izo interrupted him.

"That's not the point Izo. I'm not sleeping with you, am I ?" Ace sighed, mirth twinkling in his eyes.

Izo was unable to utter a word, totally flabbergasted.

 

Kid had asked Ace out. Maybe, over a year ago ? Ace had said no. Neither because Kid wasn't attractive nor because he didn't feel anything for him. It simply didn't feel right. Ace had berated himself for being an idiot refusing an opportunity to find happiness. Still, he couldn't say he regretted saying no. Kid was a friend, a brother, not a lover. Ace had never been able to love Kid back. He had tried. But it wouldn't have been fair to Kid. Pretending to love him when Ace just couldn't let go of his _love_ for someone who had discarded him harshly was not fair. That and he felt broken. He wasn't whole anymore. It wasn't right to drag his friend into this.

 

"He asked a year ago or something like that. I said no."

"He asked ?" Izo exclaimed, astonished. He had seen how Kid's eyes followed Ace's every move. Even now.

"He did yeah. But..." Ace trailed off. _But he wasn't Marco_.

"I... still think he feels something for you Ace." Izo told him, frowning.

"Does he ?" Ace asked, surprised. He had thought Kid had moved on since then. Did Kid still feel something for him ? Or was it Izo wishful thinking ?

"You should look at him closely. His eyes follow you everywhere. I never would have brought a possible relationship with someone I knew wasn't interested, Ace." Izo informed him matter of factly.

Izo was always spot on with everything that had to do with love. He was quite the perceptive bastard.

"... I... should talk to him then."

"You should."

A lull followed Izo's statement and soon they found themselves talking about something else, the subject closed. What gift they had prepared for Christmas, what they would do next week, how beautiful Izo's Christmas kimono was...

 

"Hello there." A sweet voice purred in Ace's ear.

The young man started and looked back. An handsome man, probably older than him by a few years, stood behind him, a charming smile on his lips. Turning fully Ace noticed the stranger undressing him with his eyes, a seductive smirk adorning his features. He winked when their eyes met and took a step closer, nearly brushing his chest to Ace's own. Oh. He was being hit on.

"Do you want me to buy you a drink ?" The man purred.

Had he been in his right mind, Ace probably would have told him to fuck off. But as it was, he was tired of being alone, of trying to piece his life together and have it crumble down in front of him every time. He needed to live in the present. And it could start with sleeping with this drool worthy stranger.

"Sorry but he's with me." Izo interrupted.

Casting a look at his friend, he mouthed "sorry" before turning back to the stranger.

"I would be delighted. See you Izo." He said getting up, grabbing the strong hand that was held out in front of him.

 

Life was short. And his more than most. He should at least make the most of what he had left. Shooting a quick text to Luffy to warn him not to wait for him he let himself be led deeper into the bar.

 

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

 

It was the first time he had a one night stand. The first time he slept with someone he didn't know and didn't like. His eyes wide open, he was gazing at the ceiling, feeling the weight of an arm across his waist. It didn't feel intimate. It felt strange. Not really good and not really bad, just off.

Getting up, he picked up his clothes that had been thrown everywhere in their haste to get to the bed. He made his way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. It was five in the morning. A little early to go but he would feel better to sleep the rest of the night – as short as it would be – in his own bed. And he didn't look after the morning talk. Usually people left after having sex, didn't they ?

Feeling that he still owed this man whose name he couldn't remember a goodbye, he grabbed some paper and a pen, wrote quickly that he had left and concluded with a thank you. He put it on the pillow, and left.

 

Making his way back in the cold night wasn't a good idea. He was left shivering, his hands quickly turning to ice. He had decided to walk home, it was a bit far, thirty minutes at least, but it gave him time to think.

He got off last night. More than once. This stranger was quite skilled that was for sure but... Usually sex was mind blowing and tonight, with this stranger, it had been good but emotionless. Instead of it leaving him satiated and happy, Ace felt surprisingly hollow and drained. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all.

But well, he couldn't wait for the world to take pity on him. If he wanted to have sex, he could, even if it was with someone he would never see again. No need to involve feelings into this. Love wasn't for him anymore anyway. He couldn't decide to go out with someone and die on them... So if he wanted to have sex, strangers would have to do. People went out with people they didn't know every night after all. Maybe Ace could too.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

He had barely slept a wink. He had gotten home at twenty to six in the morning. Sleeping would have been either a waste or impossible to achieve, so he had changed his clothes and turned on the TV, shutting his eyes yet unable to fall asleep.

 

At seven, Luffy woke up and made his way to the kitchen to eat something. Following their routine, Ace prepared breakfirst and they ate in silence. Soon, Ace was ready and Luffy buried in his cover.

Ace didn't want to go. It was a first. Never had he thought his shop would be so worry inducing. First he had to lie to his employees and friends and soon he would have to find a better lie. Second, Kid was starting to worry and it showed. Third, Kid. He had never thought that his friend still had feelings for him. Ace had been clear though. He had told him not to wait, not to hope. But when did Kid listen to him really ? Still, it was worrisome. He couldn't let his friend hope any longer. He needed to tell him once and for all. So Kid could move on.

Sighing, he took his keys, closed the door and made his way to his shop.

 

Kid and Bonney were already there, bickering about yet another chocolate bar which had vanished.

"Hello." He greeted them.

"Hi." Kid said.

"Hey Ace ! Do you know where my chocolate bar is ? The golden edition almond and caramel special one ?" Bonney suddenly asked, whirling around to face Ace.

"No, Bonney, I don't know." Ace replied, amused.

Grabbing Kid's collar, Bonney growled threateningly.

"Give it back."

"I don't have it." Kid replied frostily, taking Bonney's wrists in his hands and trying to make her release him.

"Liar. It's you. It can't be anyone else !"

"It's. Not. me." He repeated, anger seeping in his tone.

Leaving his friends to their own devices, he quickly made his way to his office, containing his laughter.

 

Sitting at his desk he opened the drawer to get some paperwork he might have forgotten but found none. He had already done everything he could. Sighing he lied back in his chair, feeling exhausted. Not sleeping at all hadn't be a good idea. He felt drained and tense. Closing his eyes, he decided to rest for awhile before searching something else to do.

 

The clearing of a throat jerked him back to reality. He opened his eyes only to shut them as soon as light hit them. Urgh. So much light. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned.

"Sorry, I didn't think I would woke you up." Kid began, frowning.

"No worries." Ace answered sheepishly. "I shouldn't be asleep in the first place."

Kid hummed and took a sit in front of Ace's desk, staring intently at his friend.

"Did you need something ?" He stuttered. Having Kid's undivided attention wasn't a pleasant experience, especially because Kid's attitude screamed " _We're going to talk and you're not going to like it_ ".

"You seem down." Kid stated matter of factly.

Ace looked up and locked eyes with the red-haired man. After a short lull, Ace decided to tell him the truth. No need to beat around the bush.

"I am. I'm a little under the weather lately. I think I need to take some vacation."

"What's wrong ?" Kid asked concern shining in his eyes.

"I may need some time to myself."

"Is it because of _him ?_ " He spat.

Ace hummed noncommitally.

"I sometime think it would have been better if it had been you..."

Kid stiffened and looked at Ace warily, probably not understanding what Ace meant. Or maybe he understood but didn't dare hoping. Ace could have bashed his head on a table. Great way to begin what would definitely be a painful conversation. Still he had spoken the truth. Sometimes he wished he had fallen for Kid.

"But I'm too broken. You saw me crumbling down..."

Kid looked quite taken aback but then he began to catch on where this conversation was going.

"I don't care Ace. You're you, Ace. And you're definitely not broken." He assured him.

Was it hope that shone in his eyes ? Ace couldn't bear to see this in his friend's eyes. Izo had been right. Kid still felt something for him. Even if Ace was dense he could see it clearly.

"I am. Don't try to tell me I'm not. But ... I'm sorry." Ace said, looking down, bitting his thumb nail.

"What for ?" Kid asked, puzzled. He suddenly got up and came to kneel in front of Ace trying to take the dark-haired man's hands in his own. Evading him, Ace got up and took a few steps back, going to stand in front of the window, turning his back on Kid.

"I'm sorry I was never able to love you back." He finally said, gazing outside.

"Ace... I..." Kid's voice sounded hollow and... hurt ?

"I needed to tell you." Ace went on. Better rip the band aid quickly. No need to drag this on any longer. "Cause I don't want you to get hurt."

A heavy silence stretched between them.

"Or hurt you anymore than this." Ace murmured finally looking back at Kid. His friend's features were hidden by a curtain of red hair, his eyes downcast.

"I..." Ace resumed talking, not standing the silence between them. "I'm sorry Kid. I – I ..."

 

What could he say really ? Feeling guitly of having hurt his friend, he quickly left the room before Kid could say anything. Ace didn't want to have to do this but it was necessary. Kid needed to move on. Ace would just drag him down and make him unhappy. He would ultimately die so he wasn't a good match anyway.

 

It was ten in the morning but Ace couldn't stay here any longer today. He needed to do something else.

"I'm leaving everything in your capable hands today Bonney. I'm needed elsewhere." He called out to her before running out, deaf to the woman's shout.

 

_-Letting go -_

 

 

"So, how long have I left ?" He asked his doctor, looking straight in her eyes.

 

It was Thursday morning. Ace had not gone back to work yesterday and wouldn't go today either. What a lousy boss he was becoming... Still, not going to work allowed him to relax, even if guilt gnawed at him. He had chilled out yesterday, buying unhealty amount of sweets and wolfing down all of it before Luffy came back home. Sharing with him meant kissing your food goodbye... So Ace wasn't going to share with his stomach on legs of a little brother.

 

"I can't tell for sure M.Portgas. From what we can see with your analysis, you should have a few years in front of you but we need to monitor your disease so we can give a better estimation."

 

Ace stood up and began pacing. Sighing heavily, he flopped down on his sit once again.

"So, all I have to do is hope it's not progressing too quickly and wait ?"

"Yes. For now. I really can't tell you anything else."

Ace droned on after this, listening to his doctor saying the same thing over and over again was getting boring. Bla bla bla medication. Bla bla bla exams.

"See you in a few days then. Normally it would have been the 25th but if you're busy with you're family, we can schedule it on Monday." She said, finishing her speech.

"Oh hum, yeah. Monday it is then."

"Don't forget to take your medications, and don't hesitate to come back if you're not feeling well."

He gave her a funny look, as if asking " _When am I suppose to feel "_ well _" exactly ?_ " but said nothing. He was about to leave when Dr Lenoir spoke again.

"Have you thought about going to see a psychologist ?"

He didn't bother turning around, she asked him the same thing the last two times. He had replied the first time. Not the second. And he wouldn't reply now.

"Goodbye Doctor." He said. "And Merry Christmas."

 

TBC

 

_Thank you for reading !_

_So some light has been cast on the story but not much... Next chapter will definitely live up to your expectation as we see quite a lot of Marco ! And some "truth" are revealed... fufufufu_

 

_Leave a review and tell me what you thought about this chapter ! About Ace's attitude, Izo's perceptiveness, Ace's one night stand, Ace's telling Kid he can't love him, Kid's reaction to this, or whatever you wish to point out !_

 

_See you next week ( hopefully ? I'm not making any promises ^^)_

 

_Next chapter: The art of deception_


	9. The Art of Deception

_Hello readers and happy new year !_

_Thank you for your reviews !!! :D_

_I'm sorry, my update schedule is a mess... As if I still have an actual update schedule, ahahah ^^_

_This chapter was ready a few days ago but I had troubles with the end of the chapter ... Anyway, I hope it's good enough, feel free to tell me if it's not_

 

_PS: Again, I thank you for your help Wonderful_Vanilla_Ice_Cream ( you should just enjoy the fact that I'm grateful to you and stop being such a blushing virgin with compliments. Suck it up, I'm nothing without you ;)_

_  
Special thanks to TigerMii who was kind enough to check for grammar/spelling mistakes and for helping me out with the end of the chapter !_

* * *

 

_**Chapter 9: The Art of Deception** _

 

_21 Dec 2016, 10.21 a.m, from Thatch: Why did you ditch Izo like that Tuesday night ? I can't hear the end of it. Going off to fuck whomever and leaving me to deal with the aftermath. Such a friend you are._

_21 Dec 2016, 6:43 p.m, from Thatch: Ace you're a dead man. I mean it._

_22 Dec 2016, 2:12 p.m, from Thatch: I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you slowly._

_22 Dec 2016, 8:45 p.m, from Thatch: You're going to suffer as much as I'm suffering._

_22 Dec 2016, 8:46 p.m, from Thatch: It's a promise._

_23 Dec 2016, 11:51 a.m, from Thatch: God dammit Ace ! Tell Izo you're sorry ! Spare me !_

_23 Dec 2016, 6:24 p.m, from Thatch: Just send him a text message. My ears are bleeding._

_23 Dec 2016, 7:06 p.m, from Thatch: When I'm dead you'll realise your mistake. But it will be too late._

_24 Dec 2016, 9.36 a.m, from Thatch: I beg you. Please. Isn't Christmas supposed to be a truce ?_

_24 Dec 2016, 10:38 a.m, from Thatch: Please, pretty, pretty please. I'll do whatever you want._

_24 Dec 2016, 3.16 p.m, from Thatch: Thank you. I mean it. And Merry Christmas !_

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

As it was, his little brother was – and probably always would be – a wonder. When Ace had stated that spending Christmas alone wouldn't bother him Luffy had been horrified, his eyes widening comically and his mouth hanging open. He had then taken it upon himself to make sure Ace wasn't alone. Because Christmas was no joking matter. And Christmas meat was even better than every day meat.

 

That was the reason why Ace was sitting at a table overflowing with delicious food cooked by Sanji, discussing with Robin and Nami while listening to Brook, Luffy, Usopp and Chopper singing a Christmas song. Luffy was slightly off key but it was funny listening to him.

Law was there too but as long as he didn't talk to him, Ace had no problem with him being there. He had decided to be more... _lenient_... so it started with tolerating his presence despite his own personal feelings.

Still the bloody bastard was casting strange looks his way and Ace didn't quite know what to make of them. It was not hateful glare or anything vindictive. It was much more puzzling. A blend of wariness and suspiciousnes... or so it seemed. Did Law think Ace was going to crash the party because he couldn't stand the beast ? Humpf, what a bloody idiot. Ace wouldn't do anything that would make Luffy sad and crashing his Christmas party ? Yeah that wouldn't be good. So Ace was actually quite well-behaved despite the furtive glances cast his way by the moron his brother was infatuated with.

 

"You know, Ace, I don't know who would win the death match." Robin said, laughing lightly behind her hand, mirth twinkling in her dark eyes.

"What ? What death match ?" Ace asked puzzled, turning his attention to the woman at his side.

"Between you and Torao of course." She replied matter of factly, slowly sipping her glass of red wine.

Ace spluttered and looked at her funnily.

"We're not going to kill each other. And if we were to fight, of course I would win." He said, preening like a peacock.

He remembered all to well that he had lost the last time but without Luffy's interruption he would have won. Definitely. No question asked.

Robin let out her peculiar laugh, a wide smile stretching her thin lips.

"You never know. Maybe it would be a draw with both of you lying in pools of each other blood."

Used to Robin's tendency to say creepy things, Ace simply shook his head and snorted, feigning hurt.

"No way. I would kick his ass."

"Do you want to bet ? I could make a lot of money of a match between the two of you..." Nami chipped in, her eyes taking a sly edge. She was likely rubbing her hands with glee in her mind.

"No thank you, I'm not gonna fight him. Especially on Christmas Eve." Ace refused, looking poised and collected. No need to tell them he would gladly fight the beast but couldn't. Because Luffy wouldn't like it at all...

Nami huffed and went to fetch some more alcohol.

"Sourpuss." She called out.

Ace shook his head but replied nothing, smiling softly.

Luffy had a knack for finding strange – but interesting – friends. All of them were good people and he was glad his brother had people like these he could lean on. He would need it...

Luffy's laugh rung in the room, breaking Ace's deleterious train of thought.

"Ace is a sourpuss !" He began to sing, waiving his hands wildely. "Sourpuss ! Sourpuss!"

Feigning outrage, Ace got up and began to give chase to his silly little brother, laughing merrily. Ace was definitely enjoying himself.

A nearly collasped buffet was all it took to have Sanji dragging Luffy by the ear to sit down. The young man was left pouting, glaring at Sanji and muttering curses. After a short while – five minutes, really – Luffy got up again and the party went on.

 

"It's midnight ! Merry Christmas !" Luffy belowed, dancing widly on the piano. Brook was looking at him warmly and was even laughing lightly. What a laid back guy. Had it been his piano, Ace would have dragged Luffy down and beat him within an inch of his life.

Everyone followed his lead and wished a Merry Christmas.

 

"My gift ! My giiift ! Where's my gift ?" Luffy asked, bouncing in the room grabbing everyone by the collar making puppy eyes to get his gift.

 

As there was too many persons they had decided to do a Secret Santa so that it would be easier.

Ace had drawn Zoro's name. The man liked sake and sword. So between buying him alcohol and trying to find an antique he had decided to go for the latter option. Aided by Robin who was a renowned archeologist, he had found an old katana who had belonged to a samourai. Such katanas were normally sold in the black market and not found easily. Still, a collector named Mihawk wanted to part with some of them and Robin helped him get a nice discount. If Ace had asked Nami maybe he would have gotten it for nothing...

 

"Thank you Ace." Zoro said, seemingly touched, a soft smile streching his lips as he appraised the sword and its sheath.

"Your very welcome." Ace replied, glad his gift pleased the green-haired man.

"Here." Said someone behind him.

 

He turned around and nearly smacked his face into the book held in front of him.

 

"I think you'll like it." Usopp said a genuine smile stretching his lips. "I didn't know what to get you so it's not much but..."

 

He grinned and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

 

The book was black and silver words spelled "Memories" on the cover. Opening it, Ace was greeted with smiling faces. Luffy, Sabo and himself wearing hats on their heads, smiling warmly, arms around each other. The three of them looked so happy. With each page turned his smile widened and his eyes dampened. Carefully penned silver words dated all the photos and gave a short description of where the photos had been taken. A picnic, several from their camping trip, a few of the hospital when Luffy had broken his ankle, birthdays...

 

"I asked Luffy to give me some photos and kinda stole the others from your computer..." Usopp added warily as Ace hadn't said a word since receiving the book.

"I... Thank you Usopp. I... It's really a wonderful gift."

 

Usopp smiled and patted Ace shoulder.

 

"Yeah, of course, after all it's a gift from the Great Usopp-sama !"

Laughing Ace wiped his eyes quickly, before a tear could fell from his eyes and smiled warmly.

"Yeah. Thank you great Usopp-sama." Ace said laughing.

Luffy's delighted laughter broke this moment. He had gotten ten coupons to eat at Sanji's restaurant for free. Woah. The man was definitely courageous – if a little crazy – giving his brother this kind of gift...

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Christmas has come and gone.Things had been strained with Kid since their discussion the week before. It was already Wednesday and neither had brought their conversation up. Still, it was clear something was very wrong between the two of them. Ace spent his time in his office, no longer pretending to work. He was definitely considering selling his shop to Kid. Bonney and Bartolomeo already came to him to know what was wrong but he stayed tight-lipped despite their nagging. They probably didn't want to ask the red-hair. His glare could be really scary. Still they gave up pretty easily as neither wanted to be fired.

 

Ace regretted how things went south between the two of them. He didn't wanted to strain his relationship with Kid. He liked his friend deeply and was saddened by this situation. He wanted him to move on not to be ... like this ! He couldn't even put a name on Kid's attitude. He wasn't _sad_ or _angry_ but it was like a huge cloud hung over his head, his feature frozen in an eternal frown. He was depressed, wasn't he ? Ace hadn't expected this. Would it have been better if he hadn't told him anything ? Ace wasn't sure. Still, dying with Kid still having hope was worse than having him putter around gloomily for a few month, wasn't it ?

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Hey, Kid." Bonney called, licking her strawberry flavoured lollipop with delectation.

A grunt was her reply. Huffing she came to stand in front of Kid and looked up, not moving an inch even though the man was glaring at her.

 

"I'm busy." He snapped.

"What's the matter with Ace ?" She asked.

"Nothing." He said tersely before trying to side-step her.

She grabbed his forearm and squeezed gaining a small grunt in reward. She might be petite but she was strong. Growing up with three brothers tended to do that.

"Piss off, Bonney." He growled threateningly.

She squeezed harder and a slight grimace appeared on Kid's face.

"What's wrong with Ace ?"

 

He remained silent and looked elsewhere, probably waiting for her to give up. How silly of him. When Bonney wanted something, be it food or answer, she got them. No question asked. She was good at puppy eyes and if it came to that she gave as good as she got. Not willing to let him off the hook, she dragged a reluctant Kid to the break room. She pushed him in a chair and stood before him, tapping her foot on the floor.

 

"So. Mind telling me what's wrong between the two of you ?"

 

Silence met her question. Kid didn't move an inch, choosing to simply glare right at her, his arms crossed before his chest, a scowl on his face.

She snorted and put a hand before her mouth as she was about to giggle.

"What are you ? A seven years old brat ?"

That got her a reaction. He made to stand up but Bonney applied pressure on a very sensitive spot on his shoulder and Kid sat back with an unmanly yelp.

"Don't you run, now." She chided him.

She turned around, opened a box stored in the closet and took out a chocolate bar. She went back to Kid and looked at him, sympathy shining in her eyes.

"Here." She said, holding out her chocolate bar.

Kid looked at her funnily and reached out slowly, as if afraid that she would tear his head off for attempting to steal her food.

"Come on." She huffed, waiving the chocolate bar left and right, visibly fed up that it took him so long to take it.

Kid finally grasped the chocolate bar warily and looked at her, suspiciousness clear on his face.

"Is it poisoned ?" He finally asked.

Throwing her hands in the air in exasperation she wondered why she even bothered.

"Of course not, you moron !"

"Then why did you give it to me ? Is it not a limited edition ? You were at my throat last week for " _stealing it_ " when you had already eaten it and didn't remember..."

Puffing her cheeks and pouting she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I was not. Anyway," She added, her voice mellowing out. "You need it more than me."

Kid laughed brokenly and unwrapped the chocolate bar.

"Have I fallen so low that you have to comfort me ?"

"What ? If you take it like this I'm taking it back !" She said, making a grabbing motion toward the chocolate bar.

Kid was quicker. He licked the whole bar and looked at her pointedly. Making a disgusted face, Bonney took a few steps back.

Sighing, Kid began to talk, his voice a low murmur, his eyes downcast, his muscle wound tighly as if waiting for a blow.

"Ace told me that he can't love me... that there wouldn't be anything between us. Ever."

Bonney was speechless. First Kid had really told her what was wrong and that in itself was surprising. It showed he trusted her to a point and she couldn't help but feel happy to now that. And second, of all the thing she could think of, _this_ didn't even made the list.

"You love Ace ?" She blurted out, not one for delicacy.

Wincing, Kid snorted.

"Since I met him... but he already was with Marco..."

"But they broke up two years ago !" She said, disbelief clear on her features.

"They did and still, he never looked at me. Even once. He still loves Marco..." He murmured dejectedly.

"But he broke his heart !" Bonney cried out, not willing to believe that Ace still loved this asshole. She worked with Ace at that time and had seen the damage this man had done to her boss.

"Yeah" Kid whispered, looking uncomfortable. "But Ace loves him."

Sighing he ate the whole chocolate bar in two bites and Bonney gave him another one, patting his back awkwardly. She had never comforted Kid. He had never needed it somehow. He seemed too strong to need it, as if he was made of steel. Not one to be swayed easily. Still, here he was, grieving for a love story not meant to be.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

It was already the 28th and Marco still had a lot to do before being able to take a real break. Taking over Father's side of business wasn't easy and even if he had hired help and could count on Haruta being a wonderful secretary/assistant/peace maker/manager, his life was stressful.

 

After Christmas he hadn't had time to rest since he was late in his work. Everything was pilling up more quickly than he thought was possible. Thus why he hadn't had time to fetch the gifts he got from his brothers and had forgotten at his father's house in his haste to go to a meeting. So here he was, at the gate of Father's home.

 

Heavy clouds were steadily gathering in the sky, concealing the sun and the wind had picked up the last few days, blowing chilly gust of wind that left you frozen. It was freezing and it would probably snow today. A heavy feeling settled in his guts when he thought of snow but he brushed it off, burying it under thoughts of works and meetings.

Arriving at the front steps he saw the door opening and was met with Squardo wrapped up in a warm pale green coat that clashed with the color of his skin. But well, Squardo was never known for his fashion sense.

 

"Merry Christmas." He said, greeting him.

"Oh hello Marco ! Merry Christmas to you too !" He replied smiling. "It's been such a long time since we last saw each other !"

"It is. You don't come to our party anymore..." Marco told him, his tone neutral. For a few year, Squardo hadn't attended any party that had been held here or at the orphanage but well, everyone had their own life and their own friends.

"Ah yeah, sorry about that." He said uneasily, a smile not reaching his eyes stretching his thin lips. "It's just that my work is hectic so..."

"Ah, I understand... I can relate to you unfortunately..." Marco sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, a habit he had taken when stressed.

With a job like Squardo's it was easy understanding that he couldn't come. Detective wasn't an easy path but if the man liked his job, well, Marco had nothing to say. He would be an hypocrite to find fault to it as his job took most of his own time and he seldom came home.

"Give Father a call from time to time at least. He'll be happy to hear about you." He said at last, knowing that Father liked receiving call from every child he had cared for in his orphanage even if he hadn't adopted them all.

"Yes." He replied, his tone lacking warmth. "Don't worry, I call him from time to time." He went on, a fake smile plastered on his face. "Anyway, what have you been up to since last time ? I'm still sorry about what took place... I thought you knew..." He said, apologetic.

Taken aback Marco didn't know what to say. Was he talking about what happened two years ago ? No.. No one brought that up with him anymore. They knew all too well how badly he reacted

"You know, I never thought he would to that to someone as good as you. Well you never really know the people you care about till it's too late." He said, a croaky laugh escaping from his mouth.

He was.

"Let's not talk about it Squardo." Marco answered scathingly.

"Ah sorry, is it still a sore spot for you ? It's true that it must have hurt... I mean getting betrayed like that..."

"Squardo ..." Marco growled threateningly.

"Ah yeah, yeah, sorry. I should watch what I say. Still, I'm sorry for bringing the news to you..." Catching Marco's glare he shut his mouth. " Anyway, hm, I'm late so I'll go. See you around Marco!" He said, leaving quickly.

If he didn't know him better than that, Marco could have sworn Squardo was goading him. But he had no reason to do so and he tended to let his mouth run so it wasn't anything new. Still it left him in such a bad mood that he hardly greeted his brothers and sisters that came to say hello. He barreled into his room, took the presents and left immediately.

This conversation with Squardo brought so many dreadful memories, it left him light headed. He needed to get drunk. Quickly.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Marco felt hollow. His burning anger had subsided, he never could stay angry for long. Still, he didn't feel alright. His discussion with Squardo had left him shaken, it had brought back memories that were so painful it was tearing him apart. He tried to push any stray thoughts down in the recess of his mind. God, he needed a drink. Or five. He had never over-indulged in alcohol, it dulled his senses and it made him unable to concentrate. Furthermore, in business, it meant the death of your company.

But tonight, he felt like getting drunk. He wanted to escape his reality.

 

He knew, deep down, that it hadn't been a good idea to come back. His grip tightened on the steering wheel, jolting his car to the right dangerously. Nearly crashing his car in a lamp-post forced him to relax. Why couldn't he bury his feelings ? Why did he _have_ to think about it ? He had a peaceful life in New-York, but he hadn't had the choice of coming back. His father had to retire and who else could take over if not Marco ? It wasn't fair but it was done now. His siblings all went into other branchs of work and he couldn't let his father's company go to someone else.

 

He finally arrived in front of his appartement building, parked his car and got out sluggishly. He made his way at a crawling pace through the lobby and to the elevator. Home was such a hollow word, empty of any meaning now. He couldn't help but feel bitter. Home was were the heart was. But when you can't feel your heart anymore, where was your home ? Chuckling bitterly, Marco pressed the button of the elevator.

 

So much things had changed in two years. Himself, first of all. He had always been a laid back kind of guy, with a ruthless intellect and a poised attitude. Now, a dull ache pulsed in his very being and he had lost his joie de vivre. He appeared cold and unreachable.

His family had changed too. He had always been quite close to his brothers and sisters but things had fallen apart. He didn't confide in them any longer. He lied to them all. But he didn't feel like being pitied; and he wasn't the kind of guy who hold a grudge lasting through eternity. He let things go. So he didn't want his siblings to hold grudges.

His entire life had changed actually. He buried himself under paperwork, trying to find a sense to his life, to hide his pain and his sorrow behind a distant attitude. He had locked his feelings in a box and thrown away the key. Seems it hadn't been locked tight enough...

What hadn't changed were his feelings. Despite being betrayed, he couldn't let go of them. He couldn't just forget about them and live on. It had been such a huge part of his life. Still, bitterness mixed with love in his mind. He couldn't help but want to forgive Ace, to start over but... but he was hurting too much. Would he ever be able to trust him again ? He didn't know and he didn't want to put himself and Ace through this. It was over and he needed to move forward, not look backward.

 

He had seen him twice since coming back.

 

First at Izo's. He had let his anger get the better of him because Ace was there, joking with Izo and as soon as the young man had seen him his face had paled. It was as if he had seen a ghost. Maybe he was. A ghost of himself that is. He couldn't bear to look at his ex-lover so he had lashed out at Izo, his brother who had tried to mend things and had been there for him... And then, Ace had ran away quickly. Maybe he felt ashamed after all this years and Marco had found a sense of satisfaction in seeing Ace feeling guilty. He could. But as soon as this idea had crossed his mind he had felt awful. He felt so tortured, he didn't even know what to think anymore.

 

The second time had been at the hospital. He hadn't expected to see him there. Marco had just wanted to see Sabo, to talk to him. Before everything, they had been friends and Marco felt the need to see him. He hadn't in two years and as he was back, he felt the need to see his friend again. Ace had barreled into the room, tears running down his cheeks, sadness etched on his freckled face. Marco had stayed there, stunned. He had thought it was a dream and when he had understood that it wasn't, he had gotten up, had tried to make him explain what was wrong. Ace had looked at him with hatred, with rage. Why ? He was the one who could feel angry. Not Ace. The young man even had the gall to deny having done anything. Marco's temper had snapped and he had left. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea. Maybe he should have stayed. Still, the burning ache deep inside his chest had made it impossible. He had to get out. He couldn't bear to see Ace's face without hurting. Not that he hadn't been hurting for the past two years. He had simply come to live with it. But seeing him again was like pouring gazoline on fire. Not good.

 

A wave of self hatred swallowed him and he was left chuckling as the elevator rose. He hadn't moved on.

The face of Ace, as he had seen him a few weeks ago, was stuck, nearly carved, in his mind. Not his smiling freckled face but a face devastated by grief and sorrow, tears gushing out of swollen eyes. Why did it affect him this much ? Seeing Ace in tears should have, if anything, left him indifferent. He shouldn't have felt anything for him ! But he couldn't help it. He wasn't one to hold grudges for long, especially for two years and seeing Ace crying had torn him apart.

He needed to stop caring. Betrayal hurt and Marco couldn't forgive such a thing.

 

Arriving in front of his door, he took out his keys. Upon turning it in the lock he found that the door was already unlocked.

Suspicious, he pushed it open slowly and peered inside. Was a thief in his home ? But the building wasn't easy to break into with all the cameras... the sound of dishes clattering in the kitchen made him hasten his pace and soon he found himself facing Izo's back who was busy preparing something in _his_ kitchen.

 

"Izo !" He grumbled. "What are you doing here ?" He asked, removing his coat.

Startled, his brother turned around, a hand clutching his shirt right above his heart.

"Oh God Marco ! You could have made more noise, I nearly had a heart attack !" He said smiling and turning back to his mixing bowl.

"Hm. Sorry. What are you doing in my house ?"

"What ?" He replied confused, still busy with his mixture. "I thought we agreed that I would prepare a cake here since my oven is broken..."

"I don't remember saying yes... " Marco said sighing, feeling drained.

He didn't even have the energy to argue with his brother. He was tired of arguing with him. It was always about Ace, anyway.

"Well, you wouldn't have said no, so no harm done." Izo answered, winking, stucking a finger covered in a pinkish substance in his mouth.

 

Marco hummed and made his way out of the kitchen. Reaching his bar, he poured himself an overflowing glass of whisky. He nearly swallowed it in one go. It burned his throat as it went down but he didn't care. He felt tears rise in his eyes and at least he could accuse the alcohol of being responsible for them.

He let himself fall on the couch, nearly spilling what was left of his whisky on the floor.

 

"Are you alright ? You never drink ..." Izo asked, worried, wipping his hands on his apron.

"I'm fine." Marco murmured, closing his eyes.

"Did you have a bad day ? Is something wrong with one of our brother ?" Izo went on, anxious now. He had never seen his brother act like this. Marco seemed depressed. His mask of calm nowhere to be seen.

"Nothing is wrong. I just need to be alone." He sighed, downing his glass.

"What ?" Izo asked startled. "But..."

"Don't worry. I'll be fine tomorrow."

"What happened ?" Izo asked, sitting next to Marco, brows furrowed in worry.

"Nothing."

"You always say nothing !" Izo snapped. "Please, talk to me." He added gently, his voice soothing.

Marco chuckled and got up to pour himself another glass. Making his way back to the couch he decided to pour one to his brother. He sighed, sitting down.

"If I say it's nothing, then it's nothing, Izo." Marco said, a small smile on his lips. It didn't reach his eyes in the least but it gave the appearance of calm. Izo wasn't fooled. He pressed on.

"Marco..."

The blond-haired man sighed again. He didn't want to worry his brother. But he didn't need him to meddle again. He was old enough to take care of his own problems.

"There's nothing to say."

"Do you want me to guess, then ?" Izo asked, taking a slow sip of his drink. He made a face as the liquid hit his throat and coughed.

Chuckling, Marco closed his eyes again.

"No."

"You don't give me any other choice."

"There's no choice to be made." The blond-haired man sighed.

"My guess is that it's because of Ace." Izo said, not minding Marco's reluctance.

 

Marco frozed but said nothing. It was as good an admission, so Izo was probably going to ask him, again and again. Maybe he just had to reply. Maybe it would lift a weight from his chest. Maybe their relationship could go back to being normal.

 

"It is, huh ?" Izo asked.

 

Marco hummed noncommitally. Should he tell him ? Izo settled more confortably into the couch, nursing his drink, waiting for Marco to finally tell him the truth. The silence stretched, comfortable. It wasn't heavy and Izo was no longer looking at him. No longer pressuring him. If he didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't have to. Maybe that's what broke the floodgate. Maybe the fact that he didn't insist anymore made Marco want to talk. But first, he needed another drink.

He got up to fetch his bottle of whisky and poured himself another glass.

 

"I stumbled upon him at the hospital." Marco started.

 

Izo nodded, but said nothing, his face a mask of impassivity.

 

"I was visiting Sabo and I stumbled upon him. It was awful." He said, swallowing a mouthful. "I tried talking to him. I know you told me to do so ages ago ... So I did. But he didn't care. He looked at me with such hatred... He doesn't care about me anymore. I knew it but...

 

Izo's mouth was still shut. Marco wasn't even talking to him anymore, he was lost in thought, trying to piece everything, to make his brother finally understand what he had been through.

Anger rolled out of Marco in waves and he couldn't stay still. He got up and began pacing.

 

"He was there, crying. I tried to tell him something. To comfort him maybe. But it was no use. And then I got mad because he put the blame on me, for everything. I'm sick of everyone pining the blame on me." He said, suddenly feeling exhausted.

 

He was sick of it, alright. Talking brought back painful memories and his mood soured.

"You know, Izo. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to pity me. Or for you to try to make us go back together."

 

He let out a mirthless laugh.

 

"I... It hurts too much. Things are broken and can't be mended. You would have tried. I would've broken down further... You would have been the dreadful messenger of his refusal... He would have refused, anyway..." He added, listless.

 

He stopped talking feeling drained, letting his words sink in. He didn't know what he could say anymore.

 

"He wouldn't have told you no." Izo whispered, staring straight ahead, his voice soft and caring.

"You didn't see how he looked at me at the hospital."

"I don't, that's true but... But I was there when everything went to hell. He wouldn't have said no."

"Why would he have said yes ? He didn't have any reason. He was happy..."

"He wasn't." Izo cut him, voice still soft. "He was suffering."

"Because of Sabo's accident. I know. Still, it had nothing to do with me."

"He had lost the love of his life and he lost his brother. Do you really think he would have been happy ?"

"The love of his life ?" Marco asked, his voice rising as disbelief overtook his features.

"Why are you surprised ?"

"Because I'm not the love of his life. Otherwise he wouldn't have..."

He let the rest of his words die. Yes, he wouldn't have betrayed him in such a way. You don't do this to someone you love.

"Wouldn't have done what, Marco ?" Izo finally asked the real question, the one Marco had always refused to answer.

"I had no right to be by his side anymore... He had Kid."

"Kid ...? What are you talking about ?"

"Don't tell me you don't know. It's been two years. Surely they've made it official by now." Marco sighed, eyes downcast, his third – or was it his fourth ? – glass empty.

"Official ? You ... Do you think they are together ?" Izo asked, taken aback.

"I don't think that. I know it."

"What ?" Izo cried out.

"Izo, please. I saw him. I saw him with Kid. I have proof. Squardo had warned me but I didn't want to see what was right in front of me. I've fallen hard that night..."

"You think he cheated on you ? No way !" Izo shouted, rising to his feet.

Marco looked at him, a wry smile on his lips.

"I didn't want to believe it too. Still, what's done is done. He made his bed and I was left on the sidewalk."

"That's why you left ?" Izo asked, indignant.

"What shoud I have done ? Wait for him to come up to me and break up with me ? Sorry but I couldn't." Brows furrowed, his anger rose once again. "He had betrayed my _trust_." He spat. "He knew that I don't take betrayal lightly. He knew that would break me ... !"

"He wouldn't have." Izo said, no longer shouting, trying to placate his brother. He needed to stay calm and understand what the hell he was talking about.

"I was there Izo, damn it !" Marco yelled, getting up. "I saw him. I saw _them_! You can't tell me that what I saw is not true !"

 

The scene played before his eyes, embedded deeply in his heart. The music was loud and the scent of smoke pungent. A mass of people writhing together on the dance floor. Two bodies intertwined closely. The red-haired man bending slightly forward.

 

"But it's impossible..." Izo tried to placate his brother by placing his hand on his shoulder but Marco shrugged it off and took some steps back.

"You don't believe me ?" Marco asked, hurt shining in his eyes.

"I do but..."

A broken chuckle escaped the blond-haired man and he was left glaring at his brother.

"You don't believe me. Because you believe _him_. You always pined the blame on me, Izo, didn't you ?" He spat, his temper rising.

 

Maybe alcohol had made him irrational.

 

"I didn't pin the blame on you Marco !" Izo cried out, panicked. The situation was slowly getting out of hand. Never had he seen his brother looking so out of it, his eyes wide with furry, his fist clenched, his whole frame shaking. "I just... I mean... I saw Ace suffer. I saw him nearly _dead_ because of it...!"

"Dead ?" Marco asked, his voice toneless, the storm brewing in his eyes betraying his outward calm.

"I told you already ! He was miserable after you left ! I told you !" Izo, said, his temper finally snapping. Marco was accusing him of what exactly ? Not being there for him ? He had been, damn it ! "He nearly took his life because he couldn't handle your break up!"

"I..."

"You had abandoned him ! I tried to make you two talk ! I tried to understand you both ! You should have talked to me and we wouldn't be here right now !" Izo accused him, glaring.

"But..."

"He cares about you ! A lot ! And you still do ! I don't understand how things turned out this way ! How much of an idiot can..." Izo argued, losing his temper.

"He made his bed ! Why do you want me to care when he was the one to end things ?" Marco shouted, hurt dripping from his features.

"I don't _want_ you to care ! You care already !"

"And why does it matter ? It won't change a thing !" Marco spat back.

"It will !"

"It won't ! Because he's better off without me ! He chose Kid over me !"

"No ! Ace doesn't love Kid !"

"Then he doesn't love _me._ "

"He does !" Izo cried out.

"How do you know, dammit ?!" Marco shouted, looking more and more frustrated.

"I just know !"

"God, it's pathetic. Don't make me hope Izo." The blond-haired man finally sighed. He couldn't argue anymore. He didn't feel strong enough to have a shouting match with his brother.

"I'm not..."

"Please. Just... shut up..." He finally said, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"But !"

"Get out. We're done talking." He ordered him, his voice cold as ice.

"You can't just ..."

"Leave me alone Izo, or god help me, I'm making you leave." He said, looking threatening, prepared to pick his brother up and throw him out.

"We're not done Marco ! I will get to the bottom of it !" Izo huffed, looking worried. He left, sulking all the way, casting looks Marco's way every other second.

"The bottom of it ?" Marco whispered tiredly to the ceiling, his front door banging shut. "Well, you won't find anything else but the truth of it all..."

 

TBC

* * *

 

_So much new informations that you had already guessed ^^ It's no longer a surprise really, as you probably all guessed that something had happened... Still this is just the tip of the iceberg ..._

_Anyway, Sorry for the delay, I really had trouble with the end of the chapter, I was afraid of making Marco OOC ( but you have to take into account that he suffered for two years so that can explain things... ) I hope he wasn't too OOC, feel free to tell me if he was or if you have any remarks ! (About Ace's gift, Bonney and Kid's conversation, Squardo appearance and finally the moment you were all waiting for, the truth of Marco's leaving ! ( but not the whole truth ^^ Next chapter will explore it in deepth) So please leave a review, it really helps me improve and motivate me ( It really does ^^ This chapter is 6.600 words long because of your kind words, so Thank you )!_

 

_Next chapter might be next Saturday (14) but as I'm partaking in something funny as hell ( aka my exams) I might not have time to write..._

 

_See you ! :D_

 

 

 

 


	10. Trip Down Memory Lane

_Hello everyone ! Thank you for reviewing once again ! I'm really grateful to all of you who are reviewing, leaving kudos or favoriting (even if reviews are better, let's not lie to ourselves, ^^ not that I'm not grateful for those ;) ^^ ) So thank you !_

 

_Okay so here's chapter 10 ! This time we're changing target because Ace is not the only one who deserves to suffer. Fufufufu (truly evil laugh). So here's some more hurt._

 

_PS: Special thanks to TigerMii who drew me some amazing fanart ! Go check her deviantart page and tell her how wonderful it is !<http://foxmii.deviantart.com/art/First-Shot-656974164> _

_Don't forget to check out the ones done by Lorena ! http://lorena12me.tumblr.com/post/154082905478/is-a-small-fan-art-of-a-very-good-fic-its-author_

PS: Thanks to TigerMii who beta-ed this chapter !

  

**Chapter 10: Trip Down Memory Lane**

 

If there was one thing that Marco couldn't bear it was betrayal. As far as he could remember, his life had been paved with stones of betrayal and deceit. His own parents abandoning him to foster care services. Being tossed around by families that never really cared about him. Ending up in a nice family who then couldn't take care of him any longer because the husband's company had gone bankrupt and he had borrowed money from the wrong person.

Life wasn't easy. For anyone, really. Still, Marco had been resilient. If no one loved him, then, at least, he had to love himself and carry on. Of course he had some persons he tagged along with. No one had ever abused him, bullied him or harassed him. He hadn't had such a bad childhood, all things considered. Because there were others that weren't as lucky. Probably. Surely.

Still, it taught him early on that trusting people was a sure way to be deceived and that people _lie_. Often. Lying wasn't necessarily bad. Marco lied too. The whole world was lying after all. Still, lies lead to betrayal and betrayal hurts.

 

Meeting Edward Newgate had been a blessing. He himself came from an orphanage and in the end had opened one because of Marco. It had been a total coincidence, really. At that time, Marco had been twelve years old. Guarded, eyes wary, but particularly clever and cunning for his age. Nothing like the easy going person he had become once he had had the chance to blossom.

 

He had been sent back to the orphanage after his former family was deemed unfit to raise him. Things had looked particularly bleak from this point onward. The state was too poor to give enough money to them so the orphanage had a hard time pulling through.

 

It was to be closed.

 

So Marco was left wondering where he would go. Desperate, he had intended to steal. Because with money, you can do whatever you want, right? And the first person he had laid his eyes on, had tried to steal from, had caught him red handed.

Still, this person hadn't reacted badly. They had laughed outright, a peculiar laugh, a laugh that Marco never got tired of hearing to this day. Edward Newgate had asked him what he would do with this money and truthfully, because despite everything Marco was still honest before everything, he had told him the truth. The orphanage needed money. And Marco didn't want it to be closed.

The man had then told him he would take care of him and of the orphanage. Just out of the goodwill of his heart. Just like this. Just upon meeting a strange kid in the street and hearing a sob story which could have been lies. Just because he was a kind man. When reminiscing about this particular set of events, Edward would often laugh and say that Marco had been the worst thief he had come across in his life but that he didn't regret getting _nearly_ robbed by a runt. That had been the best meeting of his life. Because the two of them had become a family, and in turn it had grown to be so much more. So much larger. Marco had given his trust to this man and had never regretted it. He _trusted_ him from the bottom of his heart and he knew that he wouldn't get betrayed.

 

From then on, things had looked up. Marco had been able to open up and had blossomed inside his family. Newgate had hold to his promises of giving funds to the orphanage, even becoming the new director as a side business – as he was, first and foremost, a renowned business man. He had taken in every child lost in the system and he went as far as adopting a lot of them till the state decided to put a stop to this; sixteen adopted children was enough.

Marco had been his first adopted child. Marco Newgate. The thought still made him smile. Things hadn't always been nice as Marco had serious trust(ing) issues. He had been a hard nut to crack but his father's love and his new found brothers' efforts had changed him. Little by little, he began to be more open, to give his trust, to argue, to joke around.

His father would often compare him to a phoenix. His son had lived a harsh life, not necessarily bad but still harsh, but he had not given up and had risen from his ashes to become what he was now. This image had followed Marco all through his life, giving him strength. Being a phoenix meant that he could crash but he always would have his family by his side, helping him get up. That was the true meaning of _family_. He cared so much about them all. He still does even if things have started to fall apart because of his own stubbornness and his will to protect them from his own trouble. He trusted them but he wasn't willing to burden them with his own problems.

 

 

By seventeen, Marco was happy. Utterly happy. He had brothers and friends he could trust with his life, who would never betray him.

Still betrayal was never far, lurking in the corner, awaiting for a moment of weakness to strike. It was always like this.

Teach, a young man who had been adopted by Newgate, had accused him Edward of sexual harassment giving flimsy evidence to the police. The worst was that he had stabbed Thatch who had stumbled upon him while the treacherous snake was preparing those so called evidence. The police had investigated lengthily and came up empty handed but Newgate's name had taken a serious blow.

Lies and betrayal never were far from Marco but he had learnt to live with them.

Or, to deal with it accordingly.

 

Closing himself off.

 

Trusting people was difficult but he couldn't live his life in a shell. He needed to open himself. Despite the risks.

Anyway, by twenty, on the 16th of January he had thrown all caution to the wind when asking Ace out. He had put his heart out. He had decided to let his own issues in the closet so to speak, and to live on. Because he knew he could trust Ace. He was an open book, after all...

 

_Such an open book_ , Marco thought bitterly, getting up and making his way to his bed sluggishly, his head pounding, feeling a bit sick from all the alcohol he had drunk. His phone suddenly rung. It was Thatch. Marco looked at it for a long time, wondering if he should answer. He hadn't moved an inch and it stopped ringing... he would call back in the morning then. He made his way to his bedroom, apathetic. Now that he thought about it, it was a phone call that started everything.

 

* * *

_Marco already had concerns about Kid and Ace's relationship. Who wouldn't when they spend all of their time together, touching, grinning at each other, being close. Still, Marco couldn't do anything about it because Ace wasn't doing anything wrong per se and he was just being jealous._

_"Marco ?" Haruta's voice buzzed through the intercom._

_"Yes ?"_

_Marco was currently sitting in his office, going over a proposal that needed to be taken care of as soon as possible. He had joined his father's company as soon as he had finished university and was now VP. He took a fair share of Edward's work but he liked his job. Pops never would have pressured him into taking over if Marco wanted to do something else._

_"You have a call from Squardo." Haruta informed him. She was the one who filtered his phone calls._

_"What does he want ?"_

_"I don't know. He didn't tell me. Should I patch him through?"_

_"Yes of course."_

_It really was surprising that Squardo would call him. They, of course, were brothers but they weren't that close especially because both of them had busy schedules. Still, they managed to see each other at family gathering or parties hosted by their siblings._

_"Hello Marco." Squardo greeted him, his voice as croaky as usual. "Sorry to bother you."_

_"Hi Squardo. No need to apoligize, you're welcome to call me anytime." Marco replied._

_"Thank you." He replied, letting silence stretch between them._

_"What was it that you wanted ?" Marco finally asked, wondering what was wrong with his brother for him to call him in the middle of the day?_

_"It's a bit complicated... In fact I'm not sure I should be the one to tell you this but well, hum..." He trailed off._

_"What's wrong ? You know you can tell me anything." The blond-haired man said, worry sipping through his tone._

_Squardo's behaviour was definitely strange. Was something really wrong ? Did he do something bad ? Was one of their sibling in trouble ?_

_"It's just that... Ah ! I need to tell you cause it's not fair to you." He finally exclaimed before reverting to being silent._

_"Squardo ?" Marco asked gently, trying to coax him into saying what was the matter._

_"It's just that... You know that I'm friend with Kid, yeah ?"_

_"Yes...?" He replied, not knowing where this was going, feeling wary all of a sudden._

_"And I know that you're going out with Ace..." Squardo went on but paused at the end of his sentence._

_"What do you want to say Squardo, get to the point." Marco snapped, wanting to know why exactly Squardo had called him and why he was talking about Kid and Ace. Just hearing Kid's name had set Marco's on edge. It only got worse once he heard Ace's name._

_"I - I think that... they are together." Squardo said finally._

_"They're working together." Marco said nonplussed. Worry was now gnawking at him. It couldn't mean..._

_"Not like this. I mean, I think that there's something fishy about their relationship..." Squardo finished._

_Marco's brows furrowed._

_"Fishy ?" He murmured, a bit shaken._

_"Yeah..." Squardo replied uneasily. "I needed to tell you cause you're my brother and it's not fair to you I mean..." Once again, his voice died. He probably didn't know what else to say._

_"I'm sure you're mistaken Squardo.” Marco finally said. " What was wrong with Squardo calling him in the middle of the day to tell him his boyfriend was cheating on him ?_

“ _I... maybe but... Consider it at least. And be careful.” He added, his voice softer than usual._

_Marco said ntohing but heard his brother saying goodbye and hanging up._

 

_It couldn't be true. It couldn't. Marco trusted Ace. Ace would never do something like that. But maybe... His heart ached a little bit but Squardo's word couldn't be true. Sure, Marco had doubts but... doubts weren't facts;_

 

That's what he had thought at that time anyway. That Squardo was crazy or mistaken. He should have believed him but... He trusted Ace.

Shaking his head and laughing bitterly Marco made his way to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. He would need it come morning as his throat would be drier than the desert. He had drunk too much...

 

* * *

 

_It started with touches. Nothing much really. Nothing to worry about anyway. But touches soon became hugs, hair petting and so on. Kid wasn't subtle in the least and it angered Marco because despite having faith in Ace, he couldn't stand that Kid's paws were touching his lover._

 

* * *

_"I'm so tired !"_

_Marco heard Ace complaining upon entering his lover's shop. He had finished his meeting earlier than planned and had decided to surprise him by asking him out to dinner._

_"Do you need me to give you a back rub ?" Someone who Marco recognised as Kid, asked._

_"A back rub for tiredness ? Well, why not !" Ace replied shrugging, a smile on his oblivious face._

_Upon turning around to sit with his back to Kid he noticed Marco and he dashed toward him, jumping in his arms, laughing._

_"Careful or we'll fall down." Marco laughed, glad Ace had left Kid to come to him._

_"Come on, old man, or are you too old to carry me ?" Ace teased him._

_Marco's looks gave him at least five more years whereas Ace's freckles made him look younger than he was, thus they often joked about it despite being only two years apart._

_"Brat." Marco growled playfully before kissing him languorously. Right before Kid. If he wasn't already lost in the kiss, Marco could have smirked._

_Bonney's shriek of delight interrupted them._

_"Please, go on." She said, a blush adorning her cheeks._

_Ace stuck out his tongue, and taking Marco's hand, they left the shop._

_"Close the shop will you ? I'm going out tonight !" He shouted out at his employees._

_Once they were outside, they laughed and smiled at each other._

_"Oh you're going out ? With whom, I wonder ?" Marco asked, a sly smile on his lips._

_"Yes I wonder...." Ace replied winking. "Maybe Kid, who knows."_

_Marco's face hardened and he forced himself to relax. There was nothing going on between the two. It was obvious. Squardo was worried for nothing._

_"What's the face for ?" Ace asked, looking at him._

_"Nothing." Marco said pleasantly._

_They were now strolling in a park, a short cut toward Marco's house._

_"Are you jealous ?" Ace grinned playfully and ran ahead before turning around and walking backward, waiting for Marco's reply._

_"You're going to fall. And yes, I'm jealous." Marco replied matter of factly._

_Ace laugh rung in the park, scaring some birds away._

_"No need to." Ace said, running to him and kissing him senseless before running ahead once again. "You're the only one for me."_

_"And it better stay that way." Marco purred, catching up to Ace._

 

* * *

 

He should also take some painkillers. Better be safe than sorry, afterall. He would wake with a hangover, of that he was sure but if it could lessen its effets, he would take anything. He shouldn't have drunk so much. But when your brains try to play tricks with you, reminding you of events that are best forgotten... well...

Sighing, Marco fetched the pills from the bathroom; Looking up he met his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were reddish, dark shadows underlined them, he had some stubble on his chin, his hair was a mess and, overall, he looked worse for wear. He wasn't a sight to behold, that was for sure. He felt so broken inside. So betrayed.

 

* * *

_Since Squardo's phone call, jealousy was slowly eating at him. He never knew he would be the jealous and the possessive type. But well, here he was, looking at his reflection in the mirror while debating if it was worth it to bring Kid's behaviour up to Ace. His lover was bound to brush it away, oblivious as he was._

_In a sense, Marco had nothing to fear because Ace was totally unaware of Kid's advance. Kid was definitely hitting on his lover, that was sure. As to know if Ace was responding to them... He seemed completely unaware of Kid's doing. Squardo had probably noticed Kid's attitude and drawn conclusions. Still, it bothered him. He didn't know what Kid would try to make Ace hisbut Marco wouldn't let him do anything, of that he was sure._

_"Are you going to admire yourself all day ?" Ace asked upon entering the bathroom naked._

_"I prefer admiring you any day." He replied, practically purring._

_Seeing Ace in the nude, eyes heavy with sleep, covered with hickeys was a sure way to make blood rush ... south._

_A pretty blush spread on Ace's cheeks._

_"Idiot. Don't say that when I'm not prepared." he said gruffly, before taking his toothbrush._

_Marco brushed his own teeth and as Ace was about to leave to dress or whatever, the blond-haired man resumed talking._

_"It's better when you're unaware... So are you trying to seduce me by walking here naked and displaying your delicious ass right before my eyes ?" He smiled darkly, stalking toward his prey, intent pretty clear._

_"What ? No ! I'm going to be late !" Ace shrieked taking a few steps back._

_"So am I..."_

_He would talk to him about Kid another time._

 

* * *

 

Thinking back on it, he should have talked to him about Kid sooner. He had tried to, of course. He couldn't let things turn sour like this. His suspicions had been growing steadily but he had no proof so he needed to talk to Ace about it. To clear the air.

Shutting the bathroom lights off, he chuckled, his heart aching. His brain had decided to remember every single things tonight. Alcohol was probably to blame. He never indulged in such behaviour. It hurt too much to remember what led to this situation, to remember how utterly stupid and foolish he had been. How he had been betrayed. How everything happened right under his nose without him seeing anything.

 

* * *

 

_"You know, Ace." Marco began, sipping his coffee slowly._

_It was morning, Ace had spent the night at his apartment and they both had the day off. His lover looked up at him, waiting for him to continue. Kid's attitude had become worse from Marco's point of view and it needed to be addressed._

_"Be careful with Kid." He finally said._

_"Careful ? In what way ?" Ace asked confused, his brows furrowed._

_"He's trying to seduce you." Marco replied, looking intently at his lover._

_"Seduce ?" He spluttered. "Are you insane ? Kid is not even gay !"_

_"Ace. Just... be careful, okay ?"_

_"You're jealous again ? Of Kid out of everyone ?" Ace laughed before straddling his lover's hips. "I told you, didn't I ?" He began to kiss the living daylight out of him. "You're the only one that matters. Not Kid."_

 

* * *

Ace hadn't paid any attention to his warning and maybe that should have been his first clue. Marco had simply thought Ace was just being his oblivious self... How wrong had he been.

Kid and Ace had seemed to grow even closer, always touching, sending each other knowing smiles, exchanging significant looks.

Jealousy was an ugly thing and Marco hadn't wanted to bring it up to Ace anymore. He hadn't wanted him to run away because Marco was too possessive. So he had decided to just deal with the urge to kill Kid. Maybe he shouldn't have. If he had killed Kid, all would be better... Still, he wasn't a criminal and all of it wasn't only Ace's fault. He was unable at that time to put his worries to rest, hoping that he was just being a possessive bastard with trust issues. Still, that didn't mean he hadn't lost control with Kid...

 

* * *

 

_Things were a bit more thense between the two lovers but Marco had already warned Ace... what could he do ? He didn't want to make his lover angry if he was wrong. And if he was right... He didn't want to be right. So there was only one thing left to do. He needed to see Kid. To make things clear._

 

_He knew that today was his lover's day off. Marco would take advantage of his absence to go and talk to Kid. It was nearly closing time, Bonney and Bartolomeo were already gone. Kid was alone, checking the cash register. Marco entered, a sour look plastered on his face._

_"Sorry, we're closed." Kid told him, not looking up._

_"I know." Marco replied angrily._

_His anger was getting the better of him. He had managed to hold back from punching this bloody bastard who thought he could flirt with his lover but enough was enough._

_"Oh, it's you." Kid said, glaring his way._

_Yeah, the hatred was mutual._

_"Ace is not here today." the red-haired told him, a small smirk on his face, as if he knew something Marco didn't._

_"I know. He left my apartment this morning telling me he would spend the day with Sabo." Marco countered shabbily._

_Kid's glared intensified but Marco paid it no heed._

_"So why are you here, then ?" Kid barked more than he asked._

_"To warn you, of course." Marco spat. "Do you think I don't know what you're trying to do ?"_

_"Oh and what are young going to do ?" Kid snarled, getting up and stalking toward the blond-haired man._

_"Punch you and take Ace back." Marco replied matter of factly, his tone cold as ice._

_"He's not yours." Kid growled, stalking closer. "And at the end of the day, he'll love me and not you." A smirk adorned his features. "I can't wait for him to leave you." Marco felt so much hatred at this instant that he wasn't able to prevent himself from punching Kid._

_The fricking moron was on the floor, a hand cupping his bloody nose before he could say anything else. Without waiting for him to get his bearings, Marco stalked out, fuming._

 

* * *

 

Swallowing the pills, Marco went to bed, snuggling into his covers. He closed his eyes, feeling incredibly sleepy and tired. He found himself unable to fall asleep and he began to imagine sheeps running around in a field, counting them as they jumped over a fence. But it was too hard to do. The sheep weren't obedient and wouldn't jump. The same sheep would come to the fence and stop, over and over again. Strays thoughts began to filter once more in his mind despite his will to think about those damn sheep. Events that he had forced himself to forget came to the forfront of his mind. Especially because it was dark and he tried to sleep. He couldn't concentrate on anything but his memories. What was wrong with him ? Why was his brain able to show him all these things with this clarity? Like it had been yesterday…… it hurt like yesterday. Maybe that was why...

 

* * *

 

_Things were tensed between himself and Ace. He was trying to act as if nothing happened. As if he knew nothing. But he couldn't. He would look at Ace lengthily, trying to find the truth of it all. He needed to confront him. To ask him if it was true._

_"You seem really tense these days." Ace said, approaching him, looking sad._

_Marco sat at the living room table was nursing a cup of coffee, reading a journal._

_"Sorry. I'm just stressed out with my job." He lied, plastering a fake smile on his lips._

_Ace hummed and began to rub his shoulders gently._

_"You should lie down and sleep for now. I'm really worried you're going to turn into a workaholic." He laughed._

_Silence stretched between them, broken by Marco's low moans of pleasure as Ace worked his back._

_"If you... if you ever get tired of me... will you tell me ?" Marco suddenly asked._

_Ace started and stopped what he was doing._

_"What gives ? Did something happen for you to ask me such a thing ? Are you tired of me ?" He asked, his voice low as he resumed his work on Marco's shoulders._

_"No !" Marco protested. "Of course not. It's just. I was wondering I guess..." He trailed off uneasily._

_"I'm not tired of you." Ace said gently, kissing the top of his lover's head. "If I was I would have told you." He laughed lightly._

_Marco grunted but didn't reply._

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

**Liar.**

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_It was maybe a week after he had punched Kid. That had felt so good... and a few days since his conversation with Ace. He had looked for the signs. He didn't know if his mind was playing tricks on him, blowing everything out of proportion such as small smiles or brief touches, but they were hints._

_He sighed, letting his head fall on his desk. Not only was he possessive bastard, he was turning into a stalker checking if his boyfriend was truly cheating on him by following him around. It needed to stop. He needed to talk to Ace. Because their relationship couldn't go on with Marco being so insecure._

_He was walking down the street, making his way to Ace's shop when suddenly he came face to face with Squardo._

_"Hello Marco !" He said with a smile showing his crooked teeth._

_"Hi Squardo." He replied uneasily. He hadn't talked to him since their last phone call. He still didn't know what to make out of it. Everything was a mess in his head._

_"It's been a long time since we last saw each other so I was wondering if you wanted to eat with me and then hit the bar ?" He said, sounding hopeful._

_Marco wanted to see Ace... but he couldn't tell no to his brother. It was true that they didn't spend much time together and it was a shame. And maybe spending some time with other people would do him good._

_"Whitey Bay, Oars Jr and Doma will be there." Squardo added, probably as a mean to tip the scales in his favour._

_"Okay, I'm coming." Marco replied with a smile. Seeing his family would do him good._

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

**It hurt** _**.** _

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_"So, do you wanna hit the bar with the two of us ?" Squardo asked Whitey Bay, Oars Jr and Doma who had just finished eating._

_The five of them had met up and decided to eat at a restaurant. The evening had been rather pleasant, despite Squardo's phone ringing way too often._

_Marco was feeling relaxed, smiling contently as he caught up with his siblings. None of them had been adopted by Edward Newgate but Marco considered them as family. They were all raised together and that had forged deep bounds between all of them_

_"I can't, I'm working early tomorrow. Sorry." Whitey Bay apoligized._

_"Me neither, my dad's out of town so I need to take care of his monkeys." Doma said._

_"Sorry, I'm working tomorrow too." Oars Jr grunted._

_"Ah well, no can do then. And you Marco, are you free ? You can't leave me alone, now." Squardo laughed._

_"I work tomorrow but if I'm back before midgnight it should be alright. I'll just text Ace not to wait up for me."_

 

_To Ace:_ Don't wait up for me tonight, Squardo talked me into going out with him for some drinks and I accepted since I don't see him often. See you tomorrow. Love you.

 

_To Marco:_ Okay ! Family is important, I understand ! Don't drink too much old man. Love you too."

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

**It hurts** _**. Stop it.** _

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_The bar was dimly lit and upon pushing the door open a cloud of smoke got swept away by the wind. The music was quite loud and there was a lot of people mingling on the dancefloor and near the bar. Squardo found a booth in a corner and went to fetch some drinks, stating that he was the one who invited Marco so he was the one who should pay._

_They chatted for a while, recalling some of their brother's best pranks, catching up on each other lives. Marco was relaxed and content._

 

_That's when Marco's world came crashing down around him_

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

**It hurts** _**. Stop it. Stop it !** _

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_They were here for at least an hour an a half, it was maybe eleven thirty, he couldn't be sure, he couldn't really remember it. The bar was quite crowded, the scent of smoke was heavy in the air mingling with the smell of sweat and alcohol. People were tightly packed on the dance floor and that's probably why he hadn't seen them sooner. Or maybe they came in a few minutes ago and he hadn't seen them. Anyway, it meant the same. Ace was here. He was here with Kid. Wrapped around each other on the dance floor._

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_**I don't want to remember. It hurts.** _

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_Ace hadn't told him what he would do tonight. He hadn't told him he would be here, dancing with none other than Kid. Anger surged forth but he had to reign it in. Marco hadn't asked. So Ace wasn't guilty of anything._

_Squardo was still talking to him, oblivious to his inner turmoil but Marco couldn't listen to him anymore. All he could look at was Ace and Kid, dancing closely to each others. Ace seemed to stumble a few times and Kid would steady him, resting a hand on the small of his back._

_The glass in Marco's hand nearly shattered from the force of his grip around it. But he couldn't do anything. He wasn't going to go down there and ask for a death match with Kid. Ace was free to spend his time with his friends. Marco shouldn't feel the need to interfere._

_And that's when it happened._

_Kid bent down, kissing Ace fully on the lips._

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_**Please. It hurts. Don't.** _

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_Marco wanted to get up. To go and punch him. But he was unable to move, his ears rung, his heart ached, he felt like throwing up. He got up, albeit on shaky legs and ran outside. He didn't remember much, really. He had just ran cause he couldn't stay a second longer. He stumbled through the door and made his way to a secluded corner in the street, chest heaving, a hand in front his mouth to stop him from emptying the content of his stomach on the street. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt._

 

_Squardo had been right. There was something fishy about Ace and Kid's relationship. If one could still call it fishy and not **love**. A broken laugh escaped his lips and he felt himself fall to his knees, a hole in his chest. _

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_**Let me forget !** _

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_He needed to go back, to put an end to this farce._

 

_Squardo was behind him, rubbing his back soothingly, talking to him. But Marco couldn't understand a word he said. His vision was blurry, all was swimming in front of him._

 

_He got up. His face pale, his face wet with tears. He made his way to the entrance of the bar only to see the both of them on the sidewalk. Ace entered a taxi, followed by Kid and they both were gone. In just a second. As if they had been spirited away._

 

_Marco got his phone out. He would call Ace then. It rung, and rung and rung._

"Hello, I can't talk to you right now, call me back or leave me a message !"

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

… _**I can't … Let me die.**_

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_He didn't even know how he went home. Squardo might have dropped him. He didn't know. Still here he was, sitting on his couch, a glass of something, alcohol from the taste of it, in his hand, Squardo nowhere in sight. He probably felt like leaving Marco alone. What had he done to deserve this ? Did Ace really cheated on him ? Was it a mistake ?_

_He hurled his full glass at the wall, seeing it smash and empty the liquid on the floor. The shards reflected the light beautifully. He wished he could smash his heart to the ground so it wouldn't hurt so much. But it was still here, beating in his chest steadily. He gripped his chest in agony and a sob tore its way from his mouth._

 

_//////////////////////////_

 

_**...** _

 

_**//////////////////////////** _

 

_Why was everyone betraying him ? Lying to him ? Why Ace hadn't told him anything ? Why had he **lied** ? **Why had he betrayed him**? His breath was coming in short pants as he cried, sobs tearing themselves from his throat painfully. He was already hoarse. _

_He didn't know how long he just sat there, looking at the ceiling. He might have fallen asleep, but he was wide awake now. What time was it ? He took his phone out and noticed a missed call from Ace. Probably to know why he had called last night. It was nine thirty in the morning._

 

_He needed to know. He press the button to call Ace back._

_"Hello Marco !" Ace greeted him cheerfully._

 

_**Liar.** _

 

_Marco tried to talk but he could only emit a small croak, his throat hurting._

_"Are you there ?"_

_"Yeah sorry." Marco finally croaked._

_"Your voice sounds so bad !" Ace's voice sounded worried. "Did you catch a cold ?"_

 

_**Liar.** _

 

_"Something like that probably." He replied._

_Ace was talking to him as he would normally. As if Marco didn't know what was really going on... Did he think things could stay this way ? That Marco wouldn't mind being cheated on._

_"I missed you yesterday." He finally said as a way to coax the truth out of him. He wouldn't ask him what he was doing last night. He wouldn't be the jealous and angry boyfriend. He wanted Ace to admit to being wrong._

_"Yeah, I missed you too."_

 

_**Liar !** _

 

_Marco closed his eyes and a wave of bitterness and anger overwhelmed his mind. But he forced himself to go on. See how far Ace would go with his deception._

_"I'm still sorry that I wasn't able to see you yesterday."_

_"No need to, as I said, family's important, I understand that you want to spend some time with them, I'm not jealous !" His voice sounded joyful. Carefree._

 

_**Liar. How could he lie like this ?** _

 

_Of course he didn't care. It allowed him to spend time with Kid._

_"You weren't bored too much ? What did you do ?" He asked, hoping Ace would tell him the truth._

_"I stayed at home, watching a film with Sabo ! It was great, don't worry about me !"_

 

_**Lies. Always those fucking lies.** _

 

_Marco nearly lost it, laughing brokenly in the receiver. But he forced himself not to. He had to stay neutral._

_"Okay. See you tonight then."_

_"See you ! Love you !"_

 

_**Liar. How could you ?** _

 

_Finally tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. Liar. Liar. Ace had lied to him. He felt stupid, foolish even. How could he have believed that Ace wouldn't betray him when everyone betrayed everyone. How much of an idiot was he ?_

 

_The phone was still pressed against his ear. Ace hadn't hanged up. Normally, it was Marco who did it cause Ace forgot. But this time, Marco hadn't had the force to push the red button and end the call._

_"You didn't tell him you were with me." A gruff voice sounded, distorted by statics and distance._

 

_**Kid.** _

 

_"No. He would have gotten jealous or something."_

 

_A vice squeezed Marco's heart. What more did he need ? A signboard with " **You've been screwed** " written in capital letters ? He took the phone and hurled it at the wall. It fall next to his glass, soaking in the alcohol, destroying it. He didn't need to hear more of this conversation anyway. All was said. He had opened up to Ace, he had told him everything about him, about his childhood, about how he took betrayal. And still, here he was, laughing bitterly at his own foolishness. _

 

_**Liar. Betrayer.** _

 

_His father wanted him to go to New-York ? He would. He couldn't stay here anyway. It was better to run away than to have to face Ace and see guilt or worse, pity on his treacherous face. He didn't want to see him anymore. He would shoot Ace a quick text to tell him he had to go overseas for business. He would pack. He would call him to put an end to this. To betray him and not stay the one who had been betrayed. And he would go._

 

* * *

Tears were strimming down Marco's face as it all came crashing onto him once more. Sobs tore itself from his throat and he couldn't help but feel the hole in his heart widening once again.

 

_**Liar. I loved you. And you betrayed me.** _

 

TBC

* * *

 

_Notes : Here it is ! Almost all the truth had been uncovered ^^ Feel free to let me know how you feel after reading this !_

 

_See you in (probably) two weeks... (I'm drowning with papers to hand almost every weeks.... so yeah... I'll update every two weeks, sorry)._

 


	11. Baby steps

_This chapter is late and I know it ! I'm really sorry but I hit some kind of writer block. I knew what I wanted to write but couldn't get the sentences right once I start tipping them. That and school._

_This chapter is actually ( in my opinion, at least ^^) a bit less angsty. I didn't even want it to be like this but once I started writing the second part of it... It became fluffy... So yeah. Bear with my fluffiness for the second part of this chapter ^^ ( the first part hurts, don't worry my fellow masochists.)_

 

_Once again I want to thank every readers who took some time to leave a comment, it's really heart warming and it helps keeping me motivated and in the right mood to write ! I'm sorry I'm taking this long to write each chapters as I know the suspense is killing a whole lot of you ^^ I hope you'll stick with this story though !_

 

_PS : Thanks to TigerMii who beta-ed this chapter ! Don't forget to check out her fanart ant tell her how lovely Ace crying is, comments are deeply appreciated, really ^^ ( You can find the link at the top of chapter 10 on Archive of Our Own.)_

_Don't forget to check out the amazing fanarts drawn by lorena too ! And don't forget to leave a review ! ;)_

_NB: if you want to draw more fanarts for this fic, i'm all for it ;)_

* * *

 

**Chapitre 11: Baby steps**

 

"He thinks Ace cheated on him! Can you believe it ?" Izo cried out, pacing in the room madly. "Is he stupid ? Does he really think that ?"

Thatch was sitting on the couch in their living room, nursing a cup of coffee and looking at his lover with a worried expression on his face.

 

Izo's argument with Marco left him fuming. He couldn't fathom how obtuse, how stubborn his brother could be. Ace cheating ? It wasn't possible ! Izo had talked to Ace not long ago and the young man had been truly surprised hearing that Kid had feelings for him. Ace was still so very much in love with his foolish brother... And Marco was still in love with Ace too ! How could they not see this ? Well, their interactions hadn't been the best as he had understood from Marco's explanation... There was too much bad blood between them... too much things that were left unsaid. Izo was convinced that, had they talked back then, nothing would have happened...

Flopping on the couch next to his lover, he moved closer to him, nearly lying on Thatch's torso. He breathed deeply and the scent of his lover calmed him slightly.

"I'm sorry to be so short-tempered tonight." He apologised, a pout forming on his face. "But I mean... cheating? ... Ace ?"

Disbelief was clear in his tone.

"No need to apologise, love. I'm as worried as you..." His lover replied, running his fingers through Izo's hair in a soothing gesture.

 

Upon returning home, Izo had explained everything that had taken place at Marco's to Thatch, throwing his hands in the hair in frustration every so often, huffing and puffing angrily.

"Marco's an idiot." Izo growled, moving so he could lie his head in his lover's lap, arranging his hair in a way that Thatch could pet them just the right way.

"That's not new." Thatch laughed, gently scratching the black-haired man's scalp.

"Ace couldn’t have cheated." Izo murmured, his eyes closed, letting himself relax slightly.

"Ace wouldn't cheat..." Thatch said pondering, a hint of interrogation in his voice nonetheless.

 

It seemed really far fetched to think that Ace would have cheated on Marco... Knowing Ace the way Thatch did, it seemed impossible. Still... Marco had left Ace so he had to have proof. His brother wouldn't have left otherwise. He wouldn't have been that miserable either. So... Thatch couldn't help but question Ace's apparent innocence.

 

"Of course not ! And with Kid nonetheless !" Izo said briskly, opening his eyes and glaring at the ceiling. "I talked to him about Kid a few days ago and do you know that he told me he hadn’t seen that Kid was flirting with him ? Of course he hadn’t ! He's so clueless !"

"Maybe he has…“Thatch tried. Even he had noticed how Kid looked at Ace... So maybe him cheating with Kid wasn't that strange... wasn't that far fetched...

"What ? You think Ace knew about Kid's feelings ?" Izo asked, snapping his gaze back to his lover, frowning.

"Hum, well... "Thatch muttered, not knowing what to say. He didn't have proof of Ace's guilt so he couldn't defend his point of view. Still, he had doubts.

"But they are not going out with each other ! With Marco gone, they could have ! But Ace is still alone, mourning !" Izo exclaimed.

"Maybe he realised he made a mistake ?" Thatch said finally, unsure of how well received his opinion would be.

"Are you ... are you implying that Ace did cheat ?" Izo asked, rising suddenly, kneeling on the couch, glaring at the brown-haired man.

"..." Thatch stayed silent, not willing to anger his lover further. Still he needed to tell him that it _was_ a possibility...

"I can't believe you ! Ace told me that he didn't like Kid ! He is _still_ in love with Marco !"

"I'm just saying that it's possible, love. Not that it's the truth. I mean, we don't know and Ace could have made a mistake..." He said calmly.

"That's not possible." Izo muttered, taking back his place in Thatch's lap. "I don't want to believe this. There must be something wrong..."

Thatch hummed noncommittally and resumed scratching his lover's hair tenderly.

"I should ask Marco again, to know what really happened..." Izo finally said, his brows furrowed in uncertainty.

"I don't think he'll reply... He never did before..."

"I know. I know !" Frustration dripped from Izo's voice. "I know but... I'll wait till New-Year... probably."

"Or you could ask Ace." Thatch said.

"No way." Izo laughed lightly. "He wouldn't take it well."

"And if he's guilty ?"

"... Let's hope he's not..." Izo finally said.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

It was the 31st of December. Snow blanketed the world outside. The streets were crowded with people wanting to see the fireworks. They were hastily making their way to the nearest metro or bus station. Whichever was the fastest.

Night had fallen a few hours ago. The stars were hidden behind the clouds and probably a bit of pollution. The light of the street lamps cast diffuse halo on the whitish sidewalks, illuminating the passer-bys on and off. Snowflakes were drifting toward the earth unhurriedly. Sluggishly.

 

Ace was walking among the crowd. He was one among so many others; like a snowflake, a tiny little spot in the horizon, fated to fall on the ground and melt.

It was rather cold, probably under 0°C or even less. The wind was strong and freezing making it hard to appreciate his walk. His breath came out in short white puffs, the tip of his nose was red from the cold and he could practically feel his face starting to peel off. He was wrapped into a heavy winter coat, grey with reddish designs, hands in his pocket to prevent his fingers from falling off.

 

Leaving the crowded street, Ace made his way into a maze of dimly lit and narrow streets. The buildings were high, looming eerily above him, dwarfing him under their sheer tallness. Still, he went on. He knew his way perfectly.

Only the noise of his steps as he walked broke the thick silence, no sound from the crowded streets permeated here. Soon, he came into view of a shabby looking bar stuck in a dark corner, inconspicuous. A little hole in the wall, really. A bell rung as he pushed the door open. A cloud of smoke enshrouded the bar. Cheap perfume blended with the scent of cigarettes in a pungent smell.

The bar was rather small but it was clean and cheap. That was what mattered, really. The tables were huddled together, nearly touching, a few ceiling pendants casting a dim light on them. Some flowers which had seen better days framed the door in large brown flowerpots. The counter was made of dark wood and was rather shiny. The bartender always made sure of it. It may be a unknown bar in an unremarkable street but it was still a nice one. A refuge for people like Ace. People who were alone, lost at sea, in need of a hiding place. The other patrons didn't look at him as he made his way to the bar. People here didn't really care about who you were or what you wanted. They just needed to be left alone. No one ever asked any question.

Nodding to the bartender he ordered a whisky on the rock. It was New Year. He could get smashed if he wanted to, no one would look at him twice, here or in the city. It was socially acceptable to get wasted on this day.

He took his drink and searched for a table. Usually, there were only three or four people here. Today there was something like ten. Maybe more. Ace didn't have the time to count. He took a seat next to the window, the only table left free. The glass was fogged up and the world outside appeared blurry and dark.

 

Nursing his drink, he was left with his own thoughts; thoughts better left in the recess of his mind. Today was supposed to be a day to be celebrated. But here he was, alone and wallowing. He had wanted to stay at home but had decided against it. The heavy cloud of guilt hanging over his head was thicker at home, it was stifling, crushing. He had hoped that escaping his room would leave it behind. But he hadn't. If anything he had made it worse. He had told Luffy he was spending the day with Kid. Lying to him yet again.

So here he was. Alone. Luffy was with his friends. Sabo was at the hospital. Ace was alone...

A television in the corner broadcast a concert taking place in Vienna every year to celebrate the New Year. The sound had been muted but he could still see the dancers whirling around. It was mesmerising. Still, in the corner of his mind, his problems lurked, ready to pounce on him if he thought about it.

He had decided to sell his shop. To Bonney or to Kid. Whoever would want to take it. He had already thought about what he would tell them. His art had caught the eye of a renown artist who wanted to make Ace famous. Or something like that. So Ace could leave for another country altogether. Italy maybe. It had a nice weather and really delicious ice cream. That was quite the selling point, really. That and pizza.

He would tell that to Luffy too. Probably.

It was still a mess in his head. He knew, deep down, that maybe leaving wasn't the solution. He would need someone to help him when his legs would fail him. Furthermore he could live ten more years so... would he be able to live so far away from his brothers for this long ? And Luffy was bound to ask questions, to visit him sometimes even. What could he do ? If he stayed, he would have no reasons to sell his shop so he would have to tell the truth. And even without that, if he left how would he live without a steady income ? He wasn't rich and neither were his brothers. Garp wouldn't help him. No one would, really, as he was lying to them all. Maybe Dadan would ? She had been his babysitter back when he was a little brat. She wasn't the most affectionate person he knew but maybe she would help him... despite her harsh words and uncaring attitude, the woman was a thoughtful person. He hadn't talked to her for awhile... maybe it was time for him to visit her.

 

Midnight ticked by, not acknowledged by any patrons in the bar. The dim sound of the fireworks going off in the distance could even be heard from this dingy hole he had crawled into and the television was broadcasting another.

All of the patrons kept drinking, wrapped in their silence and sorrow. Ace drank too, finishing his first glass. He motioned the bartender for another, and went back to looking at the television. He didn't drink anymore. Usually. Since his near death experience as he had drank too much two years ago he was a bit wary. He wouldn't put himself through this again. And he wouldn't put Luffy through this. What would he think ? But still, tonight, he had needed a drink or two. Not enough to get drunk. Just a few, to dull his thoughts. Even for a few hours.

 

It was already half past midnight. Ace rose his glass slightly, cheering with his reflection in the window and took a huge gulp.

" _Happy Birthday._ " He murmured, too low for anyone to catch his words.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Hey Marco." Izo smiled a little warily, approaching his brother who had been sitting in a corner the whole night, a frown marring his features.

 

It was nearly one o'clock. Most of their siblings where either smashed, laughing their heads of, dancing or passed out in a corner. Pops was busy having a drinking contest with Blamenco and Haruta who held her alcohol really well despite her size. Thatch had wanted to participate too but was already wasted, his head cradled in his arms. Not sympathetic in the least because it was Thatch's fault, Izo had kissed his forehead and left him at the table cursing his stupidity for challenging those three.

Others were still dancing in the middle of the huge room, swaying their hips like crazy and singing loudly and for the most part out of tune.

 

Marco rose his head, looked at Izo and sighed, a weary smile crooking his lips.

"Hello Izo." He murmured, taking a sip from his cocktail. "It's a lovely evening, isn't it ?"

"It is..." Izo whispered back.

Silence settled between them as Izo leant against the wall near his brother, both of them looking ahead.

"Don't you want to join them ?" Izo asked.

 

He had kept watch over his brother all night along, wanting to see if he would join the party, if he would stop being so morose... But Marco seemed stuck in this corner. He hadn't moved the whole night except to wish a happy new year and cheer with everyone at midnight. Since then, he had taken back his spot on the couch, seemingly overlooking the festivities. He was just drinking his sorrow away, really. It was becoming quite concerning as Izo had never seen Marco drink this much. Talking to Haruta, who was Marco's secretary, hadn't eased his worries. Marco hadn't moved on in the years he was away. He had tried, apparently, collecting one night stands every night for a few months before stopping altogether and concentrating on his work. Haruta had told Izo that Marco wasn't happy and despite her constant nagging, he hadn't opened up to her either. She didn't even know that Marco thought Ace was cheating on him, not that Izo had told her. He wasn't going to babble on something so important.

Upon arriving this evening, Izo had already decided he would talk to Marco but... but he hadn't found the right moment to do so. Marco hadn't seemed alright enough for this kind of conversation. He had been sipping cocktails after cocktails from the very start, making small talk with whomever would come his way, sending them back rather quickly, pretending to be tired. He wasn't any better for this kind of conversation right now.

 

"I'm not feeling well, I prefer staying here and watching." He replied, not looking at Izo.

Figures. It was as if a huge cloud of anguish was hanging right above his head, a heavy weight resting on his shoulders.

"Sorry for last time." Marco finally said, still not looking at Izo. "I was pretty out of it. I shouldn't have said that to you. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. You're already forgiven." Izo replied easily. He couldn't be mad at him when he looked this wretched.

Marco hummed but said nothing else.

"They are worried." Izo whispered.

"I know." Marco finally looked up at him, tiredness and a bit of helplessness etched on his face.

"They are wondering what's happening to you." Izo tried again.

"I know." He said once more, huffing.

"... Do you... Do you still not want to talk about it ?" Izo murmured, his voice calm and soothing. He didn't want his brother to get mad at him. He wasn't here to interrogate him. He was trying to lend him a helping hand.

"No Izo. I still do _not_ want to talk about it." Marco answer rather brusquely.

 

Izo wanted to tell him a lot of things. Wanted to yell at him to wake up; to hug him to make him feel better; to tell him that Ace was innocent or if he wasn't that they needed to talk about it ! But Marco didn't need him to yell at him or else he would leave and never talk to him again. He didn't need his comfort either as he hadn't needed it this past few years because it would have made him look weak and Marco was anything but weak. And he sure didn't need another lecture.

Izo didn't have proof of Ace's innocence and Marco wouldn't believe anything that came out of his mouth if it lacked real, tangible evidences.

Frowning because he felt utterly useless, Izo slumped on the couch next to his brother, nearly sitting in his lap because Marco was sitting in the middle of it. He wiggled until his brother made room for him, sighing and shaking his head. If Marco didn't want his help, at least, he wouldn't spat on silent companionship.

Not saying anything, they stayed here watching their siblings having the time of their life. Izo took his phone out and began snapping photos left and right. Such good blackmail material couldn't be ignored.

_\- Letting go -_

 

It was later in the night, maybe at three o'clock when everyone was definitely passed out on the dancefloor or in the beds, when Edward Newgate finally made his way to his first son.

Marco was still seated on the couch, Izo sleeping next to him, drowling over his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to bed, son ?" He asked in a low rumble.

His little drinking contest had ended some times ago when Blamenco and Haruta had finally given up. It was to be expected, really.

"I will. As soon as Izo wakes up and stops taking me for a pillow." He grumbled, a small smile betraying his inner thoughts.

"Gurarara, as it is, he won't wake up until tomorrow morning." Edward laughed.

"Probably." Marco huffed lightly, not wanting to disturb Izo's sleep.

Edward's frame shook with laughter and his eyes twinkled with mischief. Silence followed Marco's statement as the men simply exchanged small smiles, full of complicity. The moment passed and seriousness overtook Edward's features.

"I'd like to talk to you, son." Edward finally said motioning for him to follow as he turned around.

Sighing, Marco moved Izo gently so he was lying on the couch and got up. He knew that he couldn't avoid a conversation with his father any longer. He followed him to his study, taking a sit behind the massive desk while Edward went to pour them glasses of water and sat opposite to him.

"We wouldn't want to be sick as they all are, now." He said smiling and giving his son one of the glass.

Marco hummed and began to drink eagerly. He didn't want to be the first one to talk, to break the silence and begin a conversation that he was sure wouldn't be pleasant.

"I didn't ask any question back then." Edward started finally, a serious expression on his face, his eyes showing warmth and care. "Because I respected your choices and thought you were doing what was right for you. But I'm worried."

Marco looked down, not wanting to meet his father's gaze. He had been grateful his father hadn't asked him any question two years ago otherwise he would have had to tell the truth. If there was one person on this earth he couldn't – and wouldn't – lie to, it was his father.

"You didn't partake in the festivities. You don't have a personal life anymore. Don't tell me you do, Haruta talks to me, you know ?" he said as Marco opened his mouth to protest.

The blond-haired man closed his mouth and stayed silent.

"You know Marco, I can't force you to talk to me but I'm worried because I can see that you're unhappy."

"I know Pops... I'm sorry to worry you" He apoligized sheepishly. He always felt like the brat he had been more than fifteen years ago in front of his father.

"I'm not here to reprimand you, Marco, so look up." He said, his eyes radiating love.

Marco couldn't tear his gaze away from his father and his heart began to ache.

"You know that you can talk to me anytime, do you ?" Edward went on. He rose and made his way to Marco bending and hugging his son closely. "Anytime you need me, I'm here. You're an adult now, but you'll always be my son." He says, emotion in his voice.

"Thank you." Marco murmured, his voice shaking slightly, returning his father's embrace.

He trusted the man with his life. He knew he should tell him exactly what was happening in his life if only to take a bit of the burden away. But he didn't want to break down in front of his father. He needed to put everything behind him and start being happy again. He couldn't stay down. He needed to get up. He was back in the city, back where everything started, where he shared good and bad moments with people that meant the world to him. But it was life with its ups and downs. Marco was done wallowing.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The sun was shining through the shades, casting rays of light directly on the face of a very disgruntled sleeper. Grumbling, Ace turned around and tugged his sheets so they would cover his face. Damn sun. A loud banging noise nearly made him get out of bed but he decided against it. The heavy weight jumping on him and nearly knocking the wind out of him made him regret this decision.

"Aaaace !" shouted Luffy bouncing on him wildly, tugging the sheets down. "Happy birthday !"

Ace grumbled something and tried to throw Luffy on the ground but to no avail. The kid was a real life octopus and he was definitely strong despite his size.

"Happy biiirthday to you ! Haaappy biiirthdaaay tooo you ! Happy birthdaaaay to yooou" Luffy began to sing out of tune and rather loudly.

"Luuuffy." Ace groaned, opening one of his eye to glare at his little brother.

"Wake up , wake up, wake up ! It's already lunchtime and I'm hungry !" His little brother cried out, punctuating each word with a bounce on his bed which created _ripples_ on the mattress. It was almost strong enough to knock Ace out of his bed.

"Go bother someone else, you little scoundrel !" Ace grumbled, laughing.

"Sanji didn't have any food left so he send me home ! But we're partying again tonight ! I love partiiies !" Luffy said a beaming smile on his face, rolling on the bed and crushing Ace in passing.

"Good for you." Ace mumbled, getting up and stretching.

"Do you want to come ?" Luffy asked him, getting out of Ace's bed.

"No thank you, I'll pass." Ace laughed still feeling slightly groggy. He hadn't drank much but it had been enough to render him light headed.

"Oh sourpuss ! It's your birthday, we should celebrate ! And we're having fondue..." Luffy said, little stars in his eyes, drool running down the corner of his mouth. "You can't say no to fondue." He declared confidently before frowning. "Though... It would leave more fondue for me. So you can say no to fondue !" He exclaimed laughing and darting to the kitchen, Ace hot on his hells.

"Why, you little monster ! I won't let you eat all this fondue without me !"

"I can and I will !" His brother replied, his head already in the fridge probably looking for something eatable.

"Head out of the fridge !" Ace yelled upon seeing him.

Luffy quickly closed the door and made his way to sit at the table frowning. Years of hard training, really. Making Luffy behave was difficult at best. When it concerned food ? It was nearly impossible.

"But I'm hungry !" The younger man drawled, pouting.

"I know. But I won't have you eating everything in sight. Do you want to eat now or can you wait twenty five minutes so I can actually prepare something ?"

"Now ! I want food now !" Luffy exclaimed, banging his cutlery on the table. When had he gotten them out of the drawer ? When it came to eating his brother definitely was a force to be reckoned with...

"Okay, I'll make you an omelet. It won't take long so stop banging your damn fork on the table ! I don't want you to make a dent on this table too !"

"Shishishi ! Sourpuss." Luffy insulted him, a crooked grin on his face.

Not bothering to reply he began preparing the food for his brother and some coffee for himself.

Luffy's constant chatter was soothing. His laugh even more so. They ate lunch, cleaned the table and decided to play some video games before going to Sanji's without Luffy stopping once his retelling of last night's events.

"And then, Usopp was like rolling on the floor imitating a walrus !" "And Robin told me that pirates still existed ! I want to become a pirate too !" "Brook taught me an amazing pirates' song ! Bink's sake !" "Yohohoho yohohoho !"

 

It was already six and the brothers had spent their afternoon playing, bickering over petty things and indulging in insane amounts of sweets. All in all it had been a wonderful birthday. Luffy was the best brother in the world. Ace hadn't expected the young man to come home and celebrate it with him. He had already made peace with spending it alone. It didn't bother him. But of course his brother would act unpredictably. As always.

"Come on ! We're going to be late ! They will eat the fondue without us !" Luffy whined, already dressed up, shoelace tied and coat on. Ace on his part still had his toothbrush in his mouth.

"Brushing your teeth is important when you have an ounce of manners." Ace replied laughing at Luffy's impatience after rinsing his mouth.

Soon they were on their way to Sanji's.

TBC

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	12. Facade

_Hello again readers ! Thank you for your patience, here is chapter 12 ! We left the land of fluff ! Welcome back in the moutains of angst and tears !  
_

_I want to thank every reviewer, you're truly awesome ! :D :D Thank you so much !_

 

_PS: Thanks to TigerMii who really helped me out with this chapter ! :D Thanks for putting up with me x) !_

 

_PS²: Sorry for the delay. I'll try my best to be quicker ! :D_

 

_**WARNING: Beware, it will (probably ?) make you cry !**   ^^ Make yourself a nice chocolate before reading this ^^ You've been warned  ;)_

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Chapter 12: Facade

 

The sky was cloudless for once in far too long. Wind had pushed the clouds further North and it left the sky free. Thankfully the sun would make the cold bearable.

Ace had left home at five in the morning to catch the first train heading to his destination. Yawning every so often he was trying to sleep but found himself unable to do so, his thoughts in jumble. With his head pressed against the window he was looking at the horizon and at the slowly rising sun, letting his mind drift. The landscape passed before his eyes too quickly for him to notice anything, all the while making it easier not to think about anything.

It was already eight in the morning, his train having left at six, when the sky dipped in pink and orange finally let go of the night. The sun was slowly poking out from behind the hills, illuminating the white meadows. It had snowed rather heavily in the countryside and the white fluff hadn't had time to melt. The train had already left the big cities and there wasn't any building here, only little houses huddled together; everyone knew each other in such towns.

A slightly nasal voice suddenly broke the silence announcing the next stop as the train began to slow down. Ace watched a few people get ready, putting on their coats and looking around to check if they hadn't forgotten anything. The train stopped and they got down as Ace's tired eyes observed the nearly vacant platform. A young girl and her mother got in and the train carried on.

The low chatter of the passengers lulled Ace into an uneasy sleep. He felt more awake than truly asleep.

 

His night at Sanji's on his birthday had been really great. They had drunk and eaten a lot, sung and danced all night. Luffy's friend were truly good friends. They put up with his little brother and that was a feat in itself. Plus, they were loyal and protective of the young man. Ace knew he could trust them to take care of Luffy when he would be gone. Friends like them were hard to come by. Did Ace have friends like Luffy's ? Could he rely on them too ? He didn't know.

He had Kid, sure...But with how things were he wasn't sure they still were friends. Had the conversation he had forced on Kid really put such a strain on things ? Did Kid love him so much that he couldn't stay friend with Ace knowing he wouldn't ever be loved back ? Was it painful to Kid to even see him now ? Maybe, someday Kid would understand. Ace couldn't do anything about it. He didn't love Kid and probably never would. Still, he treasured their friendship... It didn't prevent Kid from sending him a rather impersonal text message on his birthday. Usually they were together to celebrate it but yesterday, Ace had only received a simple _Happy New Year and Happy Birthday_ with a smiling emoji. Not the beaming one, just the one with the straight mouth curving slightly at the edge. And a full stop at the end. Kid definitely wasn't in the mood anymore to be his friend...

Did Ace have other friends who he could rely on ? He had Bonney and Bartolomeo but they were more colleagues than real friends. He never talked about his problems with them and they rarely hang out with each other outside of work, even though he liked them.

He had Izo. And he had Thatch too. But they were … biased. They became friends with him because of Marco and since the “mess” two years ago, things had changed. Izo was trying to make amends these days but Ace still didn't want to really talk to him. It was the same with all of Marco's siblings. They weren't his friends anymore.

Who else did he have ? Except his brothers, he couldn't think of anyone else. Thinking about this made Ace feel rather depressed. He didn't have many friends... But he had his brothers. He had Luffy. Whom Ace refused to lean on. Sighing, Ace closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. Something less tiring.

 

On the 2nd of January he had called Bonney and told her he would take some time off. Probably too weeks. She hadn't asked any question for which he was grateful. She probably already knew that Ace wasn't alright, she could be quite perceptive at times. Kid hadn't been there at the time Ace had called so he hadn't been able to talk to him. He wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

After calling his employee, he packed a few things in a back bag and checked out the trains schedule on the Internet. The only train which would take him to where he wanted to go left the following morning at six. He had texted Luffy, wanting to know if the young man was interested to come with him but he had replied that he couldn't take time off right now. Iva wouldn't let him and threatened to fire him or worse, forbid Sanji from ever giving him food again. So Luffy had to stay behind while Ace took the train to the countryside.

With his train leaving only the next morning, Ace had had time to go see Sabo and wish him a Happy New Year. He also went in to see his doctor to get more medications as he had ran out of pills the day before.

 

It was nine and a half when he finally reached the village of Foosha, lost in the middle of miles upon miles of green and white forest, the sea a few kilometres away. He used to live here when he was young. Garp, being a renowned police officer, couldn't raise two kids and had decided to send them here, in Foosha. Only two other passengers got out of the train with him but they soon slipped into a bus, leading to who knows where. Nobody really got off the train in such villages. There wasn't anything to do here. The next stop would lead to a bustling city but it was still a good forty five minutes away from there. Cities out there were hard to come by and it wouldn't be surprising if Foosha was an uncharted territory; it was so small, so calm. Nothing happened here with all the young ones having left for the city. Only old people or family with young children wanting to escape big cities lived here.

 

Putting his back bag on his shoulders, Ace made his way into the village, taking in the landscape he hadn't seen in years. Every roof was sprinkled with snow and the sidewalks were white. He didn't come back here often because he had a life in the city now but still, the feeling he got out of this place calmed his nerves. It was soothing to be back home. On the far left he could see high forests in which he used to play with Luffy and Sabo when they were younger. Sabo had ran away from home and lived in the forest till Ace found him one day. Since then, they had sworn to be brothers, managing to let Sabo live under the radar till he was old enough not to care about his parents finding him again. Living in such a small unknown town had its perk. Sabo came from a rich family who had already mapped out his life, choosing his career, his fiancee, his whole life. He was to become what they wanted him to be, not what he wanted to be. So Sabo had ran away. He often said it had been the best decision of his life even if the first year had been hard.

 

A small smile stretched Ace's lips as he thought about it. He was now strolling down the only street of the village, hands deep in his pockets, his breath coming out in white puffs, his feet sinking into the deep layer of snow every time he took a step forward. His feet would be drenched before reaching his destination. As he walked he waved at people who recognised him but didn't linger; he had a precise place in mind and he couldn't let himself be stopped by people who wanted to chat with him. Plus it was freezing. He left Foosha behind and began climbing the hill to reach the little house perched on the top. In the city, the snow had been pushed on the side of the road but as he climbed he found himself ankle deep in it, cursing his stupidity. He hadn't thought of wearing boots and just had sneakers on. If he didn't catch a cold he would be very lucky.

 

The house was as he remembered it. It looked like a cabin, lost amidst the trees, a large red roof resting upon the wooden walls, clashing with the deep green of the fir and the whiteness of the surroundings. The door was a vivid blue, the only thing that was new; it used to be the same color as the wall. Empty flower pots framed the front steeps and a sign reading “Private property” still hang out from the branch of an oak. It somehow looked like a house out of Hansel and Gretel fairy tale written by the Grimm brothers. But it was his home. He hadn't always thought of it as such, being convinced that he had been sent away to rot in this village.

As he got closer to the oak, he saw that the words he had carved on the bark with his brothers were still here. _ASL_ was carved deeply into the wood, smiley faces surrounding it.

“Well, I'll be damned... what are you doing here brat ?” A gruff voice said from behind him.

Ace whirled around, a smile on his lips.

“Hey, hello old hag.” He greeted, chuckling, taking in the sight of the burly woman with her fiery orange hair.

Huffing, Dadan turned around and opened her front door, inviting Ace inside. She had never been a woman of many words.

_\- Letting go -_

 

“Where are the others ?” Ace asked as he looked around the house to see what had changed and what hadn't.

“A few are sleeping.” She said pointing out a door on the far right. “Others are up to no good, probably.” She smirked, a laugh escaping her lips.

She set to prepare some coffee and he sat down, knowing he could make himself at home. After all, he _was_ home. Dadan took out two mugs and poured the hot beverage inside.

“So, what are you doing here, brat ?” She asked sitting on the chair opposite to Ace and handing him a mug.

“I'm happy to see you too, old hag.” He joked, earning himself a glare which made him laugh.

A smile broke on Dadan's lips and she shook her head.

“Still the same insufferable spoiled child I see.” She huffed, crossing her arms in front of her bosom.

“Still an old witch, I see.” Ace replied in jest.

 

They always had this kind of relationship, getting on each others nerves and arguing a lot. It had grown into friendly banter as Ace grew older and saw that Dadan had tried her best to raise kids that weren't hers. She had been caught by Garp as she was robbing a bank, and it hadn't been the first time. She would have gone to prison had he not blackmailed her into taking in Ace and Luffy. He was a police officer but his morale compass wasn't always set on the North.

 

“I hadn't heard from you for awhile.” She said, sipping her coffee slowly.

“I'm sorry I guess.” He said sheepishly.

“Don't bother with niceties.” She huffed.

 

It was true that he didn't call her often and he hadn't visited in far too long. He should have because Dadan was family after all. But she was so far away... Ace's childhood was so far away too... it seemed like such a long time ago.

 

“I guess I should have called ahead. I hope I'm not intruding or anything.” He said politely.

“This place is your home.” She said. “You're welcome anytime.”

 

Ace couldn't help but be touched by her words. She wasn't overly affectionate and didn't really display any feelings toward him or his brothers but that was probably the most touching thing she had ever said. This place was Ace's home as long as he wanted it to be. She considered him family.

 

“Anyway, you didn't come here to insult me, I hope ?” She asked, narrowing her eyes.

Ace didn't reply right away, letting silence meet her question. Why had he come ? He didn't really know. He had felt the need to. He needed to come back to his childhood home, to come back to his roots to have some answers.

“Do you think I shouldn't have lived ?” He asked suddenly, forgetting her question, his voice shaking slightly.

Dadan looked at him askance but didn't answer. She got up and opened a cupboard, getting a bottle of Baileys out of it. She sat back down and spiked hers and Ace's coffee with alcohol.

“Drink.” She told him, lifting her cup and swallowing the hot liquid in one go.

Ace followed suit and nearly burnt his tongue in the process.

“Nobody asks to live, brat. But once you're here, you're here.” She said gruffly.

“But …” Ace wheezed out, his tongue burning.

“Hand me the coffee.” Dadan demanded, cutting Ace off.

Ace reached for the coffee pot but found himself unable to close his fingers around the handle. Sweat began pooling on his forehead and he withdrew his hand, reaching out with his left one. He settled on sliding the coffee pot Dadan's way as he was unable to lift it.

A heavy silence seemed to settled between the two as Dadan poured herself some coffee spiking it with alcohol.

“So what brings you here ?” She asked giving him a thoughtful look.

He looked at her warily, dropping his gaze on his laps. She didn't ask anything else, waiting for him to tell her what was wrong.

Dadan was as close a mother figure as anyone could get in Ace's life. She was the one who raised him, who put up with his behaviour. She hadn't been the kindest human being and she made an awful mother but she had been there when other wouldn't have. He had felt compelled to come here. Probably to come clean to someone. His secret burdened him. It was gnawing at him, eating him away.

“I'm sick”. He murmured finally, not looking at her.

Dadan sniggered and went to fetch a bottle of whisky and two glasses.

“You've been sick since you were young.” seemingly unfazed.

“... I'm really sick.” Ace said again, his voice a bit louder.

“How sick ?”

“... Very.”

“Here.” She grumbled, handing him a glass full of whisky. “Is that why you asked me if you shouldn't have lived ?”

Wincing slightly at her bluntness he nodded, taking a small sip of alcohol.

She hummed noncommittally and pursed her lips.

“You create your own worth Ace. As long as you acknowledge your own value, people will see it too. No one can tell you if you deserve to live or not. You decide for yourself.” She stated hotly.

“Am I worth it ?” Ace still asked, biting his lower lip.

He knew that he needed to see his own worth before anyone could see it too. He needed to love himself so that people could love him but it was hard. Especially now that he knew he was dying.

“Do you think you are ?” She asked back.

“I asked first.” He told her, looking her in the eyes.

“And I refused to reply. Now what do we do ?” She replied cheekily.

He didn't know the woman could be cheeky. She always seemed gruff and strong, a wall of indifference.

“I don't know if I'm worth it. I never did anything right.” He explained.

“Do you really think you never did anything right ?” She asked unfazed.

Their discussion turned out so serious. He never thought it would. Maybe it was why he came back here. Because he knew he could talk to Dadan without getting judged, without her trying to give him meaningless advices or crying because he was dying. She was strong and he was family.

“I don't know.” He replied nonetheless.

He knew. Of course he knew that he hadn't done anything right this past few years but Dadan didn't seem to want to hear this.

“So, what are you gonna do about your sickness ?” She asked after a while.

“Leave, probably.” He told her truthfully.

“Running away then.” She grouched.

“I'm not !” Ace exclaimed hotly, raising his voice for the first time. He wasn't a damn coward, he was doing it for his brothers and friends. “It's better than to wither before everyone who cares about me.” He spat.

Dadan levelled a hard stare at him and shrugged.

“I guess. So why tell me this ? I'm probably not the closest person to you now, am I ?”

“...” He stayed silent for awhile pondering. Why was she the first person he was talking to truthfully ? The reply was obvious. Because he trusted her. Because, deep down, he knew she cared about him. “I trust you.” He said simply.

“... have you told anyone else ?” She asked suddenly.

“... No” He murmured embarrassed.

“Not even Luffy ?”

“Especially not Luffy.”

She squinted at him.

“Your sickness. How serious it is ?” She asked raucously, an hint of worry in her voice.

“It's... deadly.” He replied simply, smiling at her wryly.

She didn't even wince at his announcement but her breath seemed to catch in her throat. She poured herself another glass and downed three good quarters of it.

“How long ?” She asked.

Not willing to play dumb now that he had come this far, Ace replied honestly.

“Less than two years in worst cases.” He began, noticing the liquid in her glass sloshing dangerously as her hand shook, the only clue of her state of mind. Her face was set in a mask of stone. “Ten at most.” He concluded, his voice emotionless. He had had time to come to term with it... and he didn't want to show weakness.

She looked at him lengthily, raised her glass and clink it to Ace's own.

“Cheers.” She simply stated, finishing it.

“Cheers.” Ace whispered gently, gulping his whisky quickly.

A comfortable silence settled between the two, neither saying anything. Then, Ace got up.

“I'll go look around for awhile. See if our tree house sustained the years.” He mumbled.

“Go. Will you have lunch with us ?” She asked.

“If it isn't too much to ask, yes.”

“Will you spend the night here ?”

“... I don't know...”

“Well, the door is always open.” She said, getting up taking the mugs and glasses to the sink.

“Thank you.” He murmured, smiling at her back.

 

The front door banged shut and Ace was gone. Fat tears ran down the red-haired woman's face as she watched the young man through the window making his way into the forest.

“Fool.” She murmured hoarsely.

 

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Ace didn't want to spend the night in Foosha. After spilling the beans to Dadan he couldn't but worry about further discussions. Would they be awkward ? She knew he was going to die. She was the only one who knew, except for his doctor. She knew something private. Still, Ace didn't regret telling her. It had lifted a weight from his shoulders. Someone finally knew why he wasn't alright. Someone finally knew that he would be gone in the near future.

Maybe, he should also come clean to Luffy but he guessed that it could wait. It wasn't as if Ace would die tomorrow. He hoped he wouldn't die tomorrow.

Talking to Dadan made him realise that maybe he needed someone to lean on... but while Dadan didn't get emotional he couldn't help but think Luffy would cry and look at him with pity in his expressive eyes. He couldn't tell Luffy. He knew he should. But he couldn't.

 

The sun was slowly setting on the horizon, casting pinkish hues on the surroundings. Soon, it would be nighttime. When he was a child it hadn't bothered him to come back in the dark as he had a pretty good sense of direction but today, he didn't know if he would be able to find his way again. He had become too accustomed to lights, not remembering what a « dark night » was as there always were street lamps illuminating the pavement where he lived.

 

Ace slowly began to make his way back but he was further away from Dadan's house than he thought. He had wandered around all afternoon after leaving his home. He hadn't even come back to eat for lunch, not really wanting to see the others, be it Dogra, Magra or anyone else for that matter. He just didn't feel like talking to them. Still, the night was falling, he knew the next train was tomorrow morning so he needed to make his way back home.

It was close to seven thirty when he finally arrived. He could hear shouts and laughs from outside. It took him back to his childhood. He entered and was greeted by everyone, beaming smiles on all their faces. Dadan nodded and pulled a chair next to her.

« Sit brat. We made enough for you ! » She said gruffly.

Ace chattered with his family all night along, catching up with them. It was nice. It felt good to be back home.

« We emptied your room but there's still a bed in the far corner. » Dogra told him as they all got ready to sleep.

Smiling Ace thanked him and entered what was once a room he shared with his brother. There was only one bed left, a desk tucked in a corner, two cupboards and cardboard boxes piled up everywhere.

« The sheets are in the cupboard on the left. » Dogra called out.

Making his bed quickly, Ace slipped into the sheets feeling tired all of a sudden. He closed his eyes and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow, his childhood memories lulling him to sleep.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The train was noisier than the one he had taken to get here. A few children were running around screaming while their parents tried to rein them in but to no avail. Still, it didn't bother Ace as he surprisingly felt well rested and at peace. This trip had been a good idea. He felt lighter and more ready to face what was to come. He knew now that he needed to put everything in order. First thing tomorrow morning would be to go and see an notary. It was the most responsible thing to do after all.

 

Upon entering his home he got attacked by Luffy who nearly hugged him to death, asking him all sort of question. How was Dadan, did she put on some weight, was the food tasty... questions like those. After spending the afternoon chatting and laughing, Luffy left for work and Ace was left on his own again. Still feeling good, the young man got up to make some food. He felt like cooking tonight. He would call the notary the next morning.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

So here he was, standing in front of an notary's office. He had called ahead, wanting to make an appointment and had got one at three thirty in the afternoon. This surely left him enough time to regret it and to curse himself all morning since he had made the call at nine. He looked at the building and dread crept up his spine. He didn't know any advocate in the city except this one.

He took a few steps forward, stopped, looked up and scrambled back toward the nearest bus stop. No. He couldn't go in there. There had to be someone else. He stopped short once again. But notaries were expensive... He whirled around and look at the building once again then at his watch. Three twenty six. He had four minutes to decide. Huffing he strode to the office, leaving his doubts behind. He had called ahead, leaving his name, he needed to go. Otherwise the notary would call him to know why he didn't show up. Leaving now would just delay his appointment.

 

The sliding door opened as he made his way inside, feeling slightly sick. Steeling himself, he strode confidently to the desk. The secretary, a young woman with curly strawberry-blond hair was sitting behind a large desk, looking at something on her phone.

« Hello. » He said to catch her attention.

She rose her head and a smile stretched her overly red lips.

« Good afternoon sir. » She greeted him, her voice soft. « Do you have an appointment ? »

« Yes. I'm Portgas D. Ace. »

She nodded and looked at the notebook displayed in front of her.

« Yes, at three thirty. The waiting room is just around the corner. Mr Rumbar will be here right away. » She said politely, pointing her finger at the direction he needed to follow.

He thanked her and went into the waiting room, sitting on a plastic chair. He took his coat off and looked around. The room was rather unusual but considering who this office belonged to, it wasn't surprising. The walls were a deep blue with splotches of white and yellow everywhere, seemingly looking like stars. A huge trompe-l'oeil took all the space on the far wall, depicting a masked ball. The effect was truly astounding. Posters of miscellaneous artists covered the right wall, some put on top of others giving it a fantasist style clashing with the peaceful atmosphere of the trompe-l'oeil. All in all, it was a pretty incongruous waiting room which suited the owner perfectly.

“Mr Portgas ? If you'll follow me I'll take you to Mr Rumbar.” The secretary suddenly chirped in.

Ace got up and took his coat before following the woman, her heels clicking on the floor each time she took a step.

“Here it is.” She said pointing at a door at the end of the corridor. “Have a nice day.” She said, already turning around to go back to the front desk.

Knocking, Ace waited to be given permission to enter to go inside.

“Come in !” A voice sing-songed from inside the room.

Steeling himself and hoping that nothing would go wrong with this whole endeavour he pushed the door open. A peculiar laugh greeted him.

“Yohoho ! Good afternoon to you my dear Ace.”

“Hello Brook.” Ace said, smiling slightly, feeling more and more that it wasn't a good idea.

The older man gestured him to take a seat, a broad grin on his face. The room was less expressive than the waiting room. The colours were more subdued, a light blue for the walls with no posters to be seen. There were huge cupboards nearly overflowing with papers. A large window right behind Brook let some natural light into the room, warming it.

“So, what can I do for you ?” Brook asked taking a pen in his hand.

 

Brook was a man in his early fifties, always all spruced up in black three piece suits brightened up by colourful ties. Today his tie was pink with small daisies on it, the design matching that of his socks. The most astounding thing of Brook's persona wasn't his tie and socks though. It was his hair. The man could pull off an afro rather nicely despite it being out of fashion.

 

“Well, I need your help with something.” Ace began.

 

After thinking about it for some times, Ace had decided to go to Brook. The fact that he was one of his brother's friend was what made this endeavour so risky. After all, Ace couldn't be sure the man wouldn't tell Luffy about this... He hoped he wouldn't... Still, Ace didn't have any other choice, he didn't know any other notary specialising in will and testaments and didn't have the time or the money to search for another.

 

“I...” He stopped, unsure of how to bring up the subject.

 

Brook hummed but said nothing, letting him come up with his problem, a small smile on his face. He was the picture of calm and detachment. Ace didn't expected the man to be this poised but he supposed that Brook didn't act the same when he was at work and when he wasn't. Being a notary was, after all, a busy and hard job. Brook seemed to mean business and it was really impressive if not surprising.

“I want to make a will.” Ace finally said.

“A will ?” Brook said smiling warmly. “You came to the right person then !” he laughed.

Well, not so professional anymore then. Ace shook his head at Brook's antics, a grin stretching his lips. The man had managed to stay young in his head, at least.

“I hope you didn't mispronounced _wish_ cause despite my old age, I'm not a genie ! Yohohoho !”

Used to his peculiar humour Ace let out a laugh before replying.

“No, a real will, not a wish.” He insisted.

“You're still young though, may I ask why you want to make a will ?” Brook asked him, seemingly curious, an edge of worry in his gaze. No one asked to make a will for nothing and he knew it.

 

Should he tell Brook why ? He didn't _have_ to tell him. He could just say that he had talked about it with a friend and thought that since he didn't really have any living relatives, he would put Luffy and Sabo in his will, just in case. Ace would have patted himself on the back for coming up with such an awesome idea. Still, Ace was worried that Brook would bring it up with his brother without thinking and it would prompt Luffy to ask questions...You don't make a will for the fun of it so his little brother was bound to interrogate him... but if he lied to Brook and Brook told Luffy, would Ace be able to lie to his brother? Yes, he already had lied through his teeth right in front of him. So what was one more lie?

 

“You're allowed not to tell me.” Brook chimed in, interrupting his train of thoughts.

 

Ace hummed but didn't answer. He had to tell him. Otherwise it would probably come to bit him in the ass later on... but Ace was still rather indecisive. He had stayed silent about it for so long... First he had told Dadan and now he was considering telling Brook? Leaving his brother in the dark? What a lousy big brother he was, always lying... But what could he do ? He didn't have any other choice.

 

“I'll tell you. But you have to promise me not to tell anyone Brook.” Ace said seriously, steel lacing his words.

Brook's eyebrows rose but he nodded, waiting for Ace to say more. He straightened up slightly, noticing that the conversation was becoming rather serious.

“I... I'm sick. Like really, really sick. And I don't know how much I have left.” Ace stated quickly, not willing to let Brook say anything. He hadn't needed pity when he had learnt about his fate, he wouldn’t need pity now either. “So, I want to make a will because I would like to give everything I have to Luffy and Sabo when I die and as we're not blood related, I needed to come to you.”

 

Brook was speechless. The declaration had visibly shocked him to his core. He didn't even cracked a joke, nor did he smile.

“Did you... did you talk to Luffy about it ?” He asked, his voice shaking slightly even if Ace could see the man was trying to stay professional and not jump on his feet and shake him until Ace's teeth rattled.

“No. And you won't either.” Ace replied, rather threateningly. He didn't necessarily need to threaten Brook because the man was under professional confidentiality. Still...

“You need to ...”

“Brook. I didn't come here to listen to advices. I'm old enough to know what I'm doing. Is it possible to make a will here or should I search for another notary ?” Ace cut him off, frowning slightly.

Brook seemed taken aback by his tone but didn't reply, pursing his lips.

“I won't give you any advice then.” He answered slowly, nearly enunciating each words as if it was hard to get them out of his throat. “But I need to know what's happening to you. As a friend.” He added, his voice soft.

 

Ace couldn't just up and leave now. It was true that Brook deserved the truth. Not knowing it would be too cruel.

“I... I've a disease which will make me weaker and weaker till I won't be able to move on my own anymore or even breath on my own at the very end. So before it comes to this, I need to put everything in order.” He concluded, closing his eyes and clenching his fist tightly to shield himself from the oncoming onslaught of pity.

Brook surprised him by staying silent, though. Ace could only hear him take shaky breath. Then, the man got up and went to fetch some papers. Sitting back down, he breathed out slowly.

“Okay. Let's make your will, then.” He said, trying to add some cheerfulness in his voice but failing.

“Brook... I'm sorry for putting this burden on your shoulders.” Ace whispered, finally looking him in the eyes.

Brook's eyes were watery but not a tear had ran down his face.

“The burden is far worse for you Ace.” Brook murmured back, empathy overtaking his features.

The young man looked away and sighed.

“You won't tell Luffy ? Or anyone else ?” He asked, feeling the need to be sure his secret would be safe.

“I won't.” Brook replied, his voice soft.

“Thank you. I owe you.”

“You owe me nothing Ace, I'm your notary, this is my job.” He said, his face a mask of steel, only the storm in his eyes betraying his real thoughts.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The coffee pot was empty. The coffee machine in the corridor was broken, only spitting out lukewarm water. They were out of instant coffee.

“Don't get your panties in a twist, I'll go buy coffee tonight !” Shachi laughed.

Law narrowed his eyes and glared at him, growling threateningly, an empty mug in his hand.

“You drunk all the coffee.” He snarled accusingly.

“I wasn't alone !” Shachi cried out, putting his hands in front of him as if to prevent Law from lunging at him.

“And that makes it alright ?” Law asked, his voice deceptively sweet and mellow, glaring daggers at his friend.

“Ask Penguin ! He was the one who drunk the last mug !” He shrieked, running away as Law stalked toward him, intending to put him out of his misery.

Left alone in the break room, Law sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Damn them. They knew he relied on coffee to carry on with his day. It was already nine o'clock, he had spent the whole night in the ER because the hospital was short on hand and there had been a big crash on the highway. He could go home at eleven but till then, he was stuck here, hoping that nothing would happen. Two hours left... two long hours without a drop of coffee. It was like getting stranded in the middle of the desert. Though, there was a nice café right outside the hospital, five minutes away at most, really. Nothing could happen in such a short time frame and Law definitely needed his coffee.

He took his wallet and headed to the cafe. Reaching the end of the corridor he turned left and suddenly caught sight of a familiar man. Stopping in his track, he decided to wait for Ace to go on his way before moving. He didn't need to argue with him right now. He was dead tired and out of coffee, definitely not a good mix to deal with a person he couldn't stand.

“Thank you Doctor. See you in three days.” He heard Ace call out.

Taking a quick peek a in the corridor, he saw Ace leaving Dr Lenoir's office and going down the stairs.

 

What was Ace doing with the head-neurologist of the hospital ? It was rather uncanny... and now that he thought about it, Law had seen Ace here quite a lot this past few weeks and not because the young man visited Sabo. His brother was on another floor... Was something wrong with Sabo's brain and that was why Ace was with Dr Lenoir ? Or was it because Ace was sick ?

Pondering, Law walked on and stumbled upon the elderly woman who was just entering the corridor he was standing in.

“Oh sorry, I was lost in thoughts.” Law apologised, looking down at the petite woman.

“Oh no, don't worry, I should have been more careful too.” She said smiling. “Well then, I'm going to get some coffee.” She said, side-stepping him and going on her way.

“No use, there's none left and the coffee machine is broken.” He told her.

She sighed and shook her head, turning back towards her office.

“Figure. That damn coffee machine never works anyway.” She laughed, her smile making her look younger.

Law hummed noncommittally. Dr Lenoir was a joyful woman with whom he got along rather well. As well as he could get along with another human being, he guessed.

“Tell me, Dorothéa... the young man who just left your office...” He began, thinking of a way to make her tell him what Ace was doing here.

“What about him ?” She asked, stopping and looking up at him.

“Is he sick ? I see him here more often than not this days.” He said, trying to coax the truth out of her by devious means.

She looked at him derisively before huffing.

“Come on Law. You don't think that I don't know you're going out with his brother, now, do you ?” She asked quizzically.

Law was left speechless and couldn't come up with something to say. She knew something like that ? Damn those gossipmongers he called his friends... His revenge would be terrible.

“I can't tell you Law, and you know it. Patient confidentiality and all.” She winked and left to go to her office before he could ask anything else.

 

Law was left in the corridor, beset by questions. If it had something to do with Sabo she would have told him. Probably... So... Maybe he could send Bepo in her office to snoop around a bit ? That was a nice idea. The man was a fricking ninja. Nodding to himself he went on his way. First things first. He needed his damn coffee.

* * *

 

_Finally he told someone ! I'm sure none of you had guessed he would tell Dadan ^^ Ahahah, of course not, I mentioned her in passing in chapter 11 ^^_

 

_Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it ! Feel free to tell me what you thought about it !_

 

 

_Next chapter: Cornered_

 


	13. Be Still My Weakened Heart

**Chapter 13: Be Still My Weakened Heart**

_A/N: Hello everyone ! First I must apoligize for the long wait. This chapter nearly took me five months to write and I'm really sorry about that._

_Unbeta-ed, feel free to point out any mistakes, any inconsistencies or any plot hole !_

* * *

 

**Chapter 13: Be Still My Weakened Heart**

"I'm leaving !" Ace shouted banging the door of his appartement shut.

Running down the stairs, he didn't notice the empty can of soda in his path and nearly fell upon walking on it. He gripped the railing tightly, cursing loudly before stomping down the stairs at a more sedated pace. The door of his appartement suddenly flew open and Luffy got out looking mad.

"I'm just worried ! Worried ! Can't you just ..."

The rest of his words didn't reach Ace's ears as he was already too far below. He walked a few blocks away hurriedly, in case his brother decided to follow him, before stopping at a corner and leaning against a wall. Snowflakes were falling down on him steadily and he cursed his thoughtlessness. He had once again forgotten his coat when he had stormed out of the appartement. A coat and proper winter shoes... His sneakers were already soaked as the streets were covered in white powder. Shivering Ace looked down and sighed. Putting his hands in his pockets he decided to walk around a bit. Not to calm down, his anger had just been a pretense to leave the appartement. No, he needed to walk to think. Luffy was worried because Ace had been acting weird since coming back from Dadan a week ago. Ace never took weeks off of work out of the blue to laze around at home. That was bound to raise some questions even if Luffy wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Besides, Ace's own attitude had somehow changed and Luffy was likely to notice. And he had for sure or else he wouldn't have tried to confront Ace about it.

The elder brother could pinpoint the things that had changed. He was a bit on edge, somehow snappy, he seldom cook with a kitchen knife anymore, not willing to drop it, he didn't want to wrestle as much and had dropped painting altogether. That sure made Luffy suspicious and he was right to be. It was the reason why Ace couldn't be angry at his brother. What for anyway ? Because Luffy was worried ? In his stead, if Luffy was hidding things from him, Ace would be worse, he knew that. Still, telling Luffy wasn't an option and running from the confrontation his brother desperately seemed to want was the right choice in Ace's opinion.

The young man kept on walking for a while, not wanting to go back home and, as his meeting with Dr Lenoir was drawing near, he decided to go to the hospital right now. He hastened his pace, teeth chattering from the cold.

_\- Letting go -_

His meeting had been uneventeful. His vitals were normal, his disease wasn't progressing much which was normal, if he felt a bit more tired than usual it was a side effect of the medication, completly normal, and if he felt slight aches in his muscles there was nothing to worry about either, it was totally normal. _Normal_. Ace came to hate this word with a passion. Nothing was freaking _normal_ anymore ! He left Dr Lenoir's office slightly on edge and fuming, feeling incredibly frustrated. How could she explain all of this with a straight face ? He hated her. She was such an emotioneless shrew. Grumbling all the way down the stairs he was about to leave when a nurse called out to him.

"Hi, Mr Portgas !" She greeted him with a smile. "Back from visiting your brother ? It's nice to see you're so dedicated !"

Ace was left speechless. Why did this nurse assumed he was here for Sabo ? He hadn't even thought about going to see his brother. Couldn't he come to the hospital because _he_ was sick ? Why did people worry about Sabo and not about what could be wrong with _him_? Closing his eyes to calm down, he breathed deeply.

"Actually, I forgot my coat there. I'll go fetch it." And he turned around without saying anything. He needed to cool it. He was frustrated and angry at his disease, he shouldn't take it out on bystanders.

Opening the door of room 431, he was met with the same white room as usual, depressing as ever. Heavy snow was now falling from the sky and it was cold even inside. The windows were dirty, spotted with dry rain drops no one cared to wipe. _Breathe in, breathe out. Clear your mind._

"Hi Sabo." He began awkwardly. He hadn't meant to see Sabo. He wasn't in the right mindset, he felt frustrated and maybe a bit angry at his brother for leaving him to fend everything by himself.

Nurses and patients chatting in the corridor could be heard through the door. It created a low hum in the background. More distincly, the sound of Sabo's heart monitor, strong and steady, sounded throughout the room, filling the silence with noise.

"Do you remember when we were children, we used to love snow. We would throw snowballs at each others all day long. We even attempted to build an igloo once. Which fell on Luffy if I remember correctly. We used to build snowmen too. Well, Luffy build "snowmeat", as he called it but well... it's our little brother we're talking about.. I enjoyed those years."

Talking about his past was somehow cathartic. It brought Ace back to better times, it gave him a much needed feeling of peacefulness. Back then, the brothers were there for each other. They were united and closely knit.

"We were carefree. It was nice. Chasing after bears and boars, running away from Dadan because we had stolen food, not caring about living expense or adult things."

Discarding his wet jacket, Ace took a seat on a plastic chair next to his brother's bed. As he began to card his fingers through Sabo's long hair he realized it had gotten quite long. He should ask a nurse if he could cut it; long hair didn't suit his brother.

"It was really nice." He said again.

Smiling despite not really feeling like it, Ace looked at Sabo, really looked at him, taking in the changes that occured during his coma. It was hard, the brother on the bed wasn't really his brother anymore. The man lying on the bed had a gaunt face, his skin was pale, his hair was yellowish instead of its usual honey blond, his hospital gown was too big on his thin frame. He wasn't the same person Ace remembered and still, when the dark-haired man looked at him, he could, in a way, imagine his brother's bright smile, hear his laugh and could nearly smell the girly cherry shampoo he used. It made his heart ache and hammered his loss even deeper.

"I prefer summer, snow is too cold. We would spend all our summer in our tree house, hardly bathing or changing clothes. We were savages back then." A snicker escaped his mouth. "You were the one who would push Luffy and me in the river because we smelt bad. I remember throwing pieces of wood at Garp when he would come to visit. He's alright by the way. Alive and kicking, still in the Marines. I don't know where he is right now though. He's old, he should quit but... you know how he is." The young man went on, gazing at his brother with melancholy.

He was alone, sad, tired and incredibly confused. Making his will had messed him up more than he thought it would. After seeing Dadan he had decided to do things in the right order and settle everything before the inevitable. He had felt confident. He knew he had to do this. So why did he felt so lost and empty now ? It had brought home his condition. It had made him aware that he was lying to everyone. That he was alone in this sinking ship and that he would sink with it. It was painful. His mind was running in circles. He didn't know what do to, what to think and even what to expect. Sometimes he woke up feeling energetic just to have it crashing down around him as he would drop a plate or fall. At others, he felt tired and he would lie in bed, his mind brewing over details, wondering how long he had left or if the aches he felt in his legs were normal or just the effect of his disease.

"I'm glad we were all able to live under the same roof, even as adults. I would have missed you both too much... I ... I miss you now." He whispered brokenly, a sad little smile stretching his lips.

He felt miserable. All those lies, all those things that he hide... it haunted him relentlessly. He wasn't alright. At all. He needed someone to see it. But no one saw anything. Because they probably didn't care. Talking to his brother used to bring him this necessary comfort that others were unable to give but he had realised today that speaking to this empty shell was no use. Nothing good would come out of it. But he needed to do it nonetheless.

"I should probably tell you everything. You never liked being kept in the dark. The doctors say that there's a possibility you're hearing what I'm saying. So well, if you do, I just ... I talked to Dadan a few days ago and you deserve to know what's going on too. And maybe, talking to you will help me feel better ?" Ace asked, not really believing his own words.

His brother was in coma, no magic remedy would come out of his little chat. Not that there was any remedy anyway.

_\- Letting go -_

The coffee machine had been replaced last week with another model, which could make you a wonderful lukewarm coffee which tasted like... mud... It had taken nearly a week to replace it and they had gotten this ? How poor was this hospital, really, if it couldn't even afford to keep its doctors and nurses alive through shots of caffeine ? After receiving loads of complaints, the director had decided to invest in something better but the new machine had yet to arrive. If Law had to wait another day to drink real coffee, he would riot. Or coerced his coworkers into riotting while he drank a coffee from the cafe near the hospital. That was smarter.

Since New Year, days stretched ever so slowly, sucking Law's energy out of his body. It was only the 12th of January and he felt as if it was already mid-March. He should take some vacations. Furthermore, he felt incredibly frustrated. His time with Luffy had drastically decreased. Two weeks of hellish schedules, pulling all nighters left and right, sleeping only a few hours to go back to the hospital soon after, not even being able to sleep next to his lover as the young man still lived with his brother, vastly contributed to Law's dark mood. He needed his lover; this situation couldn't go on any longer or Law would explode and go on a killing spree. He would spend some time with Luffy even if he had to call him right now and corner him in a closet to have his way with his lover. Now that he thought about it, it wasn't such a bad idea. He loved the idea of taking his lover in the broom closet, reminding Luffy of being quiet so as not to get caught...

Shaking his head, Law berated himself for being such a pervert. No need to act like a horny teenager because he hadn't seen his lover in way too long. But what could he say ? It was Luffy's fault, he was too addictive for his own good... Every expressions on his face, the way he closed his eyes and scrunched his nose when Law pleasured him, his wanton cries of pleasure when Law entered him and set a hard pace and his cry of ecstasy as he was brought to his climax... It was as if he begged to be eaten alive and Law wasn't saint enough to refuse such a thing.

Shit, now the surgeon was half-hard in the middle of the breakroom. Calm down. Think of Shachi and Bepo in skimpy swimsuits. Still, it wasn't enough to make the delicious image of Luffy sandwiched between Law and the wall of the broom closet go away. Law groaned and let his head fall on the table next to his cup of coffee. Great. Just great. Well, think about Shachi waxing Bepo's back. That sounded disgusting enough and he shuddered just thinking about it.

"Are you sick ?" A voice asked behind him startling him.

He turned around coming face to face with Dr Dorothea Lenoir. She was smiling at him, a slightly worried expression on her face. Honey blond hair framed her face stylishly, the color bringing out the spreckle of green in her grey eyes. She was heading on her fifties and yet she didn't have much wrinkles.

"No." Law replied a bit too harshly. "Just tired. And a bit short-tempered." He added as a way to apoligize for his curtness.

She nodded with a smile, patting his shoulder before moving to the coffee machine.

"Oh God !" She moaned seeing that the coffee machine had yet to be replaced. "I was hoping for a miracle..."

Law snorted as Dorothea reached for her cup of coffee. "I'm ready to riot." He said.

"Me too." She laughed, smiling brightly at him and taking a seat in front of him and sipping her drink. "Oh would you be so kind as to reach for sugar ? It's right behind you."

Law nodded.

"Thank you. This coffee is absolutely disgusting."

"Tell me about it..." Law sighed. "I should have brought some tea. At least it wouldn't have tasted just like hot water."

"It's hot water with leaves. Tea is so blend, it's like drinking water." Dorothea argued.

"Coffee is water with beans so..."

"It's not the same. Tea is just disgusting. But I don't mind you drinking it, as long as you don't try to convert me to your dubious choice." She added playfully.

Dorothea was really nice to talk to. She put Law at ease and made it easy to chat with her despite Law's antisocial tendancy.

"Then I'll refrain from trying to poison you." He said, smirking and making Dorothea grin.

They kept on chatting for a while, talking about everything and nothing, enjoying this little respite as neither of them had easy weeks.

"Law !" Shachi cried out as he entered the room looking tired. "I've been searching for you for hours !" He complained, making his way to the coffee machine and greeting Dorothea.

The surgeon looked at his watch and raised one of his eybrow disbelievingly.

"We saw each other fifty minutes ago." He stated.

"That's not my point !" Shachi cried out. "I needed you to save me ! Caesar cornered me and made me accompany him on his rounds because Monet is sick ! It was awful ! I thought I was going to die ! How could you do this to me ?!"

Law levelled a blend look at him and went back to his conversation with Dorothea without aknowledging the drama queen he called his friend. Dr Lenoir giggled but said nothing on the matter.

"You're dead to me !" Shachi exclaimed, flopping in the seat next to Law.

"Great. I won't have to hear you complaining then." He replied matter of factly.

His friend glared at him but didn't reply. Fighting with Law wasn't worth it. He would get back to him in another way.

"Well, then, I must take my leave, I've got an appointment in five minutes." Dorothea apoligized, standing up.

Law nodded and stood up too as he needed to get back to work himself. They left the room side by side, walking next to each other when suddenly Law remembered he meant to ask her something.

"I know you're not at liberty to discuss any patient related things with me..." He began uneasily. "But I saw Ace exiting your office a few days ago... and it wasn't the first time. I'm kinda... seeing a pattern there..."

Frowning, she nearly stopped in the middle of the corridor, visibly bothered by his question.

"I'm sorry Law, but you know I can't tell you anything." She replied finally, her features carefully blank, not giving anything.

Seeing Ace going in and out of her office so often was worrying... It wasn't a one time occurence, it was weekly. Something was going on and Ace was probably sick.

"I know, but I'm worried." He argued, looking at her with what he hoped was pleading eyes but would look like his usual expression. He wasn't really an expressive person.

"I understand but as you said, I'm not at liberty to discuss anything related to my patients. Especially with family members without their consent."

Sighing, Law nodded and decided to back down for now.

"I know. I'm sorry. If it's serious can you at least tell him to talk to his brother ?" He asked.

Dorothea shook her head.

"It's not my prerogative. Well, have a nice day Law !" She said as she opened the door to her office, leaving Law to his thoughts.

Well, plan A had been a bust. At least, now he knew that Ace was Dorothea's patient, otherwise she would have hinted at it or let it slip up. _Time for plan B_ , Law thought strolling through the corridors of the hospital.

"Bepo." He drawled upon seeing the man who would be able to help him carry out his plan. "Just the person I wanted to see."

_\- Letting go -_

"Let's start with the beginning shall we ?" Ace mocked asked, trying to joke so as to diffuse the heavy feeling that had settled in his guts.

"Back in … November I guess, I was feeling somewhat tired and my limbs were heavy. I decided to check and go to the hospital, I thought it was something like lack of sugar in my blood. After all, going to the hospital was like coming to see you so it wasn't a bother."

He couldn't have foreseen that upon entering Dr Lenoir's office his life would be completly levelled.

"I learnt there that I had a disease. And then... well then you saw what happened as I rushed here. And I told you about the bastard. Anyway. This disease of mine is kinda... serious."

He said after a little while, putting it mildly. He still didn't have the courage to come clean. Not that he had come clean to a lot of people he thought bitterly; Luffy was still in the dark and he would stay there as long as Ace could keep his mouth shut. Dadan knew but she wouldn't tell a soul. He was glad he told her. She would explain everything to Luffy in case he or Sabo couldn't. As for Brook well... He wouldn't tell anyone either. It was his job.

Thinking back on his decision, Ace had thought that he didn't have a choice but to go see a notary. That it was something he needed to take care of. His will. It had seemed like a good idea. Now it just felt like one more step leading him to his death. As if he was, little by little accepting it. But he wasn't. On the surface maybe. In reality only a tiny bit of himself was busy living and pretending that everything was alright when the rest, buried inside himself was screaming its lungs out at how unfair it was. Why him ? Why now ? Why not someone else ? Did he deserve it ? Because he was the spawn of a demon ? Because no one really cared about him ? Because karma was fed up with him ? Fucking why ?

"So afterwards things go a little harder..." He trailed off, not willing to dive into the core of his problem. "You would have kicked my ass... I messed things up with Kid... I was just trying to make things easier on him ! Or... maybe I'm just saying that to feel less guilty... I mean, Izo told me that Kid had feelings for me. You probably knew. Anyway,... I ... explained to him that nothing would ever happen between us and left it at that. I think there would have been better ways but... I was messed up. And he deserved to know – I couldn't let him hope... It destroyed our friendship. It hasn't been the same since then... He's cold now and... I know why but..."

 _But it's one more person who's leaving you behind_ , his mind supplied bitterly.

That was probably why Ace didn't seek his friend out. In a way he ressented the way he was treated afterwards. Wasn't he worthy of being Kid's friend even if he couldn't be his lover ?

"Well, either way, he decided to foresake our friendship so it doesn't matter. As things were getting worse I felt more guilty. You can probably imagine that I don't want to tell Luffy. You wouldn't either... I guess. It's a heavy secret, being sick without anyone noticing."

Maybe deep down, he needed someone to discover it so that finally people would see he wasn't alright. Sabo would have seen.

"I felt guilty, miserable and lost. And there was no one I could lean on." _Not even you_ , he didn't say it but the silence that followed implied it clearly. Not even his own brother was there for him.

Ace clenched his fist and looked out the window, gritting his teeth in anger. Why wasn't there anyone to help him when he needed them ? _He_ helped everyone out. _He_ was there when his friends weren't alright, when they needed help, when they were sad, angry, at a loss. Being diagnosized as sick and even as dying, had been a blow. He had thought in his youthful naiveness that Death was still far awat. Now it all came crashing down around him. In the blink of an eye he came face to face with his own mortality. And nobody was by his side to help him or even to hear him out.

"I went to see Dadan and told her everything. I needed someone to listen to me I guess. And she did. _She_ was there !" He said his voice quivering but raising slightly. "People around me... they don't care, they don't even notice that something is amiss, they all think it's about Marco !" He spat. "But I don't care about his sorry ass ! I have other problems ! Luffy is getting taken advantage of, you are in a coma, I can't work anymore and I'll have to sell my shop, a piece of my _life,_ which by the way is hanging by a fucking thread ! And all people do is standing idle beside me, thinking that everything is fine and dandy when it's _not fucking fine_! Nothing can be fine anymore ! Because I'm fucking dying ! I have to burry my dreams because I'm fucking sick ! And you're fucking sleeping when I'm dying !" He lashed out, his frustration finally getting the better of him. "You're sleeping on this bed, unconcerned and peaceful when I _need_ you ! How can you just lay there when everything's going to shit in my life ?!" He screamed, heart beating wildly, his breath coming out in short pants. "I've always been there for you !"

He was fuming. He suddenly felt so mad, this entire week of frustration, topped by his meeting with his doctor bubbling into this one moment of anger.

"I have to wake up every morning without knowing if I'll be able to get up ! I have to put on a smile when all I went to do is scream and break things ! I have to pretend that I don't know my time is nearly up ! Do you know what it feels like ? Can you even imagine ? Do you realize how hard this is on me and all you do is sleep ?!"

Ace had gotten up in his anger and was now pacing the room furiously, waving his hands wildly. He was blind and deaf to everything around him, only hearing his own heart beating faster and faster, thumping eratically in his chest.

"How can you even be called a _Brother_?!" he bellowed at his wits end, his face red, his eyes glaring at the still form of his brother lying in the white bed.

That's when he was shoved to the side by a nurse looking panicked that he realized the annoying biping sound he had been hearing for a while getting crazier and crazier was his brother's heart monitor. Nurses rushed inside the room.

"Give him CPR !"

"He's not reacting to it !"

"Paddles !"

"Charged !"

"Clear !"

_\- Letting go -_

"Bepo." Law started. "Just the person I wanted to see. I need your help with something but you'll need to be discreet."

Before Law could say anything else a nurse bumped into him upon turning in the corridor, didn't bother apoligizing and went on her way, several others running after her.

"What's happening ?" He asked one of them.

"Patient room 431 is in cardiac arrest !" She screamed as she continued to run.

"Room 431 ?" Law mused, thinking that it sounded familiar.

Shrugging he went on his way, followed by Bepo.

"As I was saying before being interrupted, I need your help. I need you to go inside Dr Lenoir's office to check... Why are you looking at me like that ?" He asked a nervous looking Bepo.

"Sorry." The man stuttered, looking down. "It's just the room number 431, It's Sabo's, Luffy's brother... Sorry"

Law looked at him wide eyed before understanding dawned on him and he rushed after the nurses. Sabo's room ? What the heck was wrong with a comatose patient ?

Tthe first thing he witnessed upon arriving on the threshold of the room was the swarm of nurses trying to make the young man's heart start again. They bustled around the bed, shouting instructions at each other, paddles in the hand of a doctor Law knew was skilled.

A flash of blond hair in a corner of the room drew his gaze to a scene he hadn't yet seen, his eyes having not strayed from the events unfolding in front of him. A blond-haired nurse was trying to prevent a terrified looking Ace from getting closer to his brother.

" Rosa ! Get him out of here !" The doctor cried out as Ace got closer to the bed, bumping into one of the nurse.

Rosa grabbed the young man arm and tried to stear him clear of the room but Ace wouldn't budge, his eyes drawn to his brother's body.

"Sabo..." He murmured.

"Please, come with me. You need to leave the room so the doctor and nurses can help him." Rosa nearly pleaded. Seeing that Ace wouldn't budge she added "You'll end up disturbing them, you have to leave now."

Ace frozed, his gaze locked on the nurse, eyebrows furrowed in anguish, mouth hanging open. Not struggling anymore and even looking hagard, he let himself be led out of the room, helplessness written all over his face.

Law let them pass by him, Ace not even glancing at him, face aghast and looking down. Standing outside the room so as not to disturb the medics at work, Law waited with bated breath to know if Sabo was gonna make it. It was strange that the young man had a heartattack so suddenly. His vitals had been stable and there had been no sign of any waking up or worsening of his condition... Law guessed it had something do to with Ace's presence in the room. Sometimes, patients in coma responded to outside stimulations, understanding what was going on out there... Maybe Ace had told his brother something that had triggered his heart attack. Something serious... such as why he was seeing Dorothea... there was something definitely fishy about this...

"Clear !"

Law's attention got back to the scene at end, hoping that Sabo would make it. He didn't know him personnaly but he could only imagine the damage it would do on Luffy... Still, the surgeon couldn't push the doctor aside and do it himself.

"One more time !"

"Charged !"

The noise of the machine trying to bring Sabo back to life was defeaning even in the crowded room.

"Clear !"

_\- Letting go -_

"How is he ?" Law asked upon entering the room the nurse Rosa had taken Ace to.

The scene greeting his eyes was enough to answer his question. Ace was sitting on a chair, unmoving and unresponsive, incredibly pale, his eyes unfocused.

The nurse was beside Ace, a bag in her hand, trying to reassure him, pushing a cup of tea in his hand. The young man didn't make a move to take it, in fact, he didn't even seem to really notice what was happening around him, his eyes downcast and vacant.

"He had a panic attack." Rosa murmured getting up and approaching Law, keeping her voice low so as to not startle Ace. "Upon getting him out of the room, his breathing became eratic so I made him breathe in a bag. And then, he froze. He's totally listless. I don't know what happened in there but it shocked him deeply..."

Law nodded in thanks and got closer, kneeling next to the chair. Taking Ace's hand in his own, he checked the young man's pulse and found it still uneven and a bit fast.

"I'll take it from here." Law informed her matter of factly, without looking her way.

Rosa seemed to hesitate before nodding.

"I'll let you to him then, I heard you knew him. I tried to reach his emergency contact but the number is that of the young man in coma..."

"I've already called his brother." Law replied, not willing to developp on his "relationship" with Ace. It was none of her business.

Focusing his attention on the young man, he tried to find the words to get him out of his shocked state but found himself short for words. The minutes ticked by, both men not saying anything. It was a first really. Usually, Ace would insult Law or at least glare at him. Maybe talking to Ace about his brother would do the trick. After all, patient who had had panic attacks needed to be grounded.

"Ace" He began, his voice soft. "Luffy will be here in a minute, come on." He said gently, coaxing Ace to react. Hearing his brother's name seemed to have some effect as Ace rose his head slightly, still listless but no longer staring at the ground.

"We'll wait for him downstairs. Will you get up to see him ?"

Ace raised his head to stare at him, opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"Come on, Luffy will be waiting for us. He wanted to go to the supermarket with you. He said you were going to make hamburgers tonight. With french fries. Because he loves them." Law said, trying to make Ace come back to his senses by simply talking to him about unimportant things. "And tomorrow, Luffy said he wanted to eat sausages. Without vegetables."

Ace's eyes began to clear up and he was slowly getting out of his catatonic state. He focused his attention on Law's words, his breathing stuttering before becoming more even.

"And then, Luffy told me he would go to the aquarium tomorrow with Chopper. You could go with them."

A shuddering breath escaped Ace and he closed his eyes, the corner of his mouth pulling downwards.

"How... How is he ?" He rasped out, finally conscient enough to talk even though despair was driping from his words.

"Stable." Law replied right away, knowing that Ace wanted to know what happened to Sabo. "The doctor was able to make his heart start again." Law had stayed in the room till the end, wanting to know what the fate of his lover's brother would be and he had felt immensly relieved at hearing Sabo's heart beat steadily again.

Ace hugged himself at those words, looking down and letting his bangs hide his eyes. After a long silence that Law didn't want to break, Ace's voice echoed in the empty room, hoarse and broken.

"It's my fault. It's all my fault."

He didn't utter another word and Law didn't ask him anything else.

"Come on, Luffy is waiting downstairs." Ace didn't nod but when Law got up he followed suit.

_\- Letting go -_

He could hear them talk from the front seats of the car. It was somehow muted, as if he was under water but he could understand them. He wasn't as lost in his own mind as before.

Luffy had hugged him tight as soon as he had arrived in the hall of the hopsital but Ace had been unable to respond to it. How could he when he had put his own brother's life in jepoardy ? Still, the young man had smiled at him, leading him to the car with a small smile on his face. Which had somehow fallen when Law had began explaining what caused Ace's distress.

"Sabo is stable for now. His life is out of danger but the doctor was unable to come up with what caused this sudden heart attack."

Ace caught the glance Law threw at him in the rearview mirror. He turned his head to watch the landscape passing before his eyes. Law knew it was his fault. He hadn't told anything to Luffy but he should have... Ace was such a heartless bastard. He couldn't help but think about his words. _" You don't deserve to be called a brother."_ What kind of douchebag said this things ? There were some things that shouldn't be said. Ace had been unfair and incredibly selfish. And stupid. Frustrated tears threatened to spill down his cheeks but he didn't fell the right to cry after what he did.

He was slowly led out of the car and in no time was sitting in something plushy and comfortable, a hot mug in his hands.

He had harmed his own brother. He had... he had... nearly made him die !

How could he do something like that ? He was a demon. Those people back then were right. He was the son of a demon, a demon himself. He brought misfortune to those who came close to him. But he didn't want that ! He had never wanted Sabo to die ! Still, it had nearly happened.

"Ace..." the voice of Luffy, somehow subdued and quiet reached his ears.

_Don't speak like that. I hurt you too, didn't I ? I'm a monster. I'm sorry._

"I'm sorry." Ace whispered, not daring to look his brother in the eyes, not willing to see the dissapointment in Luffy's eyes, even if he deserved his brother's loathing for what he had done.

"I'm sorry." He said again, a bit louder.

Luffy shushed him, hugging him with strengh.

"It's alright. Don't apologize silly."

It wasn't. It couldn't. He had nearly killed Sabo out of selfishness. He deserved Luffy's hatred.

"I'm sorry." He chocked, repressed sobs shaking his frame. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, It's okay. Don't apoligize."

"Forgive him." Law said suddenly, sitting on the couch opposite the brothers.

"What ?" Luffy protested a bit angrily. "But it's not his fault !"

"I know." Law said, making a placating gesture with his hands. "But he needs to hear it. Trust me. He needs it to forgive himself." _Whatever he did... and it seems serious_ , Law added in his mind. He couldn't talk about what he had learnt today to Luffy, his younger lover was already distressed enough.

Luffy frowned slightly but did as he was told. Law was a doctor. He knew what he was doing.

"I forgive you Ace. It's okay, I forgive you."

Thick tears fell from Ace's eyes and he cried his heart and his anguish out.

"I'm... sorry Lu. I'm so – so ...sorry." He chocked, his words interspersed by his sobs.

"I forgive you Ace." His brother repeated, confusion showing on his face at seeing his brother break down in such a way. He looked at Law to get some direction but his lover only nodded at him, signifying him that he was doing the right thing.

"I'm s – sor – sorry." Ace whispered, his eyes closing as he fell into a restless sleep, feeling drained and incredibly tired.

Luffy stayed next to his brother for a while, running his fingers through his hair gently, making sure that Ace was sleeping.

"It's good. He needs to sleep. He went through a lot today." Law explained to Luffy so as to placate the young man's worries. Or at least to tone them down a bit.

"Yeah." Luffy murmured, smile all but forgotten as he looked at his troubled brother. "Thank you Law."

He raised his head to glance at his lover and a small, mirthless smile plastered on his face, eyes clouded with concern.

"Luffy..." Law whispered sadly at seeing his lover's expression. "Come, let's put your brother to bed. He needs his rest."

The young man nodded and detangled himself from his brother to help Law carry Ace to his bedroom. They tucked him in and went to Luffy's bedroom. Law was distressed, not really knowing what he should say to chase the wretched look off of his lover's face.

"It's alright Lu, they're gonna be fine. Both of them." He began clumsily.

Luffy didn't answer but hid his face in his lover's shirt, hugging him. Law picked him up and they both sat on the bed, Luffy tucked firmly in Law's arms. The surgeon ran a soothing hand down his lover's back, whispering reassurances all along. Soon, his shirt became wet with his Luffy's tears but not a sound escaped the young man. It was his turn to stay strong. Respecting his lover's wish to remain quiet, Law didn't say a thing, staying quiet and being a silent comforting presence. Still, deep down he was seething at Ace's attitude. The man dared hide things from them and he expected them to be there when things turned south ? That selfish little bastard. Law had never seen his lover cry. Silently at that.

All the business with Dr Lenoir was fishy and the surgeon vowed to get to the bottom of it, not really for Ace's sake as the man was being a moron, but for Luffy. The older man wouldn't stay iddle when his lover was suffering like this. He would discover what was wrong even if he had to bend the rules in the process.

Having set his thoughts straight, he processed to undress the both of them and tucked them in, wrapping his arms protectively around his lover's thin frame.

* * *

 

 _Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! Feel_ _free to point out any mistakes, any inconsistencies or any plot hole ! See you next chapter !_


	14. Hopelessly

_Hi ! Thank you for your kind reviews and kudos you're all awesome ! I'm glad that last chapter was so well received even if your heart broke into tiny pieces, here is some glue so you can mend it back together. Be warned that it might not be enough for what's to come ^^ I feel like a BDSM master handing out dose of pain to my masochistic readers x) x) So here's your dose, enjoy ;)_

_PS: Sorry for the wait, those chapters are really hard to write because there are so many emotions that I try to write right, it's not easy. I have to dose my drama to stick to reality and it's proven rather hard to do. I hope this chapter is alright though ! Feel free to let me know what you thought of it ! :D_

_I'm sorry for writting so slowly but real life is a bit hectic and my beta is also having some problems so I apologize for both of us. Hope you're still on the ride with us ! :D_

_NB: Here's a little writer tip: if you're stuck, change POV, it does wonder !_

  _Beta-ed by the wonderful TigerMii ! Thank you so much for your time ! ;*  
_

 

* * *

 

**Chapter 14:Hopelessly**

 

 

Chapter 14: Hopelessly

 

He didn't deserve to live. He should be dead. He shouldn't even have been born. His entire existence was bad luck. He was cursed and cursed the people he loved. It was his fault. All of this was his fault. If he hadn't lashed out at his unconscious brother, if he hadn't been so selfish, if he had seen the bigger picture and not only cared about himself, none of this would have happened. It was his fault. He knew it. Luffy knew it. Everyone would. They would hate him. Because he was a monster capable of hurting his own brother. Because he was selfish and because he was cruel.

 

Ace couldn't sleep any longer, thoughts and feelings whirling in his mind. He had been awoken by a vicious nightmare, leaving him cold and terrified. He didn't remember what it had been about but the fear and despair were real. He could still feel a deep ache in his chest. That's when the events of earlier that day caught up to him. And since then, he had been sitting in the dark on his bed, rocking back and forth, tears spilling from his eyes, sobs shaking his frame. Guilt-ridden.

 

It was his fault. He had caused Sabo's heart attack. He had told his injured brother that he wasn't his brother any longer because he was unconscious. What kind of human being was capable of doing that ? Him. But he was a monster, no longer a human being. He didn't deserve the curtesy.

As time passed by, he couldn't find himself any excuse. He was trash. Scum. He had hurt the people he cared most about. His brothers. All because he felt slightly anxious. A self-depreciating laugh escaped him, interrupted by violent coughing. Why did he even exist if it was to hurt people ? Was that why he was on Earth ? To bring misery and heartache ? Because it was what he did best. Kid, his brothers, Dadan and even Marco, somehow. The world would be better off without him. No one would even notice he was gone, except maybe when their bad luck would vanish. But even then, they wouldn't care. After all, he was a monster. Maybe, just maybe, Luffy would be better off without him ? He had Law now. He had his friends. He could live on. People die every day and their loved ones go on with their lives. Luffy would. He would be happier. No one to lie to him all the time, to worry him about unimportant diseases, to be a weight throughout his life. Luffy would hang on. He was a fighter. But Ace was done fighting. He had tried. His whole life was a fight. Surviving his childhood with bandits, not receiving the love he thought he deserved and now knew wasn't for him, going to school, fighting bullies, fighting because of who his father was, fighting to be his own man, to become someone on his own, without the shadow of this man hanging behind his shoulder. He had tried everything to have his " _father_ " removed from his birth certificate and family registry. It hadn't worked, everyone knew he was the son of a criminal. Dead, but a criminal nonetheless. Ace had thought getting people to acknowledge him would be enough, would validate his existence. But finally, they had been right. He was a monster. Just like his father, bringing sorrow, grief and death around him. He deserved everything he had ever received. Even Marco's abandonment. He didn't deserve to be happy. It just wasn't for him.

Ending things would help everyone. No one would have to suffer for his existence anymore. It was the right decision. One he should have taken before, but it wasn't too late. This thought lulled him to a nightmarish sleep, filled with dreadful screams and accusations being thrown at him.

 

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

 

Izo had tried. Really tried. No one in their right mind could have any reservations over his spotless behaviour. It had been nearly three weeks and he had done nothing. Not even a little bit of investigation or any nosing around. Nothing. But now... now he had decided that enough was enough and that being on his best behaviour for so long was tiring and useless. Okay, he hadn't really tried _that_ hard. Nosing around when one is halfway around the globe because of his job as a fashion designer presents some kind of trouble. And before that he had been busy with Christmas and New Year preparation. Anyway, being away or not, it still counted as three weeks of good behaviour so Izo considered it enough. Now was the time to act. Rolling around in his bed unable to find sleep, his mind was finally made up. Looking at the clock he noticed it was two in the morning. Grumbling Izo turned around, closing his eyes resolutely. Okay, maybe he couldn't go right now but first thing tomorrow he would act.

 

In the time he had been away, he had had time to think long and hard about what would be the best course of actions. Going to see Ace was a no, Izo still needed to be on his best behaviour with his friend and not interfere with anything for fear of losing his friendship. So no. Interrogating Marco had given him some answers but interrogating him again would be pointless. His brother had already told him too much and probably wouldn't elaborate lest Izo stick his nose in his business. So Marco was also a no. However Izo was more clever than that. If the two key players kept quiet, then it was time to go speak to other players, low-key ones. Ace had told him that Marco had left, he hadn't told him the reasons or anything, but Izo was sure that the young man wasn't the one who broke things up with his brother. As for Marco, he had told Izo that he thought Ace cheated on him with _Kid_ of all people. That was something Izo couldn't believe despite Thatch's doubts. Ace wouldn't respond well having his integrity questioned, he wasn't really the type to cheat and Izo believed that he would have told him if he had... Probably. So, there was one thing left for him to do and it was to go interrogate Kid and worm intel out of him. Going to Ace's shop at two a.m probably wasn't going to give him the intended results so he was forced to wait it out. Izo huffed in frustration and tossed his cover aside, getting up slowly so as not to wake Thatch who was snoring next to him, oblivious to Izo's internal debate. He probably wouldn't agree with Izo's idea so no need to let him know.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

 

Bare foot padded softly in the otherwise silent room and a weight settled beside Ace, startling him awake. The sun had risen already, illuminating the room through the half closed shutter. Outside, everything was covered in snow, the landscape so white it was nearly blinding after so many gloomy days of dark clouds and heavy snow. Here and there, some brave enough children were making snowmen in the front lawn of their houses under the watchful eyes of their parents. Others were throwing snowballs at each other, laughing loudly.

 

Ace struggled to free himself from his cover before being embraced from behind, trapped in his brother's arms. Luffy's forehead rested on his back, a silent support. Ace tensed, not knowing what was to come. He didn't want to talk. He didn't know what he would say. Everything. Nothing. Whatever.

 

Still, Luffy didn't talk, respecting his brother's quietness. It was a first. He probably had a hundred questions or accusations but he didn't move and he didn't speak. Only the arm that circled his waist, the sound of his breath and the feeling of it, moist against the skin of his neck gave him proof that Luffy was lying beside him. Still none of them talked.

 

Fingers began to gently stroke his hair and still Luffy didn't say a word. Ace felt overwhelmed, he didn't know where to begin. He had broken down in front of his brother and he felt awfully guilty. He knew he had some explanations to do, but he didn't know if he was strong enough to tell Luffy the truth. The whole truth.

 

He wasn't. He was weak. Selfish. A monster.

 

The cover was raised slightly and Luffy wiggled his way under it, a warm weight settling on Ace's back. They stayed here, Luffy basking in his brother's warmth and Ace's guilt eating away at him. It was a deep ache in his very core. He was underserving of such a gesture after what he had done. He didn't know why Luffy was here, hugging him when all Ace wanted was to leave everything behind. Leaving them be happy without him. A burden.

 

Ace didn't move, didn't open his mouth, didn't attempt to talk. Nothing he would say would be enough. Nothing would erase his past deeds. He deserved disdain. Hatred. And all he got was care. He wanted Luffy to stop holding him, to shout at him, to tell him that he was a monster. He deserved all of that.

 

"You're alright." Luffy whispered after a long while. "We’re gonna be alright." He asserted with strength.

Ace knew his brother was smiling, he could hear it in his voice, his confidence, his undying confidence and trust in them, in _him_. No anger, no hate, no resentment.

No, no ! Luffy should hate him. It would be right. It would be welcome. Nothing was ever gonna be alright anymore.

Ace didn't say a word, closing his eyes against this reality and the world around him. He was responsible, he was in the wrong. He deserved to be punished. Not forgiven. Not loved.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Now the time to take the proverbial bull by the horns and play the part of the fairy godmother had come. Izo was fuming while doing his hair in front of his mirror. It was nearly eleven. He had overslept. Being up most of the night, ruminating about what he was gonna ask Kid hadn't been such a bright idea. Not deterred despite his tardiness, Izo guessed that it wasn't too late to go. After all Kid would probably still be working so it was alright.

Putting on his winter boots quickly, Izo was out of his flat in no time. It was now or never. Not even a tornado would be able to stop him from his self-given mission. Which consisted of interfering with the lives of his brother and his friend. But well, semantics. It was more a rescue mission than anything, really.

 

The streets were crowded with people who wanted to make the most of the sun after so many days of bad weather. Wrapped up in heavy winter coats, family, groups of young people or elderly were strolling down the streets unhurriedly. Trees sagged under the weight of the snow that had fallen since New Year. Christmas decorations hung from one oak to another, a line of bright snowmen or stars of all size crossing the streets. Sometimes, a shriek would be heard as a snowball was thrown.

 

The familiar front window of Ace's shop greeted him after a tiring walk. From outside, one could see the splotches of colors on the walls. Opening the door he was engulfed by a wave of warmth making him aware of how cold it was outside. Shivering he made his way inside, a beaming Bonney greeting him warmly.

"Hello Bonney !" He replied, his voice more forceful than he intended. "Where is Kid ?" he asked without any preamble, not even taking the time to ask her how was her day. No time to waste, he had already lost enough by abiding to his friends wishes.

"He's upstairs with a customer but you can wait here or in the break room." she answered her eyes narrowing in suspicion. It wasn't a secret that Izo and Kid didn't get along.

"Thanks, I'll just wait here then." He said, making his way to the red couch near the door. He took a magazine, opening it randomly to appear busy so that Bonney would stop staring at him. His attention wasn't on the words in front of him though, he was still thinking about what he was going to tell Kid without antagonising him too much. A " _Did you sleep with Ace ?_ " as an icebreaker wouldn't end well even if it was what Izo wanted to know. He was, after all, here to get some answers.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The brothers hadn't talked about it further. They had stayed mostly quiet the whole day, both in their rooms, both minding their own business. At ten, Luffy had left Ace's side, without saying another word. He probably hadn't known what to say. It was hard on him, it showed on his face and in his eyes, distraught and listless. It was hard on Ace too, but in a different way. Both brothers were dealing with their problems in entirely different ways. Once, Luffy would have demanded answers, would have fought tooth and nails to know what was wrong with his brother. Now, he just let it go. Not because he didn't like his brother anymore, but because he knew that sometimes people needed time for themselves. He had grown up when nobody was looking. Law would be proud, he was trying to teach Luffy how to act responsibly. It was hard, it wasn't him. But with Sabo in a coma and Ace completely out of it, he needed to be strong. He had done nothing of his day but had called Iva to let him know he wouldn't be working tonight. He couldn't let Ace alone. In the meantime the hospital had called stating that Sabo's condition had stabilised, that it appeared he had fallen into a deeper form of coma but that the doctors couldn't know for sure and were going to run some exams. Not that Luffy really understood what it was about. He was just relieved his brother was alright.

It was now seven at night, Luffy was preparing his meal, eggs with cheese and ham. He knew it wouldn't taste as good as Sanji's cooking but realised it would be better than starving.

 

The door of Ace's bedroom opened and his disheveled brother got out, looking worse for the wear, dark shadows under his eyes, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes crazed. He made his way slowly to the kitchen and his eyes widened seeing Luffy in there. The young man should have been working. Ace wanted to ask his brother why he was still here but guilt made him clam up. He tried to make his way back into his room but Luffy's strong grip on his arm and cheerful smile plastered on his face stopped him in his tracks.

 

"Sit down." His brother said a bit forcefully. He was fed up with Ace's attitude and it showed. He would have preferred it didn't. He was supposed to be comprehensive, to be there for him. "I don't know if you're up for eggs but I can give you a bowl of cereals ?" He asked gently, trying to coax Ace into at least looking at him.

Ace nodded and went to take a seat. His guilt was weighting heavily on him, his shoulders sagging slightly, his head bending, his gaze dropping to his lap.

 

"Okay. I can't do this anymore." Luffy finally puffed, glowering. "I don't know what's happening to you, I don't know what happened yesterday at the hospital but I can _see_ that something is wrong. And you're _shutting me out."_

 

Ace recoiled slightly, not being accustomed to seeing his brother glaring his way. In his twisted mindset, he was sure he deserved this so he took it without shying away from the brunt of his brother's anger. Even if he was appalled by his thoughts from last night, about wanting to end things, he was convinced that he truly was a monster. He had fallen in a restless sleep, nightmares clogging his tired mind. Dying wasn't the solution, it was something his guilty mind had came up late last night, too tired to fight, to cling on to life. He regretted it now, knowing full well that he couldn't abandon his brother but also knowing that he deserved his brother's disdain.

 

"I'm worried. Just worried. I don't hold you responsible for what happened to Sabo. He's alright the hospital called earlier saying that he was okay. You're fine too. So talk to me."

 

Luffy didn't raise his voice often, especially with Ace. He idolised him too much, he was his big brother, he protected him, he helped him when things went sideway. Still, desperate times called for some desperate actions.

 

"I just want the truth."

 

The truth. That was something Ace was shying away from. His brother's hate, he could take, people's disdain that was fine. But the truth, the entire, unvarnished truth, that was something he was not ready to accept and even more so, to speak about. He was a liar. He knew he was but he couldn't change. Or wouldn't, it depends on the point of view. His lies kept pilling up. Somewhere, someone was probably keeping tabs and now was the time this someone would say "time to run" cause disentangling all those lies would be hell. For Ace. Because people would truly see him for who he was, would see him vulnerable, scared, empty. And he couldn't have that. The truth was too painful. Lying was easier, it always was. Once upon a time, he prided himself in saying the truth, of being frank, honest with people. But that was so long ago. Before Marco, before Sabo, before his disease. All those things, pilling up on his plate, it was too much, too much to bear for one man but he couldn't – or wouldn't, once again, everything was in the point of view – let anyone see. The truth was ugly, as it always is when you have let your lies fester for too long. It was a can of worms no one wanted open.

He had lied about his break up to Luffy; he lied to his friends not telling them the truth about it either, he lied to people about his feelings, his state of mind and his health. It wasn't so much lying as "not telling them the whole truth". A white lie one might say. But a lie nonetheless.

 

Ace's guts churned painfully. He was all too aware of this things while Luffy was glaring at him waiting for the whole _truth_. Waiting for Ace to man up. The older brother wanted to retch, to curl himself into a ball and never have to face the world ever again. Still, he soldiered on. He had made his bed, he should lie in it now. But there was nothing to say. Or so Ace thought. Where would he begin ? Would he open this so called can of worms ? No way. But he needed to. It was his responsibility. He couldn't let Luffy worry and he knew it. He prided himself on being a good big brother and the events of last night and today proved him wrong. He needed to stop being such a whiny brat. To grow a pair and move forward. Not backward. That was nice and dandy but it's never as easy to do as to think about doing so. Whatever, he was making up his mind, slowly, painfully, he knew that Luffy had to know some part of the truth. He knew, deep down, that he needed to make it up to Luffy. That he needed to show him, to tell him what was wrong because his brother had grown up in the time he wasn't looking. In the time he was too busy wallowing in self pity.

 

"I..." he began but stopped short. Guilt was boiling in his stomach painfully. A heavy stone nestled at his very core. He opened his mouth but found himself unable to go on. It was hard. Getting his thoughts in order to finally let them out... Was he really going to do it ? No no, he could backtrack, he could turn around and lie some more, he could leave and think of a better lie, he could...

"Please." Luffy's pleading voice reached his ears, making all his walls crumble. He couldn't do that to his little brother.

"I'm sorry." He settled for at least. "I'm sorry for giving you so much shit about everything. I'm a moron. I'm not alright and I didn't tell you. Because I didn't want to worry you, but look at where we are. It's such a clusterfuck." Now that he had started, it would be hard to stop. It was something that needed to be done because Luffy wouldn't put up with any more shit. Both of them knew it.

"I'm not fine. I haven't been since Marco... since Marco broke up with me. I know, I know it was a long time ago and I know I should have gotten over it. I'm not some whiny little girl whose heart got broken by the love of their life. I'm not." Even if truly, he was. "It hurt so much at that time. You don't know, you weren't there and I'm glad you weren't. It was ugly. I was... I ... I was a mess. Utterly and completely pathetic. Sabo helped me through it. He was there for me, he didn't know exactly what happened, I forbade him to go see Marco. I was done. I thought I was. But then... then Sabo... life took him out of mine. I was left alone and I became an ever bigger mess. I don't want to tell you what happened. I'm not proud. Won't ever be. Still, Kid helped me out. He kicked my ass. He knew you where gonna be home soon, and I couldn't let you see me like this, could I ? I'm your bloody big brother. So, I went on with my life, burying my problems deep down, trying to forget about them and now... now they came back to haunt me..." He had a lump in his throat. Confessing was hard. Tiring. Needed.

 

"Is it because Marco is back ?" Luffy asked him gently, his eyes full of unshed tears, fists curled in tight balls.

 

It was a way out. Ace didn't know how Luffy knew Marco was back in town but...

 

"In a way, yes." He whispered.

 

It was another lie to write down on his lie-tabs. Or an half-truth. Whichever.

 

"And yesterday" He went on, not willing to let Luffy ponder too much on his phrasing and having to tell him about his disease. "I went to see Sabo and I was so frustrated, so angry, so...lost that ... I..." He didn't want to cry. "That I lashed out. I accused him of not being there for me. Of leaving me behind. Knowingly. And I... I told him he wasn't my brother anymore. I triggered his heart attack."

 

Ace hanged his head, eyes cast low, not wanting to see Luffy's disappointment or anger. Both of them were quiet for what seemed like an eternity. Ace's heart hurt. It was squeezing in his chest painfully, making it hard to breath, making him feel nauseous. Finally, Luffy sighed, got up and hugged his brother. What could he say, really ? He was the one who felt guilty now, having lived his life unaware of his brother's sufferings.

 

"You're a moron. That's probably what Sabo wanted to tell you. I'm sure of that. You're a fucking moron and we love you. So shut up. And lean on us." He said gruffly, brows furrowed and eyes wet with unshed tears. He wouldn't let Ace down. Not ever again.

 

Ace nodded slightly, not daring to open his mouth lest a sob get out of it.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Haruta, I need your help." Was the first thing Haruta heard as she answered her phone in the middle of her work day. She got up hastily to go to the break room and replied in an amused tone.

"Well, Hello to you to Izo. What's going on ?" She said chirpily.

"A lot. And very little." Was the puzzling answer she got.

"I'll need more than that... are you okay ? Do you want me to come ? Did something happen ?" Worry creeped into her voice as diverse deadly scenarios coursed through her mind.

"No, I'm fine. This isn't about me. This is about Marco."

 

Silence stretched as Haruta realised that Izo was fine but that something was probably very wrong with their older brother if Izo called her at that time of the day sounding... vaguely irritated now that she thought about it.

 

"What's going on with Marco ? He's still at work, he took his lunch break some time ago and went back to work immediately." Haruta had witnessed first end how not alright Marco was since he broke up with Ace. Hell she had been with him when everything went down and throughout it all. She had accompanied him to New-York where everything went sideway as soon as they had landed. Marco went cold and impossibly quiet, seldom smiling or going out. He spent his time working, numbing his mind with sheets of numbers, contracts, deadlines and results. She had been unable to get through to him and she felt responsible for the way he was now. If only she had been able to break through his armor, if only she had been stronger, if only she had kicked his ass.

 

"You know that I stopped investigating because he asked me not to?" Izo asked. Haruta nodded before realising that he couldn't see her but Izo went on without letting her speak. "Well I decided that I couldn't do it anymore."

 

Of course he did. Haruta knew that Izo wouldn't stop nosing around only because Marco had asked him. It was too important for Izo to just let go. Something fishy was going on and it was a wonder neither Izo nor her had done anything sooner. But now, now they could make things right.

"So, what have you found ?" She asked in a hushed voice, looking left and right to see if anyone was here. Better be safe than sorry when discussing the love life of your boss.

"Not much. That's it. I'm pissed off. Like incredibly pissed off." That explained why Izo sounded irritated at least.

"Where have you been ?"

"I went to interrogate this conceited cocksure wiseass Kid." He spat, outrage clear in his voice. "He's the only link I found in this story. Marco thinks Ace cheated on him with Kid, he's actually pretty sure about that which seems strange when Ace assured me he didn't have the slightest idea that Kid had feelings for him."

"Marco thinks what ?" Haruta screeched, not believing what she had just heard.

"That Ace cheated on him. I can't believe it either. Thatch seems to think it's possible but I don't want to believe that..."

"I can't believe this either, I mean... it's Ace !" She cried out as if only the name of the young man was enough to clear him.

"Yeah... that's why I went to Kid. He's a fucking moron. He just deflected my questions. Like every single one. Says he doesn't have any feelings for Ace, which I can tell you is a fucking lie, he doesn't know anything about the break up, he doesn't recall Ace acting strange beforehand, but he remember afterwards. He downright criticised how I was with Ace after the break-up ! The gall of this dimwit ! I know I made mistakes ! But he spun this discussion onto me, playing on the words. There's something wrong. I know he has something to do with this but I can't frigging prove it !"

Listening to Izo, it was clear the young man had had a nasty encounter with Kid. Haruta knew that Izo could extrapolate, letting his feelings and anger cloud his judgment but she also knew better than to doubt him. Izo's instinct was often proven true. If he thought that Kid was fishy, then he damn right was.

"What do you want to do ?"

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

After what felt like hours of arguing for both brothers, Luffy finally went to work albeit reluctantly. He hadn't wanted to leave Ace's side but his brother had been adamant. Luffy had already taken the 13th to babysit him, no need for him to take another day off. Ace was _fine_. Or as fine as anyone could be after a mental breakdown.

He wasn't fine in the least but years of masking his pain, of lying through his teeth and schooling his features were enough to convince a grumbling Luffy who threatened his brother with dire consequences if anything were to happen while he was gone, namely beating his sorry face to a pulp and making him spit his teeth. Anyway, Ace felt that he didn't need a babysitter nor did he deserve his brother's time. He knew he had screwed things up and knew his brother would watch him more closely from now on but still. Still, now was the time to get back on the right tracks: he would bury his feelings for Luffy's sake and his own mental sanity. It wasn't healthy but he didn't care. He couldn't care about such a thing. With his whole world crashing down around him, with his death hanging over his head like a Damocles sword, he could at least make this right.

His talk with Luffy had alleviated some of his worries, some of the churning guilt he had inside. It had cleaned the air a bit. It had allowed Luffy to see more of Ace and Ace to be more truthful. Not entirely truthful but it was a start. He couldn't be entirely truthful anyway. Maybe he would finally accept his doctor's advice to see a shrink.

 

Finally, the front door banged shut. Luffy was gone, leaving the flat empty in more way than one. His brother filled the place with his joyfulness and laughter. Without him there, everything felt too quiet and oppressive. Ace went to the couch and settled on watching a cop show, half listening to it while his mind was miles away. He suddenly felt so hollow, being on his own now. He should probably go to sleep but knew his night would be filled with nightmares so he decided to stay up, the sound of the tv lulling him into an half-awake state, far from his reality. He was tired. He thought about calling Dadan to tell her what happened to Sabo but she would just chew his ass out. And he couldn't call her for comfort; she wasn't like that and he didn't need any. He was a big boy. Still, seeing someone might do him good... it would help him manage his anger, maybe. It would maybe help him avoid any more mistakes. Was he ready to see someone ? To open up ? Maybe not but... he needed it. For Luffy.

 

The doorbell rung suddenly making Ace jump a little. Looking at the clock he realised it was only eight o'clock. He wasn't expecting anyone but it could be Luffy who had decided to come check on him and had forgotten his key. It happened a lot more than one might think. Luffy tended to be a little forgetful about those daily useful items, like _keys._ Sighing, Ace got up, a small smile already appearing on his face at the prospect of seeing Luffy despite his annoyance at being treated like a child. The doorbell rang again and Ace hastened his pace, grumbling under his breath about stupid little brother who forgot his damn keys all the time.

 

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming !" He shouted.

 

Unlocking the door, he prepared himself to chide Luffy for being a mother-hen - and when did their roles reverse like that, he couldn't tell - but was left speechless seeing who was at the door. He blinked a few times before clearing his throat, trying to find something to say but found himself unable to really process, taken completely by surprise.

 

What was _Kid_ doing here ?

 

XxXxXxX

 

It was a strange sight to behold, seeing two people who were once best friends tiptoeing around each other, one standing uneasily on the threshold not daring to just barge in like he used to and the other one, his hand still gripping the doorknob tightly, his body like a barrier in front of the entryway. Ace and Kid were at a standstill, neither moving or saying a word. A door banging shut further in the corridor broke the silence, prompting one of them to finally talk.

"Hi..." Kid said a bit awkwardly, shuffling his feet and not looking him in the eyes. The man was visibly incredibly uncomfortable.

"Oh, hm, Hi." Ace replied uneasily.

 

Awkward wasn't even enough to cover the scene. What do you say to a friend turned not so friendly anymore ? "Hi" probably.

 

Silence stretched between before a neighbour passed in the corridor, greeting Ace warmly before making his way to the staircase.

 

"Luffy told me to come by... I ... I'm aware of what happened with Sabo and ... I thought I could count as moral support ?" Kid began, brows furrowed in uncertainty.

Luffy was sure to get an earful as soon as he would cross the threshold for Ace couldn't thank him for this. Kid wasn't the last person he wanted to see but things had turned sour between them and it made him uncomfortable just to have to interact with him. He didn't realise it was the same for Kid.

 

"Ah yeah, uh, well then, come in." He said, motioning for Kid to follow him in the house.

 

They used to be so close and now, now they acted like stilted strangers.

 

"Do you want something to drink ? Water, coffee ... ?" Ace asked as Kid took off his shoes and closed the door behind him.

"Sure. Water will do just fine." He replied, a small stiff smile appearing on his face.

 

Ace nodded and went to fetch two glasses of water even if both of them deeply wanted a tall glass of whiskey. Thoughts swirled in their mind as they observed each other unnoticed, stealing casual glance when the other wasn't looking. They hadn't seen each other since Ace took his weeks off and they hadn't made an effort to enquire about the other well-being. Ace was bitter while Kid felt betrayed. Hurt.

 

Ace turned around after fetching the water bottle in the fridge while Kid stood rooted on the spot, lurking on the edge of the kitchen, not daring to go in.

"We'll go in the living room to talk, it'll more comfortable." Ace said, probably thinking that with the TV still on it would fill the blanks for them. The young man was mostly confused and a little angry.

"Sure." Kid replied simply before turning back and making his way to the only armchair in the room.

 

They both stared at the television for awhile, neither really listening to it. Ace was torned between not saying anything to see how awkward it would get, begin a conversation with weather-talk as two strangers would or shout at Kid to just go if he didn't have anything to say. His choice was robbed as Kid finally decided to open his mouth.

 

"It has gotten cold this past few weeks. I'm glad we had a little sun today."

 

The frosty silence was only filled by the sound of the television before Ace's temper got the better of him. If Kid had looked at Ace, he would have seen his face growing cold, his eyes narrowing in anger. But he wasn't. If Ace had watched his friend carefully, he would have noticed his unease, shoulders stiff, mouth pulled down in an unhappy frown. They didn't see either things because the were only thinking about themselves, about how they felt abandoned by their best friend, how angry they became because of the other attitude, not understanding what was wrong with each other. Not wanting to see anything but their own hurt feelings.

 

"What do you want Kid ?" Ace snapped. "You didn't have to come if you didn't want to."

Kid didn't flinch but his frown deepened slightly. Still, Ace didn't see it, blinded by his own righteous feelings. Kid was being a jerk, being here only because Luffy had told him to. It hurt him deeply. He felt as if he wasn't even worth his friend's time anymore, or worth having a friendship with.

 

His anger rose.

 

"Listen, something did happen to Sabo but I'm doing _fine._ Luffy is just a little over-protective. I don't need someone to look after me so really if you want to you can go. I won't make you stay against your wish."

 

Truth be told, he just couldn't see the big picture, that Kid was hurting too. He was a tough, gruff, harsh guy but he had a heart too. Kid hadn't understood and still couldn't fathom why Ace had thrown his feelings in his face. He could only think about one reason.

 

His anger rose.

 

"I came here because I wanted to. Not because Luffy told me to. But I can see I'm unwanted. Should have figured it out now that Marco's back into the picture" He spat bitterly.

 

Useless empty words and misunderstandings just fuelled their anger further. If they weren't stubborn and pig-headed, they might have tone it down, they might have taken a minute to calm down, to talk it out.

 

"What the heck does it have to do with anything ? Marco has nothing do to with anything ! You're the one acting like a fucking stranger, being colder than fucking ice !" Ace exploded, getting up and glaring at Kid. Marco was a soft spot, it still wasn't easy for him to hear his name and he didn't understand why Kid would bring him up. It wasn't about Marco. It was about them, about their friendship that Kid seemed to think was well and truly gone if his attitude was anything to go by.

 

"I'm cold ? Fuck you Ace."

 

Words sometimes came out harsher than they were intended but it was always too late to take them back.

 

"I don't know what's wrong with you“, Kid went on ,“because you fucking lie to me all the time ! I'm supposed to be your friend and you lie to me ! So when you say I'm cold just ... fuck you. You're being an egoistical self-centered moron."

 

Deep rooted anger was hard to contain sometimes and Kid was never known to be able to reign in his temper. He was brash, often too honest and downright insulting.

Ace physically flinched. Coming to realise you were in the wrong all along is not easy. It left him unable to utter a word. He suddenly understood Kid's anger and behaviour. He had been an egoistical moron. Luffy suffered from it too. Ace was really lower than dirt. He was a lying prick. Still, he couldn't tell Kid the truth. He was stuck in his own lies again.

 

"You lie all the time, you're acting weird. I don't recognise you. Not anymore." He said, his tone softer than before, frustration pouring out of him in waves.

 

Kid had a right to be angry but his guilt also made him tone down his anger. He felt guilty. Had felt it for close to two years. It had gone slightly better as years passed by but now... now it came back with a vengeance leaving his guts churning. He wasn't blameless and his showdown with Izo had just poured salt on festering wounds even if he had managed not to say anything. He was responsible.

 

"I shouldn't have come now." He said breathlessly, suddenly feeling that he couldn't get enough air. " I... I wasn't ready to see you." He added, not really saying what he had to say, what he ought to say to make this situation better.

 

Ace let himself fall back on the couch, as if the strings which had held him up had been cut off. His friend wasn't _ready_ to see him. _Ready._ What did it even mean ? _Ready..._

"I just don't get you. I try. I tried. I know that... I know that Marco's coming back is fucking you up and I'm sorry. I truly am. I just wished ... I just wished you would have talked to me, trusted me with what was wrong."

As he talked, Kid couldn't bear his own treacherousness anymore. How could Ace trust him when he had been everything but truthful with him ?

 

Ace didn't dare look at Kid. Guilt swirled in both their guts. They both knew what they did wrong. What they regretted doing but they couldn't change anything now. They both had lied, they both had different reasons but ultimately it came to one thing: love. To gain love or to protect people out of love.

"I better go." Kid muttered quickly, getting up hastily.

 

Neither apologised, neither tried to think about ways to salvage their friendship. It seemed too late. You could hear their friendship break in the otherwise silent room as Kid's back faced Ace's form slouched on the couch. It shattered at their feet under the weight of their lies and their deceit. They were both responsible but both felt it was their own fault above all. But after all was said and done, the blame was on Love.

 

 

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A/N: Thank you for reading and once again sorry for the wait ! I hope this chapter was alright if a bit ( a lot) dramatic ! See you next chapter ! Hopefully sooner than the last.


	15. Give Me Oblivion

_Notes: Hello everyone and Happy New Year ! I hope you're all fine and I wish you all to succeed in whatever you attempt this year !_

_I'm sorry for the wait, this chapter was finished since New Year but as it ends with an evil, evil cliffhanger I couldn't let you have it knowing that I couldn't write in the weeks after (learning for my exams and then my exams) so I waited to be able to have more time to begin chapter 16 ! So this chapter is emotionnaly heavy, dark, it's supposed to be the worst one. Like reeeeally the worst. So if you don't like cliffhanger, don't read this one and wait for the next, if not, I hope you'll enjoy ! ( Sorry not sorry for the evil evil heartache this chapter will give you, brace yourselves !)_

_Warnings: **Alcohol Consumption, Alcohol as a Coping mecanism, attempted suicide ( but not really planned), Depression, dark thoughts**_

_Unbeta-ed, sorry for any mistakes, don't hesitate to point them out and I'll edit the chapter ! :D_

* * *

 

**Chapter 15: Give Me Oblivion**

 

His night had been restless. He hadn't been able to sleep much, his mind plagued by thoughts of his broken friendship. Things could have gone a different way. He could have swallowed his pride. Or he could have just told Kid the truth. But now it was done, over, well and truly broken. Smashed to smithereens.

A bitter laugh escaped Ace as he got up, shivering as his feet touched the cold ground.

Luffy was still sleeping as the house was silent. Ace got up and went to make some coffee, not feeling hungry enough to cook - or rather not hungry at all. The void in his belly couldn't be filled with food. He sat at the table staring listelessly into his hot mug cradled in his hands, the steam escaping from it warming his face. He looked out the window, at the snow covered trees and at the greyish sky. Rays of sunlight seemed to want to pierce the veil, some parts of the clouds brighter than the rest. A bird suddenly perched on the window ledge, its black feathers clashing against the greyness of the world outside. Its little head turned left and right quickly and a shrill escaped it, going higher and higher. A second bird appeared, its wings unfurled, his orange belly like a splotch of color against the grey sky, landing next to its friend. They huddled together, watching the landscape along with Ace.

The young man felt like drawing. He hadn't since the last time he went into his studio. He hadn't felt like it, hadn't thought he would be able to even hold a pen without shaking or letting it fell on the floor, his hands unable to hold it anymore. His symptoms had decreased a bit since he started taking his medications but it still occured every once in a while. It occured too much. Stumbling, dropping things, falling.

Ace got up on shaky legs, feeling an incredible restlessness he hadn't felt in a while. He needed to draw.

Opening the door to his studio he was assailed by the pungent smell of paint and stale air. No one had gone inside his room for a while and the window hadn't been opened either. Flicking the light on, Ace went to the window to clear the air. A gust of cold wind entered the room, chilling him to the bone. Shivering he closed the door and set up his brushes and a large piece of paper on his table, not having gotten around to buying more canvasses.

The light of the day wasn't enough to illuminate the room and Ace let the artificial lamp on. He felt giddy, excitation thrumming in his whole body. He began blending the blue paint into the white using a soft brush to obtain a pale blue, his mind settling entirely on his actions. A little sky blue here, more deep-blue there, a touch of light orange on the edges, some more yellow around here. His painting began to take shape but it looked sloppy, colors not the right tone, shape looking messy, straight lines curving at the edges. It didn't look any good. It wasn't any good.

Tearing the paper to shreds, he threw it in the trash before taking another piece of paper and nearly ripping it half in his anger. Breath in, breath out. Calm down. Empty your mind.

Ace took a pencil and started to draw without the colors hindering him, letting the drawing take shape on its own. A dragon, teeth sharp and dripping with blood, dark eyes boring into his own looked back at him for a moment but Ace could see all its flaws. Its crooked mouth, its assymetrical eyes, its scales looking nothing like they should. It was no good. No good at all. He needed to draw something simpler, something else. Something he was used to. Burning flames, intertwined tightly, growing stronger as they fed each other, growing bolder as they reached the edges of the paper, swirling and blending together. Ace added some colors, a burning red, a soft orange and a black as deep as coal. Looking at the drawing and at his own tattoos, covering his forearms he wanted to laugh and cry. God. Since when had he become so sloppy ? Could he have lost his skills and his talents in so short a time ? Was he now unable to draw anything ?

He picked up his brushes. The colors were harsher on this one, soft hues forgotten for something imbued with blood red tones, combined with deep grey and teal. An ashen seaside landscape appeared under his brush, a burning sky casting dark shadows on the desert ground, a single humanoid shadow, its back to the painter, stood on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump in a sea in turmoil, waves nearly licking the sky. Setting his brushes aside, he looked at the paper angrily. His feelings had blended in the paper, dark and bitter. Blood red. Hellish. He dipped his brush in black paint and made the shadow stood more vividly, darker, larger.

Splotches of water blurred the drawing, making the dark look grey. More dripped on the drawing, splotches appearing here and there, smudging the colors, blending them, ruining everything. Raising a hand to his face Ace realised he was crying. Again. He sniffled and closed his eyes resolutely. Not now. Still, his feelings were bursting free, dampening his painting, making it unrecognizable, not that it looked any good to begin with. Everything was happening so fast, he didn't have time to stand back up that something else made him crumble. _Every-fucking-time_.

He looked down and crumpled the paper in his hand, paint staining his hand but he couldn't care less. He made a tiny ball out of it, trying to pour his feelings into it and throwing it away. He got up and made his way to the bathroom, rinsing his hands, red bleeding out of his palms, turning pink with the water. He looked up and faced his reflection. Hair askew, eyes blood shot and red rimmed, cheeks damp with tears. He looked like shit. Crazy. His eyes lacked their spark, they were dull. He hadn't noticed, hadn't taken a good look at himself in awhile. Once, he thought he was handsome, now, he didn't even care. He looked half-crazed and out of his mind. Ace sighed, feeling his self esteem crumble slowly. Splashing a bit of water on his face he tried to put on a smile on. He didn't want to worry Luffy. It looked like a grimace more than a smile but it would have to do.

Ace made his way back to the kitchen, opening the fridge to fetch eggs to start with breakfast and upon closing it, his eyes fell on the calendar, some anime calendar thing about pirates that Luffy loved. The 15th. He needed to go back to work. Or do something about it. He had wanted to sell his shop to Kid but now it wasn't possible anymore, Kid probably wouldn't accept. It would be a miracle if he so much as agreed to work with Ace anymore. Well, there was always Bonney. She would probably agree but Ace didn't know if she had the money. Otherwise, he could come up with something with Brook ? Maybe ? He probably should call him to set up a few things. And he needed to think about what he would do to live from now one.

A hand on his shoulder startled him back to earth and he whirled around to fend off his attacker before noticing it was just Luffy, looking at him worriedly.

"Are you okay ?" He asked. "I've been calling your name and you didn't reply, just looked at the calendar..." He began, his tone timid, his big eyes shinning with sorrow.

"Sorry, I spaced out for a second." Ace told him, his fake smile appearing on his face, not fooling Luffy if his facial expression was anything to go by.

Luffy hummed noncomitally and went to fetch a pan to make the eggs.

"Did you have a nice time with Kid yesterday ? I know it wasn't my place to call him but I was worried and I didn't want to leave you alone."

 _It was awful. And it doesn't even begin to describe it._ Ace thought but instead he settled on something more neutral.

"It was fine. We talked a bit." _And then he left. For good probably._

Luffy looked at him askance before taking place before him.

"Come on Ace. I know that there is something you're not telling me. I saw your studio, your crumpled drawings you were spacing out a second ago, looking at the calendar..."

"I'm fine, I really just spaced out." Ace stated firmly, a bit too firmly perhaps, but well.

"I told you that you can tell me anything. And I mean it. Really. I... seeing you spacing out before this calendar... I... I can _help_ you. I'm _here_ for you..."

Luffy fixed him with an open look, eyes shining with honesty and kindness but Ace didn't understand what Luffy was getting at. What was wrong with the calendar ? Luffy didn't inquire about Kid ? Ace turned back to look at the calendar once again but couldn't find that anything was amiss and then suddenly, it hit him like a ton of brick.

"Is it because tomorrow is the 16th ?" Luffy asked before Ace could say anything, his voice small, guilt and sorrow swirling in his dark eyes.

The 16th. Hell. The 16th of January. Ace felt light headed all of a sudden. So much things had pilled up on his plate recently that he had all but forgotten about it. The 16th of January. It had been six years ago. Six years ago that he had gotten together with Marco. It was a date he had celebrated once upon a time. A date on which he had cried his heart out just last year. A date he had forgotten this year. His heart ached suddenly, filling with a deep old pain and overall sadness. It still hurt so damn much despite time passing by. His breath came out in short pants and he got up quickly, dizzily and ran to the bathroom, crumbling before the toilet, retching as his heart tried to crawl out of his chest. God. Could life give him a fucking rest ? Ace could feel Luffy's hand rubbing his back soothingly but he shrugged him off and got up slowly.

"Ace..." Luffy pleaded.

"It's fine. I... I'm sorry, it's just, It's still raw." He stammered, managing to get the words out of his mouth despite feeling like vomitting yet again. "I... I don't want to talk about it. Please."

Luffy nodded, apoligizing before stirring the conversation on safer grounds, talking about his daily life and making breakfast as Ace sat at the kitchen table, half-listening to his brother rambling, half feeling like his heart wanted to escape from his chest by his throat. But he needed to stay strong. He had decided to let Marco go. He had decided not to think about him anymore. So why did it hurt so goddamn much ? _Let me forget, please if there is an higher being above, let me forget all about it._

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

His eyes hurt. Staring so long at a computer screen would do that to anyone. Marco sighed and rubbed his forehead and eyes, attempting to massage his weariness away. He was tired and it was only around three. He got up and stretched his legs, going to his coffee machine to pour himself one more mug; he didn't count them anymore today. The liquid was lukewarm, nearly cold. Sighing yet again, he made his way to the door to go in search of a microwave as his own was... out of order due to unforseen circumstances.

Haruta rose her head as he got out, a bright smile not reaching her eyes on her face, a scheming gleam in her gaze. Marco's eyes narrowed in suspicion and he pursed his lips but didn't say anything. She had been doing that for a while and he was sure it had something to do with Izo coming back in town. Huffing he approached Haruta's desk and hold out his mug.

"I don't know where the microwave is." He said matter of factly.

A smirk graced his sister's features in a rather devious way, as if she was gonna ask him to make a deal with the devil.

"Is that so ? Why, what happened to the perfectly functional one you had in your office ?"

Marco grunted, levelling a hard stare at her.

"Come on, Marco, you can't expect me not to laugh at you for years when you put a spoon in your microwave."

Marco felt a small smile pulling his lips up but tried to school his features. He wouldn't give her more ammunitions. He had been careless in putting a spoon in his microwave but it wasn't as if he had done it on purpose. Working too much did that to people...

Haruta laughed at his sour look and rose from her sit, making her way down the corridor.

"Come on, I'll show you the way." She added, a smirk still plastered on her face.

Marco was sure that all of their siblings would know about this and would tease him to no end next time they saw each other.

They walked side by side, toward this floor's breakroom, passing before the offices of executives.

"I'll have the microwave replaced by the end of the week, don't worry."

"Thank you."

The corridor seemed to be endless and each step he took seemed like such a drag, furthermore he could feel Haruta's eyes on him.

"Yes, Haruta, is there something you want ?" He asked, turning to see her face, not willing to beat around the bush anymore. He knew all too well what was on her mind and he couldn't find it in himself to be pissed anymore. He was just tired.

She was bitting her lips, unsure of how to reply.

"Not necessarily. You seem exhausted, even more than usual and ... please let me help you." She said, pleaded really, her eyes shining with sorrow.

Marco sighed.

"I'm fine, Haru. Truly, I am. I'm sorry that I worry you but really, I just feel tired."

"You've been working none stop since Christmas !" She huffed, glaring at him.

"The beginning of the year is always busy, I needed to tie some important deals and well, this one week long trip to New-York set me back on a few things." He argued, no heat in his words.

"I know... but you should take better care of yourself. We can't help but worry. And it's not just Izo and me."

"Yeah... I can't promise you anything but coming back here, seeing all of you, it has helped. I... I'll... I'll get better with time."

"Marco..." Haruta murmured, not really believing him.

"Ah, here's the microwave. Thank you for coming along Haruta." Marco said suddenly, a way to dismiss the conversation entirely.

His sister gone, Marco sighed and slouched on a chair, his head craddled in the palms of his hands, elbows on the table. He watched his mug spinning in the microwave under the yellow light, steam beginning to rise slowly. The quiet ding didn't make him get up. Haruta was right, he was working himself to the bone, not taking a second for himself. He had been doing this for the past two years so it wasn't really new but his family worried. He had been equal part glad and pissed at having to come back here, in the city of his youth. He hadn't been happy in New-York but at least his thoughts had been muddled by cheap sex, alcohol and work. Here, with his family always on his back, he couldn't go on with this kind of life style and to his surprise, it did him good. He couldn't spend much time with them, running a business empire as large as his father's was, was hard and time consumming but his siblings made a point to stop by every now and then, dragging him to their homes to eat dinner with their family and children. Being surronded by so much love had soothed the ache he felt. He still felt it though, even more after seeing Ace again. The once love of his life. Bitterness and fondness overwhelmed him and he sighed again, letting his head drop on the table, feeling the coldness of the glass against his cheek. He needed to get himself back together right now. It wouldn't do for employees to walk in on him sprawled on the table. Looking at his watch he realized that it was still early in the afternoon and that he still had a lot of work to do. He got up reluctantly and sluggishly made his way to his office, his cup of warm coffee in hand. It wasn't late enough for him to go home and his work wouldn't do itself on its own.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The door chimed as another client entered Spade, a young man looking a bit scared, eyes wide and biting his bottom lip. First timer. They always were like this, scared of the neddle that would carve a tattoo on their skin. Bonney hoped he had thought long and hard about getting a tattoo before coming here and that it wasn't some stupid college student dare. A tattoo was for life, it wasn't to be taken lightly. Still, she would do her job regardless and she took pride in it. She loved this shop as if it were her own, grateful that Ace had been willing to employ her despite not knowing her. She was even more grateful to Kid for telling her about this oportunity.

Kid... It hadn't been love at first sight in highschool. Kid was the kind of guy who always got caught in fights and came out bruised and bloody but victorious, not really the kind of crowd Bonney hanged out with usually. Still, they became friends somehow.

Kid, Law and Bonney had done their three years of highschool in the same class. They had been grouped up in their first year to work on a year long project which nearly ended in murders. Group works tended to do that to people but they had finally managed to work out their differences. They didn't have a lot of things in common but through the hardships of working on a group project they had managed to build a weird friendship. They didn't always hang out with each other at school, having their own groups of friends but they sometimes used to spend time together. Now that they were older, Bonney saw a lot less of Law who always was an associal bastard and a lot more of Kid as he was her colleague. Even if he was a gruff moron, stealing her chocolate bars even if she always knew when one was missing, she cared for him. As such she had noticed that Kid was hurting since Ace rejection but she had trouble doing anything about it. He was pretty private and didn't really like her nosing around. What's more he was averse to talk about feelings. That blasé jerk.

Since the end of autumn and especially with Ace's taking some time off the atmosphere in the shop had been heavy and gloomy. Moreover it had been a little over two weeks since she had last seen her boss here. It had never happened before, Ace taking so much vacation time. He was too dedicated to his work to just leave the shop unattended. Bonney didn't know what was going on and she wished she did so that she could at least help. Ace had changed since November, and December had been even worse. He had been on edge, not tattooing people anymore, locking himself up in his office and doing paperwork. Of course she had noticed this but if Kid was an uncommunicative guarded moron, Ace was way worse. She hadn't been able to broach the subject with her boss, he always found an excuse to avoid the subject. That coupled with Kid's behaviour, it made things difficult in the shop. Kid was more withdrawn and even Bartolomeo's cheerfulness hadn't been able to break Kid out of it. Bonney had tried to talk to her friend but to no avail.

She sighed as she got up, Kid was throwing a dark glare at the young man fidgeting on the doorstep as if he had just insulted him. His temper was hair trigger today. More than usual.

"Hello ! Welcome to Spade ! What can I do for you today ?" She asked chirply, making a shooing motion with her hand toward Kid, telling him to get lost with his attitude.

Even if everything was going to shit, she wasn't going to let him – or Ace – ruin this shop. It wasn't too late to do something about it.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

It was freezing outside, Marco's breath coming out in white puff in front of his face. The tip of his nose had reddened because of the cold and he had to keep his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. Why had he decided to go outstide again ? Ah yeah, to get some air. It was around four and snow was still falling from the sky, blinding him slightly. It had started around two, when he was still at work, and it didn't seem to want to stop.

Marco was walking slowly on the sidewalk, lost among the other passers-by. People moved past him quickly, car sped along the road, blurred images in his peripheral vision. After drinking his coffee in the break room he had made an hasty retreat to his office as employees began to fill the room for their own break, startled at seeing him here. It wasn't that he never saw them, it just wasn't usual for him to wander in his building. Coming back at his desk he hadn't been able to get any work done, thoughts swirling in his mind as tiredness seeped in his bones. He needed to get some air. Packing up in a hurry, he had left as soon as the idea had crossed his mind. He needed to get out. Haruta had yelled something, probably a worried "where the heck are you going ?" but he hadn't replied, punching the ground floor button of the elevator.

He knew that tomorrow was the sixteen of January. Was all too aware of its meaning. Though it was meaningless today. He was tired of being angry, bitter, cold, withdrawn. It wasn't him and he knew it. People around him too and they worried.

The gates of the park was as he remembered it, the wrought iron a deep black, not a spot of rust to be seen despite the weather and the time passing by. The paths hadn't changed either and the frozen lake at the east entrance was still being used by ice-skaters.

Marco walked around it, taking in this forgotten landscape. He hadn't set a foot in it in two years and it was a shame. This park was truly beautiful. Children were screaming and running after each others, throwing snowballs haphazardly. As Marco watched them with a small smile on his face, he was nearly trampled by a wet dog which came barreling into him out of nowhere.

The hill stood right before him, a lone tree sagging under the weight of the snow at the top, near a little bench. Marco still remembered the view. The way was cleared but snow was slowly building back up on the winding path to the top. He should have worn boots, his socks would be soaking wet before he was halfway. Shaking his head he began to make his way painstakingly through the snow. He felt warm enough once he managed to reach the top, panting with the effort. Trudging through the snow, he went and sat on the wet bench, taking in this forgotten view. The sun was slowly setting as it was close to five, not that he could see it through the clouds blanketing the city. It was just growing darker.

It was here, under this tree, so many years ago that he had told Ace that he loved him. It felt like years ago and still the love and the pain felt fresh. What was wrong with him ? He wanted to see Ace. One last time. Or maybe forever. Not waking up beside him had at first torn his heart to pieces and he had turned this weakness into hatred. Now, he just felt weary. He couldn't forget but he didn't want to hate anymore. He was sick and tired of this side of himself. He wanted to move on.

Who was he kidding ? Himself most probably. He couldn't move on. He would have if he had been able to but... but it seemed impossible. And... things were different now. To put his mind at ease after his confrontation with Izo he had contacted a Private Investigator to investigate Kid and Ace's relationship and the man came up empty handed. To him there wasn't anything fishy. They didn't see each other much, didn't hang out anymore. The only note worthy thing that had happened had been the night before. Kid had gone to Ace's appartement and stormed out, visibly upset, an hour later. Ace wasn't seeing Kid.

Still, it didn't mean he never had. Marco still remembered what he had seen two years ago, still woke up from nightmares featuring those dreadful events. If only he could forget. He had tried everything, meaningless sex, alcohol, work. And still, he managed to wake up hard and aroused, chasing after mesmerizing dark eyes in his dreams.

Ace and Kid weren't together and hope blossomed in Marco's chest, immediately squashed by bitterness. Maybe, if he just saw Ace again, if they talked like Izo had told him to do. This whole thing with Kid... it was strange. On the top of the hill he had first kissed Ace he realized that he maybe should have listened to Izo. His brother had tried to talk to him but he hadn't wanted to listen. Maybe he should have. Maybe he needed to. But not now and not tomorrow, he felt too tired to tackle this. There was time, his broken heart wouldn't break any further anyway.

He shivered as a gust of wind ruffled his hair. He should go home, it was getting late.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Kid." Bonney snapped, glaring at her friend and coworker. "I'm sick of you today. What's crawled up your ass and died ?"

He had spent the afternoon grousing, complaining, insulting clients, being downright offensive. He levelled a hard stare at her and huffed before turning his back on her and stalking to the break room to gather his belongings.

"Fucking hell, Kid, talk to me or I'll break your nose."

It was past seven and Bartolomeo had already left, leaving Kid and Bonney to clean up before closing. Usually, only one of them stayed behind with Ace to do that.

"Come on then, so I can break your fucking arm and have some fucking peace !" He snarled turning around angrily and taking a few steps in her direction.

She took a quick step back, her eyes widdening, a shiver running down her spine. Kid nearly look murderous. Her fear must have shown on her face as Kid face softened a bit. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly to calm himself down.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"It..it's fine", she stuttered still stunned. "I'm sorry I overstepped my boundaries ?" She said, her voice taking an upward inflection at the end. She might have come on him too strong but she didn't know what else to do. Didn't have any mean to make him talk but to antagonize him.

"It's alright, I... overreacted." He replied, turning back to go to the breakroom.

"Kid..." She called out, her voice a mere whisper.

He stopped but didn't turned around.

"What ?"

"I'm worried about you. I know that you're not alright and that you're hurting and I want to help because I'm your friend and that's what friends do. Help each other out, listen to them, let them cry on their shoulders. You know, friends do that. All the time. And we're friend. You're mine at least. I mean..." She babbled, unable to stop. She just wanted to help but didn't know how.

"Stop Bonney, I got it. You're my friend too..." He said shaking his head. "It's just that... I don't know what to tell you."

"Start with the beginning, it seems like a good starting point, don't you think ?" She said, trying to joke to lighten the mood.

"Yeah... come on then." he replied, opening the door to the break room and taking a seat. The coffee pot was still half full and Kid poured two mugs before putting them in the microwave. Usually the pot would be empty at this hour, Ace being addicted to caffeine. No one had thought to reduce the quantity and they often had left over coffee now that he was on leave.

"I went to see Ace yesterday. And I probably said things I shouldn't have. Sometimes I don't think before talking. He was... cold and I didn't react well. I... accused him of lying to me, not telling me what's wrong with him... I... could have handled this better."

"What happened next ?"

"I left. I couldn't bear it. He didn't want to see me and ... I got angry. I left."

Bonney didn't say it but she must have thought about it loudly as Kid let out a gruff laugh.

"I'm a moron, I know. I can't stop thinking about it."

Bonney pursed her lips and patted him on the arm in a comforting gesture.

"Do you regret saying those things to him ?" Whatever he had said and had accused him off.

"I... don't know. I think our friendship is over. We're pratically estranged now. It hurts but ... I don't know."

"Kid... Ace is your friend, your best friend... I don't know what's going on and you probably won't tell me but just know that sometimes you have to suck it up and apoligize because friends are important."

"I _love_ him." Kid spat out, bitterness filling him mouth. "I don't want to be his _friend._ "

"Kid..." Bonney whispered, her eyes shining with pity and sadness.

"It's hard, so fucking hard... Especially because I ruined everything..."

"Don't say that !" Bonney nearly screamed, getting up and slamming her hands on the table. "Ace is your friend and maybe he's not ready to return your feelings but you both care about each other and you didn't ruin anything ! It's a little spat, if you go and explain yourself, it can only get better ! I know Ace ! He must be devastated. You are friends and friends get over petty arguments !" She asserted heatedly.

"You don't know anything Bonney.. you don't know what I did... if you knew..." He whispered, feeling his guilt settled more heavily on his shoulders. It was becoming unbearable.

"I don't but if you feel like you did something wrong then you should apoligize."

"I don't think it will be enough..."

"You never know..." Bonney said smiling, trying to be inspiring.

"Oh _I know._.." Kid's voice was filled with bitterness, dripping with self-depreciation. "I'll think about it."

"Don't think too hard, letting things fester is never good."

Kid let out a bitter laugh.

"It's too late."

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The door banged shut at five o'clock in the afternoon, Luffy leaving for work. He had made himself scarce all day, only trying to coax Ace out of his room a few times but not bothering him with talking about his feelings. Just leaving his brother wallow peacefully, mending his broken heart back together. Or trying to glue back the scattered pieces that were left.

The appartement was blessedly quiet. No sound came from oustide, no sun filtered through the window, everything was blissfully white and silent. Ace sighed, closing his eyes burrowing himself further under his cover. A hot tea steamed on his nightstand, brought over by Luffy before he had had to leave. He had kissed his forehead, smiled, caressed his hair before going with a "sleep tight", as if Ace had been a child.

It hadn't done anything to help. It had made his chest hurt and ache even more. Feelings, buried so deep under layers and layers of indifference and need to forget had broken free. And it hurt. Luffy's kind words would do nothing to soothe the pain he was feeling right now. It was too deep, too rooted in his very being, to his very core. He had them buried though, had tried to forget, to move on...

Come on, who was he kidding ? As if he had one day managed to bury them for good... everything was crumbling down around him and he realised that his temporary solution might not have been the right one. He couldn't catch a damn break. Never. Marco breaking up with him, Sabo falling into a coma, Marco coming back, cold and righteous, Sabo's heartattack, Kid's disdain, the 16th. His disease. His coming death. His coming painful dismiss.

A numbness settled in his gut. He felt so out of his depth. How could he get up, buried as he was under his problems ? How did the world expect him to survive ? Maybe that was why he was sick ? Because he wasn't meant to bear the weight of his misery and because he couldn't be trusted to put himself out his misery. Fate had drawn his cards and decided to help him go. A kind gesture to lighten his burden, decrease his pain. But it hurt. So damn much. A constricting feeling, clutching his heart and his lungs, making him unable to breath. Everything was moving too fast, as soon as hope began to shine it was taken away. He couldn't take it anymore. Who could take all of this without breaking down ? He had tried. He had gone to talk to Dadan, he had tried to draw some support in his own clumsy way, he had tried not to care, tried to go on with his life, tried not to think about his future. But it was hard. People were moving on around him and he was stuck in the past, stuck by his mistakes, stuck because of his damn feelings. If only he couldn't feel anything. If only, for one moment, he could be numb, numb enough to stop the pain from overflowing his entire being. He would do anything for it to stop.

He felt like throwing up again. Marco, Sabo, Kid. Their names swirled in his mind, marred by guilt, by rancour, by hatred, by sorrow. He didn't know what hurt the most, it all blended together, leaving him cold and distressed. Marco had been his lover for so long, had been his source of comfort, his solace. They had been so strong together, had loved each other so passionately. And it had ended abruptly, in tears. Now that Marco was back, in the back of his mind, hope had rekindled.

Maybe they could talk it out, maybe Marco regretted what had happened, maybe he had broken up with his other lover, the one he left him for, and would take Ace back. But as soon as those thoughts ran through his mind, Ace felt sick, sick of himself. Marco had abandonned him and he wasn't a sad puppy under the rain, waiting for its master to come fetch him. He was his own man, he was enough. He didn't need Marco to be happy. And still, here he was...

Sabo had been his support throughout his life, the one that made him less bitter, that had helped him through school, that had been his shoulder to lean on. He had been a true brother in everything but blood and Ace was glad for that. Grateful even. But Fate had decided to take him away from him at a time when he needed him the most. When he would have needed a shoulder, when he had secrets that needed to be found out. Sabo had always been able to see through him, always confronting him head-on, calling him pig-headed most of the times. He knew how to handle someone like Ace. He had always known. Ace missed him so much, everyday.

As for Kid, he had been there when Sabo wasn't. He was his best friend, the one he drunk with, the one he confided in, the owner of the couch he ended up sobbing on. And now, he was neither of those things anymore. Kid loved him and Ace didn't... He wished he could. He wished he had moved on. Kid was a great man, a good friend, he would have been an incredible lover. But Ace didn't love him. Couldn't love anyone. Even if there wasn't Marco anymore, would he be able to trust someone ? He wasn't sure. But this option had been robbed out of him by his disease. Even if he could, it wouldn't do him any good. He would die on the person he came to love, if he ever could. It wasn't something he wished to anyone. He wasn't keeping people away to just hurt others.

Ace laughed bitterly and got up, making his way to the kitchen, all the while feeling like shards of glass were tearing his inside apart. He fixed himself something quick before making his way to the living room, hoping that the television would numb his mind, making him forget about everything. As he entered the corridor, he noticed that the door of his studio was open and went to close it, only noticing that he hadn't turned off the light. He entered his studio and now that he was here, decided to clean up a bit, picking up the discarded rumpled balls of paper he had thrown haphazardly earlier today. He bend down and put them in the trash, not bothering to look at them any longer. They were so horrible that he couldn't bear to look at them. Having put them in the trash, he gathered his brush, going to the kitchen to rinse them under the water. He put them back in a pot to dry, put the drawing paper in a nice pile, gathered them in his arms and put them in the closet.

His eyes suddenly caught sight of the drawings he had crammed on the top shelf. They had fallen on him, drowning him in forgotten pictures of his past a while ago. Just before he had learned of his coming death. It seemed like such a long time ago, not just three short months. He couldn't help but reach for them, his fingertips grazing the paper, mind going back to better times. He took the piles of old drawing and sat on the floor, not looking at them yet. He took a deep breath. He didn't know why he was doing that, why he was hurting himself like that. A bitter, rough laugh escaped him, or maybe it was more of a moan full of anguish. His grip tightened on the drawings, rumpling them a bit. It was a better time, a time when he didn't have anything to worry about, when he was happy. Today, he wasn't. Despite Luffy's love, despite not yet being dead, he wasn't happy. He felt hollow, hurt pulsing in his very being, relentlessly, filling him with anguish and pain to his very marrow.

He browsed through the drawings slowly, taking in the shape and faces of every people on them. His friends, his brothers, Marco. Especially him. Half-naked, looking his way lovingly. Ace's fingers traced the edge of Marco's smile, losing himself in his bottomless blue eyes. He got up suddenly, the drawings clutched in one hand, and opened a little wooden chest, tucked under the table. A bottle of whiskey lied under dish towels stained with paint. A forgotten one, that he had never gotten around to throw away before Luffy came back from his trip over the world. A bottle he knew lied there but had no intention of ever touching. He took it and opened it. He wanted to numb his mind, needed it, and maybe it wasn't the right choice, maybe it was even a really bad one but he didn't care, couldn't care right now. Too many things hurt and he needed them to stop. He took a huge gulp and the liquid burnt his throat, his stomach protesting. But it felt good. The burn made him feel alive, warmed his inside.

He leaned against a wall, drawings in his lap, bottle clutched in his hand. Sometimes Ace stumbled upon landscapes, devoided of any people, still they brought back vivid memories, times when his friends and family were gathered around him. Ace took another gulp, the liquid burning less than last time, as he went down memory lane. A smile stretched his lips as heavy tears roll down his cheeks. He sniffled and took another swig. Once again, a drawing of an half-naked Marco, eyes half-lidded in arousal. The bottle found his lips again. Why did Ace like drawing those kind of pictures ? Landscapes were fine too. This one was one of Luffy, a straw hat perched awkwardly on his head. He had gotten it in a fair, a few years back and it had been love at first sight. He had worn it all the time, even when he slept but Sabo and Ace had managed to convince him otherwise. Now, he only wore it all year, except in winter, because it was a bit too cold for his ears and he wore a red woolly hat. On the next one Sabo was next to him, an arm around his shoulder, a blue top hat on his own head. It was a time when Ace still knew how to draw. The next swig went easily down his throat.

Time flew by, the sun had set, minutes or hours ago, who knew ? Or who cared ? Ace got up, his legs feeling heavy as lead and his head spinning. He made his way out of his studio, leaving the drawings discarded on the floor, the almost empty bottle of alcohol loosely held in his hand. The room was spinning and the light was hurting his eyes. Squinting he made his painful way to his bedroom, stumbling at every step. It was hard, he didn't remember it to be so far away from his studio. He sighed, leaning against a wall to take a breather before rising the bottle to his lips. Upon lifting his arm, his grip loosened and the bottle came crashing down on the floor, smashing in splinters of glass. Ace blinked at the broken shards littering the floor, his brain having a hard time understanding what at happened. He finally bent down to pick the pieces of glass but his legs gave out from under him and he fell on his hands and knees, glass piercing his flesh, tainting the floor in red. He tried to get up but only managed to slip on the whiskey he had spilt on the floor, sprawling even further on the ground. Weariness filled him as a tired laugh escaped him. His limbs had abandonned him too. Was it the alcohol or his disease he didn't know and he couldn't be bothered to think about it. All he knew was that he was sprawled on the cold floor, exhausted, worn out, deeply wounded, broken.

His laugh turned hysterical as whiskey soaked his clothes, tears falling from his eyes. Shards embedded themselves deeper in his palms as he put his weight on them to get up but he didn't even feel it. He rose, his legs like jelly and made a detour by the bathroom, shedding his clothes haphazardly on the tiled floor before stepping inside the shower. The water was neither cold, neither warm, or at least he didn't feel it on his skin. It might have been freezing he wouldn't have noticed He didn't feel less dirty coming out of the shower. The smell of whiskey stuck on his body even as he towelled himself of painfully. He felt like his body wasn't his own anymore. He moved like a robot, mechanically. Had he turned the water of the shower off ? He didn't turn around to check.

On the far wall, the mirror reflected a face that wasn't his own anymore. Ace got closer, close enough to trace his own facial features on his reflection. He felt like breaking it to pieces but he couldn't muster enough strengh to clench his fist. Shaking with repressed laughter, Ace rose his arm to open the medicine cupboard above the sink. He rumaged through it before finally finding what he was searching for. He needed it. Only for tonight. Usually, he didn't take medicine but today, today he wanted to not think about anything, to slip into oblivion peacefully. He took the bottle of sleeping pills, looking at the tag. It was half faded or his vision was hazier than he thought. He wasn't able to read it and the room spinned more and more around him. Shrugging he opened it and let the pills fall into his palm. How many fell ? Two ? Five ? The room began to blur and Ace felt light headed. He should go lie down. He put the pills in his mouth and took a glass of water to swallow them. It was painful in the back of his throat but he forced himself to wash all the pills down with water. He would at least get a good night of sleep.

Feeling drowsy, Ace left the room, the bottle of sleeping pills still lying empty on the sink, the lights still on. Seeing his bed filled him with a feeling of peacefulness and he dropped on it, not even bothering to get inside the cover. He only pulled the bedspread on his naked form and sighed in contentment. If only God, or whatever was supposed to watch humans from above, would give him oblivion for tonight. Ace passed out, mind blissfully empty.

TBC

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**_Tags: Alcohol Consumption, Alcohol as a Coping mecanism, attempted suicide ( but not really planned by Ace), Depression, dark thoughts_ **

_Notes: I hope you liked this chapter, don't hesitate to share your thoughts with me about what is going to happen next, about Marco's behaviour or Kid's, about my evil evil cliffhanger, whatever crosses your mind !_

_See you next time and take care of yourselves !_


	16. Too little, way too late

_Hello dear readers ! I'm sorry for the wait, this chapter was really tricky to write as there is a looot of revelations ! Human feelings are really hard to write, some characters more than others ^^ This actually was ready a few weeks ago but I needed my friends input about whether this chapter was any good or not and they are lazy (and busy) so it took ages for some of them to look it over ^^ ( but thank you, I love you <3 ) I had to threaten them with cutting off their pinky fingers ... ahahah, that's how I show them my love, don't worry ^^  
_

_Anyway, feel free to point out any mistake, any plothole, anything, and review if you liked it !_

_Unbetaed for the eventual mistakes._

 

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**Chapter 16: Too little, way too late**

"Oh God, Oh God, Ace..." He crushed the young man's cold hand in his own, guilt crushing his very soul. The hand was cold, whitish, unresponsive.

"What have you done ?" Tears streamed down his face as he caressed Ace's hair lightly. "What happened to you ?"

It was the one million dollar question. He didn't know. No one but Ace knew what truly happened, but here he was, lying on his bed, naked, his mind blessedly blank, as he had wanted it to be.

A car stopped abruptly outside, its tires screeching on the pavement. Doors were thrown shut and soon feet could be heard rushing in the stairs, voices calling out to each other. The blue and red lights of the ambulance bathed the room with an eiry glow. The front door was soon pushed open and medics ran into the room. It was panic. And Ace lied there, unaware, uncouscious of the chaos on the outside. For once, he didn't have to care. He didn't have to suffer. He wasn't feeling anything anymore. He was fine. Far way. So far way from everything.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Ace.. It's all my fault." His mind blanked as doctors worked on his friend, getting him ready to be moved an saved. _Please, let him be alright, let him be alright, I'm so sorry._

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

_Ace's appartement was a mess_ was Kid's first thought upon opening the front door before a feeling of unease settled in his guts. Eyes narrowing he took in the utter chaos, the puddle of water, exiting from the bathroom going into Ace's room, a towel lying discarded on the ground, broken glass everywhere, lights on in every rooms. The smell of whiskey was pungent in the air and as he stepped closer, Kid crushed glass under his feet, noticing that it came from the remain of a bottle. A bottle of whiskey.

The floor was littered with shards, drenched in water, whiskey and a redish liquid. Crouching, Kid's eyes widened as he noticed that it was dried blood, all over the floor and the glass. What the hell happened here ?

Kid was frozen, his mind running with all kinds of scenarios but unable to process. Looking up, his gaze was drawn to Ace's studio, to the pile of crumpled papers littering the floor. Everywhere he looked, something was amiss and still the appartement was blanketed in silence. In a sort of peacefulness too strange to be true. Something was very wrong with all of this.

Kid got up quickly, too quickly as he lost his footing and stumbled, regaining his balance by leaning against the wall, nearly falling through the open bathroom door. Getting his bearings back, he wondered why Ace still had a bottle of alcohol in his appartement. He didn't buy alcohol anymore... he had promised him he wouldn't... Unease coursed through Kid's veins as he realised he probably was the reason why Ace had been drinking. His friend must be passed out in his room snoring his hangover way. He would beat himself over it tomorrow, probably.

Entering the bathroom to turn off the light, he heard yet another crushing sound. Looking down, wondering how shards of glass had reached this far, he realised that he had stepped on a white powder which probably used to be some kind of pill. There were several on the floor, alongside a pill bottle. His sinking feeling was back as he reached the bottle with trembling hands. His mind was spinning so much that he couldn't read the label. Kid inspired and let out a shaky breath before looking again. Sleeping pills. These were sleeping pills...

Kid realised all of a sudden how fast his heart was beating, how hard it was to breath. He felt light headed and the door, Ace's door, which was only a few feet away, seemed unreachable. Or did it ? It was just that Kid didn't want to go there, didn't know what he would find and it scared him. Alcohol and sleeping pills ? Everyone knew it was a deadly mix. Alcohol enhanced the power of sleeping pills. It could cause, at terms... death. Why had Ace done that ? Was he so far down that he had decided there wasn't anything to fight for ? What about Luffy ? Guilt chocked Kid as he realised it was his fault. Not half him, half Marco's return, and a bit of something esle. All of this was his own doing.

Ace was lying in the middle of his bed, on his back, naked but for a thin sheet. His face was smooth of any feeling and he seemed to be asleep. Lost in his slumber, seemingly peaceful and worriless.

His skin was pale and sweaty. His lips looked bluish. Blood rushed out of Kid's face and he visibly paled. His friend looked like death, resting on his mortuary bed, surronded by white sheets, eyes closed. The silence felt oppresive, the darkness suffocating. Kid felt light headed. He hadn't moved since entering the room. Couldn't move, his feet rooted to the ground. He couldn't go in there. Couldn't take another step to know for sure if Ace was... if Ace was dead. He took a few cautious steps, getting closer and closer, his heart caught in his throat. Ace's rib cage was moving up and down, slightly but still. Rushing to his side Kid searched for his pulse and found it uneven and slow. Too slow. "Ace" He murmured, breaking the silence, needing to fill the void with some sound, with his own voice, grounding him in this moment. He was at his dying best friend's bedside. What should he do ? With shaky fingers, he took out his phone from his pocket but dropped it on the bedcover. He took it back in his hands and dialed the emergency number. That he could do. Yeah, they would help him. Ace could be saved. He needed to be saved.

"Hello, what is your emergency ?"

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Ace's heatbeat was steady, a low regular bleeping sound assuring Kid of that fact. He was lying in an hospital bed, in an ugly hospital gown, IV dripping whatever in his blood stream. Alive. He was alive. And he would wake up. He wasn't dead. Hadn't ended his days as he probably had intended to.

Kid had never been so scared in his life, had never felt so helpless. Even the last time Ace had tried to kill himself, he didn't even come close to this, to being in the hospital, his life hanging by a thread. Kid sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair, head resting on his crossed fingers, thinking and thinking about what he had done. About his responsability in all of this. He was lost in a storm of guilt and sadness, overwhelming his thoughts and leaving him unable to even pace in the room. He was completely listless. Only the bipping sound of the machine kept him grounded in the present.

The night before, the doctors had quickly rushed Ace to the hospital to cleanse his stomach from the alcohol and the pills, making him release the deadly mix he had swallowed. Kid had stayed behind, not feeling the right to be alongside his friend when he was responsible for his state. He remained in Ace's appartement, devoided of sound and life. Kid had taken it upon himself to clean up the appartement, as best as he could so that Luffy wouldn't stumble upon the scene unaware.

He hadn't called the young man. Couldn't face him. Didn't want someone to tell him that it was his fault. He knew. He would call. As soon as Ace woke up.

As soon as he had been done he had left for the hospital and had waited for Ace to come out of the operating room and be placed in a room. The wait had been atrocious, nerve wracking, too long. Kid had had time to think about his misdeeds, about his wrong doings and realised how utterly responsible he was for all of this, from the very beginning. He had been selfish. Had crushed his best friend because of his selfishness, had tried to bend destiny and to make Ace his. Look how bad it had backfired. Kid never prided himself in being good. He was callous, harsh, prompt to anger but he realised he had reached a new low. Not once, but twice he had to see Ace trying to end his life. If only Ace had loved him back. Everything would have been so much better...

Ace had been put in a room in the middle of the night and Kid who had been waiting for him right outside the operating room had followed him. Despite the late hour, he had managed to enter the room and stay in there all night because he had threatened the nurse a bit.

The sun was slowly rising, it was maybe seven thirty and Kid hadn't moved an inch since he had gotten here. He was looking over Ace, he owed him that. He owed him the world.

Two years ago, after Ace and Marco's breakup Kid had foolishly thought he would be enough, that he would help Ace get back on his feet, that his friend would see how much Kid loved him but it hadn't gone that well. His last resort plan had worked but it hadn't had the desired effects. It had fucked Ace up. The young man had been broken hearted and Kid hadn't taken that into account when he had agreed to the plan. He didn't even know if it would work. Had hoped it would.

And it had, but Ace had never looked at him twice even when Marco had been out of the picture. Still, after that... Well, too prideful and too stubborn, Kid had kept quiet about the truth, even seeing that Ace was broken. Kid had thought that it would change, had thought that Ace would love him one day and then it was too late to tell the truth. He couldn't risk his friendship and Ace seemed to get better with time. Kid had been, in a way, bidding his time... Look how well that had worked... Marco's return had made it all go to hell. It went downhill and there wasn't anything Kid could do about it, too mired in his own lies. He had tried, had tried to tell Ace to just forget about Marco but his friend hadn't wanted to listen to him. And here they were. Kid sitting on an hospital chair, next to his suicidal friend asleep in a bed, next to the love of his life unconscious because of his foolishness.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Law was fuming. He had never been so fucking angry in his life, not even when some guy had tried to flirt with Luffy, that was to say. He had never felt such an imperious need to maim someone, his vows as a doctor be damned. He stomped down a corridor of the hospital, rage oozing from his very pores. He was going to kill him, strangle him till he chocked, gouge his eyes out. This selfish little bastard. Pinching his nose to calm down before committing a crime he slowed down as he reached the door, gathering his wits. He was gonna yell at this moron but he had to do it with a clear head.

"No, Listen to me !" Someone shouted from the room, making Law start and stop as his hand was reaching for the doorknob. Someone was already in there, chewing Ace out probably. Good. He deserved it for being so dumb. Law was about to turn around and wait for his turn when he realised the voice he had heard seemed familiar... It took him to hear it again to reach the conclusion that it was Kid's. Actually it wasn't strange, the nurse had told him that a scary looking man had insisted to stay in Ace's room all night after finding him in his home. So Kid had found Ace. Well, he was probably telling his friend how much of a dumbass he was for doing such a thing. Law could let Kid do that, but he needed to have his turn cause he had learnt some things he had to discuss with Ace before maiming the young man.

"I'm the only one who should be sorry". His voice sounded wretched, so un-Kid like it surprised Law who decided to stay a bit. Not that he was curious or anything.

"What are you talking about ? You didn't do any..." Ace's voice was small, guilt ridden.

_Well, great, he at least realised how utterly fucking stupid he had been._

"No please, let me talk. I need to. I owe you that. I ... I single handedly ruined your life so after I'm done, you'll probably want me out of your sight... and your life." Law couldn't see his face but his voice had a sad tint to it, an hollowness that was baffling.

_Where was this going to exactly ? Kid wasn't chewing Ace out, he was... apoligizing ?_

"Kid you're scaring me ? What's wrong ? I mean... I ... I decided to drink and take pills you didn't make me..." Ace said slowly, his voice low

_That was for sure, this idiot had took them on his own. Kid's words didn't make any sense._

"I didn't hold them out and forced them down your throat but I might as well have."

"What ...?"

_Yeah, what ? What the hell was this punk talking about ? Couldn't he just berate Ace without all this drama with feelings, apoligizing and all that ? More of that and Law would leave them to their sappiness._

"I love you and you know that." _Well, I didn't,_ Law thought. "I also know now that you won't ever return my feelings... But I thought once that you would, held on to this hope and that's why I did what I did. I was selfish. I thought I could make you happy... I was wrong... all I did was hurt you..."

_What the what ? First Kid loved Ace ? That was new but well, it wasn't as if Law really talk to Kid about anything this days. Still, Kid hoped that Ace would return his feelings ? Law didn't know Ace back when he dated Marco but he had heard from Luffy that they both were madly in love so for Kid to think he had a chance with the young man... maybe he began to love him afterwards, it was possible. But why had he hurt Ace then ... ?_

"Kid ... ?"

"Two years ago. I thought that I had a chance with you and I... I tricked you and Marco. I flirted with you because I wanted you to look at me and leave Marco and I taunted him, goaded him to reveal how bad for you he was and how better than him I am. But you didn't notice. I became desperate and I saw a solution... I would make you see how dark his jealousy was. I ... didn't know that you would break up over it but..."

_But you sure hoped, Law thought, getting more and more baffled as he listened through Kid's story. What had his friend done ? How could he be so damn wicked ? He had flirted with someone already in a relationship ? Had probably been the cause of their break up ? Had even stayed friend with Ace for two years after that ?!_

"What did you do ?" Ace's voice was, understandably toneless. Neither angry, nor benevolent as it was beforehand. He must have felt that Kid was going to reveal some hurtful thing. That bastard.

"I kissed you and Marco saw us."

_What the fuck ?!_

"What ? I don't remember such a thing !" Ace cried out, taken aback, his voice raising and breaking at the end.

"I know. I had planned it all. We were in a club. I... drugged you and Marco arrived."

_Oh dear God. What had Kid done ? Was he so much of a selfish moron as to break his best friend up with the man he loved ? How could he have done such a thing ? The Kid he knew wasn't honorable but come on. That was low. That was mean, that was crual. Heartless. He had drugged Ace... had drugged the man he claim to love... how wrong was this all ? How could Kid not see how dark his love had turned out. How he had emotionnaly abused his friend with his deceit. Kid was mad._

"I told you the next day that you had drunk too much and had blacked out. I didn't know he would react that way, that he would cast you aside, not trust you. But he did and I thought you would see then that he was a moron."

_Law was angry. Furious even. Kid was telling Ace an awful truth, an horrible one; that of a betrayal worse than anything. How could he even look at Ace for two years ? How could he bid his time when Ace had been breaking down, had been so low he had tried to end his life. And now... with eveything that was happening in Ace's life, Kid's revelations... it would break Ace. It would crush him, Law was sure of that. He would have to call Luffy to do some damage control and prevent Ace from doing yet another stupid mistake. But not before he had a talk with Kid._

"It was my chance but it was your undoing. You took it badly, you were depressed and it worsened with Sabo's accident."

_Of course it did, you fucking douchebag. How dare you talk like that ? As if Ace's was at fault in this ?_

"I wanted to tell you eveything but I couldn't because you would have hated me and because you needed a friend."

_A friend ? How rich. He sure didn't need Kid at that moment that was for sure. The gall of this man Law used to call a friend. He felt a deep disapointment in his chest and hurt on Ace's behalf, he couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it was for the young man to hear all those things. To understand that his breakup with his lover had been a scam orchestrated by his_ _**best friend** _ _._

"And then, time passed by and you never looked at me. You still loved Marco. But I couldn't tell you the truth. I thought you would get better, I could wait, be there for you and then he came back and I knew that I couldn't compete with him and that I made you miserable."

_Damn right you did. And you only realised that now ? How dare you ? How dare you be there talking like that ? Telling Ace how you bided your time till he got better so he could fell in your waiting arms ? Have you no shame ? Did love blinded you so much that you forgot Ace was a human being with_ _**feelings** _ _?!_

"I put you in this bed because I was selfish. I didn't force you to attempt suicide but I contributed to it and... I had to tell you the truth. I couldn't let you self-destruct any longer."

_What was that ? Was he playing the "gracious Lord card" ? I couldn't let you suffer more so I'm telling you the truth ? Was he serious ? He had hurt Ace in the worst possible way and here he was, blinded by his own se_ _lfishness by not wanting to admit to his mistakes. He wasn't redeeming himself in the least. He was simply making it worse and worse. Proving how twisted his love for Ace had become, how twisted he himself had become._

"I can't ask for forgiveness but..."

_Of fucking course you can't !_

"Get out." Ace's voice was cold and emotionless. Empty and even.

_If he were Ace he probably would have been more scathing._

"I'm sorry Ace I'll just..."

_He had lost every right to parol when he had put his evil plan in motion. What was he trying to do ?This man had fallen so low. Law couldn't say he knew him anymore._

"Get out !" Ace shouted making Law cringe at the loudness.

"Sorry. I hope that..."

"Shut up, Kid. Shut up and get the fuck out of here." Ace's voice broke at the end, his voice getting lower and lower.

_\- Letting go -_

"You're one son of a bitch." Law said as Kid closed Ace's door a look of desolation on his face.

"Law..." Kid growled upon seeing him. "What are you doing here ?" He bite, clearly angry at being caught like this. He might wonder how much Law had heard.

"I work here." Law stated cooly, looking down on the man in front of him. "And I was gonna visit my boyfriend's brother as we speak... Mind telling me what this is about ?" He snarled, ready to pounce on Kid.

Law felt incredibly angry. Today was definitely a first. He was now concerned about having anger management problem... But Kid put him beside himself. How dare he hurt Ace like that ? Of course, Law and Luffy's brother hadn't always gotten along – and still didn't – but Law didn't hate him, didn't wish for him to suffer that way. He wanted to protect Luffy so it meant having to deal with Ace, but after learning what Kid did and what Bepo had told him he could only feel sorry for the man lying in the bed behind the closed door. Of course, it didn't not make him a fucking moron but still... Law could respect his pain and could try to protect what was left of Ace's sanity. It was not his duty but well...

Kid didn't answer, and the two men just stood in the corridor, glaring at each other. How much had they changed since leaving highschool. How much had Kid changed. Law wouldn't have thought him to be capable of such deceit but well... he probably wasn't a good judge of character.

"I advise you never to show your face to him again. He might harm you. So might Luffy, so you better be gone before he arrives. And before _I_ hurt you." He stated, a wave of protectivness engulfing him. Guess his affection for Luffy had poured onto Ace now.

"It doesn't concern you, so drop it." Kid growled self-righteously.

"Even now you can't see what you did wrong ? Have you got no shame, Kid ?" Law spat. "But you hurt my _family_. Now leave. I won't tell you again. You're a selfish, crual, heartless son of a bitch and you deserve to burn in the deepest level of Hell. I think someone needed to tell you."

Kid didn't reply but left without a backward glance, his head held as high as guilt allowed him to.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

_And only I can hurt this family_ , Law thought bitterly. Dammit Ace... Law could only guess what had ran throught his thick little skull but still... Pills and alcohol ? It was the recipe for disaster – for death, really – and even if he had implied he didn't mean to, he had done it. Had attempted, even unconsciously, to end his life. Without thinking about anyone but himself. Not thinking about Luffy. Law wanted to still go in there and chew the man out but... he, in a way, could _understand._ Could get why this happened. He knew next to everything now and it seemed to be an easy way out... He could understand but not accept it, and still wanted to give Ace a piece of his mind but... but he would at least give him some time to get his bearings back first. To process. To heal. What Ace had just learnt must have broken him. The past two years had been a lie and the man he loved hadn't trusted him. Kid had been a bastard but Marco... Law didn't know the man personnaly and didn't really know everything that took place two years ago but still... things were so messed up. So fucking messed up. Sighing, the doctor rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. So much drama. He wasn't one for drama usually, preferring to sit on the sidelines, but here he was, in the eye of this storm.

Law had things to say to Ace, things that Bepo had told him that needed to be adressed but first he would call Luffy and tell him to come here. Ace would need an emotional support. That was for sure.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The door open again a little after nine. The sun was not high yet but its rays illuminated and warmed the otherwise depressing white room. Luffy's head poked through the ajar door, a strange look on his face. Anger, sadness, rage and helplessness mixed in a pretty bad way on his features. Seeing that his brother was awake and sitting on his bed, back against the wall, he came in and took a chair next to him, without uttering a single word. His face said long enough about his feelings. Ace for his part, had a stricken expression, he probably wondered how his little brother knew that he was here. Probably hoped that he could lie some more and not tell him what had happened the night before. Now that his brother was in the same room, he was thinking about how much Luffy knew, how much of the truth he had gotten out of whoever told him that he was here. Only this treacherous bastard knew and it only added insult to injury.

Luffy was looking at him, his face serious, his mouth pulled in a straight line. The air was strained, crackling with unresolved tension, heavy with unsaid things and lies. They had never been so at odds with each other before. Never in a way that could break the trust they had in each other.

"Luffy..." Ace murmured, his voice breaking at the end, pleading him to understand, to forgive him.

Luffy didn't budge, only stared at him, his eyes colder than ice. Or so it seemed to Ace. Luffy was probably done with him, sick and tired of all the lies he had been fed for the past year. Still, Ace didn't have the force to say anything else, to defend himself, to start an argument now. His heart still ached and he felt sick and tired. So sick.

"I want the truth." Luffy stated forcefully, gritting his teeth, knowing that it had been denied from him too many times and bracing himself for yet another rejection.

The truth. The word sounded bitter in Ace's ears now. Bitter and meaningless. The truth. He wanted to laugh. Or to cry. The fucking truth. His world had just been turned upside down by a lying son of a bitch. Because he had told him the _truth_. It had hurt. Like hell. More than anything. Knowing that you had lived two years filled with lies and deceit because of someone who pretended to be your best friend. It hurt in the worst way. His chest was already a gaping hole, his heart left in Marco's hands and now, Kid had just torn Ace's soul out of his very skull, carving a bloody trail in his wake. Ace felt hollow. And angry beyond belief. Mad with anger. He was hanging on to this feeling to keep his blood pumpimg in his veins. Otherwise he would have broken down right after the bastard's departure. He had felt cold, so fucking cold and empty. His anger had kept the fathomless despair that had nearly engulfed him at bay. Yet he felt tired. So fucking tired of his life. Of this whole mess. Anger could only get him so far and now seeing Luffy ... What did the truth even mean anymore ?

He raised his head and looked at his brother . He was being incredibly hypocrite right there. He had hid the truth too, had lied, had deceived his brother. And if Luffy even felt a little of what Ace felt now, he probably deserved to be punched. Pretty hard.

Ace cast a beaten look at his brother, misery fighting with sorrow in his tired gaze. He must have been so pitiful, so lost that Luffy's hard exterior melted and he got on the bed next to Ace, hugging him side way.

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you..."

And here he was again, apoligizing for just being fed up with Ace's lies. The older brother gripped Luffy's shoulders tight and buried his face in his neck breathing in the odor that was Luffy, that was home. It felt good to be in his brother's embrace. It made him hope that everything would be fine but he knew deep down that it wasn't the case. His sadness came back full force, eating away at his walls that were keeping his despair at bay. Ace bit back his tears, trying not to cry and break down here; he had tried to protect Luffy and now his brother acted as a shield against the outside world. He was so warm and soothing, but it hurt so much. Too much.

"Luffy..." Ace moaned, his voice wretched, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. It hurts... It hurts so much..." He was sobbing, tears spilling down his cheeks like waterfall. His walls had had so many cracks that it was bound to happen. He was sobbing so much now that he was nearly chocking on his own tears.

"Ace..." Luffy murmured, squeezing his brother in his arms, trying to soothe a pain he didn't understand, not letting him go, never letting him go.

It hurt so much. Everything was swirling. He felt rage, anger, sadness, betrayal, guilt. Sobs shook his frame as his bottled up feelings finally exploded.

"Luffy... it hurts..." He moaned, choking up as air left his lungs.

"What's wrong ? Talk to me brother. Please." Luffy asked, never releasing his hold on Ace, his voice raw with emotion but trying to be soothing.

_What could he say ? What could he say now ?_

"I don't know what's wrong, I don't even know why you're here Ace, so talk to me please. Law told me you had... had tried to... " Luffy's voice was heavy with anguish and wretchedness and he couldn't force himself to say the word. It would make it truth, make it tangible.

"I – I m – made... a mis – mistake." Ace whispered, choking on his words, his tears intensifying. "I'm s – s – sorry Lu. S – so so – sorry..."

Silence overtook the room, interspersed by Ace's moans and sobs. And then, Ace told him everything. Or as much as he could share. He came clean about his break up with Marco, about the few months that had followed, drowning himself in drugs and alcohol. About how Kid had helped him get back on his feet when Sabo had had his accident. How it was hard to get better but how he had done it, had tried to do it for Luffy. Not to worry him. How Marco's return had affected him, again and again, seeing him had hurt him more and more. Hope had rekindled in him and he couldn't have that, didn't want to feel this kind of feeling. He told him about how this _love_ for a bastard was destroying him, little by little. Told him that he felt himself drowning, that he didn't know what do to and then revealed what Kid had told him. What truly happened back then, what caused his break up with the once love of his life. He told him about how betrayed he felt, how lost he was, how he didn't know what to do anymore. Blurted out that he didn't mean to commit suicide. Asked for forgiveness because he couldn't lose Luffy too, not after everything. He was just lost, had no one to lean on because he felt like this was his weight to bear. No one else's. He gave away his fear to lose everyone, his utter loneliness, his need for warmth and love, something he wasn't even aware of. Still, he needed to say it, needed to let Luffy know. But Ace was smart enough, or enough of a coward never to breach the subject of his disease. He could. It was probably the right time. He needed to tell him.

He didn't. Couldn't give this away. Couldn't make Luffy bear _this_ weight. He told him everything else. How he had broken down in Sabo's room when Marco was here, told him how he spent the night at the top of this god forsaken hill, told him he had spent New Year alone, drowning his sorrow in a glass of alcohol.

Luffy sat beside him, holding him close to his body, never letting him go, never interrupting, simply listening to Ace. Getting things he had glimpsed but not understood. Things he should have seen, things he could have helped with but hadn't. He didn't know then but he did _now_. And he had people to punch in the face.

Ace's confession had tired the young man out, opening his heart to his brother and telling him everything was exhausting. He felt hollow emotionnaly. Drained, but warm, Luffy's arms around him, his silent presence a pillar of support at his side. He felt better than he had in a long time. Lighter. Snug. Drowsy. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed down. He felt somehow calm, hurt pulsing in his being but dulled by exhaustation. Sleep overtook him easily and he fell asleep in his little brother's arms.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Law had let Ace sleep the whole day to recover. The young man needed that after his discussion with Luffy. Not that Law had eavesdropped. Who was he kidding. Of course he had listened in to the conversation. Of course he had been there in case Luffy needed some support when Ace finally told him the truth. _Well, part of the truth..._ Law thought bitterly.

It was fairly late, seven p.m and visitors' hours were over. Law had coaxed Luffy into going to one of his friends' to sleep and not be alone. Law would have come with him but he was still on the clock. He was nearly done, though. His shift would be over at seven thirty if no emergency arose and he would be free to go and have a little chat with his lover's brother. A chat he had been dying to have since morning. As soon as his conversation with Ace would be over, which hopefully would go well but Law didn't have much hope on that, he would rush to his boyfriend's side. Luffy needed the support too. His brother had tried to commit suicide. Law could have kept quiet about Ace's attempt but it didn't seem fair to Luffy. His older brother was enough of a liar and Law had thought that it needed to stop there. Hence why he had told Luffy that Ace had tried to take his own life. Not anything else; it wasn't his secret to share, but still. He would be damned if he didn't attempt to prompt this pig-headed man to come clean about his situation. Before it was too late.

So now, here he was again, in front of Ace's hospital room pondering where he should start. "I overheard you so I know everything" seemed a bit abrupt and Ace would take it the wrong way but a "Let's talk" didn't carry enough weight. Maybe something along the lines of "You're a moron and we need to talk" would fit better but Ace would not take kindly to those words. It was a hardship to think about that. After all, Law wasn't the one in the wrong in all of this, it wasn't his place to shuffle in front of the door, searching for something to say which wouldn't ruffle the man's feathers.

The door banged against the wall when he opened it making Ace jump on his bed. The young man was awake, the television set on a silly program, volume too low to really be able to understand what was being said. Still it offered a somehow pleasant hum in the background.

Ace looked at him in fright before recognizing him, his gaze taking an hard edge, his face closing off. Still, Law could detect the underlining sadness in the young man's eyes. Was it too soon for him to talk about Bepo's discovery ? Well, no time like the present. He hadn't settled on what he was going to say so just blurting out whatever crossed his mind would have to do.

"So," He began in a rather clipped tone before Ace could say anything unecessary. "When were you going to tell us that you have Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and that you are dying ?"

Well, it sounded harsh, and quite brutal. Maybe a bit too much but at least it came out the right way, Law thought. He wasn't good at beating around the bush.

Ace's eyes widdened comically and if Law cared a bit much about him he might have stopped there and apoligized. But he went on; because he was rightfully pissed off at the man and because someone had to tell Ace to get his shit together. Who better than a somehow uninvolved third party to do that ? And if Law liked seeing Ace squirm, well sue him. He wasn't nice anyway. He only cared about Luffy.

"You thought you could keep this a secret from everyone ?" Law said, his tone sickly sweet, dripping with irony. He circled the bed, as a shark would do around its prey, before leaning next to the window, arms crossed in front of his chest, standing in a rather dominating position. "That you could lie as you have lied about everything else ?"

Confusion, pain, resentment swirled in Ace's dark gaze as he stared at Law, not saying a word, too stunned to react.

"I know everything. I won't lie, I heard everything. Kid, Luffy. I didn't mean to overhear what Kid told you but I did. I want to hurt you and to throttle you because you hurt Luffy. Not only did you lie to him you even tried to put an end to your life." Law growled harshly, feeling his already thin control on his anger slipping further and further. "Do you realize what you've done ?"

Ace looked at him with something akin to shame and regret in his gaze but it was soon masked by anger. He didn't have the will to deal with Law right now. Couldn't he just get lost and let him be ?

"This has nothing to do with you." Ace tried to spat, but his words came out as a broken whisper. So much for a come back. Not one to pull his punch even if he probably should, Law replied in kind.

"This has everything to do with me. Because, unlike _you, I_ care about Luffy. _I_ am the one who's going to comfort him in the next hours because his big brother, the person he admires and love with all his heart, tried to kill himself !"

"Stop it !" Ace shouted desperatly. "You are ... you have no right... I care about him ! I care ! I know I hurt him. I know. I just... I'll make it up to him, I swear !" Ace promised, more to himself than to Law. He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. His eyes swirled with emotions and they seemed to beg Law to just stop even if Ace wouldn't ever admit to that. He wasn't in any shape to listen to any of this. Of course he knew he had hurt Luffy. Of course he realised how badly he had hurt his brother ! But right now, right now he felt so out of his depth, so hollow, so miserable. He needed to be left alone, he needed to think, to get to terms with everything. He hadn't meant to commit suicide, whatever people believed. He didn't think at that time, he didn't realised. He just wanted to forget for a while, not forget forever ! He had... almost died... and ... he had still things to live, still things he had to do. He couldn't die...

"You'll make it up to him ? And how are you gonna do that when you're six feet under and he's crying, _blaming_ himself because he didn't _know_ you were sick ? Is that how you're gonna make it up to him ?" Law snapped, his eyes speaking murder, he seemed to be one step away from killing the man on the spot. He was a doctor, he could make it look like an accident.

"I... I..." Ace couldn't even say anything back. Of course it was true. Of course everything Law said was the truth but it hurt so much. Everything hurt so much right now.

Silence hang heavy in the room as Law kept on glaring at Ace while the other man thought of a reply. Why did Ace have to justify himself to Law anyway ? He was no one to Ace. Didn't have a say in anything.

"I'll mend things. Don't meddle." Ace said, shooting Law a dirty look.

"I'll ' _meddle'_ as you put it, if I want to. I won't let you jeopardize Luffy's hapiness. I know you're dying. I'm a doctor, I know what this disease do. You won't be able to hide it."

"Who told you ?" Ace asked, because despite everything, he needed to know that. Needed to be sure that Luffy wouldn't know in turn. He didn't want Luffy to be unhappy, didn't want him to be hurt. Law didn't understand, didn't get it. He wasn't in Ace's situation.

"No one. You acted weird, I needed to know why. I found out in your medical file." He stated simply, because it was the truth.

"You pried into my medical file ? How dare you ?" Ace spat, tiredness and hurt forgotten, a burning anger taking their place. Anger was great, anger pumped him full of energy, made him feel something other than hurt. He could deal with anger. Could bask in this feeling.

"I dare because you do nothing but hurt Luffy and I can't let you harm him anymore." Law tried to say in as calm a voice as he could muster. Still, it was a fit in itself as he could feel his temper rising again.

"I don't want to harm Luffy ! You don't get it ! You act almighty and talk about things you don't know !" Ace bristled under the attack, defending himself.

"What I know is that you're dying and you are lying !" Law thundered, coming to stand closer to the bed, towering over Ace.

"I lie because I want to protect him ! Because I care !" The young man didn't evade his eyes, just hold them with an apparent disdain. At least both of them felt the same about the other.

"What a hell of a job you're doing ! Killing yourself, is that how you protect him ?!" Law snapped, unwilling to believe how thick headed his lover's brother was. Why couldn't he understand that Luffy needed to know the truth ? That he had hurt him enough and that he would do it again.

"It was an accident !"

"Yeah, right ! Even so, I can't let you lie to him !"

"Let me ? Let me ?! You won't meddle in this ! You're a bystander, you have no right !"

Tempers were flaring, words were flying harshly between the two of them, bottled up anger getting the better of them both. They wanted the same thing in the end but their means didn't meet. They weren't on the same page, weren't even the opposite side of a coin. Their ways to protect their precious person were too different. Irreconcilable.

"I have every right because what am I gonna tell Luffy when you're dead ? What is he going to think ? Do you realise he'll break down ? Because his _brother_ didn't _trust_ him enough to share his worries ? Because he was unable to see through one more of his lies ?"

"Shut up ! You don't get it ! I can't let him bear this weight too !"

"It's his choice to make !"

"No it's not ! I don't want to burden him !"

"But you will ! Because who is gonna be there when you die ? Not you ! You're a fucking coward and all you do is run away, you'll be dead when he'll need you the most !"

That quieted Ace down. Of course he would ultimately leave Luffy alone once he's dead but till then... till then he would try to do as if nothing was wrong. Because he owed Luffy some normalicy after everything, didn't he ? Luffy might be angry with him afterwards but Ace knew that he would understand. Hoped that he would. Law didn't get it.

"Leave." Ace said in a toneless voice, not wanting to further argue with this moron. It was like talking to a brick wall.

"You have to tell him the truth."

"No. And you won't either."

"If you don't then..."

"If you do, I'll ruin your medical career. I don't think you had any right to read my medical file."

Law's mouth hanged open for a few seconds before he gathered his wits.

"I'm a doctor..."

"You're not _my_ doctor. You're reaction told me enough. Talk and I'll end you." Ace threatened him seriously. Luffy couldn't know the truth and if he needed to use underhanded means then so be it.

Law glowered at him and he pursed his lips.

"You're a fool..."

"I'm the one who's dying. You're a doctor but you can't do anything about it so screw you. I don't need to hear from you how I should protect Luffy." Ace said in a clipped, detached tone.

Law threw him a hard look and shook his head before leaving the room in silence.

TBC

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_Thank you for reading, feel free to tell me how you feel about all those revelations and if you liked all those confrontations ! See you next time !_


	17. The Darkness at the End of the Tunnel

_A/N: Hi ! It's finally me again ! I'm so sorry for the delay, once again life got in my way (school and exams, you know the drill) but now, I'm in vacation ! Yeah ! I'm searching – at this point praying – for an internship for this summer but so far, no luck. So, I'll have more time to write I guess ! I hope you enjoy, feel free to drop a line !_

_I just wanted to thank all of you for your lovely comments on Chapter 16 ! This chapter got so many reviews I'm really glad a lot of you enjoyed it ! Thank you for still bearing with me despite my lack of updating !_

_Special thanks to_ himmelblu _, I used one of her idea in this chapter ! It's actually better than it would have been so thank you for your help ! :D_

* * *

**Chapter 17: The Darkness at the End of the Tunnel**

 

Izo had been knocking on the door for a good ten minutes. Okay, maybe juste two but still, it felt like forever. Ace wasn't replying. No sound could be heard from the flat but Izo knew the young man was in there, the light was still on in the kitchen.

"Ace ! Open this door !"

Izo didn't know why Ace wouldn't let him in, he hadn't done anything _bad_ per say. He had seen Kid but nothing had come out of it so Ace couldn't be pissed off at him for that.

"Ace, please, don't be a child !" He said, his tone becoming snappish. It was early in the morning, he was cold, and it had been days since he last heard from his friend. It wasn't that strange with the state of their relationship this days but Ace hadn't been replying to his messages lately and he hadn't returned any of his calls from yesterday. And Izo had called him a good many times. Bordering on the stalkerish behaviour line. But well... so anyway, here was Izo, worried and admittedly a bit pissed, banging on Ace's front door.

"I don't think he's in." A croaky voice chimed in from behind.

Izo started and whirled around, surprised at hearing anyone behind him. He came face to face with a little man, his face incredibly wrinkled and weathered. His eyes were kind, sparkling with an hapiness than came from a good life. His lips were set in a small smile, not showing teeth but kind, inspiring trust. He had a more brown than green hat perched on his bald head and wore a patched up beige cardigan.

"You're looking for Ace aren't you ?" He asked, his smile fadding somehow, a sad glint in his eyes, his body tensing a bit.

"Yes... Do you know where he is ?" Izo asked, suddenly worried. Without noticing, he began to fiddle with his handbag.

"I'm not sure, but I saw an ambulance two nights ago and I think they took him."

"An ambulance ?" Izo nearly shouted in surprise. "What happened ?"

"I don't know, I just saw blue and red lights so I peeked through my curtains. I'm not usually a gossip but it was surprising so I took a look."

"Are you sure it was him ?" Izo asked, his voice nearly pleading for the old man to be wrong.

"Pretty sure. You should check the hospital but I'm pretty sure it was him." He asserted, nodding his head, his hat nearly falling to the floor.

"I will. Thank you, sir." Izo said politely, bowing slightly, worry gnawing at him.

"Oh no need to call me sir, I'm Hector. I just live three doors away with my cats."

"Well, thank you Hector ! Have a nice day !" Izo said, already running down the stairs, not willing to lose a minute to get to Ace.

An ambulance ? The hospital ? What the hell happened ? And why wasn't he aware of such a thing ? Taking out his phone he called Thatch but was sent to his voicemail, anguish making his voice shake.

"Hey, hum, okay deep breath, I've gone to see Ace but now I'm going to the hospital... it's crazy. His neighbour told me he was there. I don't know what happened, I'm worried. I .. I hope that ... okay don't go there Izo, it will be fine. I'll call you back later to keep you updated. Love you."

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

It was already morning. A little after nine maybe and Ace hadn't slept a wink. Or it seemed that way. His brain couldn't shut down for a minute. He was angry and the next minute, in a pit of despair. Anger brought him back each and every time, a blinding rage, hot and consuming. He was so angry at everything. Angry at Kid, angry at Marco, angry at Law, but more than anything else, angry at his life for playing such a trick on him. Anger was great. It fuelled him. But soon, he would fall back down as a stray thought, a damning thought, passed through his mind. His guilt about Luffy, his despair about his disease, his coming death.

He was exhausted. Drained. But he couldn't stop the swirling mess of feelings and memories that kept him awake, that kept on flashing through his mind, vivid renditions of the worst moments of his life. At times, fear would battle with his anger, nearly overtaking him, choking him, making him shake.

He had nearly died.

He hadn't thought about it. Hadn't really realised he had tried to... tried to end his life. He hadn't meant to ! He had lost control for a bit. He hadn't been feeling well and he had drunk too much. He hadn't wanted to die. He didn't want to die.

Now he was scared. Scared to die.

He wanted to live. He wanted to live what was left of his life to the fullest. He wanted to cling on his life. He had just realised that now. It had taken nearly dying for him to realise that.

He had never feared death. No one so young would fear death without a reason. You're young, you have your whole life before you, you can take risks, you can court danger, you can go and get drunk in Vegas, lose all your money and sleep with whoever and then in the morning pack your suitcase and decide to live in Perù to start over your whole life !

Ace knew he didn't have those options anymore, realised he only had a few years to live if he was _lucky_. The word sounded mocking in his own head. To some extend he understood that he would die but it had never seemed real. He had never thought it would be this scary. Not knowing. A few more hours and he wouldn't have opened his eyes ever again. He was mortal. He was sick. He would die. And it scared him to death. In the end, he hadn't accepted his condition at all. He had only copped with it as best as he could: by burying everything under layers of denial. But here he was, in the hospital after a failed attempt on his own life. Scared out of his wits. Lost. Alone. Afraid. Angry.

He was trying to hold on to this feeling. Onto his anger. It was keeping him awake but also away from his torment. It kept things at bay. For the time being, it would have to do. He couldn't stay here and wallow. He couldn't give up. He wanted to live now. He had things he wanted to do. People to punch. His life to get back on track. He didn't want to die. Didn't want to commit suicide and give up. It wasn't him. _Him_. He didn't even know if he was himself anymore... or what _being himself_ meant. He had lost sight of the person he used to be. He felt like a stranger in his own skin, inhabited by fear, hopelessness and dread. It wouldn't do. It couldn't. He was also inhabited by a profound anger, a consuming rage. Anger would keep him going for now, would help him get through the motions, would keep his fears at bay.

He was angry at so many people, he had to get better to punch them in the face. He couldn't do anything about his sickness. He knew that. Had known it before and hadn't cared. And now he was angry at it. And angry at himself for ignoring it from the beginning. For living as if nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Ace was angry but more at himself than anything else.

Still, there might be some experimental treatments that could save him. Maybe there were things that could help him live for a few more years. He would ask his doctor. He still had his life to live. He still had things he wanted to do. Dreams he needed to fulfill. He wanted to find the love of his life and built a family. He wanted to travel all over the world. He wanted to discover new things; he wanted to see Luffy get married and have children. He wanted to be there. He wanted to stay alive. Anger fuelled him but a possible future kept him going. It was hanging right in front of him, dangling right out of his reach or so it seemed. But it was still there.

He had dreams. Big dreams, little dreams, hopes, wants. It seemed that he wouldn't be able to fulfill any of them. It made him angry. It felt so unfair. So fucking unfair. Why? Why?

The pit of despair was opening wide under his feet and he felt himself falling down, deeper and deeper. Smothered by the darkness, drowned by his pain, chocked by his fears. It wasn't right. It shouldn't be like that. He didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve to have his life ripped out of his hands. Despite everything. Despite who he was. He didn't deserve that, did he ? He had tried so hard. Had wanted to have a normal life so bad. Was it wrong ? Was it fucking wrong to want something like that ? Was it selfish ? How... Why ? Why him ? Why now ? Wasn't whatever higher power was up there bored with him ? Why this relentlessness, this dedication to see him on the ground, if not buried ?

His anger came back full force. He needed the feeling not to suffocate, not to let go. He was angry. Angry because it was unfair. Angry that he would leave a lot behind. Angry that it had been Law who had driven this truth home. Law who had told him that when he'd be gone, Luffy would be alone, that he would have to carry on on his own. And maybe, that was life, maybe Luffy would, one day, remember Ace as a fond memory, he would recall their best moments with fondeness, would tell them to his children and grand children. But Ace would only be that. A _memory_. Because he would be dead. For years. Life went on and he couldn't expect his brother to stop living because he wasn't. He wanted Luffy to be happy. And deep down, he wanted to be happy too. He hadn't been happy in so long, he didn't even know what it meant anymore. Or he did. It was stuck in his mind, happy memories that were now tainted by bitterness or hurt. He needed to live. He needed to live to get back at his fucked up life.

He had to live.

But he didn't have a choice in the matter.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Izo didn't bother knocking, simply wrenched the door open, a wild glint in his eyes. He had ran to the hospital as fast as he could, forgoing any other mean of transportation in his haste. The heavy snow on the sidewalk had hindered his progress and he had nearly collided with crazy drivers who couldn't look where _he_ was going. Goddamn them.

"Ace..." He wheezed as he bent forward, elbows on his knees, trying to stop panting, sweat running down his forehead.

Ace was lying in an hospital bed, dark circles under his eyes, a downward tilt to his mouth as he sighed. Sighed !

"Izo, what are you doing here ?" he didn't sound grateful, or even remotely happy to see him there.

Izo rose and furrowed his brows a bit taken aback and if he dared, vexed. Ace seemed fine but not really happy to see him. Not replying yet, Izo took a sit on the chair next to the bed.

"I should ask _you_ that..." He said, stressing the word to explain why he was here himself. If Ace had been home, he wouldn't have come to the hospital. The fricking hospital ! "What happened ? Are you alright ?" Worry had crept into his tone despite the cold welcome he had gotten.

"Define _alright_..." Ace muttered wryly, before closing his eyes. His shoulders slouched slightly and he let his head burrow further in his pillow.

"I... Your neighbour told me he had seen you rushed in an ambulance, I checked here and they told me where you were. So... what happened ? Is something wrong ? Are you sick ?" He asked again, taking in his friend and noticing how utterly tired he looked and how vacant his eyes seemed. They didn't stay that way though as Ace surged forward, his tone fierce and defensive, eyes wide open in shock

"I'm not sick ! I... Of course I'm not. It's not that. I ... I...don't want to talk about it." He finished stubbornly, going back to lying in his bed, not looking at Izo.

"Ace... You always say that. It can't go on. You're in the hospital and if you're not sick and somehow uninjured, something else happened ... I'm just worried." Izo argued gently, tying his hair nervously in a bun, having to redo it twice in his haste. "I... I don't want to have to guess what's wrong with you. My mind can play a lot of tricks on me and..." He let his words die, gloomy thoughts heavily implied in the silence that was stretching between them. It seemed to stretch on forever, neither saying anything, only holding each other gaze. Ace's eyes scared Izo somehow. They were dull, so full of sorrow and of something he couldn't identify.

"I... I just... Please Izo. Not today. I just... I just need time to think and I don't need anyone trying to _help_ me." He spat, though his voice was so faint that it was more of a whimper.

Izo was floored because he had never seen Ace so down. Maybe because he had never seen him at his lowest, but still. Ace seemed tired, defeated, lost. Izo wanted answers, his mind was pondering on what could have happened to Ace for him to be in an hospital and nothing was good. Especially because Ace refused to talk about it. It was scaring him. Down to his very marrow. He wasn't injured. He wasn't sick or so he claimed. He had an IV line in his arm. He seemed pale but it could mean anything. His eyes trailed down Ace's arms to check for any sign of self harm but they were free of wounds or scars. Izo wanted those answers so badly He wanted to understand, wanted to help. Still, he knew it wasn't right to press on. He couldn't do it. Couldn't because Ace seemed to be a breathe away from giving up. A blow away from shattering. And Izo didn't understand why. Couldn't. Didn't want to think about it. An ugly truth was profiling itself in the horizon but he didn't want to dwell on it.

No need to. It wasn't true. It couldn't possibly be true.

It could.

It had happened according to Kid. Before. Back in the days.

But what had triggered it ? If something triggered anything. It was just conjectures. Nothing tangible. Nothing concrete. Izo couldn't think like that. But nothing else came to his mind when he thought about what could have brought Ace here. Plus his friend wouldn't tell him what had happened. If it wasn't serious, he wouldn't hold back. Something had had to happen. But what ? What was Izo not privy to ? What had he missed again ? What had he overlooked for his friend to end once again in an hospital ? He wasn't sure it was because of an... attempted suicide but he couldn't dismiss it. Couldn't think about anything else. Nothing else would have warranted Ace's trip to the hospital... So something had gone wrong somewhere. But what ? Had Ace seen Marco again ? Had things gone from bad to worse ?

"I'll talk then." Izo said chirply, his voice bright, contrasting with the mess of swirling thoughts that was threatening to burst out of his skull. "I'll catch you up on my life."

And Izo began to babble about his trips, about Thatch, about a personnality test he had done about which Disney princess he was. Things like that. To lighten the mood. Ace hadn't laughed once but a few smiles had stretched his lips during Izo's monologue and the man counted it as a win. Though he was now running out of things to say and the conversation would soon go back to being awkward. Still, Ace seemed to be in a better mood and that was already something. So...

"Are you gonna tell me what happened ?" Izo said suddenly, having just finished a silly story about his last attempt at cooking. His curiosity had finally won the battle against his reason. "I won't force you... I - I'd just like to know... I wish I could help you."

Silence met his statement as Ace's face closed off rather suddenly. Wrong move then. His frame shook and Izo thought at first that Ace was crying before hearing a wry laugh coming out of the dark-haired man, bordering on crazy.

"You can't help me Izo." And maybe Izo hadn't been wrong as Ace's eyes glistened with unshed tears "It's just... it's just that everything is a mess and people are assholes. And I _know_ that you want to help me and that I shouldn't be short with you or tell you to go to hell but... But I can't do it anymore. Don't ask Izo. I don't have the force to talk. I don't want to hash out everything. I ... I just want to move on. I need to move on. Please."

A glint of anger and determination was shining in his eyes, filling their depths with red hot rage that Izo couldn't interpret.

"I want to try. That's what friends are for..." Izo argued, a bit shaken up by Ace's reaction. He didn't expect his friend to be like this, whatever this was. It was hard to explain, hard to put words on it but Izo felt a deep sense of wrong. And he didn't like it at all.

"What _friends_ are for ? Yeah I guess... When they don't fucking betray you." Ace spat venomously.

"What ?!" Izo said bewildered, wondering what Ace meant by that. If he meant himself... "I didn't..."

"Not you. But anyway." Ace was retracting into himself once again, hidding behind a mask of cold alloofness, betrayed by the anger shining in his eyes. He was beyond himself and Izo hadn't seen it at first. Had only seen the tiredness but now that he looked closely, he could tell that rage was battling with sorrow in the dark eyes of his friend. What the hell was wrong here ?

There was a soft knock on the door before a head poked through the door, gentle smile in place. A petite woman stood on the threshold, a sheepish smile on her face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had visit Mr Portgas. I was scheduled to see you now but I can come back later."

"No need, he was leaving."

"What ... ?!"

"Please Izo... We'll talk. Later ... I ... I don't want to talk now. I just want – need to forget. Please just go."

Izo rose, not knowing what his best course of action would be in this situation. Sighing, he made up his mind.

"Okay. Rain check on that talk then. And... if you _ever_ need to talk," he stressed the word with force, "I'm here for you. Really Ace, I'm here, you need to know that..."

"I know... I'm sorry. I know." But the young man didn't elaborate further, leaving Izo to make his exit under the watchful eyes of the woman still in the room. She smiled at him and closed the door.

Well, what a _mess._

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Hi Mr Portgas." The woman said again, smiling. "I'm Dr Linda Whitcraft and I'm a psychologist. Do you have some time to talk with me ?" Her tone was gentle, full of care and empathy.

The woman was a bit on the short side, her eyes framed by thick black glasses that gave her a professionnal air, softened by her round face and full cheeks. She wore white scrubs and shoes with small hills. Her blond hair was pulled in a high pony tail waving from right to left as she advanced further into the room.

"A psychologist ? I already told Dr Lenoir that I didn't need one... But do go on, it's not as if I could stop you." Ace replied, unable to prevent his bitterness from showing. He had told Dr Lenoir, again and again, that he didn't want to see anyone. He was sick, not crazy. He didn't need to _talk_. What would he say anyway ? Would he have to go back to the very beginning of his life ? Thanks but no thanks. No need to rehash that over and over.

"I'm not here because Dr Lenoir asked me to be and if you don't wish to talk, I can't force you to have an exchange with me. However, I hear anger in your tone. Talking about that anger would maybe help you give it more meaning ? Help you understand it ?" She said, not unkindly.

She perceived his anger ? Well, color him surprise... How could talking about it help him understand his anger anyway ? He knew where it came from. He didn't need some kind of psychologist to tell him what was already obvious.

"I fucking know why I'm angry and talking about it won't change anything."

"Alright, what do you wish to talk about then ?"

"Nothing." He spat out, glaring at her.

The psychologist seemed to assess him just by looking at him. Nothing in her gaze hinted at any judgment emanating from her but it felt that way to Ace. He had the impression that she was trying to study him, that she would try to make him spill his darkest, deepest secrets, that she would make him relive his worst experiences, things that were better forgotten forever. That was what psychologist did best: dig up the most painful memories of people. And Ace was done thinking about that. Done thinking about his past.

"I'm not gonna spill my life story to you in a fricking hospital bed. What's in the past, should stay in the past." He bit out.

"If you don't wish to talk about your past, maybe you could talk to me about your present ?" She tried again.

"My present ?" Ace asked wrily, sarcasm heavy in his tone. "What a fucking mess..."

Indeed, what a fucking mess it was... Everything was in shamble, blurred. What was his present anyway ? The here and there ? Tomorrow ? He didn't even know if he had days, months or years before him. He didn't know if he would have a future. He wanted one. But he only had his present. His messed up, painful, senseless present. A good chunk of his past had been rewritten by a douchebag hours ago. His story had been changed and things wouldn't stay the same from now on. His present ... ?

"Yes, your present. Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

The first thing that came to his mind ? Easy to say. So many things ran through his mind. He stayed quiet for a long while, the psychologist not pushing him any further, not attempting to make him talk, letting him reply in his own terms, at his own pace.

"I... I don't know..."

Luffy. Kid. Marco. Sabo. His disease. His death. His life. Or what was left of it. There were so many things.

"Alright, maybe it's still a bit early to begin this work of reflection, I feel that you're still too confused." She still had that kind smile on her face, not at all angry at his lack of answer. "I suggest we leave it at that for today. But following this interview, if you ever feel the need to talk, do not hesitate to ask for me. I want to help you Mr Portgas."

The young man nodded numbly, not really caring about what she was saying, only relieved that she was gone and that she hadn't tried to dig up too deeply. He didn't even hear the door close behind her as she bid him goodbye.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"Hi Linda !" Dr Lenoir called out, seeing her colleague going out of Portgas D. Ace's room. Dorothea's shift had ended a few minutes ago and she was on her way to leave but she had heard that one of her patient had been admitted for attempt suicide. And it wasn't any patient, it was one that was going through a rough disease. She couldn't help but feel for the young man.

The psychologist turned around and smiled.

"Hello Dorothea, how are you ?" She asked.

"Fine fine..." Dorothea began, fiddiling with the hem of her scrubs. "Listen, sorry to bother you but, Mr Portgas is also one of my patient and I'm a bit worried about him, I just wanted to know if he was okay."

"Ah yeah, Mr Portgas mentionned you during our interview. Actually I wanted to see you."

"What did he told you ?" the doctor asked, surprised that Ace would have opened up to a psychologist after refusing so vehemently to see one for so long.

"This interview was rather complicated as he didn't really want to see a psychologist. I didn't really manage to get a read on his inner psychic mechanism nor his relationships with others. That's why I wanted to see you to know if perhaps you know more concerning his family and friends ?"

"Ah Mr Portgas is in a really complicated situation... He's really sick but I can't tell any thing else as you can imagine..."

"I understand, don't worry." She reassured her, knowing that she was under oath not to disclose informations about her patients.

"I just... He was adamant about refusing to see a psychologist, has he accepted to follow a therapy ?"

"Unfortunately no and I'm not sure he will ever choose to begin a therapy."

"I gathered as much. Anyway thank you for those informations."

"You're welcome. I have to go so have a nice day." Linda replied, nodding before turning away, going back to her other patients, Dorothea leaving the other way.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Meeting him was a surprise. Not a good surprise, mind you, but not a bad one either. An awful one would be a better way to put it.

It had to be somewhere around six thirty and it was already dark. The snow that had blanketed the sidewalk had been pushed aside, leaving it clear but for small patches of white and some ice. Walking was risky this days. Marco clutched his take out bag in his hand, wary of where he was putting his feet. He didn't need to slip, fall on his butt and break something. Going to the hospital would be the icing on the cake after his distressing day. Problems to handle, investors that needed to be coddled, endless business meetings. Marco was quite done with this day to be honest. He just wanted to go home and watch mind numbing television while filling his belly with delicious food. He could have called for something to be delivered but he had wanted to walk around a bit, get some fresh air. So here he was, defying the cold weather for some much needed comfort food, treading carefully on the thin layer of ice on the pavement.

He had thought that New-York was hard. But this was harder. Not only the job but the going back to this city. Everywhere reminded him of what he had lost. Everywhere and everything. Be it a coffee shop or a restaurant, the smell of fresh pastries or hot coffee. It hadn't been like that in New-York. Not as vivid and painful. Eveything here seemed filled with bitter sweet memories.

The 16th of January had come and gone. It was already the 17th and not a day closer to the day he would talk to Ace. He had thought about it. After his little trip down memory lane on top of this god forsaken hill. How cliche was it to go back there after so many years ? Cliche didn't begin to encompass it... Anyway it had made him think about himself. About his life. He had realised that he wasn't happy. That he was only going through the motions. He should be happy, he had everything: a loving family, an awesome job, friends. Still, he wore his broken heart like a cloud shrouding him. From others and from himself. He had lost sight of himself in this whole debacle. He needed to get himself back but he didn't know where to begin. Maybe he should talk to Izo. His brother was understanding. He would help him despite the shit Marco had put him through with his attitude. He was sorry now.

Lost in his mind as he was, he didn't notice the other man standing right in front of him glaring at him, unmoving. Marco nearly bumped into him and with a smile apologized before going on his way, not really aknowledging the passer-by. A hand clutching his arm and pulling him backward startled him and nearly made him slip. Angrily he shook the offending hand and turned around, ready to chew out the moron who had caught him unaware.

"What the hell do you..." And then, the identity of the man registered and Marco closed his mouth, his eyes narrowing in anger, his whole body tensing up.

"You." He spat, glaring.

"Me, indeed." Kid replied, his voice dripping with disgust and venom.

He hadn't really changed since the last time Marco had seen him, with his smug smile and overall unbearable **countenance**. He held himself with importance, glowering at him as if Marco was less than him. It had been two years, surely now Kid should be satisfied. After all, Ace had indeed chosen him above Marco. That should have soothed his ruffled feathers. Marco felt a righteous hatred swirling inside him, from deep inside his guts. God how good would it feel to punch this treacherous motherfucking snake ! But he was in public and he probably shouldn't do it.

"What do you want ?" Marco finally said with an anger that surprised even himself. He didn't know he still had that kind of fire inside him but he guessed that when facing the man who had single-handedly ruined the best relationship of his life it was normal to be a little angry... or raging mad.

"You ruined everything." Kid lashed out, making some strollers turn around and stare at them.

That was a surprise. He had thought that Kid would rub everything in his face and gloat about having made Ace his. Only the thought made him simmer with fury.

" _I_ ruined everything ? He cheated on me with _you._ You seduced him! You did everything so he would be yours." Marco answered with as much disdain as he could muster. "And it worked so get away from my sight Kid before I punch you."

"You're always there. Hanging in the back of his mind like a fucking leech!" Kid went on, unbothered by Marco's reply. Maybe he didn't hear or maybe he didn't care. He seemed beside himself with rage and if Marco wasn't as pissed as he was, he would have taken a few steps back. "Why can't he forget about you when you're nothing but trouble ?"

A small circle of people had formed around them and they were whispering, listening to everything that was going on.

"Fuck you Kid !" Marco replied, not wanting to hear anymore of this.

Kid's words were strange to him but he didn't need anymore confirmation that Ace had been with Kid. He knew. It didn't mean he had to have it rubbed in his face. He made to walk away, fed up with this conversation but was stopped by Kid's laugh. It was harsh and jarring, like a broken chainsaw going on and off. Unsettling in so many ways.

"He's never looked at me ! Never aknowledged me because of _you !_ "

What was that about ? Of course Ace had looked at him ! He had chosen Kid over him. He had cheated on him ... and despite the private detective's findings about the state of Kid and Ace's relationship as of _now_ , it didn't mean that nothing had happened between them. Things might be over now but they weren't like that two years ago.

"He's been talking about you so fucking much since you've been back ! Marco this and Marco that, fucking crying over a bastard like you who doesn't deserve his love ! Who broke his heart ! _I_ deserve his love !"

Ace broke his heart and not the other way around. Marco had been left on the side while Ace was free to live his lovelife with the moron right before him. Ace didn't have a broken heart. It wouldn't make any sense. Or maybe now he regretted having cheated on him and wanted Marco back and that was why Kid was making a scene...

"He should love _me_! _**Me**_ ! I'm the one who was there for him ! I waited ! For two years ! And then what ? You came back ! You screwed everything up !" Kid shouted, his eyes full of rage, his whole demeanour changing as if he was ready to attack him at any moment, shoulders squared, knees slightly bent forward, hands fisted at his sides.

Marco took a few steps back, raising his hands in front of him as if to tame a wild animal. Ace wanting him back seemed unlikely after their meetings. Something else was going on, something very wrong. Hushed whispers erupted from the crowd and some people even wondered if they should call the police.

"But no, he loved _you_. _Loves_ you when you don't deserve him ! You ruined everything. He should love me ! But he never looked at me !"

Ace still loved him ? And didn't love Kid ? That was ... bullshit. Why else would he have cheated on him ? Why else would he have left him for someone else ? Doubts were rising in Marco's mind. Things weren't right. If Ace loved him why had he cheated on him ? Why had he chosen Kid over him ? And what was going on now ? Had Ace and Kid broken up ? Was Kid unable to move on ? But then, why bring back Marco into this when two years had already passed ? Ace obviously didn't love him anymore or he would have made a move. Probably. But he had only looked at him with hatred. As if his heart had been broken. Shit, Marco definitely should have talked to Ace, things weren't making any sense.

"And now, now he's in the hospital because of you ! It's always your fault !" Kid shouted before launching himself at Marco once again.

Marco eyes widdened comically upon registering what Kid had said. Ace and hospital ? Was he hurt ? Had something happened to him ? Why was it supposed to be his fault ? He hadn't seen Ace for weeks ! They hadn't exchanged more than a few words !

The punch aimed at his nose nearly touched him if only a passer-by hadn't grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Hey man, calm down, you're in the middle of the street !" Another person said, grabbing Kid by the arm.

Kid snarled and pulled his arm away angrily and glowered.

"He almost died and it's because of you ! Again ! It's all your fault Marco. You shouldn't have come back." He spat before turning away and making his way through the crowd, pushing people who were standing in his path.

"Are you alright ?" The man who had saved him from being punched asked a little worried. "It wasn't my right to intervene but ..."

Marco nodded, muting the rest of his sentence, not wanting to listen further. I need to go to the hospital. I need to go to the hospital. The sentence was on repeat in his head but he couldn't move, too stunned by the news. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't understand everything. Couldn't gather his thoughts enough to really reflect about Kid's words. He needed to talk to Ace. He needed to go the hospital. Ace almost died ? _Died_?

"I ... need to go to the hospital." He whispered. "I need to see him."

Only, he didn't know what he would find or even if Ace would agree to talk. _Almost died_. But Marco would try. He wanted to understand. Wanted to know if he was alright. Wanted to know what the hell Kid was talking to know if Ace really loved him still. Because despite his best efforts, Marco hadn't been able to forget him. Two years was a long time. People changed, evolved. Maybe... maybe they could talk and see what would happen. After all, in more than two years, Marco hadn't been able to stop loving him.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

"No... let me through, I need to see him !"

Law sighed, running a hand through his hair wondering what was going on, _again_ , in this hospital. It was always filled with drama this days. Couldn't people be a bit civilized ? Was it too much to ask ? Of course it was, not many people were able able to function like responsible and cultured human beings.

Upon arriving in the hall, he saw a blond-man, red-faced and panting, holding a nurse's arms in his hands. It could degenerate quickly with this kind of person. Angry, agitated, a bit lost. This man didn't seem to hear what the nurse was telling him, or maybe he chose not to hear. He seemed on the verge of losing it. Other nurses where around them, trying to talk some sense into the man but to no avail or so it seemed.

"What seems to be the matter ?" Law interjected, seeing that the nurses wouldn't be able to get this guy to go away.

"Ah, Dr Trafalgar !" The nurse who was being held by the arms called out, reflief clear on her face.

"You're a doctor ?" The man asked suddenly, releasing the nurse and fixing Law with his wild ice blue gaze. He was distraught alright. Sighing internally, Law put on his understanding doctor's mask on but he didn't know if it was effective. Shachi had told him that whatever Law tried, he still had this pissed off look on his face. Well, if people weren't always so... foolish maybe Law would be more lenient with them. As it was, nothing had made him changed his mind, except Luffy. But his lover was a special case.

"I am. You're causing trouble here. What's wrong ?"

The man had the decency to blush but he didn't look any less determined. So troublesome.

"I need to see Portgas ." He stated.

Law was taken aback, not expecting to hear the name of his lover's brother right now. He was so done with his shit... And once again, here he was, cleaning up his messes... because it clearly looked messy.

"Visitors' hours are already over." Law stated. "But the nurses probably already told you."

Some nodded emphatically.

"I ... I know but I really need to see him. I need to know if he's alright..."

"He's fine. You can come back tomorrow."

"I... No... I need to see him ! What happened to him ? Do you know ? I was told he almost died ? What's wrong with him ? I-I ..."

"Calm down sir, please. Mr Portgas is alright, he's currently resting in a room. He's fine." A nurse chimed in, resting a comforting hand on the man's elbow.

"But – But... I" The man's voice was shaking badly and he seemed on the verge of hyperventilating.

"He was admitted last night but I don't know the specifics. Though, he's in no danger right now, he's simply resting." Law said, wanting to make this man understand that causing a scene was no use.

"He's... I just want to know what happened. Why is he here ?" The man went on.

"I don't know the specifics." Law said again. "I'm sure you'll be able to speak to Mr Portgas tomorrow or to the doctor who treated him."

"I just... I need to be sure. I need to see him..."

"You can come back tomorrow." Law said again, knowing that it was no use getting angry. This man seemed distraught and talking to him kindly was probably best.

"Is he hurt ?" The man said, his eyes pleading.

"No. He's fine."

"He... he won't die ?"

"No he won't, he's just resting, he'll be okay by morning."

"I ... He'll be here tomorrow ?"

"Yes, he will be here." Law said as patiently as he could. Dealing with people wasn't his thing.

The man nodded but made no move to leave, wringing his hands, his gaze straying to the stairs leading to the patients' rooms.

Sighing, Law decided to once again take it upon himself to be nice.

"Do you want to write a note ? I can give it to him if he's awake."

Who was this guy anyway ? Law had never seen him around and he seemed beside himself with worry... Not that he kept tab on the people that Ace knew but still, Luffy liked to mention Ace's friends every now and then, describing them with great details and this man didn't ring any bell.

"No, no it's fine... I just – I just need to talk to him... see if he's alright. Just talk. Yeah, talking is great." He nodded, probably agreeing with himself, a wry smile curling his lips.

"For now, visitors' hours are over, but you can come back tomorrow morning at eight."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. I'll come back. I..." the man shook his head and took a deep breath. "As long as he's fine, it can wait. I'm sorry to have bothered you Doctor..."

"Trafalgar Law."

The man seemed to have calmed down a bit and appeared more in control of his emotion and feelings.

"Newgate Marco. I'll just ... I'll just come back tomorrow. I apologize for causing trouble. I might have been a bit on edge."

A bit was putting it lightly but anyway. The situation was defused and Law could go back to his patients before going home. But... Marco Newgate ? That name was ringing a bell in his mind but Law didn't remember exactly why... Marco Newgate ? He knew Ace ? And Law didn't know of him ?

Oh.

Oh, that was going to suck.

Drama alright. Ace's ex. Great.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

Law wasn't a nice man. And he liked that about himself. He wasn't apologetic and usually didn't bother being nice to people. It just wasn't in his blood. He was a surgeon. To be one, you had to at least be a little bit deranged, or so Shachi liked to point out. It was fine, Law didn't mind. He was strange and he couldn't care less. Still, this past few days, he had been a little too nice. Especially to Ace and it pissed him off. Especially because the man wasn't grateful. Or even nice. But Law did it nonetheless. For Luffy. Even if it made his stomach ache with unease and revolt at the mere thought of once again doing something _nice,_ he knew he had to. Sighing, he opened Ace's door and without leaving any room for him to speak or to insult him, Law just began talking.

"Newgate Marco was here. He wanted to see you but visitors' hours are over for today. He'll come back tomorrow. I just wanted to warn you beforehand. I signed your discharged papers, you can leave in the morning. Before eight."

He didn't bother waiting for a reply, only set down the papers on the bedside table before going out. Being nice sucked. It was just so hard and not rewarding. Maybe he should go snuggle with his little lover to reward himself. Oh the thing he would do to him for such an act of utter altruism. He deserved a pat on the back. And a blowjob.

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_A/N: That's it for this chapter ! I hope you enjoyed it ! Don't hesitate to drop me a line or to hypothesize about what's gonna happen next ! See you next chapter !_


	18. Showdown

_A/N: Hello again ! I hope you enjoy this chapter, feel free to drop me a line ! I'm sorry for the wait, I need my friends to read my chapter first and give me their opinion about it before posting but they are often busy ! If some of you want to read the next chapters to give me their opinion, I'd be delighted !_

_Thanks again to every reviewer, I'm really glad to exchange with everyone of you !_

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**Chapter 18: Showdown**

 

Ace was gone. The nurse at the station told him so with an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, he checked himself out this morning."

"I was told he would be there..." Marco tried, unable to mask his disappointment. "Are you sure he's not ?"

"Yes, let me check again but I'm quite sure."

She typed something on her keypad, frowning in concentration as Marco fidgeted.

He had gone home in a frenzy the night before, unable to fall asleep, worry gnawing at him. The doctor had told him that Ace was fine and that he would be there the following morning – which, as it was, was a fucking lie – but Marco hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. Kid had told him Ace had almost died. Almost died because of _him_... And even if Kid was a douchebag and should rot in Hell, it had to mean something. Marco had thought long and hard, all night, sitting on his couch, watching the night sky and drinking coffee – he had ran out of alcohol. He had thought about what it meant, about everything Kid had told him. He couldn't recall his words exactly but from what he had gathered Ace had never loved the man. Had never looked at him. Which was as strange a thought now as it had been the night before. And then, Ace had nearly died. Had he been reckless ? Had he been in some kind of accident ? If he was unharmed then it seemed unlikely but then, what did it meant ? There was one thing that kept coming back to the forefront of his mind but Marco was quick to dismiss it. Him coming back didn't warrant for Ace to make an attempt on his life again. He had been shocked to hear it from Izo. Had been shocked that Ace would do something like that, he had always been strong and fearless. But then with Sabo's accident... And Luffy away... But Kid should have been by his side, he should have helped Ace get better, Ace shouldn't have been in such a bad place if he had been in love... Marco had so many questions, so many things that didn't add up, so many doubts. He didn't know what to think, didn't know where to start. He just had to see Ace. He needed to see him and talk to him.

"He's gone, his discharged papers are in order, he left a little before eight, so you just missed him." She said, smiling.

It was eight fifteen in the morning. He thanked her and turned around, confused. Ace was already gone and Marco didn't know what to do. Didn't know where he should go with his questions. So many things were wrong. Resolutely, he walked out of the hospital. He would see Ace, no matter what. He needed answers.

_\- Letting go -_

"Are you sure you're okay ?"

Izo was getting ready, preparing for his day of work but he felt uneasy. Thoughts concerning Ace plagued his mind since the day before and he couldn't help but worry, a heavy stone of concern resting in his guts. He had left when Ace had told him to. He had abode by his wishes but now he regretted it. He should have stayed, should have asked what was really wrong, should have helped him. Still he had left and maybe it had been a good decision, maybe it was what Ace needed at that time but he couldn't help his anxiousness.

"Love ? Are you okay ?" Thatch asked once again, touching his shoulder as Izo was applying his eyeliner making him flinch and mess up the line.

"Oh yes, sorry I didn't hear you." He apologized, suddenly feeling guilty.

He hadn't said anything to Thatch, only telling him that Ace's neighbour had been wrong and that Ace was fine. He had lied and it was probably a bad idea but he couldn't help but feel that Ace didn't need that on top of everything. Didn't need people worrying about him. Or maybe he did and Izo should have told his lover but it wasn't his secret to share. Ace probably didn't want everyone to know. Especially if Izo was right about why exactly he was in the hospital. He didn't know if it was the right choice, couldn't know but he didn't want to make his friend even more uncomfortable. Maybe Ace needed people to care about him, to know that they were here for him but Izo wasn't sure how well all of them would be received.

"You don't look well... Is something wrong ?"

"No, it's okay i'm just... a bit tired I guess." Izo replied with a smile and it didn't feel like a lie because he was tired. Of this situation, of his helplessness, of all the secrets around. He just didn't know what to do, didn't know who to talk to. Marco was stuck in his vicious circle of pain, unable to listen to anything and Ace... Ace was so far gone, Izo couldn't reach him. And it hurt. Hurt to be on the sideline, unable to do a thing. He could curse his bleeding heart, his sentimentality, his mawkishness, but he couldn't. He couldn't change who he was, couldn't help that he _cared_ about his friends and family, couldn't help that he wanted to see them happy and well. Being denied that was hard on him.

"You look tired, I hope you're not coming down with something." His lover said after a while, massaging his shoulders gently and kissing the top of his head, a small smile on his face. He probably knew that something was up but wouldn't ask.

"I hope so too." Izo replied, leaning back to rest against his lover standing behind him.

_\- Letting go -_

This place was as he remembered. Rows of low buildings with balcony, a quiet neighbourhood, high trees here and there. It was strange, being here after so many years. He had thought he would never see it again. Had wanted to never see it again. Still, here he was. Marco didn't take the time to really look at his surrounding, not really caring to see what had truly changed and what hadn't. He had other things on his mind. He was on a mission.

He waited for a while, not wanting to press the interphone and be rejected from the get go. It would be better to directly knock on the door. An old man with a strange hat on his head finally got out and Marco went in, smilling at him for holding out the door. He climbed the stairs quickly suddenly feeling queasy. God, why had he thought it would be a good idea ? He needed answers but seeing Ace ? After everything ? After their last meetings ? It was meant to lead to disaster. He stopped halfway up. He couldn't go further. He had been determined but now ... what would he say ? What would Ace do ? But no, he needed to go. Needed it because he ached for those answers and even if he felt anxiousness course through his veins he needed to get it over with. Izo had told him, time and time again that he had to talk to Ace but he hadn't listen and now he was there, nearly on the doorstep of his ex-lover's. He couldn't turn back. Closing his eyes for a second to center himself, he hardened his face in an impassive mask and climbed the rest of the stairs quickly, panting upon reaching Ace's floor. He was feeling on edge, his heart was beating loudly, his hands were clammy. _Come on Marco. It couldn't be that hard to face the man who broke your heart two years ago because he was in love with a moron. No big deal_.

He went to knock on the door before remembering that there actually was a bell. His finger hovered over the button before he smashed his digit on it, hurting himself in the process. Well, at least now he wouldn't be able to back down. Marco heard the lock unbolting and soon the door opened to reveal messy black hair, dark shadows under darker eyes.

"You." The young man spat bitterly, his face losing all its warmth, shutting in a mask of pure hatred.

"Luffy..." Marco began, taking a step back seeing the young man's advancing toward him threateningly.

Marco didn't have time to dodge it, pain blooming on his cheek as soon as the punch connected. The older man's eyes widdened in disbelief as he held up a hand to his face, feeling it throbbing mercilessly.

"I needed that." Luffy spat before slamming the door in his face.

Marco was left alone on the doorstep, stunned and moaning slightly at the pain that was radiating from his cheek. Luffy had punched him. Hard. What was wrong with him ? Goddammit, you couldn't go and punch people out of the blue. Feeling angry at this situation, Marco banged on the door loudly.

"Luffy, open up the door, I need to talk to Ace !"

But the door remained shut and Luffy didn't answer. To say that Marco was frustrated would be an understatement. He was as stunned as he was floored, not understanding Luffy's reaction. Sure he had broken up with Ace, but nothing he did deserved this kind of punch, or did it ? Once again, his mind was assailed by doubts, ugly thoughts that cast his acts in a bad light. He just needed to talk to Ace. He was sick of speculating about what was wrong, about what had happened. He knew, deep down that something was wrong, but he didn't know what. But now... now he couldn't because Luffy refused to open the goddamn door... so what could he do ? Wait here for one of them to come out like some kind of creepy stalker ? Come back later ? Marco didn't want to be punched again, his cheek still throbed painfully and he was sure it would probably swell soon. Anyway, he didn't know what he needed to do now... he could try to call Ace but it would probably be in vain. He knocked on the door once again, hoping against hope that it would open, ready to make his way down dejectedly.

The door was thrown open suddenly and if it had opened on the outside, it would have hit him in the head. Luffy was standing in the doorway, seething, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"What the hell are you still doing here ?" Luffy spat venomously.

Marco had never seen Luffy like that, so angry and intense. He took a few steps back unwilling to get punched again but squaring his shoulders, not willing to look weak. Now that he was facing the young man, he had to convince him to let him see Ace, he couldn't waste this opportunity.

"I need to see Ace."

"I bet." Luffy snorted but it sounded more like a sneer.

Seeing the young man after more than two years was a bit of a shock, he had lost his baby fat and looked more like an adult but right now Marco couldn't dwell on that. He admittedly felt a bit scared at the look in Luffy's dark eyes and was sure that given half the chance, Luffy would beat him up. And Marco didn't exactly get _why_. He wasn't... wasn't the one in the wrong in this whole situation...

"I need to talk to him. Is he here ?"

Marco didn't want to fight Luffy, he had always liked the young man and he hadn't come here for that. He just wanted to see Ace.

"Go away." Luffy said, making to close the door again but Marco put his foot on the threshold making it stop short of closing, wincing as his foot was squished harshly.

"Please. Luffy, I just need to talk to him."

"Well, I won't let you see him. You've hurt him enough. I'll protect him from you." Luffy said forcefully, brows furrowed, pushing against the door to close it despite Marco's hindrance.

Marco was forced to pull it away or he was sure it would get crushed and the door closed with a final loud bang. Great...

Sighing loudly and once again not getting what the young man was getting at, he decided to leave. Shoulders slumped and eyes downcast, as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. It was hard to stand in the eye of the storm, not understanding where the storm was coming from or how to stop it. If one could even stop a storm...

He opened the door to the staircase, only to bump into someone who cursed him. Meeting the strangers' eyes he could feel his jaw hanging open.

"Ace..."

Ace didn't reply, his face closing itself off in anger and pain as he looked at Marco. Probably not wanting to talk, he tried to shoulder his way past Marco, pushing him out of his way none too gently.

"Wait. Ace." Marco's voice was pleading as he grabbed Ace's arm in his hand, clutching it tightly.

His movement made him let go of the door of the staircase which harshly collided with his shoulder as he was standing on the treshold leadiçng the door to stay half-open. Ace turned around and glared at him in disdain. Disappointment, hurt and rage were swirling in the depth of his black eyes. He looked tired, frazzled even, his eyes bloodshot, dark shadows underlining them. Had he lost weight ?

Ace tried to shake him off but Marco wouldn't let him go – couldn't, now that he had him in front of him. His ex-lover only stared at him, making no more move to get away, his gaze spelling in capital letters his thoughts. He seemed to be thinking about something but then he shook his head and a bitter laugh left his mouth as his lips curled scornfully.

"Release me." He spat, wrenching his arm away violently, managing to escape.

Marco stumbled back slightly before gripping Ace's hand in his own.

"We need to talk."

Ace's look was downright murderous.

"Oh. Do we ?" He replied, his words could have been pleasant if not for the bitterness his voice carried.

"I – I ... yes. I need to understand something."

"Understand ?" Ace parroted, prying Marco's fingers away from his wrist, scratching him to be released from his iron grip.

"I... "

"Don't. You... believed this crap and now... I can't even look at you without wanting to murder you ... How could you believe such a thing ?" His voice was but a murmur, teinted by anger and betrayal.

Believed such a thing ? What did Ace meant ? What did Marco chose to believe ? Kid's words came back to him, that Ace never loved him back...

"What do you mean ?" He asked, finally not willing to let his mind guess. He had waited to know the truth. Had thought that there was no "truth" to know before stumbling upon all those inconstencies... he needed to know what was wrong, what everything meant.

Ace's laugh was harsh, jarring. It didn't sound like the laugh Marco used to like; the timbre was the same but it felt more alien. Ace seemed to have changed so much...

"It's priceless. Priceless. I hate you Marco, I hate you so fucking much right now."

Well... that was to be expected but still, Marco was taken aback. If Ace hated him then he probably didnt want to get back with him... so Kid's argument made even less sense... why had Kid told him Ace had never loved him ? Things still didn't add up and Marco could feel his temper flare. Ace's voice sounded so angry and bitter, it raised Marco's hackles badly. Let's not forget that it was _Ace_ who had betrayed his trust, not the other way around. The young man had no reason to be angry with him, he had made his bed, and now they both had to lie in their own.

"What did I believe wrong ?" Marco tried to say normally but it came out vexed and angry. "What's not true ?" He went on, the volume of his voice rising along with his agitation. "That you ... cheated on me ? Because I saw it, clear as day."

There, he had said it. It was out in the open and the hurt in his voice wasn't feigned. Two years later it still hurt like hell. Especially looking at the **dispassionate** face of his former lover. They were standing in front of each other, half in the staircase, half in the corridor, at a standstill. Ace's face was set in a deep scowl but otherwise he remained unmoving. It was strange, to really see him, look at him like that. Marco was angry with him, was hurt but couldn't help but notice all the little things. How dark his eyes were, how long his hair had become, how pale his face looked. The color of his skin had always been a warm honey color, as if he spend hours sunbathing but now, now it was sickly white. Was Ace sick ? Now that he thought about it, Marco hadn't asked him about the hospital, too busy thinking about the answers he had to get...

"Exactly." Ace finally spat. "You're a moron ... and a bastard. I hate you so much."

" _ **You**_ cheated on _**me**_ !" Marco nearly yelled. Forgetting his earlier thoughts and letting his anger show. He was quickly losing his composure, being totally thrown off his game because of those baseless accusations. "I saw Kid ! I... he told me you had never loved him ! I don't understand ! You left me to be with him ! I need answers !"

This time, he managed to block the punch aimed at his nose, but barely. It grazed his cheek and nearly connected. He now held Ace's fist in his hand but didn't release him as Ace continued to apply force, trying to touch him.

" _ **You**_ left Marco. _**You**_ fucking _**left.**_ All on your own ! _**You**_ decided what was true and what was not !"

Ace's said tremoulously, his voice getting louder. His face now looked wretched, as if pain had suddenly erupted from deep inside him to settle on his face and in his eyes. "You saw what he made you see and you didn't _trust_ me !"

Marco was silent, couldn't think of a thing to say to that, understanding where this was going, because deep down he had thought about it but not willing to really believe it.

"You didn't ask me. You assumed. You just left, too self righteous and prideful. Too much of a moron. Well fuck you Marco, fuck you..." His voice was now quivering and his whole frame shoke with repressed anger or repressed sobs, Marco couldn't tell. "I loved you, of fucking course I wouldn't have cheated on you. You're a bastard. I _**hate**_ you."

Finally his eyes began to glisten and soon fat tears ran down Ace's cheeks but he held his head high, glaring at Marco while his pain was plain for everyone to see. A pain that Marco had caused, obviously.

He wouldn't have cheated on him ? Marco had decided to leave ? But he had _seen_ it... he had witnessed Ace's betrayal. Hurt, confusion and doubts were clouding Marco's mind, as he was unable to process. His grasps became slack and he let Ace's fist fall from his hand, his arms hanging limply at his side, his mouth opening but no sound coming out of it. What could he say. Where should he begin ? Finally he tried to reach out to Ace, to wipe out his tears because seeing Ace crying was hurting his very soul. He couldn't bear to see him in such pain. His ex-lover batted his hand away.

"Oh no, now you don't get to comfort me. It was Kid. He probably didn't tell you but he told _me_. He did that. He made me take some drugs. Made me go to this nightclub. I don't remember a thing from that night. It's a blank."

Kid had made Ace take drugs ? What for ? Well, the answer was obvious. He had claimed he would show Ace Marco's true colors. So this was how he had done it... He had managed to break them up so Ace would fall in his lap... that was why he was hang up on Ace and probably the reason why Ace had never loved him back. But then...

"I called. You told me you were with Sabo. What was I supposed to believe ?!"

"What was I to say ? I was out with Kid and blacked out ?" Ace scoffed, his tears not abating, throwing his arms in the air in utter disbelief.

"Yes !" Marco cried out, because of course Ace should have talked.

"You would have worried ! You were already on edge, eaten alive by jealousy ! I had told you that you were the only one for me, but even then you didn't _trust_ me. I didn't think anything had happened and I didn't want you to get angry about nothing, so I lied, yes.

So everything was untrue ? The reasons why he had broken up with Ace were false or at least had been manipulated so he would believe them ? He had been played ? Kid had managed to be that devious to make Ace love him and he had let him break the best relationship of his life ? If only Ace had told him, it wouldn't have come to that.

"I wasn't nothing ! You should have talked to me !"

"I should have _talked_? Fuck you Marco. God dammit, fuck you. You're such a hypocrite ! You can't even see that you were wrong ! I should have told you ? You should have allowed me to _speak !_ I wasn't even given half the chance. It broke me. You broke me..."

And yes, Marco could see his hypocrisy and was feeling ashamed, he had been so sure that he had been the victim in everything, that he hadn't been wrong to leave and now... now everything was upside down, guilt was making itself known in the pit of his guts and he couldn't stomach it, couldn't comprehend how it had gone so wrong...

"Was there someone else ?" Ace asked suddenly, his bloodshot eyes screaming murders. He was no longer crying, having been able in his anger to placate his pain but tears tracks were clearly visible on his ashen skin.

Marco looked at him without understanding what he meant and then it downed on him.

"You told me you were leaving me for someone else. Is there a someone else ?" Ace clarified, probably already knowing the answer but needing to know nonetheless. It had played a major part in his downfall two years ago. To know that he wasn't enough, that Marco had been bored with him, that he had needed someone new, someone else.

"No..." Marco admitted, ashamed of his own behaviour. If everything Ace told him was true – and it probably was, things were adding up now, things were beginning to make sense, then he had destroyed the love of his life... because of his pride.

"Bastard..." Ace breathed out, smiling in a broken way. Marco had not spared him anything. Anything at all.

"I... Ace..." Marco began, not knowing where he was going. Still, he had to say something, he had to talk to him because otherwise Ace would slip through his fingers and he wouldn't see him again and now that he knew the truth he couldn't let him go...

"Don't tell me your sorry or I'll break your nose. God help me, I'll break your legs." He threatened, quite seriously if his gaze was anything to go by.

"Why were you at the hospital ?" Marco suddenly blurted, because he didn't know where to begin, how to begin or even if he should begin somewhere and this question had been nagging him and it had been the first thing that had come to his mind so...

Ace was looking taken aback by such a change in conversation and his shoulders slumped slightly, as if he was ashamed, his eyes drown to his front door, all the way down the corridor.

"It's none of your business." He spat, turning around, intending to leave this conversation at that. And he probably was right, there was nothing either could say, Marco needed time to process, needed to know where he should go from there.

"Kid told me it was my fault." Marco said nonetheless, wanting to talk to Ace, needing to talk to him.

His ex-lover stopped short and whirled around.

"Did he ? That douchebag. You're not the center of the world Marco." Ace turned right back and hastened his pace toward his front door, probably wanting to put as much space between them as possible. Marco had probably put his finger on something.

"Ace..."

"Shut up. It has nothing to do with you, you're nothing to me, you're no one." Ace asserted, not turning around but picking up his pace. He was at his door and Marco was still standing half in the corridor and half in the staircase, the door connecting the two still open. With shaky hands, Ace began to open his door but he fumbled and dropped the keys, picking them up quickly and trying to open it again while Marco watched him.

"Izo told me. Two years ago... I understand now... I- I did that to you..."

The keys fell to the floor once against in a clatter of key chains and keys, the sound deafening in the otherwise silent space.

"Did you... Have you tried again ? Is it because of me ?" He asked finally, because putting two and two together, he was finally seeing the big picture, finally understanding things. Ace had been at the hospital but he wasn't hurt or sick so... there was only one thing left, especially knowing his antecedents...

"No." Ace only said, finally managing to turn the key in the lock. He opened the door, marking the end of this conversation. Marco didn't try to run to him, to hold the front door. If he had wanted to, he would have caught up to him sooner. Now it was too late anyway. "I only learned about being drugged yesterday. About why you left. Kid came by."

Finally Ace's front door closed, leaving Marco still standing in between, not really inside and not really outside. Ace had been in the hospital before learning that ? It didn't mean it wasn't because of Marco but what did he meant ? Sighing and needing to put some orders in his thoughts, Marco finally let the door of the corridor close behind him. It banged shut loudly, reverbarating in both the corridor and the staircase.

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_I hope you enjoyed their confrontation ! Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought ! See you next chapter !_


	19. The (Winding) Path Toward Redemption

_Here it is ! I don't have much to say except, enjoy ! I hope you'll like this chapter !! And it's extra long today ! And extra ... huuum not fluffy, I wouldn't go that far, sorry !  
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_Special thanks to Fushicho92 who beta-ed this chapter !!! All mistakes are still mine though ;)_

 

_Oh and now I have a Tumblr (same username) so if you want to chat, ask questions I guess you can ? i don't know how to use this thing and I don't even know what to post so well... At least it's there x) x)_

 

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_**Chapitre 19 : The (Winding) Path toward Redemption** _

 

 

"I fucked up."

"Language, son," Edward Newgate chided his son lightly, raising his head and closing the book he was reading. He had heard the front door open, but didn't know which one of his children would arrive. It was rare that they would come unannounced, but not unheard of. Everyone had a key to his place.

 

Edward was sitting in his large armchair by the window, letting the sun warm his skin after so many days of rain and clouds. It was close to eleven and he would soon have to start cooking for lunch. Marco hadn't taken a seat yet, simply standing there, probably debating about the best course of action. The elder man raised one of his eyebrows as if to ask what was wrong, not needing to voice out his question and waiting for Marco to talk at his own pace. He had always responded better to such an approach and by now, Edward knew how he worked.

 

His son was now pacing around the room quickly, pushing his hands through his hair quite a few times. He seemed agitated, anxious and a bit lost.

 

"I messed up, Dad." He finally said, letting himself fall in one of the plush couches near the armchair his father occupied.

 

His father hummed noncommittally, not wanting to assume what was wrong even if he could guess. His past conversations with Izo and Marco had been enlightening and he had known that sooner or later, something would go wrong. Keeping your feelings to yourself wasn't the best way to manage them, Edward knew that.

 

"I – I don't even know where to begin! I just... I just know that I... that I broke everything..." his voice was but a whisper.

 

He had come to his father in need of advice. What else could he have done ? Drink himself to oblivion? Been there, done that, not a good idea. So he had come running to his father. Edward Newgate was probably the least judgmental person he knew, and that was what he needed, someone to listen to him without judging him for what he had done. The elder man had always helped him throughout his life, had always been there when he needed him and now that everything was in shambles, he was once again the little boy in need of guidance, that he had been years ago and had never stopped being. You never outgrow your need for your parents, because they held a wisdom you didn't – or so it seemed. Still, now that he was here, he didn't know what to say or how to put things into words. His mind was still reeling with all the information he had gotten, with everything he had learned, with the truth.

 

"Ace is... I didn't know... I just thought that..." He was just so confused, he still hadn't had the time to piece things together on his own, so how could he even explain everything?

 

"If you don't want to talk it's fine, son, you can stay here as long as you want. Maybe sleep a little, you look like you need it," Edward told him gently, a kind smile on his face, intending to soothe him.

"I don't think I can sleep," Marco replied, brows furrowed, emotions bleeding into his voice. He probably wouldn't. He would stare at the ceiling, cursing his idiocy, thinking about everything, again and again. And maybe he deserved to be haunted by those thoughts, maybe he deserved to lose sleep for the pain he had cause the man he loves, maybe he deserved even worse.

 

"Well then, what do you say about a cup of tisane?" Edward asked, rising up and putting his book on the coffee table. He didn't wait for Marco's answer to go, he knew his son would follow. Getting a cup of tisane had always been a thing of theirs when Marco woke up from nightmares or had really bad days. Though a tisane at eleven in the morning was odd, but sometimes, familiarity was just what you needed.

 

"Liquorice and mint?" He asked as he fetched the box that he put the tisane bags in.

"Yes," Marco replied, a smile stretching his lips at the familiarity of the situation. He hopped onto the kitchen counter to sit and watched his father putter around, getting the mugs and the sugar out of the cupboard and then the spoons out of the drawers.

 

The kitchen was massive, the kind of thing straight out of those home-staging magazines. Very modern in mostly black and white with a touch of green, sparkling domestic appliances and a few potted plants. Edward liked to cook, especially for his family and he had invested in a fully equipped kitchen.

 

The tick-tocking sound of the grandfather clock in the corridor was soothing to Marco's ears as he just watched the scene unfold in front of his eyes. His father was putting some water to boil while glancing his way every so often. He was clearly worried about him even if he didn't show it.

 

With the mugs now full of hot water and tisane bags, Edward sat at the table while Marco stayed where he was. Silence stretched between them, but it was a comfortable one, a silence gained through complicity and implicit trust.

 

"You remember, when I decided to leave for New-York?" Marco began, holding his mug in between two hands, warming them, his gaze lost in the depth of the slightly green water. If he wanted to tell everything to his father, he had to start at the very beginning.

"Yes, it was a surprise that you decided to stay, I only wanted you there for one month to select someone trust worthy to run the operations there," his father replied, not showing a hint of surprise at the odd beginning of this conversation.

"I know. I took this opportunity as a way out. You needed someone there so I went. It was my duty, I was there not because I wanted to, but because I _needed_ to. It was but an excuse to run away..."

"I wouldn't have forced you to stay in New-York for so long. You had your life here, our family."

"I know. I never told you why I up and left like that," Marco said before falling silent, musing.

"You didn't. But your siblings told me you had broken up with Ace so I gathered it was because of that."

"Yeah... Two days before you announced me that you wanted me to go, I caught Ace cheating on me with Kid."

"Cheating?" Righteous anger made itself known on his father's face, his mustache quivering, his brows furrowing.

"... or so I believed," Marco went on, his voice quivering.

"Believed?" His father asked, confusion swirling in his eyes.

"That's the worst thing..." Marco's voice was wry, self-deprecating. "Ace didn't cheat on me, but I didn't know. I thought he had and I didn't even try to talk to him. I just left."

 

Edward was frowning now, nonplussed by this story full of holes. So Marco had thought Ace cheated. But Ace hadn't. Still, Marco had left and now he knew that Ace hadn't cheated?

 

"Could you explain what happened? And how you came to the conclusion that Ace didn't cheat on you? I'm a bit lost."

"Yeah sorry, It's just... new to me too."

 

Edward let Marco gather his thoughts to continue his story, offering him comfort by squeezing his shoulder warmly which earned him a small smile.

 

"I saw Ace and Kid in a nightclub, kissing and then leaving together. Kid had always been promiscuous with Ace, he wanted him for himself, he had told me so himself. Even Squardo warned me about their closeness. Anyway, seeing them, I nearly lost it, but I decided not to draw any conclusion. I called him the next day and he lied to me, told me that he had spent the night with his brother. Which wasn't true, because I had seen him. I thought then that he was cheating on me and rather than being hurt even more, I just decided to leave. I'm a fool, I know. You don't deal with emotions by running away, you told me that so often, but I just... I just didn't know what to do, you know? And in those two years, I became someone else. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I'm bitter, hard, angry and rough. I... lived a life of utter debauchery, sleeping left and right, drinking more than I should have. Haruta probably told you..." his voice dripped with shame and he was still gazing inside his mug, not really willing to meet his father's eyes, even if Marco knew that he wouldn't see anything but love. His father was a good man like that, never quick to blame others and was understanding of their flaws and failures.

 

Marco was ashamed of his actions, even more now that he knew the truth about Ace. He had lost his mind in New York, away from his family, mad with grief, resorting to blameworthy methods to dull his pain. He had pulled through, because he needed to and because he had thought at that time that he couldn't let someone else break him. He had wanted, no _needed_ , to prove to Ace that his betrayal didn't mean anything – even if it was a lie. And now, now that he knew, it was even worse. He had done all of this for _nothing_. He had grieved for _nothing_. Had broken up with the love of his life for _nothing_. And it hurt so badly.

 

"She did. You avoided my calls," his father told him, sadness coloring his tone. "I should have been more insistent."

 

His father had tried to call him a few times after his break up and even after he had decided not to come back but Marco hadn't wanted to talk to anyone. He was hurting too much to realize that he needed his family to overcome his pain. Alcohol and warm bodies had been his go-to cure and in the end it hadn't worked out all that well. He had stopped after awhile, of course, noticing that he wasn't getting better. Haruta had helped, bless her, by making him see how he had become. She had told him that he would run this company into the ground if he didn't get a fucking grip. She had been right, always was. After that, Marco hadn't been able to talk to any of his siblings, let alone his father, too ashamed of the way he had ran off, of the way he had shut everyone out, of the way he had led his life in New-York. His worst fear had been to dissapoint his father and he was sure that he had. Everything he had done was shameful. And yet, he should have known better because his father wasn't that kind of man. He loved unconditionally. His father had proven him that by talking to him as if nothing had changed, by still being the pillar of support he had always been. Their talk on New Year's Eve proved that even more. Edward had let him keep his secrets, hadn't pushed for answers but had  trusted Marco to do what was best.

Still, despite his father's lack of anger or dissapointement, Marco needed to apologize. He hadn't been the son he should have been and for that he was sorry. He should have trusted his family more. 

 

"No. Don't say that, I'm the only one to blame. I was the one who nearly severed all contacts with my own family... I'm sorry and I apologize for the last two years. I hope to make amends. I want to."

 

Edward nodded, eyes full of compassion and love. It was overwhelming and Marco suddenly felt silly. Silly because he had thought that his father's love could stop.

"No need to apologize, son. I and your siblings were never mad at you. We just wanted to help."

 

And Marco knew that. Understood it better now. They had all tried, in their own special ways, to help him out. All he had given them in exchange was the cold shoulder or worse disdain. They should have been fed up with him, they should have wanted to cast him aside at the very least. Yet, they all had been kind and accepting upon his coming home. Because they were family.

 

"I know. I'm back now and I'll be better." He promised. it wasn't a empty promise. He had almost lost his family in his foolishness and they were kind enough to overlook it. He wouldn't fuck it up again.

 

Sighing, he drank his tisane as he would a glass of whiskey and scalded his tongue, cursing and scrunching his face in pain. The liquid splotched dangerously in his mug, but it fortunately didn't spill.

 

"So two years passed with me living half a life." Marco sighed tiredly.

"And then I made you come back because I decided to retire," Edward said.

"And then I came back because you retired, yeah. I didn't want to come back. I was... as fine as I could be in New-York. I had made my life there. I wasn't happy, but I was fine. Coming back here... as I expected, it brought back memories and everything went downhill. Still, I can't blame you for making me come home. Because I missed all of you more than I thought. I missed this family."

 

His voice was hoarse and he was close to breaking down, but he trudged through his story. He owed his father the truth and maybe the man would help him, guide him, tell him where he had to go from there. Upon looking up, he saw that Edward was smiling at him, a warm and kind smile, full of love and compassion and Marco knew that he would be alright even if his whole life was a mess.

 

"We missed you too," His father told him, patting his shoulder with affection.

 

"So, I came back," Marco went on, because he needed to get it out now. Going through everything helped him see where things had gone wrong. "And one of the first person I saw was Ace. He was at Izo's for whatever reason and he looked at me with such pain in his eyes, I didn't know how to react. He should have been ashamed, you know? After all, he had admittedly cheated on me. I saw him a few times afterwards, but none of those encounters turned out well and Ace seemed angry at me, in pain at just seeing me and I chalked it up to regret? I don't know, I just thought that he had no right to act like he did because he was the one in the wrong... How foolish of me... When I'm the one who broke him... Anyway, I started to doubt things, I had questions about the past, things didn't add up with the new things I was learning and then I stumbled upon Kid, who told me something that made me doubt everything even more. I later went to see Ace and he told me the truth. He never cheated on me, Kid drugged him and kissed him against his will that night. But I didn't know and I left him."

 

To say that Edward was taken aback would be an understatement. This story seemed so strange and so full of pain. If Ace hadn't cheated and Marco had left without a word... This Kid character was also truly despicable.

 

"Ace didn't do anything wrong and I left him. Broke him. I... I told him I had met someone else. That I was leaving. And I never took his calls after that. He didn't even know why I left! He... Kid told him the truth a few days ago apparently. He didn't know and I... "

"Marco..." Edward breathed out, shock coloring his words. It was even worse than what he had thought then.

"I know. I'm a bastard."

"I'm sorry, son," Edward said, his mustache quivering with emotion, the only sign of his troubled thoughts. He didn't know what to say to that. On one hand Marco had definitely screwed things up. No excuse on that. Communication was key in every relationship. On the other hand, Marco had tried at first and Ace had lied about being with Kid... how wretched was this situation?

 

"You don't have to be. I'm the one who should be sorry, who should have grovelled and asked for forgiveness. Ace hates me. I saw him earlier today and that's when he told me the truth... He hates me, dad."

 

Marco had began rocking his legs back and forth, hitting the counter with his feet without noticing. He had such a miserable expression on his face. Love wasn't easy. Edward was sad seeing his son in such a state.

 

"I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want me to apologize. I get it, I wouldn't want that either, but I... I care about him. So much. Now that I know... even when I didn't know, I couldn't help, but love him. Despite the way I thought he had betrayed me. I can't help it. Can't help my feelings. Dad... What should I do?" His voice sounded so wretched.

 

"I can't tell you what to do, because you're the only one who can mend your relationship. Things don't look fine, but you loved each other very deeply... However, before you decide to do anything, you have to realize that you need to change your ways, son. You don't deal with emotions by running away."

 

It was true, as it had always been. His father had told him those words time and time again. Running away didn't work. Marco knew he had to work on his trust issues and his father was too kind to point it out, but Marco knew. If he wanted Ace to forgive him, he had to trust him, to communicate. He couldn't let history repeat itself if it came to that.

 

"Do you think I stand a chance?"

"I don't know, son. You tell me. Sometimes, you have to take the bull by the horns."

 

Marco nodded, not knowing if the mental image of Ace as a bull was hilarious or frightening. Either way, he would do everything in his power to prove to Ace that he still loved him. That things couldn't be over. And maybe, maybe Ace wouldn't forgive him because God knew that Marco didn't deserve it, but he could hope. He had hope. Ace hadn't betrayed him. He hated him now, but you don't deal with emotions by running away. No more running then.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

The meat was cooking slowly in the frying pan and it would soon be time to add the vegetables, then the rice noddle along with some soy sauce. Ace had felt like cooking this morning. Slicing the vegetables in thin strips, preparing a salsa to let the meat macerate, putting the rice noddles in cold water. Mechanic, soothing gestures that helped center him, that and hospital food had left him with the need to eat some real, tasty food.

 

Luffy was sitting at the kitchen table, eyeing him from the corner of his eye with a suspicious look, chatting about mundane things. He hadn't said anything about Marco which was strange, but understandable. His brother didn't know he had seen him and probably didn't want to bring him up. Still, Luffy had seen him, Ace was sure. For one, his brother was casting him worried looks every few minutes – which could be linked to the fact that he just got back from the hospital, okay – but Ace had also seen Marco's cheek. Luffy had probably punched him and Ace felt a surge of pride and affection for his brother. That served the bastard right.

 

Ace felt somehow, not lighter, but calmer after having seen Marco. It was strange, eerie even. He hadn't wanted to see him and had left the hospital first thing in the morning. Albeit reluctantly, he had to admit that he owed one to Law, the man had saved him from a confrontation that he didn't want to have... and that didn't sit right with him. Anyway, for now, Law hadn't asked for anything in return so it was fine.

 

After escaping the hospital, he hadn't wanted to come back home just yet and had walked around a bit to clear his mind. He hadn't thought that Marco would come to his home. It had been painful and Marco's anger outrageous. At least now they both knew the truth. They were on the same page. Marco had left him because he was a moron, not because of who Ace was. Not because he wasn't a decent human being, not because he lacked in any way, not because he wasn't enough. He **was enough** and Marco hadn't seen it.

 

He had chosen not to believe in Ace, not to trust him, but that wasn't on Ace. Now he knew. Both of them did and it was freeing to finally know what went wrong, why it all went wrong. Marco was a moron, spinning this whole story about himself now. Things didn't add up? Well, fuck yeah they didn't. Couldn't he have noticed sooner? Even then, would it have changed anything? Ace was mad at Marco, hated him, but if Marco had come to apologize beforehand, would it have changed something? Ace didn't want to think about it, maybe too afraid of the answer. And what about now then? Marco had come here and knew that Ace hadn't cheated on him. It didn't make up for everything else. For the heartbreak, for the past two years, for the pain. No. Moreover, Marco didn't come to him just to apologize. He had wanted to see him to abate his doubts and clear his conscience. He hadn't done it for Ace. Hadn't done it to patch things up. Marco had broken everything and now what? Well, now Ace could move on. He didn't care anymore, didn't want to care anymore.

 

Ace suddenly winced and cursed as he nicked his finger with the knife that he was using to cut the carrots. Gingerly, he put his finger in his mouth and sucked on it for a few seconds. Deciding that it was enough, he went back to his cutting and his thoughts.

 

It was over anyway. Their story, their relationship - **them**. _Everything_. It had been for more than two years, and maybe Kid's plan had been wretched and maybe if he hadn't been there then Marco wouldn't have acted like that, but still. Still, he had left. Of his own free will. He didn't deserve forgiveness, he _didn't_ deserve for Ace to even think about him. So what now? Was Marco expecting Ace to overlook everything? To just smile and get over it? Hell no. He wouldn't forget, couldn't forget. So live on it was. As always. Go on with your life. Never look back. That, at least he could do. He had decided, back at the hospital, that he wanted to live, that he had things he wanted to do, that even if his life was ending, he wouldn't wallow. He had done that enough. It was hard, he knew. There would be days where everything would crumble around him, he knew it, because he was strong, but was he strong enough?

 

"It smells so good!" Luffy raved, coming to stand right behind him, peering over his shoulder, droll already gathering at the corner of his mouth. Ace must have been more lost in thoughts than he had thought, having not heard his brother get up. The older brother only smiled and patted Luffy's head affectionately.

 

"Don't try to snatch something, you'll burn your fingers."

 

Luffy looked at him with something akin to outrage, mirth twinkling in his eyes.

 

"Law will just make it feel better!" He said, smiling widely and even if it made Ace cringe internally because he couldn't see Law as anything but callous and hard, he let it go. The man _did_ help him.

 

"Is he... treating you right?" He asked, stirring the meat in the pan, not daring to look up. "Does he make you happy?"

"Yeah!" Luffy replied happily, a huge smile spreading on his face and a dreamy look appearing in his eyes. Ace had never seen his brother like that. He seemed so... in love with Law... "He's really nice and we do a lot of things together! He never screams at me when I mess up and I know that I do," Luffy went on. "He's there for me," Luffy stressed his words, looking directly at Ace and he couldn't find it in himself to warn his little brother against this man again. He still didn't like him, he definitely wasn't a nice, gentle man, but if Luffy was happy?

 

"I love him and he loves me. Don't worry about us," Luffy said, surprisingly mature for once, a serious look on his face.

 

He had grown up in the past few months. Was it because he had met Law? Maybe. Ace just hoped that Law wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Luffy's happiness or that no one else would jeopardize their happiness as Kid had done to him... this probably included himself, if he didn't want to look like a huge hypocrite. Having someone come between two lovers was the worst, he knew that now, he wasn't Kid – he definitely wasn't, he wouldn't play his little brother like that, he just wanted to protect him – but, maybe one day, his brother would resent him for his meddling. Law wasn't necessarily a bad guy, and if it came to that, Ace would make some efforts to play nice. He could do that.

 

_\- Letting go -_

 

A day had passed since his confrontation with Ace and it was already late into the evening, close to nine. Marco had spent the day and night at his father's after their talk, thinking about everything over and over. He had even stayed one more day, comforted by his father's silent presence. He had had the time to think, indeed.

 

Marco knew he had fucked up and knew that for Ace to even think about taking him back – or even forgiving him – he would have to work hard. He would have to trust him, to show him that he wouldn't up and leave again. That he wouldn't break his heart. Easier said than done of course.

 

Marco didn't know where to begin. Ace probably didn't want his apology, probably didn't even want to see his face ever again, but Marco needed to make amends. Knowing that Ace hadn't betrayed him had made all his repressed feelings surge forward. He had never stopped loving Ace. Couldn't stop even if he had tried. But now, now that he didn't have to try to suppress them anymore, he could bask in them, he could scream it for the whole world to hear. He was in love. In love with a man who hated him.

 

Knocking on the door of his brother's home had never been so hard. It was cold, snow had began anew and Marco would be happy when the winter would end, he was sick of all this snow. His ungloved fingers were red from the cold and he could feel the wind through his coat, but his hand was still hovering in front of the door, unwilling to tap on the wood to signal his presence. He hadn't been kind to Izo these few past days, months and even years. His brother had only ever wanted to help him, had only wanted for Marco to talk and if he had... well this whole mess could have been avoided. _I was wrong._ How hard was it to say? Or even _I'm sorry_? Because he was. He was coming to his brother in need of help and knew that he didn't deserve it after having refused it so many times. Still, Izo would know what he should do in regard to Ace. He had always been better at dealing with emotions.

 

Taking a deep breath, he finally knocked.

 

"I'm coming!" He heard his brother's voice call out from inside, before the door opened. Izo looked surprised to see him, but he smiled nonetheless. He had dark shadows under his eyes, visible despite the make up that he had put on. "Hi Marco! I didn't expect to see you! But come in, I was just done eating!"

 

He gestured for him to get inside and Marco entered, albeit feeling a bit uncomfortable. The subject he wanted to talk about was sensitive and he didn't know how Izo would react. He was, after all, one of Ace's friend.

 

"Tea, coffee, tisane? Alcohol?" Izo asked, going to the kitchen, opening one of his cupboards.

"Coffee for now. Maybe some whiskey later on," Marco half-joked.

"Will what you came here for require some whiskey?" Izo asked, seemingly worried.

 

Marco didn't reply and Izo probably took it as a yes as he turned on his coffee pot and fetched his bottle of whiskey.

 

"So, I guess there is something you want to talk about?" Izo said, always the perceptive one.

 

"It could be a social call. To mend my relationship with my brother," Marco tried, not willing to appear ungrateful and only coming to his brother when something was wrong

 

"Yeah but I know you. I know this face, so I guess there's something bothering you that you want to talk about. It's odd, I thought I would have to hold you at gunpoint for you to start talking," Izo joked.

 

His joke was met with silence as Marco felt shame stirring in his guts.

 

"... Am I that hard to talk to?" Marco asked, feeling really self-conscious of his flaws. If even his brothers, the people closest to him, thought that he had became cold and closed off...

"It became hard to talk to you yes," Izo replied after a while, pouring two cups of steaming coffee. "Especially you and me... mostly because I badgered you for the truth about your breakup and because you shut me out."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Marco said apologetic, feeling like the scum of the world. He did shut Izo out, not willing to hear him ramble and prattle. How he regretted that now.

"I can't say it's fine, but we're gonna be okay, alright? We're family," Izo said, smiling slightly and blowing gently on his coffee.

"That we are." Marco nodded, at least glad that Izo was still the same kind and caring brother.

"So what do we need the whiskey for?" Izo asked then, eyeing the bottle, getting back to the real subject at hand.

"Ace," Marco whispered, suddenly unsure, biting his bottom lip without noticing.

 

Izo’s face crumbled slightly plain pain on his face for a split second before it was gone. He looked at the bottle and spilled his coffee.

 

"Whiskey it is then. Want some?"

"Not now I... need to stay clear headed," Marco refused, taking a deep breath. Here was the time to tell the whole story, as painful as it would be. Izo needed to hear the truth even if it cast Marco in a pretty bad light. But it couldn't go any other way. After all, Marco was the guilty one in this story, nothing would make him look good.

 

"So?" Izo asked a bit impatiently. He was fishing, seemingly uncomfortable, squirming in his seat. He definitely knew something. How much, Marco couldn't tell, but only mentoning Ace had made the man fidget. If he had known about Marco's part in Ace's pain, his brother would have called him to give him an ear-bashing.

"You were right. I should have talked to him," Marco began.

"You two talked then?" Izo sat up, as surprised as he appeared wary. Definitely something fishy with his behaviour. Had he seen Ace too? Was that why he was acting like that? To avoid saying too much? He might know about Ace's going to the hospital then...

"Yes. From you behaviour, I guess you know he was in the hospital?"

 

Izo cringed and sighed, gulping his coffee only to nearly spit it out immediately, his tongue burning. Coughing a bit, he answered.

"Yes," He said matter-of-factly, knowing now that there was no need to deny it. "How did you know though?"

 

Of course Izo would be suspicious. Marco wasn't exactly on Ace's emergency contact sheet. Or even on the list of people he wanted to contact.

 

"Kid," Marco answered simply, not wanting to elaborate. He needed to tell the story from the very beginning, otherwise things would get tangled up. It was enough of a mess as it was.

"But he hates your guts!" Izo exclaimed, brows furrowing, as he took a more careful sip of his hot beverage.

"I know. But let me tell you the whole story. I just need you not to interrupt me. I'll tell you everything," Marco said, nearly pleaded.

 

Izo looked suspicious as hell, but only nodded.

 

“I broke up with Ace because he cheated on me with Kid. I already told you that awhile ago, but that was bullshit, as you told me. I fell for a trick, like an idiot," he said self-deprecatingly. "I ruined everything."

 

Marco then told everything to Izo. The same story he had told his dad, the same story Ace had told him. Everything. From Squardo telling him that something fishy was going on with Ace and Kid, to his doubts about Ace, to his jealousy, to Ace's supposed betrayal, to his two years in New-York, to his feelings upon coming back and then learning the truth. He laid his very soul and heart bare for Izo to see and tear apart if he so wished.

 

His father was pretty forgiving, even if he disagreed with Marco's behavior, he wouldn't have berated him too harshly. Izo was different. He had tried everything to avoid a situation like this one, and now that he couldn't really do anything about it anymore, Marco finally talked to him. How much of an ass was Marco? Plus, Izo was Ace's friend and Ace had suffered a lot these past few years and knowing the truth, of course Izo would blame Marco for the situation. Marco blamed himself too.

 

"I did this to us, but I love him Izo, I never truly stopped and I want..." Marco's voice broke on the last words because what did he truly want? Could he even get what he wished for? For Ace to come back to him? He had no right to ask anything like that.

His brother had stayed silent during his whole explanation, his face carefully blank so as not to let his feelings show though, his eyes were betraying him. They were swirling with anger.

 

"Ace is... you.. I can't believe you!" Izo finally exploded after having been unable to put words on his thoughts. "I can't even fathom how obtuse you were! Ace... he learned it a few days ago?" Izo then mumbled something too low for Marco to really understand.

 

Izo was livid. Angry. At a loss. He didn't even know what to feel. Ace... Ace must be in so much pain right now, he thought. God. He was probably mentally exhausted, on the verge of another breakdown. Regret was dripping from Marco's very being, his face set in a pained expression, he was slouched, hands shaking, resting on his knees, foot tapping the ground. Izo's anger abated at seeing his brother so down and miserable, but it wasn't gone.

 

"You're an idiot," he told him.

"I know."

"He had every reason to hate you back then and I doubted him. I told you that him cheating on you was impossible. What you did... you went right for his weak spot didn't you? Pretending to have found someone else. An easy way out. You trampled on his already thin self-esteem."

"Izo..."

"I'm angry right now Marco. At you, yes, but also at him. Especially at you though. I think somebody needs to tell you that you fucked up. Bad."

"I know..."

"I'm angry at you, at Ace, at this situation, at Kid! I never liked him, but still, I never thought he would do something so wretched. I want to kill him," Izo muttered darkly, clenching his fist.

"Get in line," Marco interjected half-jokingly, but Izo didn't laugh.

"It is so surreal. I almost lost my friendship with Ace because of that... I wasn't with him when he needed me the most and again now..." Izo rambled, lost in his thought. He hadn't been able to see the truth. Had let Ace get hurt. His friend. He must have been so miserable. He _had_ been because Izo had seen him, but done nothing.

"I'm sorry," Marco apologized, looking repentant.

"You can be, but it won't fix anything," Izo spat, a bit harshly.

 

Marco felt as if he had been slapped. He sunk deeper into his seat, feeling so guilty to have caused pain to his loved ones.

 

"You're right," he finally said, because what else could he say? Izo was right. His apology wouldn't solve anything, wouldn't change anything. What was done was done. He already had broken everything, what was there to salvage?

"Sorry." Izo sighed, letting himself slouch in his seat. "I didn't mean to be so..." he stopped, probably not knowing what word to put there.

"Frank? Honest?"

"Mean," Izo replied not missing a beat.

 

Marco hummed, but didn't acknowledge his answer. Izo wasn't mean, he was just being honest. And Marco needed honesty after having shrugged it off for so long.

 

"I deserve it." Marco had to own up to his mistakes. As proof of his wrongdoings, Izo didn't answer to correct him or reassure him. His silence was enough confirmation.

"Can you help me?" Marco finally asked, wriggling worriedly in his seat, biting his bottom lip. He had come here for that. To ask for his brother's help to deal with this situation. He needed help, but knew that there was little chance his brother would agree.

"I..." Izo started, but stopped short.

"You can say no, I would understand," Marco whispered, eyes downcast, knowing that he deserved his brother's cold shoulder.

"Don't look like a kicked puppy!" Izo exclaimed in anger. “I'm pissed, but as I said, we're family!" He insisted, rising up and pressing his finger against Marco's chest.

"Thank you..." Marco said, wincing, but smiling nonetheless.

"Don't thank me yet! What do you want to do now?" Izo asked **deprecatingly** , his eyes narrowing, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I hoped you could help me out with that too."

 

Izo huffed, but sat back, clicking his tongue as he thought about Marco's answer.

 

"You told me you love him? But that he hates you now?"

"Yes."

"Pretty bad odds," Izo noted, rubbing his chin.

 

Marco didn't dare to look up in his brother's eyes, knowing that yes, the situation wasn't ideal and even with Izo's help...

 

"But. Even if he hates you for what you did, he cares for you. I see it in him every time your name comes up in the conversation. He wished he could have moved on, but he didn't," Izo explained slowly.

"So?" Marco asked, not wanting to be hopeful, wanting to remain calm hearing those words. Izo was known for his talent at reading people and if he said that Ace cared, it must be the truth yet Marco didn't allow himself to hope.

"I can't say there's hope because I probably wouldn't forgive you in his place," Izo stated, not unkindly.

"..."

"But Ace is more forgiving than I am..."

"What do I do then?" Marco murmured, dejected.

"For now, nothing. You'll jeopardize everything by trying to contact him. You came to him wanting to know the truth, not to get him back or to apologize. If you go to him now, he'll probably get mixed signals.

"But I..."

"Anyway." Izo went on without letting Marco speak. "He would think that by making a move so soon, you'll either toy with his feelings or worse that you want to sweep it all under the rug. That you forgot about the past and now that you know he didn't betray you, you want to get back together. But you did betray him."

"I know I did, I won't forget about the past. I'll spend my lifetime making up for it if I have to!" Marco argued heatedly, his eyes full of a new fire. He had lost himself in his hatred and in his pain and now, that he had realized that it had all been for nothing, it was as if something had awoken inside him. All his suppressed feelings were rushing back to him. He was becoming himself once again, fueled by the love he felt for a young man he had hurt and betrayed.

 

"Hum. I would advise you to at least wait a week and not try to win him back yet. It would seem too easy, too insincere."

"So... I wait?"

"Yes. In the meantime I'll talk to him, see what he's thinking."

"Thank you," Marco said gratefully.

 

His brother would help him, would speak to Ace on his behalf.

 

 

"No don't thank me. If he truly wishes not to speak to you ever again, it's his choice and his right. I won't try to patch things up. That's on you," Izo insisted a bit brutally, his eyes taking a hard glint. "He's my friend Marco. I can see that you want to make things better, but don't hurt him or so help me God..."'

"I understand. I won't do anything to put this into jeopardy, I swear," Marco interjected. "I don't want to hurt him more. Thank you for listening in any case."

"Marco..." Izo sighed, his eyes soft as he looked at his brother. "Of course I'll always listen even if I disagree with you."

"We're family," Marco said, voicing it as more of a question than a statement, but his brother was quick to reassure him.

"Yeah," he nodded.

 

The both looked at each other in silence, smiling slightly, understanding that their bond wasn't broken, that Marco's behavior hadn't put it in jeopardy and for that the man was grateful.

 

"It's getting late, I have work tomorrow and so much paperwork left to do..." Marco sighed, beginning to rise. He wanted to go home as he suddenly felt incredibly tired and only wanted to sleep. Izo probably understood his need as he just smiled and got up too, putting the cups of coffee in the sink.

 

"Ahah, that's what you get wanting to be a fancy businessman. Paperwork. At least Haruta's helping."

"Yes, she's invaluable." Marco nodded, thinking of his over-achiever sister who had to put up with him these past few years. She deserved so many things. Like for starter, vacation time.

"Be sure to tell her."

"So that she can milk it till the day I die?" Marco asked laughing

"Exactly!"

 

Laughing a simple laugh lifted the heavy mood after such a tense conversation. It was great, good for the both of them, to joke, to live, to learn to know each other again.

Marco opened the front door and was on his way out when Izo suddenly stopped him with a few words.

 

"You know, there's something bothering me in your story..." he said, his tone uncertain, posture rigid.

"What?" Marco asked, turning around fully to look at his brother.

"All of it seemed orchestrated, in tiny details... but Kid is too rash. Too hot-headed. It seems weird that you just happened to stumble upon them in the night club on the night Kid decided to drug Ace..."

"You think I was set up by someone else?"

 

Izo nodded, thoughtful.

 

"Someone working with Kid then? But who would?"

"Who told you they would be there?" Izo asked, uncertain.

"I told you, no one. I went to the club because Squardo invited me to go... "

Izo nodded, as if to say, exactly. He probably wanted Marco to figure out his point on his own, letting him draw his own conclusion.

"Squardo," he stressed the name. "He seems to come an awful lot in this story you told me when he has nothing to do with it in the first place, don't you think?"

"Well... we're brothers. We were raised together even if he's not my brother on paper... he wouldn't do such a thing?"

"Who raised your concerns about Ace cheating?" Izo tried again, pointing Marco's thought in a direction he had trouble contemplating.

 

Marco didn't reply immediately. Squardo had. He had called him several times to warn him...

"I only tell you what I think. He seemed to be there only to make you see things that weren't true." Izo went on, seeing his brother confused face.

"He's family, he wouldn't do it," Marco tried.

"Do you really think he did it innocently?"

"He... was trying to help me?" Marco guessed, sounding more and more unsure.

"Do you really believe that? I don't trust him. He's always been sorta distant, stand-offish. Think about it. How did he behave with you after your break up? Or even before that?"

"What do you mean?" Marco asked, uncertain of how to respond.

"Was he always sympathetic? Thoughtful? Things like that. Do you think one hundred percent that he's innocent? He's friends with Kid... it's possible."

 

Now that Marco thought about it, Squardo was really insensitive. Always bringing Ace up in their conversation, rubbing salt in the wound with what Marco could now only interpret as glee... what he had once chalked up as Squardo's personality was turning out to be so much more... but was it really true?

"Do you really believe he's involved?" Marco asked, because now it seemed likely, but still.

"I don't know for sure, but Kid wasn't working alone. He's too much of a hotheaded idiot to have planned things in so many details. How could he have made you come to the nightclub anyway? He didn't even mention it to you, did he?"

"No, but maybe he didn't intend for me to see?"

"Possible, but I'd investigate if I were you, because... it's fishy..."

"I will then.." Marco said, unsure and lost in thoughts. Would Squardo really do something like that? But why? They had always gotten along pretty well so... there was no explanation he could think of. "I won't tell him, I'll corner Kid first and make him spit it out in case I'm wrong."

"Okay. Keep me posted," Izo said. "Don't do anything rash. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No need, don't worry. I'll handle it. And if Squardo did it..." Marco trailed off darkly.

"He won't be able to run away far enough for us not to catch him."

 

Marco nodded grimly. Izo then took a step forward and hugged his brother with force, squeezing him.

"I can’t breathe!" Marco complained, smiling.

"Idiot. Be careful. And call me,"Izo said, emotions thick in his voice.

"Yeah I will. Goodnight Izo."

"Yeah, goodnight to you too. And try to get some sleep!" He called after him as Marco neared the staircase.

"I will!" Marco replied, waving without looking back.

This whole mess was just getting more and more complicated... Why did people have to lie so much? Laughing at his own hypocrisy, Marco shook his head in disbelief, taking the stairs rapidly. As far as lying went, he might deserve an award...

A freezing cold greeted him as he stepped out of Izo's and he decided to get a move on so as not to turn to ice right on the spot. That and he was tired. If he had to go and confront Kid of all people - his life was a joke, really - he needed to be well rested or he might lose his cool... And kill him...

Putting his gloves on, thinking about karma being a bitch and desperate to get home, he sped up.

 

TBC

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_I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! Feel free to let me know of your theories about this Squardo plot point or about Marco's redemption attempt ! Some of you wanted some Whitebeards' moments, I hope it meets your expectations !_

_See you :D_

PS: I wrote a somewhat plotty-fluffy-with not real drama, just sweetness and love- lemon One Shot about Marco and Ace (canonverse) ! You can go and check it out !

 


	20. Promises

_Hi everyone ! I'm feeling inspired so here is the new chapter ! I hope you like it ! Let me know ;)_

_I now have a Tumblr (same username as here) so you can contact me, ask questions, whatever you want ! And tell me what you'd like me to post on it !_

 

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_**Chapter 20: Promises** _

The trip to Ace's tattoo parlor was easy because Marco remembered the way quite well. After all, he had helped Ace choose the place. They had decided to settle in a busy area, neither too classy nor too shady and near the local university attracting a various crowd, especially young people and students. It was set up near a few cosy shops, a beauty salon, some nice and trendy but not overpriced or too common clothes stores, a shop which sell japanese goodies, and a medieval bar, dimly lit and often overcrowded. It truly was an interesting place, full of life and possibilities.

The bell chimed as he pushed the door. Marco didn't know where Kid lived so his best bet was to go to the shop, hoping to catch the man and praying for Ace not be in. Izo had told him to wait before talking to him and that's what he intended to do. Still, he didn't have any other way to corner Kid... Anyway, Ace probably wasn't in, he had just gotten out of the hospital the day before...

As soon as Marco set foot through the door, he was assaulted by bright colors and by too many memories. Happy memories. He noticed that they weren't bitter-sweet anymore. They were tinted by his guilt and overall sadness but they didn't make him depressed and angry at his own weakness. He was filled with love, regret and above all longing.

Some things had changed over the years, a new carpet by the door, some modern lamps, new photos of tattoos on the walls. The place had aged up gracefully in the time that Marco had been away. It felt like being close to Ace once again and it left him feeling strangely nervous, as if he was intruding on Ace's sanctuary without permission.

The only person in, as far as Marco could tell, was Bartolomeo. He was behind the counter, toothy grin in place. His mope of green hair was as stricking as ever, paired with his atrocious clothes, he sure made a strange sight. The man was a bit on the weird side, somehow unapologetic and iconoclastic. He didn't care what other people thought of him and swore like a trooper. Yet, when you got to know him, you noticed that he was anything but kind and devoted, though naive to a fault. He seemed quite welcoming of him and it made Marco suspicious. When he had broken up with Ace, Bartolomeo was already working here... had Ace not told the man of their break up or the reason behind it? Anyway, not one to look a gift in a horse mouth, he decided to let it go and walked up to the counter.

"Hello Bartolomeo." He greeted.

"Hi, Marco. I haven't seen you in awhile!" The man replied, his voice as gravely as Marco remembered, seemingly unbothered by his arrival.

"I've been away." He agreed, secretly relieved that the man didn't hold any grudge against him.

"You here to see Ace? He's not in, hasn't been for a few weeks. He has decided to take some vacations. He fucking deserves it truly. He seemed goddamn overworked and tired this past few weeks. I'm glad he's resting." Bartolomeo babbled, not awaiting for Marco's reply to talk. The blond-haired man remembered then that Bartolomeo was a tireless chatterbox when he started talking. Yet, he might know where Marco could find Kid.

"Oh, I see." Marco replied slowly, thinking about what he would say next and bothered by what he had learnt about Ace . He had taken vacation time? For a few weeks? It was so strange to hear that it left Marco feeling uneasy. Was Ace really unwell?

"But we have so many fucking trouble getting everything done with Bonney now that Kid, that ass, decided to resign..." Bartolomeo complained.

"Resigned?!" Marco exclaimed, losing his cool facade at hearing such a thing. There went his idea to make Kid talk.

"Yeah. I don't have a fucking clue why. He didn't say fuck. Bonney told me Kid wouldn't come back anymore, I don't know anything else. You'll have to ask her but she's busy with a client right now."

"I'm... sad to hear that."

"Well, this bastard might have decided to do something else, it's life!"

"Life, uh? It's full of surprises..."

"That it is!"

"I just... had a question regarding Kid, I had hoped to see him but well, maybe you know. You might know of someone named Squardo, he's probably a friend of Kid and I - "

"Yes I know of him!" Bartolomeo interjected, his smile fading. "A complete motherfucker. Kid's always in a foul mood after seeing him. I really don't like that twat."

"He comes here ?" Marco asked suprised, not having thought that the man would know anything of interest. He might have been wrong. Anyway Squardo coming here didn't necessarily mean that he was in cahoots with Kid but it was something.

"Yes, sometimes, not often and they always argue. That assclown used to come a lot, about two years ago and then not so much. He began to fucking come back more regularly a few months ago. Maybe around November. A little before that? I don't remember. I just know that I hadn't seen him for a long time and good ridance, ya know ? All they do now is fucking argue! Those dumbfucks... I sometimes overhear them, I don't know what they are talking about but this Squardo-bastard is shady as hell. I'm sure he wants Kid to do something illegal with him. Kid often yells at him that he won't do anything with him anymore or that whatever they did is fucking done. I never asked, I didn't want to know too much, ya know? Don't want to be involved in shitty situations. Anyway, Squardo's visits never ended well... andworking with a foul tempered Kid is shit..." He joked, smiling roguishly.

Marco was left reeling, having learnt more from Bartolomeo than he probably would have gotten from Kid... the man was babbling so much, having no filter at all. Information and swearing-wise that is. Bartolomeo was probably awful at keeping secrets but it was working out quite well for Marco. If he was piecing all the pieces together then... there only was one conclusion he could draw. He wasn't sure. Wouldn't be as long as he hadn't asked Squardo but all clues hinted at this: Squardo had been working with Kid. He even seemed to be the instigator of it all, coming back time and time again to ask Kid to do it again now that Marco was back. November, Bartolomeo had told him. Marco had been back for a little while in November... It was all too big not to be true, it all added up like puzzle pieces. It just couldn't be untrue. Yet, a question still bothered Marco. Why ? Why had Squardo done that ? Why had he hurt Marco and Ace like that ? There was only one thing to do. He would go see him and ask for some answers.

_\- Letting go -_

"He's fine?" Luffy asked, peering above Law's shoulder as he checked on Ace.

"Yes. He just caught a light cold and needs to rest so his fever will reduce." Law explained patiently, putting the thermometer away and fetching some pills from his bag before putting them on the bedside table.

Law hadn't expected to receive a phone call so early in the morning. It was his day off so he hadn't bothered waking up too early, his only plan for the day being to unwind from the stress of his work and seeing Luffy a little later. Thus, Law had been drinking his first cup of coffee, relaxing in his couch, looking into space when his phone had rung. Had it been any other ringtone he wouldn't have answered, but he always took Luffy's calls. He played favorite, so what?

"So he doesn't need to go to back to the hospital?" Luffy asked worriedly, still hovering above him.

"No. He just needs to rest a bit and he'll be up and running in no time." Law reassured him.

Hearing from Luffy that Ace was sick had been weird because Law thought, for a split second, that Ace had told the truth to Luffy. But no, of course not, he wouldn't have. The man had just caught a cold in the middle of winter and was sick, worrying Luffy. If it hadn't been for his lover and for the amazing blowjob he had received the last time he had helped Ace out, he wouldn't have come. Why on earth did Ace have to disturb even his quiet morning in? Couldn't he just disappear from Law's life? A twinge of guilt appeared in his mind, thinking about the irony of his words. Soon, Ace would disappear, leaving a broken hearted Luffy behind. Careful what you wish for, they say.

Luffy let out a loud sigh of relief, letting himself fall on the desk chair rather heavily...

"Thanks for coming here." Luffy murmured, looking at his lover with grateful eyes. "I know you like to relax on your day off. Chopper wasn't available..."

"Don't worry, Luffy." Law replied, an uncharacteristic smile overtaking his whole face. God, his lover had him wrapped around his little finger, without even realising it. Which was probably why Law had fallen in love with him. For the simplicity. Or maybe it was because Luffy had torn down his walls like a bulldozer. Calling out his bullshit and not letting him shut him out. Bulldozer-like.

Luffy nodded and rose, taking Law's hand in his own to guide him out of Ace's room, eyes shining with relief and love. A love so pure and so honest, it always shook Law to his core to be on the receiving end of such a look. He had never felt loved so strongly before. Luffy was clumsy and oblivious when it came to love and yet he proved his affection all the time with his actions, his looks and sometimes by just being there by Law's side.

They got out of Ace's room and ended up on the couch, snuggling up, Luffy's warm breath tickling Law's neck.

"We went for a stroll yesterday. For most of the afternoon. I think he needed to think about something else." Luffy started out of the blue, staring straight at the window.

"Well, you both should have stayed inside. It was freezing yesterday." Law replied matter of factly.

"I like walking around. Plus I didn't want to leave Ace alone and he wanted to go." Luffy explained, looking up, lips pursed tighlty.

Leaving Ace alone ? Here it was, of course. The guilt, the fear of losing his brother because of his lies. Luffy felt powerless. He hadn't told Law in so many words, but his lover understood. Standing on the sidelines is often worse than knowing everything. At least, you knew exactly what to prepare for. Luffy didn't have that opportunity. Should Law tell him ?

"He's stubborn." Luffy added, as if he wanted to prove to Law that he wasn't the only one irresponsible.

"A family trait, I expect." Law teased him, petting Luffy's hair with affection, letting his head fall back on the couch. It wasn't his secret to share. He wanted to, he didn't care about his career if it meant saving Luffy some heartache but... Ace had to tell him on his own. Hearing it from Law's mouth would break something between the brothers, he was sure of that.

"Of course!" Luffy announced proudly, the sarcasm passing way above his head.

"..." Law didn't know what to reply so he just laughed fondly. God, whatever Luffy had done to him? He squeezed his little lover closer to his chest, basking in his arms, and trying to convey his feelings through touch.

"Hey, Torao." Luffy said suddenly rising up, straddling his lover's lap, face mere centimeters away from Law's. "Do you want to do something?"

Law's face became scarlet at being propositioned in such a way, unable to keep his cool. Passing from cuddling on the couch to sex in a second ? That truly was Luffy... He had always been rather direct but then again it was daring, even for him ... Law was always up for such activities but... here? With Ace in the flat? Looking at the serious face of his lover he could only nod, feeling himself stiffen in his jeans.

"Great!" Luffy exclaimed before rising up and making a hand motion for Law to follow. Law was about to get up to follow him inside his bedroom – much better choice than the couch in those circumstances – when his lover went for the kitchen. Not so great of a choice, not worse than the couch but close enough.

"What ...?" Law started, nonplussed by this turn of events.

"So, this is your day off and I know that you like to relax so I wanted to cook for you!" Luffy announced proudly, as if the thought of cooking wasn't appaling in itself. Law had never seen Luffy cook but he had heard some fearsome tales from Sanji so he had never let his lover approach his kitchen. But more than that, after being teased in such a way... he wouldn't get to put his hands all over his lover's body? Law might have been tempted to throw Luffy over his shoulder and take him to bed right now if he didn't understand that his lover needed a distraction too. Something to take his mind away from his brother's suffering. And sex might be the last thing he wanted to do. It wasn't as if Law's plan was cancelled, just postponed for the time being.

"Thank you. I'll help you." He said gently, knowing that he prefered doing all the work than witness a disaster.

His lover threw him a grateful look before walking away, his hips swaying enticingly. Law rose in turn to follow Luffy. The young man didn't show it but this whole mess had shaken him and Ace was so far up his own ass he didn't see that... This man was a fool, thinking that Luffy didn't suffer from his foolishness. Luffy was strong on the outside, always ready to act, protect, destroy whatever harmed his friends, but he was sensitive. Law had noticed it. His lover would put up with anything, but one day it'll become too much. Seeing his brother sick in bed so soon after he got out of the hospital had probably frightened Luffy. His panicked voice over the phone had made Law rush here as quickly as he could, not bearing to hear him in such distress.

"Awesome! I don't know what we have in the fridge, though..." Luffy muttered, opening it and scanning the content with a frown.

"We can go to the store, if you want." Law told him seeing that the fridge was almost empty except for some rotten vegetables.

"Yeah! We could buy meat! Looots of meat!" Luffy shouted excitedly. "And do you know how to make soup? For Ace when he wakes up?"

Law stayed silent, only looking at this caring, thoughtful, kind man. He was otherwordly. He may be naive and downright nonsensical at times but he was just perfect.

"Do I have something on my face?" Luffy asked, getting close to Law, frowning and wipping his face with his hands.

Seizing his hands in his and kissing the tip of his lover's nose, Law smiled.

"No. No you're perfect. Just stay the same."

Luffy threw him a confused look before shrugging and closing the gap between them to press a light kiss on his lover's lips.

"Thank you." He replied, somehow bashfully. So even Luffy could feel shy when confronted with so much sincerity? Usually, all the flirting passed way above his pretty little head.

"Come on ! Meat is waiting for us!" Luffy shouted excitedly, fetching his coat and buttoning it up wrong. Law batted his hands away and redid it for him, Luffy wiggling, making small noises of displeasure at the delay.

"Alright. Let's go." Law told him, opening the door to let out his troublemaker of a lover, who shot down the stairs in a hurry.

The trip was uneventful, if you didn't count the many times Law had to put snacks back on the shelves. They couldn't possibly eat everything that Luffy had put in shopping trolley and if they needed to, they would come back. Finally they had settled on something pretty simple, rice with curry.

Back at home, Law was busy chopping the various vegetable they were gonna put in the curry and in the soup while Luffy was watching him, sitting at the kitchen table, droll gathering at the corner of his mouth. As soon as Luffy had taken the sharp knife, making wild gestures with it like some kind of samurai, cutting a carot – and nearly half of his finger along with it – in half, Law had quickly decided to take it away from him, stating that it was his pleasure to cook for him.

"I haven't been a ball of sunshine lately." Luffy stated suddenly, looking straight in Law's eyes, surprising him. Where was this coming from ? "I'm worried about Ace... but I don't want you to feel left out."

If Luffy's words didn't sadden Law he would have found them sweet. His lover was worried about him. Of course Luffy had the right to worry about Ace even if Law didn't exactly like him, he still was his brother, and family was everything. He would have done about anything for his little sister before...

"You're my ball of sunshine." He said, and it was so cheesy he even surprised himself. Yet he didn't regret saying it. "Take care of him. You have the right not be be at one hundred percent all the time. I'm fine Lu."

"I just don't wanna neglect you." Luffy hammered passionately, staring straight in his eyes.

"Neglect? Were did you get that?" Law asked, confused by his lover's words.

"Sabo told me that when I'd have someone, I should be careful not to neglect them or they'd leave."

That was... a weird advice because Luffy was anything but caring. Maybe his brother had meant that he needed to stay attentive. It was true that Luffy's attention span tended to be rather short.

"I don't feel neglected. If anyone should feel that way, it should be you because of my work." Law reassured him.

"I don't care about yout work." Luffy asserted. "I just... I love you, okay? Even if I spend more time with Ace or don't smile all the time."

"Hey, hey, Love. Of course I know. And I'm grateful that you can love someone like me." Law murmured, wipping his hands on a towel and hugging Luffy from behind, resting his chin on his lover's head. "I never thought that I would fall in love. I didn't believe in it. I'm a scientist, to me love was just caused by chemical reaction from the brain but then... I met you and I was entranced. You showed me the way. So nothing you can do will make me love you less."

Luffy bowed his head and squeezed Law's arm with his hands.

"I'll be there if you need me. You know that, don't you?" Law said, meaning every words. He would go to Hell and back to protect his little ball of happiness. Maybe they made a weird couple, Luffy being happy all the time while Law was much more reserved – not to say cold. They were polar opposite and yet they worked. They balanced each other out quite well and Law didn't care about what others thought. He had found his so called other half and he felt content.

"Yeah. Yeah I know. Thanks Torao." Luffy replied, his voice wavering slightly, full of emotion.

"I'll protect you. No matter what, no matter against what, I'll protect you. I'll do everything in my power." Law vowed. And it was more a promise he made to himself because he knew what he had to do in order to protect Luffy and he would. Because he loved the young man that much.

"Stupid. I don't need protection. I'm strong. I'll protect you." Luffy told him, turning around and hugging Law tight.

_\- Letting go -_

Squardo lived in a shady neighbourhood, a little oustide the busy center of the city. He had his office on the ground floor and his flat on the first floor of a derelict building, more off-white and grey than the white it must have been once. The paint was faded on some parts of the walls, and the roof seemed ready to collapse. There must have been flowers at some points in the now weed-infested flower beds. It wasn't really high, dwarfed by the buildings around it, adding to the unpleasantness of it all. There were two doors; a front door that was used to access the flats and one on the side to go inside Squardo's office. That door was greenish and didn't look like much from the oustide. A faded golden plate with Squardo's name on it proclaimed that he was a private detective in bold letters.

Marco approached the green door and entered. At this hour it was open and Squardo was taking clients. As soon as he had set foot inside, a moldy smell mixed with cheap perfume assaulted his nose making him cringe. A secretary smiled at him from the other side of a desk, tucked in the far corner of a room that looked like a corridor. Indeed the room, if it could be called that, was long and narrow, half cast in permanent darkness as the single window by the door wasn't sufficient to provide enough light. A door on the right side had a sign for the toilet and the other door probably led to Squardo's office. A red couch, stained, ripped in some places and probably as old as Marco was stuck against a wall looking ready to crumble. Truly, it didn't inspire trust but well, if Squardo managed to find clients...

"Hello, what can I do for you?" the secretary greeted him, pasting a well practiced sunny smile on her youthful face. Marco didn't know her, had never seen her and even if he had, he probably wouldn't have remembered her. She had one of those faces that you forget, not really pretty just blend, unremarkable. And maybe it was why Squardo had hired her, with a face and presence like hers, she had to be good at tailing people. Or he was mistaken and just assuming based on appearance alone. Still, he didn't care much for her.

"I'm here to see Squardo." He replied simply, a bit angrily if he had to be honest. He wasn't here to chit-chat, he was here to hear Squardo's version and if it proved unsatisfying, he would process to make his life a living hell.

"He's with a client right now but you can wait." She replied, her practiced smile still firmly in place despite his rudness. "I just have a few prelimary questions before introducing you, if you will."

Marco glared daggers at her and sighed loudly, pissed by this delay. He had had to wait the whole night to come and confront a person he thought was family and now he had to wait some more? He had thought about it all night and now he was practically convinced of Squardo's guilt. He just didn't understand _why._ They had never been close like he was with Izo, Thatch or Haruta but they had spent a few of their childhood years playing together in the orphanage. They had taken different paths in life but they still talked and went out together, the whole family. So why? Why had Squardo betrayed him like that? Deep down, Marco hoped it was all a huge misunderstanding, but the more time passed the more he knew he was simply deluding himself.

"I'll need your name, adress, phone number and the reason why you are in need of a private detective." The woman went on, still unbothered by Marco's attitude.

"I'm here for a private reason." He replied scathingly.

"I just want to fill out a form to make it easier for Mr Aracnovortice to understand why you're here and help you in the best way possible."

She was good, Marco could give her that, but she was also pissing him off.

"I'll just wait for him." He told her before making his way to the couch, deciding after looking at it not to sit down. He wasn't going to risk being eaten alive by this monster. He laid back against the wall and purposefully looked in front of him, ignoring the pesky secretary. She didn't make any move to talk to him again and just went back to her computer. Good.

After what seemed like an eternity but must have only been about fifteen minutes, a large woman with too much make-up on her round face came out of the door leading to Squardo's office. She wore a heavy fur coat that was a bit too tight on several places that were better left unsaid and a tiny handbag that looked lost in her beefy hand.

"I'm counting on you, Mr Aracnovortice." She drawled with an air of importance, her voice raspy as if she smoked too much cigarettes and drank too much whiskey.

She left, her gait slow and heavy, leaving a trail of heady perfume behind her. She didn't stop to look at Marco or even acknowledge him and then she was gone, the door banging shut behind her.

"Oh, Marco!" Squardo exclaimed upon seeing him. His toothy grin made Marco wince, feeling unsettled all of a sudden. Now that he had serious doubts about Squardo's integrity, his brain couldn't help but see things and this grin seemed bitting and full of disdain.

"You know this gentleman?" The secretary asked Squardo, trying to keep her voice calm and respectful, but the strain was showing in the way her mouth was pulling down at the corners. Marco must have pissed her off after all. It only made him want to smirk but he refrained from doing so.

"Yeah, he's family!" Squardo replied good-naturedly.

But the words didn't ring true. In Izo's mouth, they had felt comforting; Marco knew that Izo said them with love and care. The words held so much meaning, so many feelings. Yet, in Squardo's mouth, they sounded empty, hollow as if he, himself, didn't really believe in the word family. And maybe he didn't.

"Can we talk?" Marco said brutally not even greeting him or taking time for niceties.

Even if he was taken aback, Squardo didn't show it and gestured him inside his office.

"Of course. Come in." He invited him and then closed the door behind themselves.

The office was in a better state than the entrance but not by far and it still reeked of mold and perfume, the smell even thicker in there. The blinds were all closed, casting the room in the same mysterious half-light as those old 50's noir films. It was nearly laughable. Squardo's desk was large, files piled up haphazardly on it and it was a wonder that nothing had fallen to the floor yet. Talking about the floor, you wouldn't have walked on it barefoot; balls of dust had gathered in the corners and some unidentified dark stains marred it. There were two rickety chairs in front of the desk and a brownish couch in the same state as the one in the other room against the far wall, near a small liquor cabinet.

Marco carefully took a sit on one of the chair, not wanting it to crumble under his weight.

"So what it is you wanted to talk about? In need of some detectives' help?" Squardo asked upon settling in his plushy desk chair, the only modern and seemingly comfortable piece of furniture in the office.

"No." Marco spat, unable to keep his cool. "I came here to ask you a single question."

Frowning, Squardo nodded as if to say ask away, not really looking nervous despite Marco's tone.

"Did you or did you not plot to sabotage my relationship with Ace?" Marco enunciated carefully, his voice cold as ice and his eyes throwing daggers. He held himself rigidly, waiting for the answer to know if he should become violent or not.

Squardo looked a bit fazed, visibly surprised by the question. He stayed dumbfounded a little while before defending himself.

"What ? What are you talking about? Of course not! Why would I have anything to do with that?"

Marco's eyes narrowed. Squardo played the surprised party quite well but it seemed wrong, as if his surprise was faked.

"Tell me the truth."

"But it's the truth! I don't even know what you're talking about!" He wasn't panicking as if he was cornered, he just seemed shocked. Was Marco reading too much in his attitude? Though, he wasn't really cornered... as long as he lied – because Marco was more and more positive about the fact he was being played – the blond-haired man wouldn't get anything out of him. He let out a snort followed by a bitter laugh.

"I really have nothing to do with anything! I swear! I mean, why would I even do something like that? We're family!" Squardo defended himself, looking apologetic and confused, his face smooth, clear of any guilt.

"Stop bullshitting me. I was trying to give you a way to explain yourself." Marco began slowly, managing his effect. He had finally found an angle he could use to make Squardo spit out the truth. He was gonna make him show his damn true fucking colors. And make him spit out his teeth in the process.

"I'm not bullshitting you!" Squardo cried out, looking innocent, eyes wide, mouth pulled in a sad line as if he was hurt by Marco's apparent distrust.

"I talked to Kid." Marco dropped out.

The change in behaviour wasn't immediate. Squardo kept his facade for a while but Marco didn't budge and the man probably thought the truth was out and that there was no need to lie anymore. From slouched and apologetic he was now holding himself upright, sporting a wide grin on his ugly mug. His shoulders were quacking from restrained laughter and he was shaking his head in disbelief, his eyes full of a disdain he wasn't covering up anymore.

"And here I thought he wouldn't tell _you_ anything... That's what you get, associating yourself with idiots." He shrugged, laughing at Marco's face.

The man was frozen on the spot, not really knowing how to reply, how to react. He had known, but to have the truth so harshly thrown in his face was hard. Harder than he had thought because there still had been this sliver of doubt in his mind. Now, it was gone. His brother had betrayed him. Even if he wasn't close to him, it hurt. He was having trouble breathing and his vision narrowed, fogged by a red haze. He felt rage simmer in his guts and he had to clench his fists to refrain from getting up and teaching a lesson to this smarmy son of a bitch.

"You put a wrench in my plan by coming back. You were hurting so perfectly in New York, throwing your life away! I knew that there always was a chance you would find out the truth but anyway it's too late now, isn't it?"

He was explaining his plan like a villain from a cheesy spy movie, resting his chin on his linked hands, looking fearless and all too happy with what he had done.

"Ace hates you. I didn't have anything against him, truly. I'm sorry for what happened to him but you can't make omelettes without breaking any eggs, can you?"

Marco was on his feet under a second and had already thrown a punch at Squardo's face, wipping his face clean of his smile, blood spraying on his face and Marco's fingers. Squardo tumbled down, chair thrown back and he hit his head harshly on the ground. The man groaned and tried to entangled himself to get up but Marco was on him too fast for him to react. Another punch to the face made him see double. Marco didn't even understand what he was doing, too blinded by the deep seated rage that was burning his whole body. This bastard. This fucking bastard. He had broken everything, hurting Ace in the process when admittedly Marco was the only one he wanted to hurt. God helped him, he was gonna kill him.

"Why?" Marco roared, fist red, straddling his opponent whose smile had made a come back on his bloody face. "Why!"

"To see you hurting." Squardo spat out, blood trickling down his face as he bucked, throwing Marco's off and punching him harshly in the chin. He got up shakily, trying to put some distance between the two of them, a sneering laugh escaping him, making him choke on the blood in his mouth.

Marco tried to get to him but Squardo was faster and had already rounded the desk, putting it between them to stop any other assault.

"I wanted to hurt you. The perfect little son. The one who got everything. I wanted to throw you off your pedestal, see you grovel in the mud. Broken." Squardo admitted, a mean smile lighting his whole face. "How did it feel? To have your whole world crumble down? I felt such an immense joy at seeing you that night, after you had seen Kid and _your lover_. How broken you were. It was amazing."

Squardo's voice was filled with such a deep seated hatred that it shook Marco to the core. It made him want to settle the score even more. Had he done that only because he hated Marco? Because he was jealous? Marco jumped over the desk to get in Squardo's face but the man had the time to throw his office door open.

"Mary, call the police!" He shouted, running and taking refuge behind his secretary.

Marco got out of the office seething, seeing the girl already with the phone in hand. Sneering, he made no more move toward the man he had once called family, understanding that he needed to stop hitting Squardo before killing him and getting himself arrested. There were other way to ruin a person's life.

"You're a coward." He spat. "Using underhanded methods to hurt me. What did you gain from it?"

"The pleasure of seeing you down." Squardo replied scornfully. "You always had everything. You and the others. And me, I was just a spare. You the golden son. The one who always did best, who had everything he so desired! How much I hate you." His voice was dripping with contempt but he was still hidding behind this Mary girl. A common name for a nondescript person, how fitting.

"You were jealous?" Marco said, phrasing it as a question as disbelief mixed with his confusion.

"I wasn't _ **jealous**_!" Squardo shouted out, beside himself. "You, the first adopted, the golden boy, you always had everything and **I was left with nothing**. Everything was handed over to you! Love from Father, friends, brothers, money! I got nothing! **Nothing**! **I** had to make **efforts**! I had to struggle to get where I am!"

Mary was now talking rapidly on the phone to what was probably the nearest precint and Marco knew he didn't have time to settle his score with this man. He had to leave but it wasn't over. He would ruin him.

"You're wrong in thinking I got everything. Our father gives love equally to all of us and I worked hard to get where I am."

"Lies! I hate your guts and I'm glad, thrilled even, to have ruined your entire life. How sweet was it. And even now, you're reaping what I sowed. Your little lover hates you and the truth is hurting you so much now. It's delightful to see."

Mary had finished her phone call and was slowly trying to open a drawer of her desk. For what purpose, Marco couldn't tell but he didn't want to stay and find out if it was a gun or not.

"It's not over. I'll ruin you. Break you. There's nowhere you'll be able to run that will be far enough. I'll find you wherever and I'll make your life a living hell." Marco threatened him, knowing he had to leave but disgusted at having to do so when this man was right in front of him, begging to be punched, to be gutted alive, to be killed. But Marco wasn't a killer and the police was on its way. He would find ways to make Squardo pay. Oh yes, the man would pay.

"I'd like to see you try. But I did what I had to do and I'm quite happy with that. Shame that Kid is a snitch. I tried to make him see that you needed to be hurt more but he didn't took the bait this time."

He sounded so proud of himself, having exposed his master plan that had ruined Marco's life and led him to run away from the love of his life.

Marco had troubled countaining himself, making a huge effort not to jump over the counter to just be done with the man. How much he would have liked to punch him to a bloody pulp... but he would have to be satisfied with the probably broken nose he had given him and the blood that was sluggishly dripping down his face. Rage was still simmering in his veins but he knew that it wouldn't be the right decision. There were other ways. And beating Squardo up wouldn't help to redeem himself in Ace's eyes. Bitting the bullet, he turned around quickly, leaving with a last threat, a last promise to this man he had considered family and who had backstabbed him.

"I'll hunt you down. You'll have nothing left."

* * *

 

_That's it for this chapter ! I hope you enjoyed it! Tell me if you suspected that Squardo had anything to do with the breakup or if you were completly surprised! ;) And I added a little LawLu scene for those of you who asked to see more of them so I hope it was okay ! Let me know !_

_See you next chapter and thank you for reading ! :D_


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